


The Boy Who Couldn't Hold His Breath Underwater

by patrick_ (camille0078)



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety, Bullying, Depression, Drug Abuse, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Guidance Counselors, Hurt Isak Valtersen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pining, Rumors, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-26 18:05:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 99,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13863051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camille0078/pseuds/patrick_
Summary: Isak had never wanted anything more than a close group of friends, good grades, and a loving boyfriend – it was his last year of high school, anyway. He had that all for a short season, until Even went manic and left Isak despondent and hopeless.Now, Even is ready to own up to his mistakes and asks Isak if he wants to get back together again. Isak has no doubt about getting back together, but everyone else believes that he's just asking for more trouble. Jonas and Eva had promised that they were always there to help, but as they grow apart, Isak wonders if he was really making the right decision and is soon left to his own devices. He was sure that Even changed and would never hurt him again...but what if he was wrong?





	1. First Meetings

Almost everything reminded him of Even. From what someone said to a song that came up on the radio. Thoughts of him were unavoidable, a ghost of his past that never ceased.

Even was constantly distracting him, pulling him away from reality and the present. Daydreaming was always fun until it got him in trouble, and he couldn’t help but hate how easy it was for him to get into his head. To take control of his thoughts. Although Even hated him now, it didn’t mean that the feeling was mutual. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he was waiting patiently. Waiting for Even to come back, to say that he was kidding about all the hurtful things he did to Isak and hold him in his arms once again.

The bell rang, dismissing students from around the school. Isak blinked once, twice before looking around, realizing that class was over. He slowly put his books in his bag and stood, making his way to the door. He really needed to stop zoning out in class – all it did was make him wish for something he could never have.

“Isak?” Mrs. Adamsen called from the front. “May I have a word with you quickly?”

Jonas and Eva were waiting for him in the parking lot, and if he didn’t get there soon, they would start to worry, and that was the last thing he wanted. Whenever they worried about him, it only made it harder to keep his secrets in the dark.

Swallowing, he walked over to the teacher, who smiled at him compassionately. There was bad news behind that smile; there always was. It wasn’t the first time a teacher had called him up to “talk”, however, Mrs. Adamsen was different from his other teachers. She was kind and a calm kind of teacher. She was also probably one of the prettiest teachers that Isak knew – with her brown hair, green eyes and soft features, she was easy on the eyes. Unfortunately, Isak couldn’t say that for his other teachers.

“You know why I called you up here,” she said, crossing her arms. “You’re failing my class, and yet it doesn’t seem like you’re making an effort to bring it up. If you don’t get good grades this quarter or the next, you won’t be able to graduate unless you retake this course. By that, I’m talking about doing summer school, taking the class online, doing course recovery…”

Isak nodded. It was the same thing over and over again. He didn’t care, and he knew Mrs. Adamsen didn’t care either. She only wanted him to pass so she wouldn’t look like a bad teacher.

Tilting her head, Mrs. Adamsen didn’t seem convinced by Isak’s vague gesture. She studied the blond until he squirmed. “Is something going on?” she had asked. “You never really pay attention in my class, as if you’re zoning out.”

She wasn’t actually concerned. She probably had a dozen other students who were failing their classes, and she probably asked them the same thing.

He forced himself to smile and sound as nonchalant as possible. “Yea, everything’s fine. I work late hours so I don’t get much sleep.” It was scary how he could lie to flawlessly now. He shouldn’t have to do it, but he always felt compelled to. 

“Oh? Where do you work?”

Blood drained from his face as he scrambled to come up with an answer. He knew a few kids who worked at the McDonald’s near Oslo. Hopefully she would buy into that. 

“McDonalds.”

“What time do you get off?” Her arms never uncrossed. 

“At 2.” He said with uncertainty. He had to guess that the McDonalds was opened 24 hours. Weren’t they all opened 24/7 these days?

Mrs. Adamsen’s face was one of mock surprise as she scoffed. “Really? I thought the McDonald’s closed at 11?”

Damn. He knew that she bound to find out, but he didn’t think that it would be so soon. There was no point is continuing with this lie, so he threw it out the window. Way to lie flawlessly, he thought.

He shrugged once again. His eyes were drawn to the door, and he stepped closer to it to signal that he was leaving. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he muttered, pulling his pone out of his pocket. Jonas called and texted several times, asking where he was.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything, anything at all, that’s bothering you?” The teacher’s voice echoed in Isak’s ears. Immediately, he knew that Mrs. Adamsen was able to see through his lies, or care enough to keep probing.

“Eh, yea.” He said and stepped out as quickly as he could, sighing in relief when the door clicked closed being him. She wasn’t going to go after him, which was great, but the conversation had planted an uneasy seed in him. If Mrs. Adamsen was one who didn’t give up, what was she really capable of doing? Isak groaned as he face-palmed himself. He really messed up with the McDonald’s lie – now she was going to watch him even closer.

His phone chimed again, but he ignored it. He needed to be alone. Hoping that Eskild and Linn weren’t at the apartment, he started making his way out of the empty school, anxiety wracking his brain.

 

It’s been a week since Mrs. Adamsen figured out Isak’s lie. Oddly enough, she wasn’t watching as closely as he expected her to. He believed that she had dropped the whole subject, and Isak couldn’t have been more thankful. He had been falling asleep in her class again, and was late more than 3 times, but Mrs. Adamsen never complained.

On Friday, Jonas, Isak, and all of their friends were supposed to go to a party at Eva’s, and Isak was put in charge of the drinks while Jonas would get the stash. He knew that he would have to run home to get his fake ID for him, made exclusively by Eskild.

Unfortunately for him, as soon as the bell rang, the teacher’s eyes darted to him. Isak instantly froze when she flashed her sweet smile and called him over to her desk.

“So,” she started off, not breaking her gaze away from Isak. “I understand that you don’t want to talk to me or any of your teachers about what’s bothering you, and that’s perfectly fine.”

The blond could feel himself relax. She really had given up on him. Although he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, he still felt a smile tug at his lips.

He was about to thank her, when she continued. “Which is why I talked to the guidance counselor about it. She really wants to talk to you and understand what’s going on. I think you should go she can see you now. Oh, and try not to be late. She’s waiting.”

This was to be expected, so Isak can’t understand why he’s so upset. He felt his anger rising as the brunette teacher kept wearing that seemingly fake smile on her face.

“I told you, everything’s fine. Why can’t you just let it go?”

The smile finally dissipated from her face and she sighed. “I’ve heard that too many times and I’ve seen how bad things can get. Believe me, Isak. You’re not the first student I’ve had who’s dealing with something. It’s just one visit. If you go, I’ll give you extra credit opportunity. I promise.”

“Bribing me isn’t going to work. The blood boiling under his skin didn’t simmer when Mrs. Adamsen gave him a warning look. “Isakyaki, I suggest if you want to graduate this year, you go and see Ms. Olsen. I’ll talk to your other teachers and see what they can do for you, too.”

That had to be good news. If he wanted to graduate, he should just go and talk to the guidance counselor. It couldn’t be that hard, bus it still made him feel slightly sick that he needed to talk to someone in the first place about his problems. No one else had to do it, and his friends would start asking questions.

Well, that was if he went multiple times. He was only going this one time because that was the deal. He sighed, unable to believe that he was agreeing to this.

“Fine,” he mumbled, giving Mrs. Adamsen a hard glare. “Don’t be surprised if I don’t talk to her either.”

“Well, that’s okay. As long as I know that you made the effort to go. I wish you luck.”

He started to walk away from Mrs. Adamsen’s smug smile. He hated how she acted like everything was going to work out for him, when it’s never that simple. He couldn’t just wish away his problems. He couldn’t just wish away his mom’s meltdowns, and he couldn’t just wish away how disgusted he was with himself.

Ms. Olsen had the sane smug grin on her face when Isak walked in. They were all against him for reason that he didn’t understand. He sat on one of the chairs in front of her desk.

“Hi Isak!” she said all too cheerfully. Her bright personality had Isak squinting just to look at her. She brushed aside her radiantly blond hair out of her face as she said, “Your teachers have been talking to each other and to me about your performance in school, and…well…I know things aren’t great now with you. We are all concerned that something is going on with you and that it’s affecting your work. I’m guessing you don’t really talk to people about things that bother you?”

Isak fiddled with loose string of fabric on his shirt. “No, there’s nothing really to talk about.”

“So you’re saying that there isn’t anything that bothers you?”

“Well, there are, but there’s no reason to talk about it.”

“Why not?”

Too many questions. He wasn’t stupid; this was her way of getting him to talk. He wasn’t going to fall into it. He has been tricked too many rimes in the past and it only made things worse. He wasn’t about to be deceived again.

“There just isn’t.” He said simply, not breaking his stare with Ms. Olsen. She was not shaken in the least as she wrote something down on a chart.

“Does it not bother you that you got sent here? Because it seems like it.”

“Yea, I guess that’s one thing.”

“Look, Isak. I’m not going to force you to talk to me, but I will require that you come here every Friday afterschool so we can have more of these discussions. Whatever is said in here stays in here, and I won’t use anything that you say against you. I just want you to know that you have someone you can talk to about anything, because I know that it can be hard talking to your friends about certain things. Do you understand?”

Ms. Olsen seemed like a really nice person, maybe just as nice as Ms. Adamsen. She seemed like someone Isak could see himself confiding in. If she really wasn’t going to tell anyone about anything he said, he had to be safe, right? Although he didn’t seem like the deceptive type, it was highly possible that she could tell his teachers everything and all his friends would find out. He would have to give it more time.

Warily, Isak nodded. It was hard for him to believe that he was actually going along with this.

The guidance counselor nodded approvingly. “Thank you, Isak. We’re done for today, but if you still have anything you want to say…”

“I’m fine, thanks. I’ll see you next week.” He quickly got up, instantly pulling his phone out. He saw more texts and calls from Jonas and now Eva, but not the text that he wanted to see that he needed to see. Not a text from Even. Not yet. He shook his head. Man, he really needed to occupy his brain with something else. Like the party later tonight. Hopefully that would take his mind off of things.


	2. Eva's Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak unexpected bumps into someone at Eva's party.

“Where were you? We looked everywhere to find you.”

Jonas didn’t appear angry, but Isak could hear the annoyed undertone in his voice. Eva turned to Isak, expecting an answer as well. Her and Jonas were walking hand in hand, closely together, and for a second, Isak could feel that familiar pang of jealousy.

“Mrs. Adamsen wanted to ask me something,” he replied, beginning to walk.

“Are you failing or something? That class is cake. What do you have?”

“Not a good grade…”

“I can tutor you,” Eva chirped. “Norwegian isn’t a hard class if you just read the passages she hands out and do the homework. But then there’s the test that you can only pass if you study…”

Eva continued to talk, but her words were drowned out by Isak’s thoughts. He didn’t want her tutoring, as much as he might need it. He didn’t need her to see how stupid he really was. And since Jonas was there with her almost every waking moment of the day, he would see it, too.

Even never cared if he was smart or not. Whenever Isak started stressing out about his grades, Even would just shrug it off and help him forget by passing him a blunt. They would smoke together at the open window in Even’s house and have a good talk. As much as he wanted it, though, he could never do that with Jonas – he could never kiss Jonas.

“Isak? Stop spacing out on us, would you?” Eva laughed, and Jonas joined in. The blond forced a smile.

“Are you guys going to the party tonight?” He quickly asked, trying to change the subject away from himself. This only earned a harder laugh from Eva.

“I think you forgot that it’s at my place.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

They were almost at Isak’s apartment. he checked his phone. There wasn’t much time until the party began, and Isak still didn’t have the drinks. He needed to hurry if he didn’t want to disappoint.

“I’ll see you guys there, then.” Without waiting for a reply, Isak started walking briskly to the apartment. Behind him, he could hear Eva’s hushed voice ask, “What’s up with him?”

Rushing into the apartment, Isak closed the door and was met face to face with none other than Eskild. Great. He should’ve known that there was never a day that Eskild wasn’t home. The ginger stopped chopping tomatoes to look at him with a sly grin.

“Isak…” he dragged out, putting the knife down. “How was your day? Any drama? Where’s Jonas and Eva?” He looked around and over the short boy.

“They’re not here.” Isak immediately left the kitchen and went into his room, beginning the search for the fake ID. Confused, Eskild, dropped everything that he was doing and tagged along like a lost puppy. Isak room was in disarray – it always was, but now it was worse than usual. Clothes were strewn all over the floor and there was a weird odor to it. Making a mental note to give Isak a Febreze spray bottle later this week, Eskild watched as he frantically searched around the small quarters. 

“Any plans for the weekend? Are you hosting another pre-party here? It’s totally cool if you want to.” He propped himself against the door frame. When he didn’t answer, Eskild added, “Also, you haven’t given in your share of the rent. Again. Isak, we need you to turn it on time. Linn and I decided to give you until next Friday.”

Isak only furrowed his eyebrows. “Whatever, Eskild. Where did you put my ID?”

Eskild frowned. There was definitely something wrong. At first, it started as a sinking feeling, but now it was a painful tugging of his heartstrings. Isak never wanted to talk anymore, and Eskild couldn’t help but blame it on himself. Maybe he wasn’t approachable enough, or maybe Isak just didn’t like him. It always seemed that way, judging from how indifferent Isak could be toward him sometimes. 

Isak was a confusing, complex being.

“Eskild! Where is it?” He asked louder this time, pulling Eskild out of his thoughts. Instinctively, he glared.

“Well, maybe if you cleaned your room more often, you’d know.” Eskild snapped, walking over to the nightstand and picking up the “hidden” ID. He threw it to the blond, playing 20 questions. “So there is a pre-party? Is your boyfriend coming? I like him the best out of all of your friends, to be honest.”

Irritated, Isak’s eyes shot daggers at him. “I told you this already, Even and I aren’t dating anymore. Stop bringing him up.”

As Isak walked out of the room, Eskild laughed. “Right, I forgot. Well, you always know there’s more fish in the sea, so don’t dwell on this breakup.”

It was evident that Eskild didn’t know what happened, and Isak did not plan on telling him. Eskild was one to make a big deal out of it, being so flamboyant and open about his opinions. He was going to make the situation more dramatic than it needed to be because that was just what he did. Eskild loved to create drama.

“I’ll see you later,” Isak muttered and left as soon as he had came, leaving Eskild alone. Standing in the middle of the hallway, he tried to process what had just happened but dropped it in a matter of seconds. It was just Isak being weird again, something that was becoming more and more common as the days passed on.

 

After an extensive search for drinks and an exhausting walk to Eva’s house, Isak tiredly walked through the front lawn. He was late, of course. The party had started long ago, with people outside the front of the house already throwing up. Isak tried his best to avoid the puddles of brown and yellow as he trudged through the open door, only to be greeted with a drunken smile from Eva. She giggled and wrapped an arm around him, swaying back and forth. He guessed that someone already got the drinks before he did – what a waste of his time and money. Music was loudly pumping through his body as he tried to keep them upright.

“I didn’t think you were coming!” She slurred, nearly dropping the bottle of beer in her hand. People clumsily bumped into them, and Isak tried shifting them to the side. Jonas was nowhere to be found, but he had an idea of where his raven-haired friend could be. He slipped out of Eva’s hug and smiled awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world, Eva.” He shouted over the seizure-inducing music. He looked over the crowd for anyone he knew among the unrecognizable faces in the dimly lit house. Mahdi and Magnus were probably with Jonas hiding, and he could see the rest of Eva’s friends living it up in the living room. The Penetrators were here, which was kind of a surprise considering that they were usually the ones throwing parties. Isak was sure that there was going to be drama, and he certainly didn’t want to be around when things went awry.

“That’s great!” She said as she seemingly melted away from him. Isak started walking to the kitchen to put the drinks down and made his way through the crowd to the bathroom in the back, where his friends were bound to be. People were giving him looks and whispering as he walked by like they knew something he didn’t. They spoke in hushed voices, some even giggling at him as he got deeper into the mass. What was so funny? Could they let him in on the joke for once instead of letting him be the joke? He never realized how much it bothered him until now, but being left out was beginning to get under his skin. And what was so damn funny?

His question was quickly answered when someone crashed into him in the middle of his trek to the bathroom. He rubbed his head and cursed, ready to confront the fool who couldn’t watch where they were going. Opening his mouth to speak, the words caught in his throat as his eyes widened, registering who it was who collided into him.

In front of him was his ex-best friend, his ex-boyfriend, his ex-soulmate. His face was centimeters away from Isak’s, an unreadable look in his eyes, his hair perfect as ever and jawline cutting right into his heart. His plump lips hadn’t changed a bit, as if they were waiting for Isak to come back and kiss them once again. And his cheekbones, oh his cheekbones, were high and graceful on his face. Even Bech Næsheim was still mysteriously alluring. Terrifyingly beautiful. Hauntingly enchanting. 

Seeing him so close once again caught him off-guard, and considering how neither of them moved away was only adding to the mounting tension between them. Isak swallowed thickly as he backed away, his heart racing uncontrollably in his chest. Even didn’t tear his eyes away from the squirming blond, but soon his lips curved up into a smile, one that gave the impression of malicious intent. He leaned closer to his ear, his breath hot against his neck.

“I felt like I haven’t talked to you in forever.” Even whispered, the smile audible in his voice. Isak backed away again, still unsure of what to say in this intense moment. Even had hurt him badly before, and here he was, talking to him as if they were still together. Sonja had told him before that Even was manic when he did all those impulsive things to Isak and that he should’ve known that he was bound to get hurt. Was he now in one of his depressive stages, or was this another manic episode that was going to leave Isak in hurt once again?

“Why are you talking to me?” He questioned. He had so many things to ask Even, only if the other was willing to continue the conversation. Maybe he was just coming to gloat over what he’s done to Isak this past school year.

Even only laughed, the sound ringing merrily is Isak’s ears. “I just think we should catch up after everything that’s happened. We’re not strangers, Isak. Join me outside.”

The taller man began walking away, disappearing into the sea of people. Isak was breathless. There was no way Even was talking to him again. He pinched himself to make sure that he wasn’t dreaming. Cringing internally at how cliché it all sounded, he scrambled outside to catch up with Even. 

In the backyard, Even was seated on the old wooden bench, smoking a blunt. Isak sat on the far end of the bench, waiting for Even to say what he needed. He wanted to get this over as soon as he could. This was what he wanted though, this is what he wished for. But things had changed now – they were both different from past experiences. Now as they sat awkwardly, Isak wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. 

Even passed the blunt to Isak, who kindly refused. He needed to be sober if he was going to talk to Even, just to make sure he didn’t say anything that he might regret. Either way, he was going to ruin this moment, but he wasn’t about to increase his chances. 

“Isak…” he started, his voice smooth as silk, gently wrapping itself around Isak’s neck. “If I have to be honest, can I just say that I’ve missed you? I mean, I know you can’t forgive me for all the shit I’ve done to you this past year, but I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

The blood in Isak’s body went cold. It was too soon. Honestly, he hadn’t expected Even to ask for his forgiveness, or even talk to him for that matter. Isak just stared as Even continued on his sorrowful lament. 

“I knew how much I meant to you, and I took advantage of that and I’m so angry at myself for doing that.” He clenched his fists. “I was manic when I did all those things, but I truly did love you the whole time. Before I went manic and during the things after that. It wasn’t just impulse, Isak. And I don’t know why I waited so long just to tell you this – I guess I was too scared, but that’s not an excuse.”

Isak still wasn’t sure how to respond. All throughout Even’s speech, his brain kept yelling at him, This is what you wanted! This is what you asked for! Even was asking to get back together because they were truly in love, and he didn’t mean any of the things he did. But just saying that didn’t change the fact that it happened, did it?

No, of course it didn’t. 

“You hurt me,” he said lamely, shrinking in the bench. There was nothing else to say at this point. The betrayal in his voice should have said it all. 

Even smiled sadly. “I know, and honestly, I hate myself for it. I ruined my chances with someone who I could actually be happy with. I don’t expect you to forgive me, it’s okay if you don’t. I just needed to get this off my chest. I’m really sorry, Isak. I love you.”

But Isak only shook his head, now becoming angry. “You did more than just hurt me, Even. You made false rumors about me and told everyone the personal things that I told you! I trusted you and you just outed me out to the whole school!”

The other didn’t say anything. He just hung his head and looked at the ground, taking a long drag from his blunt. “I know.” He repeated, defeated. 

“I get that you have your good days and your bad days, but why do I have to suffer through it? I mean, I love you too and I think you’re a great guy, but why do I always have to be on the receiving end of your manic episodes?”

“You still love me?” Even looked at Isak, his eyes twinkling in the street lights. A blush crept on Isak’s face as he realized what he had said, and he turned away from the taller man. 

“I don’t think it’s right for us to be friends anymore. I like it better that we’re total strangers because it’s easier for me to forget what you did to me,” he told him softly, ignoring the question. 

“But I don’t want to be ‘just friends’ anymore…” Even slid closer to Isak and gently reached a hand to his face, turning it ever so slightly so that they were facing each other. In the cool April night, their faces were inches apart for the second time, and for a second, Isak believed that he was about to kiss him. 

A second was all it took for all the memories of the past year to come crashing down on Isak. The pitiful looks the students gave him, the whispers, the questions from countless teachers and counselors… He was the school’s charity case. But that wasn’t the worst part of it. 

He spent so many nights crying himself to sleep about what happened. It was impossible to believe that someone so seemingly sweet as Even could ever do anything to deceive him. 

Isak quickly pulled away, feeling his breathing quickening. He couldn’t deal with all that again, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t know what Even was going to do to him again, and he just couldn’t risk getting hurt again. He hated to admit it, but he was too fragile. 

“I have to go,” he choked out, rushing away from Even and the bench as quickly as he could. He wasn’t going to have a repeat of this year. He had just recovered from it.

Even kept calling after him, for him to come back, but Isak went back inside, shoving his way past the drunk people in the crowd. There was no need for him to stay at this party anymore. Lying on his bed and trying to fall asleep sounded like the perfect plan to him. On his way to the door, he bumped into Jonas and tripped, nearly falling over.

“Isak!” he called out, smiling. He was high as a kite, his pupils dilated to nothing but black holes in his eyes. Isak only stared in bewilderment. Even could be right behind him, ready to snatch him back outside and continue to ramble on about how much he missed him. He wasn’t sure if he was able to deal with the things Even was saying – none of it was making sense.

“Jonas, I have to go,” Isak said frantically, trying to get past his best friend.

But Jonas wasn’t having it. He grabbed Isak’s arm and pulled him back. “Wait,” he said. “You’re not leaving yet, are you? You avoid us and then decide that you’re just going to sneak out? Come on, Mahdi and Magnus are waiting for you.”

Isak pulled away, the panic rising in his throat. “You don’t understand, Jonas. I don’t feel well –”

“Fine, man. You don’t have to hang out with us, but at least stay at the party. It would make Eva sad if you were to leave so soon.”

Jonas meant a lot to Eva and vice versa, but if Jonas’s best friend were to leave her party in the middle of it, she certainly wouldn’t be happy with either of them. His best bet was to just go upstairs and wait until everything died down. 

He left without saying anything more, making a beeline for the stairs. There was the secluded guest room down the hallway, so he was safe there if there weren’t any couples making out. 

On his way up the stairs, he caught a glimpse of ginger hair in the dim lighting. Upon closer inspection, he saw that it was, in fact, Eva with…Penetrator Chris? They were deep in a kiss, oblivious to how Isak was unabashedly staring at them in awe. Chris’s hands made their way to her ass, gripping it tightly. Eva only continued the kiss, and Isak swore that he saw some tongue in the midst of it. Disgusted, Isak knew how much Eva loved Jonas and how much he meant to her, so why would she go and get together Chris? 

He quickly fled the scene, not wanting to be the one she saw when the broke up from their kiss. This night was starting to be too much. He came here with the intentions to let loose and relax, to just drink his worries away and maybe kiss a girl for a change. But instead, this night might’ve changed his.

Stop, he told himself. He was exaggerating, and it wasn’t going to help him in the least. As he stumbled into the room and shooed out anyone who hooked up in there, he collapsed on the bed, recounting tonight’s events. 

Not a lot of things happened tonight, but the fact that Even had talked to him for the first time in a long time flooded him with mixed feelings. As far as he knew, Even hated him. Or, at least, he didn’t like him. What else could explain what he did? Even couldn’t even explain it himself.

And what was he going to do about Eva? He couldn’t just tell Jonas, it would break his heart and he would get blamed for the demise of their relationship.

Right now, Isak wanted nothing but to cry in this room and hope that no one he knew walked in. He wasn’t about to get any sleep tonight, that was for sure, but he was certainly going to try his best.


	3. Hangovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas, Eva, and Isak have a small talk about Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long to upload!

“Isak, wake up. Do you want breakfast or something?”

Groaning, Isak flipped over, burying his head into the pillow. Eva shook him gently, trying to get him to stir. 

Isak rubbed his eyes and sat up. He blinked, his eyes not adjusting to the bright light that was shining through the window. It was morning already? Although it was nice that Eva had let him stay the night, he didn’t mean to stay for that long. 

“Someone found you and told me you were sleeping here so I decided to let you sleep peacefully…Jonas is downstairs in the kitchen, too. He wanted to eat breakfast with you.”

Of course Jonas was here, why wouldn’t he be? Even though Jonas was his best friend, he was the last person he wanted to talk to.

“Sure, I’m coming.” Eva watched him as he slowly got up. A headache immediately formed in his head, but he found that confusing as he wasn’t hungover. He trudged down the stairs with the ginger right behind him, seeing Jonas on the kitchen table with a multitude of food in front of him. 

“Isak!” He yelled, a huge grin on his face. Isak smiled back, sitting at the seat across from him. Eva joined them at the table, sitting to the seat in between them.

“Did I tell you, Eva? All night, I was looking for Isak, but I couldn’t find him at all. He was going to leave when I did find him, but I guess he fell asleep in the guest room.”

Eva grabbed herself a plate of food, and Isak followed suit. “Yea, Isak, why did you want to leave so early? Did something happen?”

Isak debated whether or not he should tell them about Even. If he kept it to himself, they were bound to find out eventually, right? Someone was always watching him, even when he didn’t notice it. Either way, it was a lose-lose situation, so he might as well just spill. 

“Even came up to me yesterday…” he said slowly, looking down at his food. Immediately, Jonas responded. 

“Oh yea, I saw him. Who invited him? I didn’t tell him about the party.”

“Neither did I,” said Eva, narrowing her eyes. “Somehow him and the Penetrators came, but I didn’t think they would come to such a small party like that one was.” She dropped her fork. “Wait a minute…I hardly saw you either last night.”

The image of Eva and Chris kissing popped back into Isak’s mind like a flashback. His eyes flickered to Jonas, but he wasn’t paying attention. He was too focused on the food in front of him. 

“I was with the guys outside…it’s nothing to worry about, I swear.”

Things had been a little volatile with Jonas and Eva lately. Ever since Eva supposedly took Jonas away from her best friend Ingrid, Eva has been on edge about it. From what Isak knew, it seemed that he was cheating on her with Ingrid, or maybe Eva was just being paranoid. 

Still, it didn’t justify what she did last night. It just wasn’t right – Isak knew that Jonas wasn’t seeing Ingrid behind Eva’s back, and he wanted to tell Eva that, but now that she has gone and kissed someone – a Penetrator for that matter – he was stuck. Everyone knew that with the Penetrators, one thing led to another and girls ended up getting laid. After that, the girl would get a hoodie, a symbol of another one of their successful conquests. It was sick; no girl should be looked at as just a trophy, or anyone for that matter. Isak knew how that felt, and he wasn’t about to let that happen to Eva. 

Suddenly, an idea popped into his mind. Chris already had a girlfriend, Isabel, and if someone were to tip her off about what was happening, then she would just talk to Eva about staying away. That would be okay, right? Eva might gain an enemy, but it was worth it if she got to stay together with Jonas. 

“…to us? Isak?”

Jolted out of his thoughts, Isak focused his vision on both of them who were staring at him oddly. “What?”

“You didn’t finish telling us what happened last night. Even came up to you and then what?” Eva leaned in closer, listening intently. They both knew the deep, gritty details of what happened with Even, so this was a big deal to them as well. Now, Isak didn’t mind telling them what happened. He needed to get it out in the open. 

“He came up to me yesterday when I was going to meet Jonas outside, we bumped into each other and he said he wanted to talk, so I said ‘ok’. Then we went outside and sat on that bench that you guys have, and he started staying these…weird things.”

“Like what?” Concerned, they put all their laughing aside, giving him a serious look. The tension in the room was palpable, making Isak feel more uncomfortable, but he had to continue. 

“He said…he said that he loved me and that he doesn’t like what we have now…and he tried to kiss me.”

Jonas and Eva exchanged glances. “Well, what do you want to do about it? Do you want to get back together with him or do you want to stay friends or not do anything at all?” 

Eva asked some good questions, but he wasn’t sure how to answer them. He wasn’t sure what Eva and Jonas thought about it.

“I don’t know, what do you guys think?”

Jonas shifted in his chair, sighing loudly. “Well, Isak you should think for yourself, but I don’t think it’s a great idea for you guys to date again. What if he hurts you, or something worse? What if it’s a repeat of what happened earlier this year? Even’s not stable, Isak. We don’t want you getting hurt again.”

Deep down, Isak felt his heart drop. “Yea, but he seems like he’s changed a lot. He doesn’t seem like he does that kind of thing anymore.”

“He’s bipolar, Isak,” Eva interjected, standing to put her dishes in the sink. “He can change on the dime – he basically unpredictable. It’s bad, Isak. Sana told me that someone she knows told her that he tried to kill himself.”

“But I know he’s changed. I can tell, there’s just something that I sense that no one else can see in him. Not even Sonja.” Isak wasn’t sure why he was defending him, but it felt right in so many ways. He didn’t deserve all the hate he was getting.

Eva started to wash the dishes, not even wasting her breath to answer him.

“You can do whatever you want,” Jonas said, standing up. “We’re just warning you – Even’s manipulative.”

“Used to be, and fine, maybe I will.” Isak stood up as well, handing his dishes to Eva and heading towards the door. “I’ll see you at school.”

Slamming the door shut, he walked out. Eva and Jonas looked at each other with surprised glances. He couldn’t be mad at them for warning him – he did ask for their opinion, after all. But…he couldn’t be serious about going back with him, right?

“You shouldn’t have said that,” Eva said, scrubbing the grease of the bacon from the plates. “Now he’s definitely going to go back to Even.”

Jonas gave her a dubious look, but leaned on the counter in front of her. “Well, Even’s not a bad guy, he just has a change of personality every once in a while. Maybe he isn’t even bipolar; he could have multi personalities.”

“Sonja said that a doctor diagnosed him with it, do you really think they would misdiagnose him?” She waved off the topic. “Either way, something’s seriously wrong with him for telling everyone false rumors and the crap that he’s dealing with.” 

“Yea. You’re right. But what do we do, tell him that he shouldn’t even think about it? He’s his own person, he should be able to make his own choices. He just needs to be able to make the right choice.”

Naturally, Eva didn’t agree at first, but when Jonas pecked her gently on the lips, she grinned. “Yea,” she replied, putting the gloves down and giving him a hug. “I just hope you’re right.”

Outside, Isak stormed back to the apartment. He wasn’t sure why he was mad, but he knew he was, from the moment he walked out. Just to prove them wrong, he wanted to get back with Even. He just had to make to work, even if he ended up getting hurt again.


	4. Biology Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak gets a deal that he can’t refuse.

The rest of the weekend went by in a blur. All Isak could remember was being on his bed, watching that video of Even and his friend talking about Romeo and Juliet, the string of eloquent words that flowed out of his mouth like a peaceful waterfall, until all of their words mixed together and he fell asleep. 

On Monday, he walked into his first class, biology, and looked at the note on the board that the teacher had written:

_Pick a number from the cup on my desk and sit at that seat._

That was new. Usually, the students were permitted to sit wherever we pleased. Isak guessed it was because of the talking problem in the class, and she decided to give all of them assigned seats. This new rule didn’t really affect Isak, though – he hardly talked to anyone in any of his classes.

He picked a number randomly from the cup. Several students were already seated at their assigned numbers, but there were still a few empty desks. Isak looked at the number on the folded piece of paper; 22.

This was great, right? He was in the back on the classroom, so he didn’t have to worry about the teacher constantly calling on him. He could fall asleep or daydream about going home without getting sent out of the classroom. As he approached the desk, his hopes quickly dissipated when he saw who he was sitting next to: Sana.

Sana would not give him a break. She is always on top of things and will slap him if he were to fall asleep in class. She was going to make sure that he passed this class because since they were now partners, if his grade went down, so did hers. There was no slacking off anymore – Sana meant business.

Isak tried to avoid her gaze as he set his back quietly on the ground besides him. Almost instantly, Sana turned to face him. “So, we’re lab partners now, huh?” She asked, playing with the number 21 between her fingers. “Listen, Isak. I know about you and your bad grades. I’m not as clueless as your friends. But luckily, I’m willing to help. I could get you to pass this class without even having to put much effort into it, but it’s going to cost you.”

“Cost me?” Isak asked, immediately perking up. He was willing to trade anything just so he wouldn’t have to repeat this grade, especially not with this teacher. It appeared that there was never a day when she wore a bra.

Sana rolled her eyes dramatically. “Yes, cost you. I can’t just let you freeload off me.” She adjusted the black hijab upon her head as she dropped her voice to a whisper. “I know you and your friends have a stash, and I want some. I’m willing to help you pass Biology if, and only if, you give me 10% of every pack you get.”

This was insane. Sana couldn’t possibly…wasn’t it against her religion? It was against everything she stood for, it had to be, but Isak knew better than to question her morals out loud. Jonas and the others wouldn’t be too happy about this, but he had to do it. He really needed at to bring up his grades. “Okay, whatever. I’ll do it. Just don’t go changing the deal on me at the last second.”

“Deal.” Sana immediately outstretched her hand, staring fiercely into Isak’s eyes. Quickly, he slid his hands into her and shook it. The bell rang as they released their hands. _Well_ , Isak thought. _There’s no turning back now._

“Thanks,” he said, and immediately, the teacher called his name. “No talking during class!” She hollered, glaring at both Isak and Sana. The Muslim girl snickered as Isak shrunk in his seat when several heads turned in his direction.

“Okay. Today, we are talking about reproduction,” the teacher said as she erased the message on the board. Isak could immediately feel himself falling asleep. This stuff wasn’t really relevant to him anyway – he never planned on having children. 

The teacher’s words were muffled background noise and Isak slowly zoned out. He couldn’t help it – he was tired and wasn’t in the mood to listen to anyone talking. If he wanted to pass the class, maybe he should’ve been listening. Hopefully Sana was taking notes for him – she took some of the best notes. 

The bell rang and he would’ve missed it if Sana hadn’t slapped the top of his head. He jolted awake as his eyes focused on the room. The teacher was too busy cleaning the board while the other students filed out of the room on to their second period. He turned to Sana, who was giving him one her scary glares. 

“I thought you were going to help me pass this class,” he mumbled sleepily, stretching. Sana didn’t answer, but her glare did not become any less severe. 

“Only if you’re willing to pay attention. I told you that I’m not going to let you freeload off me and that includes telling you to pay attention in class or to take notes. I’m not your babysitter and I’m not your mom. You’re going to have to start taking responsibility for yourself if you want to get the grade you need.” She began walking away, book in hand, following the other students. 

Isak scrambled to follow her, but halted when he heard his teacher voice say slowly, “I see you were asleep in class again. Don’t make me have to move you to seat number one in the front.” She continued to clean the board, not even giving him a side glance. With a shiver down his spine, Isak kept walking to catch up with Sana.

She was getting farther and farther away from the classroom. He needed to know every single term that there was to this deal, every single technicality. Sana was too esoteric to understand, a complicated way of talking that made it hard to decipher the meaning of her words.

“Sana!” he called out to her, nearly running now. People were giving him odd glances, but he ignored them as he almost caught up with her. He was mere feet from her until an unlucky person crossed his path. There wasn’t enough time to stop, and before he knew it both of them were on the floor and Isak was left with a pounding headache. 

As he rubbed his head, he got up again and murmured his apologies as he picked up his own textbook and bag, ready to continue to follow Sana. But the person grabbed his leg, pulling him back down to the ground. A painful sensation spread from his butt up his spine, making him hiss in pain. Who the hell…?

“Isak!” Vilde said his name cheerfully, smiling with all her teeth. “I was going to ask you this later, but since you’re here, I’ll just ask you now. Are you going to the Penetrators party this Friday? It’s to raise funds for —“

“Not now, Vilde.” Isak said through gritted teeth and stood up yet again, not waiting for a response from the blonde. He called out to Sana and ran after her again, who was opening her locker and putting her Biology book inside.

“What did you mean,” he huffed, out of breath. Sana gave him a weird look as he tried to complete his sentence. “What did you mean… when you said what you said…what are all the conditions for the deal?”

She rolled her eyes as she closed her locker. “I’m not a genie, Isak. If you give me some of your stash and are willing to be responsible enough to at least understand some of the lesson on your own, then I’ll help you get an A by helping you study and helping you understand what you don’t understand. I’m not going to let you fall asleep in class and ask for my notes, because when I’m not here, who’s going to be taking your notes for you?” She walked away with her math textbook, leaving Isak standing there alone in the hallway. As she walked into her classroom around the corner, the bell rang once again and Isak found himself in the empty hallway. Shit, he was late to his classes again. He went to his locker down the other hallway (hiding when security walked by) and hit it open with his fist.

A note fluttered out and he would’ve missed it if he hadn’t been paying closer attention. When he grabbed his Spanish textbook from its locker and closed the locker, he bent down and picked up the slip of paper. He blanched when he recognized the handwriting and contents scribbled on it. 

On the left side of the note was what looked like a caricature of himself sitting alone on a bench. On the right side, the words “In an Alternate Universe” written in bold, along with caricatures of both him and Even sitting on a bench. The bottom of the paper read, “Meet after school in parking lot?”

Instinct told Isak to throw it away but he kept it, folding it up nicely and putting it back in his locker. Only Even could find a way to hook his heart like that, and Isak was being reeled in. 

If he had to be honest with himself, he wanted a repeat of Eva’s party. If he was given the chance to accept the kiss that Even was granting him once more, than he would gladly take it. But hopefully, his time would come soon. He decided that he was going to accept Even’s apology when he asked again, because there was no reason for him to lie, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t hesitate to leave comments, i’m not sure how i’m doing and i would greatly appreciate the feedback and how i can further the story. thanks for reading~


	5. Chris and Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak falls asleep in class... again.

He had to get his head out of the clouds. Right now, he had to get to class or face Saturday detention. He dashed to his Spanish and frantically knocked on the door. The teacher gave him a side glance through the small window but continued to talk. He was forced to stand in the hallway and wait for the impending doom that was to meet him when the teacher opened the door.

With his head down, he rushed to his seat, but tripped over someone’s backpack in the process, his face colliding with the floor. The class erupted in laughter and he swore that he could even hear the teacher snickering herself.

Isak turned a furious shade of red as the class continued to laugh, but he found the strength to stand up and walk calmly to his seat. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that it wasn’t someone’s backpack that had tripped him, but rather someone’s foot. Someone muttered something and the whole class busted out in laughter again. Isak didn’t understand what was so damn funny, but then again, he was never in on the jokes.

“Isakyaki.” the teacher drew out his name slowly. Everyone was facing him now. Every last eye was on him, ready to start sniggering at him once again. A constricting feeling in his chest was messing with his breathing; it wasn’t the first time he felt like this.

“Would you care to explain why you’re so late and why you’ve caused such a disturbance?”

Isak swallowed and tried to speak, but the words caught in his throat. Everyone stared at him expectantly, and that only made the feeling in his chest worse. He wanted the teacher and the class to just drop it, to leave him alone and get back to class, but they were adamant about his answer. Even Noora and Eva were staring at him, waiting for his response. He could practically hear what they were thinking. _Well, are you just going to sit there? Why are you so late?_

“His nose is bleeding!” The girl in front of him shouted and the collective gasps filled the room. It takes a moment for Isak to realize what she said and he brings a hand to his nose. How could he not feel the warm blood dripping down his nose in the first place? His nose continued to bleed profusely as the blood slipped through his fingers and onto the desk. The teacher waved her hand in exasperation.

“Can someone go with him to the bathroom and help him with his nose?” She asked as she began to pale. The girl in front of him looked around the classroom, as did many of the other kids. No one wanted to go with him. Isak stood up quickly, thinking _Why do I have to wait for someone just to do something that I can do myself?_

Someone stood as well, but it wasn’t Eva or Noora – it wasn’t like they could go with him to the bathroom anyway. Instead, it was Penetrator Chris, and he walked over to the blond. “I’ll go with you,” he said, a playful smirk on his face. Isak’s eyes widened but nonetheless, he walked with Chris out of the classroom.

They didn’t say anything as they walked to the bathroom down the hallway. Blood continued to drip down and Isak was forced to readjust his hand. The smirk never left Chris’s face as he watched Isak struggled not to ruin his shirt or the floor below him. 

In all honesty, Isak thought Chris would’ve left by now, off to skip class or to leave the school or something that a Penetrator would do, but he stayed by Isak’s side the whole time. When they arrived, Chris got him some toilet paper and handed it to him. “Hold your head back. It doesn’t stop the bleeding but at least you can spit out the blood.”

Isak grimaced at his words but did as he was told, the toilet paper clogging his nostrils. “Why did you come with me? Weren’t you the one who tripped me? Or was it one of your friends?”

Chris sat on the sink, his legs swinging on the edge. “I guess you could say it was one of my friends.”

“Why did you come with me?”

“I wanted to ask you something,” said Chris. He pushed his hair aside. Of course, it only made sense that Chris didn’t want to ask him a question in front of everybody. They would think he was insane. Isak would think that he was insane.

“You’re friends with Eva, right?” Isak nodded, and Chris continued. “This is between me and you, but what kind of things does Eva like? Anything in particular?”

That was unexpected. Isak was sure what happened at the party was a one-time thing, but he was wrong. If Christoffer really did have a crush on Eva, then things could only get worse for everyone. But then again, it didn’t make sense for Chris to be into someone who wasn’t in the same year as him.

“I thought you had a girlfriend,” Isak said plainly, not even glancing at Chris. The other laughed lightly as Isak grew increasingly irritated. He knew he wasn’t wrong – Chris had a girlfriend, and he thought that they were serious. They’ve been together for a while from what he knew, but who knew how many girls Chris has been with since they’ve been together.

“I do, I’m just asking because I heard it was almost her birthday, and I thought I would get her something. That’s what best friends do, right?”

Isak nearly had a heart attack. Chris was right – Eva’s birthday was approaching, and he still hadn’t gotten her anything himself. Knowing Eva, she probably wanted to have a birthday get together, and she was going to invite Isak and Jonas. The only problem was that he didn’t even know what to get her himself.

“I don’t know, what did you get every other girl for her birthday?”

Instead of getting mad, Chris chuckled lightly. The way he found everything so funny was getting under Isak’s skin. He was being completely serious when he said that. Chris had been with so many girls in the past and was still probably going out with other girls besides Iben and Eva as they spoke.

“Just get her some jewelry. Doesn’t every girl like that?” Isak spat out what was left of his nosebleed, wiped away the remaining blood, and threw the toilet paper in the trash. As cute as Chris’s smile was right now, he was done standing around in the bathroom talking to him. He started making his way towards the exit, when Chris suddenly said, “I saw you and Even at the party last Friday. You guys are talking again?”

“Why is it any of your business?” Isak said bitterly, but the question made the hair on his neck stand up. He really hoped no one else knew about his encounter with Even, because once someone knew, then everyone knew. Normally, it wouldn’t matter if some loser was talking with another loser after they broke up, but considering the unique situation, it would be the front page of their school newspaper. Many would believe that it was impossible for them to get back together after…whatever they went through (Isak thought it was impossible), but rumors were hard to contain, especially if they come to fruition.

“I’m just curious. It’s okay if you are, but why were you guys talking to each other? Didn’t you guys hate each other?”

The look on Chris’s face was so naïve, so innocent that Isak almost caved in, but he quickly regained his balance as he glared at the other. “No, he just needed to ask me something. Just…don’t say anything about it.” He grabbed on the doorknob before Chris could even think of another question to make Isak’s skin tingle.

He knocked at the door with his teacher’s name and tapped his foot impatiently, until he was met with the teacher’s confused look. “Where’s Chris?” she asked, looking around Isak to see if she saw the delinquent anywhere.

“He left as soon as he was given the chance,” Isak muttered as he walked back to his seat, only to be met with the observant looks of the students, making sure he wasn’t going to start bleeding again. Stepping carefully to his seat so he wouldn’t get tripped again, Isak sat down and pulled his hood over his head, drifting off to sleep on the uncomfortable wooden desk.

 

_Isak was sitting at his desk like he normally did in any of his other classes. The only thing that was different was that his desk was far away from everyone else’s, like he was some kind of repellent. When he looked to his left, he saw his friends talking and laughing, having a good time without him. They seemed happy, an emotion that Isak was having a hard time feeling lately._

_On the other side was Even, looking in his direction occasionally and saying something to Chris. Other classmates were around them, but they were merely small details in the big picture. When Even and Isak locked eyes, they sat still for a moment, taking each other in, their eyes saying the words that their mouths couldn’t produce._

_But in the end, Even tore his gaze, going back to talking with Chis. It was always like that – Even would look at him, and that spark would reappear between, the spark that started the flame in their relationship. It was almost as if every time he looked at Isak, he was trying to convey how sorry he was that they broke up due to his selfishness. How sorry he was that Isak has to endure so much stress and pain and heartache because of him._

_Then, he turned away. He went back to whatever he was doing, as if he hadn’t seen Isak in the first place. Isak was left to stare, dumbfounded, waiting for Even to look at him like that again. When he didn’t, Isak would dejectedly walk away, hopes of talking to Even crushed yet again._

_He should be used to that kind of treatment, the silent treatment among other things, but that didn’t mean that it still didn’t get under his skin. His mixed emotions toward Even were so irritating, he could hardly stand it. Rising from his seat suddenly, he made his way to Even, not caring who was watching him at this point. It sickened him, made him unable to think clearly until he did what he had to do. He stood in the midst of Chris and Even, slamming his hands on the blonde’s desk. The thing that froze his blood was how calm Even was to Isak’s increasing irritation, almost as if he expected it._

_“Why do you do this to me?” Isak asked, his voice breaking as he clutched the desk harder. “Why does it make you so happy to torture and humiliate me?”_

_The normal, playful smirk on Chris’s face was as good as gone, which was now replaced with a more serious expression, an expression that showed that he was ready to get rid of Isak if it ever came to that. However, Even’s face didn’t falter from his easygoing smile. His voice was innocent, but the same time dripping with venom as he said, “What are you talking about? I didn’t humiliate you. I just helped the truth get out.”_

_Isak didn’t let the confusion distort his expression of anger. “What truth?”_

_“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Even teased, his smirk becoming more and more menacing. Chris abruptly stood, towering over Isak until he had the blond nearly cowering in fear. He cracked his knuckles and Isak knew he was about to get beat up for some unforeseen reason. Isak tried putting his hands up, to show that he didn’t want to start any trouble, but it was too late for that. Chris pulled his hand back, and Isak closed his eyes, preparing himself for the blow –_

_Whack!_

A sharp sound filled the air as Isak’s head whipped up in fear, looking around to see what was going on. He could’ve sworn that Chris about to punch him, but it turned out that it was Mrs. Adamsen, her expression stern and soft at the same time. A wooden ruler was held in her palm, and Isak swallowed thickly, his ears registering the giggling and laughter from the other students. Chris wasn’t among any of them, and neither was Even. He hadn’t remembered getting from Spanish to Norwegian. Was he that tired?

“Usually, I don’t mind you sleeping in my class, but you crossed the line when you began snoring.”

The class erupted in laughter again, and Isak could feel his face turning into a cherry tomato. He hardly dreamed in class, as he was too tired to do so, but what was he supposed to make out of this dream? What was Even talking about when he said he had to get the truth out? Why would he have to get the truth out in the first place? Isak knew he wasn’t some kind of book, leaving others accessible to his secrets and his dreaded past.

“I’m sorry,” he said lamely. He realized that he dished out pathetic apologies that no one believed, but he still did it anyway, to feel better about himself. 

“We’ll talk after class.” She said as she continued teaching, as if nothing happened. Students kept on glancing at him, wanting for him to say something else, but when he didn’t, they turned back around. _I’m not some kind of trick dog_ , Isak thought as he opened his nearly empty notebook.

The bell rang and shock coursed through Isak’s veins as he remembered that Even wanted to meet after school today. If Mrs. Adamsen wanted to talk to him, he was going to miss his opportunity to talk with Even, to answer the questions that he kept asking himself. Maybe if he blended in with the rest of the class, then Mrs. Adamsen would never noticed that he had left.

He got up and merged himself into the crowd, keeping his head low and running his fingers through his hair. He had no such luck when the teacher called out his name, summoning him back to her desk. Anxiety began to eat at him as he realized that he won’t be able to reach Even on time. It wasn’t until now that he saw how much he really wanted to see Even. 

“I-I really have to go,” Isak stuttered, tilting his body in the direction of the door. Mrs. Adamsen was not having it, as she walked over to the door and closed it. Isak shook his head. “My dad is waiting for me, he’s going to get pissed if I don’t leave now.” His eyes were pleading as Mrs. Adamsen kept her hand on the knob.

“Isakyaki –”

“Please, can we just…I need to go.”

Mrs. Adamsen gave him a look full of pity as she opened the door and said, “Tomorrow, come here during your lunch hour.”

Isak nodded enthusiastically as he repeatedly said “thank you”, and dashed off. There was no running in the hallways, but no one was stopping him as he made his way to the parking lot. He really hoped that he wasn’t too late. 

Wait. He didn’t want to appear desperate in front of Even, and it certainly would appear so if he didn’t stop running. He slowed his running to a walking, but at a quickened pace. Almost at the parking lot, he slowed his gait even more to seem nonchalant in front of the tall blond leaning against his car. When he saw Isak, a smile slowly stretched across his face.

“Hey,” he said, his voice soft as his eyes. Isak couldn’t help but smile in return, putting his hands in his pockets.

“I see that you got my note. Thanks for not ignoring it.”

“Yea. Did you want to talk about something?”

Even inhaled sharply, looking around the parking lot as cars left the campus. “Should we sit in my car? People out here are pretty nosy and I can give you a ride home after.”

Isak tried his best not to smile again, but nodded simply. He was glad he didn’t have to walk, but at the same time, he was glad that they would get more privacy to talk freely.

They got into the car and closed the doors. Nobody spoke and the tension in the car began to rise. Isak was beginning to regret his decision of coming here to talk to Even in the first place, but there was no turning back now. 

Thankfully, Even sighed. “What would you say if I wanted to get back together with you? Like, really wanted to get back together with you.”

Even’s words were rushed, in a jumble, and it only showed how scared he was just to ask. To be honest, Isak wasn’t sure how to respond. After such a long period of silence and distance between them, why would he want to date him once again?

“Why?” Isak asked, turning his body in the direction of the other.

“Because I miss you and I missed what we had. You were there for me when no one else was, and believed in me when everyone thought I was going insane. You helped me through my episodes so many times that now, I can hardly handle them without you. I know I did some shitty things before, but it was because of an episode, I swear. If everything was fine with me, then you know I would never do anything to hurt you like that again. Honestly, Isak. I don’t think I ever stopped loving you. Can we start over, or something?”

Isak sat still, letting Even’s words sink in. The emotion was evident in Even’s eyes – he truly meant what he said. He was willing to start over just for him, just because of him, and for that, Isak couldn’t stop the strong wave of happiness hitting him. Even needed him in his life, just like Isak needed him in his own. There was no time to allow the consequences to sway his judgement, but he still had to be careful about this.

“I’d love to.” Isak said, then paused for a moment. He then stuck out his hand and said, “Hi, my name is Isak, what’s yours?”

Even blinked, and Isak instantly knew how dorky he must’ve sounded. Maybe he should just stop talking, period.

But when the other suddenly couldn’t stop laughing, he felt better about himself. Even shook Isak’s hand, stifling his laughter as he said, “I’m Even, it’s great to meet you.”

Isak laid back in the seat and took a deep breath in, and after all the laughter died down, he asked, “So now what?”

The other’s answer was almost instant. “Meet at my place tomorrow for a smoke? We could skip school and just chill.”

As great as that sounded, Isak knew the many consequences of doing that. “Er, didn’t Sonja say that you shouldn’t be smoking? And my grades are slipping really badly, so I have to bring it up –”

“First of all, fuck Sonja because she isn’t my mom. Second of all, missing one day isn’t going to do anything to your grade. Besides, I could help you bring up any grade you want me to. I’m here for anything you need help with.”

Isak grinned. Of course Even would be willing to help him. But he was still concerned about him smoking – Sonja said he couldn’t handle the marijuana.

“Okay,” he said with slight hesitation, and Even smiled gratefully. Without warning, he leaned in and pecked Isak quickly on the lips, leaving the other stunned and flustered. The grin that appeared on his face only confirmed how much he missed Even’s soft, plush-like lips. Tomorrow, those lips were going to be all his. They pulled out of the school parking lot, a comfortable silence falling over the car. Although Isak might’ve appeared calm on the outside, he was basically bursting with joy on the inside. He didn’t think he would be able to get a chance like this again, a chance to start over, to act like the bad things that happened to him never actually happened to him. He had a chance to be happy again, to live the normal life that he was living before. 

It was insane how one person could ruin his life, then rebuild it in a matter of seconds.


	6. Skipping School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak chills with Even at his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first things first, i planned on updating every saturday night because i found it to be the best time to post, but then i forgot that today was friday and not saturday, but i decided to post anyway because i love you guys c:
> 
> second, i’m sorry the chapters are kind of short, i write in short bursts and i find it better for me to focus on the quality of the content rather than the quantity. so i’m sorry if everything seems to be going pretty slow, but things will pick up!
> 
> let me know your thoughts in the comments <3 thanks!

Back at the apartment, Isak plopped on his bed, the smile unable to leave his face. He pulled out his laptop and hummed to himself as he tried pulling up that same Romeo and Juliet video that he had seen countless of times. He was pretty sure that he knew all the words to it, and he mouthed them as the video played.

Sure, he was probably weird and maybe obsessed, but who wouldn’t be, considering how perfect Even was. If it weren’t for his manic episodes, there probably wouldn’t have been a reason for them to break up before in the first place, but everyone had their flaws.

Someone knocked at the door and Isak immediately paused the video, switching tabs. Eskild walked in and frown on Isak, shaking his head.

“Tsk tsk,” he said as he sat on the bed with Isak. “Your room isn’t clean, it stinks, and you still haven’t given me your money for rent. Isak, come on. We need you to help out around here. The only thing you do around here is just sleep or stay on your laptop. Noora would’ve had her rent in by now.”

“Well, I’m not Noora,” Isak muttered angrily and shifted away from Eskild. “Do you need something? Why are you just walking into my room?”

Instead of getting up and taking the hint that he wasn’t wanted, Eskild only stretched out on the bed. “I was just wondering if you wanted anything to eat. I’m going to make some pasta.”

The prospect of eating again made Isak feel slightly sick, as he wasn’t always the biggest eater. “Uh, I think I’ll eat later. But thanks, though.”

“Hm.” Eskild leaned over, trying to get a peek of the screen. “What are you even looking at, anyway?”

Isak quickly pulled away and closed the laptop. “It’s none of your business, go and cook your pasta.”

Eskild groaned as he sat up, glaring at Isak. “I hope you’re not watching that video of your ex-boyfriend _again_. You’ve watched it at least a hundred times. Don’t you ever get tired of it?”

“H-how did you know?”

“I can hear that guy’s voice from outside your bedroom door, even when you think I’m not listening. Honestly, I think you need to turn your laptop volume down if you’re going to play that video.”

Shoving him away, Isak scolded him. “Get out of here, you’re not welcome here. Talk to Linn or something, I’m busy.”

Eskild huffed but got up. “Fine, just do some cleaning around here. I’ll see you.” He walked out and closed the door behind him, giving Isak his privacy once again.

Isak knew that he probably should get his homework done while he was just sitting around. But then again, he wasn’t even going to school, according to Even.

He had to admit, he was excited for what Even had in store for him. Maybe they were going to just stay inside all day and lay on his bed like they used to. They could have a deep conversation about everything and nothing, discuss what happened while they stopped talking. When everything went wrong.

_Come on, stop getting your hopes up_ , Isak scolded himself as he flipped himself around on the bed. Even could be playing another trick on him. When he walked into Even’s house, all his friends would come and laugh at him, taking pictures and only make matters worse. Isak would run out of the house and cry, because there would be nothing better to do.

But Even seemed like he meant it. He kissed Isak yesterday, and apologized twice for everything that he’s done. Maybe Isak just needed to give him a chance. Everyone deserved a second chance anyway.

However, before he did anything, he still needed to text his dad for cash to pay for the rent. How much did it cost again? 4000 kroner? That had to be right. He picked up his phone and sent the text to his father, imagining how mad he must’ve been that he asked for rent money for the umpteenth time.

After he sent the text, he flung his phone on the other side of the bed and sighed. If he was this excited, there was no way he was going to sleep tonight. It wasn’t like he got sleep on any other night, but even if there was a chance that he would get the tiniest bit of shut-eye, it was crushed by his impatience.

 

He was so tired. It sucked that he couldn’t even slip into sleep once last night, and that combined with other nights was beginning to catch up with him. This morning, Eskild came and shook him, yelling at him to get ready for school. Isak only ignores him, saying, “I’m not going.”

Eskild crossed his arms, glaring at the blond. “Listen, you can’t just not go to school whenever you want. You need an education to get a job, and you need a job so you can pay for your damn rent.”

Slightly annoyed, Isak threw the covers off of himself. It wasn’t like he was sleeping anyway. “Whatever. I’m going to shower.”

“Good. Breakfast will be ready when you get down.” Eskild walked out of the room, and Isak couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Eskild was like his second dad – he found Isak at his worst point and took him in under his wing. When Isak started feeling depressed and hopeless, drinking at a gay bar (unbeknownst to him at the time), Eskild recognized him and allowed him to take Noora’s place at the small apartment. After his mom’s major breakdown and the realization that it wasn’t safe for him to stay with her, he moved out, homeless and alone. But if it weren’t for Eskild, he didn’t know where he would’ve been right now.

He slid his clothes off and got into the shower, the water scalding hot, just as he liked it. Closing his eyes as he let the water cascade over his body, he fantasized about the fat blunt that he was going to smoke in less than an hour. He hadn’t smoked in a while now because he had nowhere to get the grams from, until recently, when Jonas got the stash. He missed his only opportunity to smoke at Eva’s party, but he got his chance again. He just really hoped that he didn’t screw it up this time.

Someone banged on his door and shouted, “Hurry up!” It sounded like Linn, and she did not sound happy. Isak quickly turned off the water and dashed out, towel wrapped around himself. He opted out for a white shirt with his grey hoodie and black jeans. Isak was ready to leave, until something in his closet caught his eye. It was his collection of snapbacks. It has been a while since he wore them. When Even was manic and spreading shit about Isak, Isak’s confidence was among the many things that was stolen from him. He couldn’t muster the courage to wear his snapbacks anymore, worried about what people would say about him and how stupid he looked in them. He still didn’t have the confidence to wear them now, but maybe one day, he can wear them again.

Grabbing his phone, Isak texted Even, letting him know that he was on his way because Eskild was forcing him out of the apartment. Even knew Eskild from the few times that he came to Isak’s bedroom. Instantly, Even responded with an “okay”, a smile emoticon placed afterward. A smile creeped up on Isak’s face as he stuffed the phone in his pocket, rushing out of his room and nearly bumping into the ginger in the kitchen.

“Jesus, Isak. Watch where you’re going.” Eskild brushed himself off and gestured to the eggs on the frying pan. Isak wrinkled his nose in disgust – they were filled with vegetables and health junk that he did not need this early in the morning. Ever since Eskild decided to go on this diet to watch out for his health, he had been cooking nothing but healthy foods, and it immediately pushed away Isak’s appetite.

“Uh, I’m going to be late for school so I’ll just grab breakfast there.” He waved and bounded outside, nearly running to Even’s place.

After less that 10 minutes, Isak was there, out of breath and heart racing. It felt like a lifetime since Isak was last here, and it felt great to be able to come back. He knocked happily, trying his best to not make it seem like he ran the way over. Immediately, Even opened the door, a grin spreading on his face. He enveloped Isak in a tight hug, twisting him around.

“I was so worried that you weren’t going to come because you still didn’t trust me,” Even whispered in Isak’s ear, his hot breath sending shivers down the blonde’s spine. “But now that you’re actually here, I don’t think I’ll ever stop smiling.” He pulled Isak away from him and gave him a quick peck on the lips, dragging him inside.

The windows were already opened, and it was until then that he saw a blunt tucked suavely behind his ear. Even noticed that Isak was staring at it and handed it to him, letting him a take a hit. Isak dropped his bag onto the floor and sat on the bed, letting the drugs work it’s magic. When Isak finished, Even took a hit himself and tucked it back into his ear. He pulled Isak on top of him, letting him rest his head on his chest. He lifted gentle fingers to card through Isak’s hair, murmuring, “Now what? How do we tell everyone that we’re together again? Or do we even tell anyone at all? To be honest, I want to be able to kiss you in public, Isak. I want everyone to know you’re mine.”

“Whoa, slow down,” Isak yawned as he snuggled closer. “I don’t know what to tell everyone, because honestly, people are going to be confused when they see that we’re together again. I mean, you did hurt me really bad earlier in the year, so people are going to think it’s insane that we’re acting like everything’s okay. And I think we still have to talk about that, because I still can’t wrap my mind around why you would do that to me. After everything I’ve told you –”

“Shh. Don’t get all worked up, Isak. I know I hurt you really badly –”

“No, but do you really know? Do you really know how much I cried because of you, because of the things that you’ve done to me and everything after that? Do you know how that whole situation gave me trust issues and messed with my mind? I couldn’t operate properly for weeks, Even. _Weeks_. You took everything from me, my confidence, my self-esteem, my heart. You took them and threw them out of the window like you didn’t even care anymore, and then all of a sudden you just want to come back and say you’re sorry? I mean, how do I know that you’re not going to do it again? That you’re not just going to go and hurt again, maybe worse than you did before. Because I don’t think I can take that again. Those weeks were the worst weeks of my life, and I can’t even begin to explain to you all the sick things I kept thinking during those weeks. I stopped taking care of myself because I cared so much about you and what you did...”

Isak felt a thumb wipe at cheek, then again. It was then that he realized that he was crying, the tears falling onto Even’s hoodie. He sniffed and swiped at his nose, muttering “sorry” as he tried not to let Even see him cry. He hadn’t even been in the house for more than half an hour and he was already crying. Even just had that effect on him.

“Don’t cry, Isak. You just got here.” Even said and continued to wipe away his tears. “I don’t know what got into me when I said those things and you’re right, I don’t understand what you went through. I hate myself for making you hurt so badly because I really do love you, Isak, and I would never do that on purpose.”

“Are you taking anything so you stop having your episodes? Are you seeing any doctors or seeking for help? Because I don’t want either of us to suffer through this again.”

He could feel Even shrug. “I did, but then I stopped because it wasn’t doing anything. But if you think it’ll help, then I guess I will go back.”

A sigh of relief escaped Isak. “That makes me happy. Very happy.”

Even chuckled and kissed Isak’s forehead. “I’m glad I could make you happy. I’ll try to do it more often for your sake. But for now, let’s just rest, okay? You look like you haven’t slept in years.”

“You’re probably right. I could really use some sleep right now.” Isak yawned once again, and Even got up, putting the blunt away for later and closing the window slightly. He pulled the blinds to darken the room, saying to himself, “Much better.” He got back into the bed and pulled Isak close again, stoking his hair until he heard the boy snoring, just indicating how tired he was. The rhythmic sound of his breathing was enough to put Even in the same trance of sleep, his mind at peace that he finally got his Isak back.


	7. Paying Attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak starts working harder in his classes, and Mrs. Adamsen has a talk with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was just so full of ideas this week that i was writing nonstop >.< are you guys proud of me? c:

“Did you eat breakfast already?” Even asked as he opened the fridge. Isak could safely say that he was starving – hopefully Even wasn’t going to cook something like Eskild did this morning. He sat at the table, watching.

However, when Even pulled out some pancake batter, a smile broke out on Isak’s face. Even always knew what Isak was in the mood for. 

He pulled the sleeves of Even’s sweater so that they covered his hands; Even let him wear it, knowing just how much Isak usually enjoyed wearing his clothes. He pulled the hood over his head and just embraced the scent that he was wrapped in. Even just smelled so good, like of strawberries with a hint of banana. It was a scent that Isak would always love, and at the same time, it made him wonder what he smelled like himself. If his clothes weren’t too small on Even, would he be wearing Isak’s sweaters, too?

“I guess I’m not getting that sweater back, am I?” Even joked as he started to get the pancakes ready on the pan. Isak shook his head, bringing his hands up to cover his rosy cheeks. “If you want, I can give you one of my shirts that fit you in exchange.”

“Yes, please!” Isak looked out the window that Even had opened in the living room. Outside, the birds were whistling their peaceful tune, giving Isak a sense of tranquility as he watched Even prepare breakfast. The moment felt so surreal; in reality, Isak shouldn’t even be here. 

Things were starting to turn up for him, finally. After such a long time of suffering, he got back the one thing that mattered to him most. The only problem was how was he going to get people to stop spreading rumors about him behind his back? How was he going to raise his grades enough to graduate? Not going to school today set him another day back with grades, but he was already used to not going to school. He used to beg Eskild to not make him go when things were at its worst.

“What’s your grade in Norwegian?” Isak asked, taking his hands away from his face. Even paused, thinking to himself.

“I think it’s an A. That class is easy. Why’d you ask? Do you need help?”

“Er, yea. I kind of need help with all of my subjects. It’s the middle of the year and everyone’s telling me that I might not graduate…”

Even dropped the spatula, letting it clatter to the floor. “What are you saying? They’re going to force you to repeat the year? Isak, you can’t let that happen.” He walked over to the table where Isak sat. “What classes are you failing? Do you want me to tutor you or something?”

The concern in Even’s eyes made Isak squirm in his seat. “Norwegian, Biology, Algebra, History, and Spanish. I have to get A’s in those classes for the rest of the year or there won’t be a chance for me to graduate.”

“Isak, if I knew that you were in danger of being retained, I wouldn’t have invited you over. I feel awful.” He walked back to the pancakes, beginning to take them off of the pan and onto the plate. 

The shorter boy scrambled out of his seat and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend from behind. Even jumped at this sudden show of affection, but appreciated it nonetheless. “I don’t want you to feel awful about it. I rather be here than school, anyway. And besides, Sana is helping me with Biology and Mrs. Adamsen is helping me with Norwegian. I probably will pass the year, so one day shouldn’t set me back that badly.”

“I know Isak, but still. It’s still too risky to waste school days like this. We could go now and walk in late? That way you won’t miss too much of your classes. It’s only 10 o’clock.”

“No!” Isak shouted, burying his head into Even’s back like a little kid. Although Even was the one who wanted him to go to school, he couldn’t find the courage to tell him that the bad grades were because of the things Even did. “I just want to stay here with you. It’s the first time in a really long time that we had time to ourselves. Can we just enjoy it today? Please?”

Isak could see that Even wanted to object, but then gave a wary smile. “Okay, but we can’t stay here all day. We need to go swimming.”

Memories of when they went swimming before flooded Isak’s mind, and he laughed. “You mean at that family’s house? Last time we went there, that little girl almost busted us!”

“Because you were so loud. Literally, you were screaming the whole time we were there, so damn worried that we were going to get caught.” Even tried his best to sound as serious as he possibly could, but failed as he laughed softly after and shook his head, relishing in the memory as well.

It had been one of their closest moments. They shared their first kiss at that pool…was Even trying to send a message?

“Maybe…we should just stay here today,” Isak suggested, letting his eyes drop to his sides. “I still have to be back at the apartment early because Jonas and the guys are coming over, and I don’t want us to worry about leaving early. I want us to be able to take out time when we go swimming.”

“Oh.” Even replied, and walked Isak to put the plates on the table. There were two big pancakes on each plate, and Isak went into the pantry, remembering exactly where the syrup was from the last time that he was here. If he had to get technical, he remembered Even’s whole house like it was his own. And if he could be hopeful, he wished that it was his house as well.

“Hm. That’s a shame, I really wanted to go there today.” As Isak placed the syrup down, Even brought a hand up to his face. “But if that’s what you want, then I should listen to you.” He placed several small kisses all over Isak’s face and sat down. “Come on, let’s eat.”

Isak could tell that Even felt a little let down, but at the same time, he was glad that Even respected his opinion.

_That’s a jump. He never used to care about what you wanted._

Hushing his thoughts, Isak sat down and picked up his fork, digging in. He could feel Even’s eyes on him, but he didn’t mind – Even was probably thinking about how cute he was, and that was definitely something Isak wanted.

Halfway during his breakfast, he heard his phone chime in his pocket and picked it up. He got a text from his dad…right! It was about the rent money that he had texted him about last night. Isak grinned to himself, expecting an affirmative answer and ready to put that worry behind him.

But as he actually stopped to read the text in full, his smile diminished as his mind processed the words: _I don’t think I can afford to lend you money right now._

Even must’ve realized the change in mood, as he put down his fork and asked, “Isak? What’s wrong?”

Should he tell him? Well, Even knew basically everything there was to know about Isak, but that was before Eskild found him at the bar and took him home. Even didn’t know everything that happened after that, and he probably didn’t need to know anything about it. Yet. Even didn’t know about how Isak’s dad began to sink into debt for reasons that he wouldn’t tell his own son. Of course, Isak wanted to know more, but with the weight of everything else piled up on top of him, he pushed that aside. As long as his dad was helping pay the rent, there was no reason to care, right? He was dealing with too much, so he had a valid excuse. He found out about his father’s debt on the same day he found out about the rumors.

Isak was ashamed of what happened, of what he did the day he heard of the awful things that Even said. The true stories had been twisted into ugly lies, and it was hard to get over it when the whole school was talking about it. Even would find it pathetic now if he heard that Isak nearly passed out from drinking so much that night. Isak couldn’t risk losing him now, not after he just got him back.

So Isak blinked, stowed his phone away, and put a smile on his face. “Everything’s fine,” he assured the other, stuffing the now tasteless pancake into his mouth.

 

Before Isak walked inside the apartment, he used his phone as a mirror to check and see if he looked alright. He looked to see if his hair wasn’t too messed up, since Even just loved to pull his hair when he was aroused. It was alright for now; hopefully nobody asked about it.

When he walked inside, he was greeted with an exasperated glare from Eskild, and confused looks from his friends. Eva was along with Jonas, but that wasn’t a surprise, was it? They were inseparable, but that’s what happens when you fall in love, right? Damn, he knew he shouldn’t have stayed that extra hour to hit it with Even. But even though he was going to get chewed out right about now, it was totally worth it.

“Isak, why weren’t you at school today?” Eskild started with sternly, his arms crossed. God, he was such a mom when it came to school and chores and other things that Isak liked to neglect. Other than that, he was fun to be around, and great at parties.

Isak’s eyes moved from his roommate to Magnus to Mahdi and finally to Jonas. His best friend could only shrug and mutter, “We tried our best to defend you but we didn’t really know what to say.”

“Where were you, dude? We were looking for you for the past two days!” Magnus tilted his head, looking Isak up and down. His eyes suddenly lit up when he saw Isak’s flushed cheeks, his slightly disheveled hair, and how he was breathing fast.

“Did you run over here or something? You look like a mess, bro. Where did you even come from?” As Magnus said this, Mahdi and Jonas started to study him too, and Jonas finally caught on. His eyes widened as he looked at Isak for confirmation, and the blond wasn’t sure what he should say. He turned his eyes away, slightly ashamed of himself. Jonas wouldn’t be too happy to know that he was with Even the whole day instead of school.

“Whatever. I ditched to go to the arcade. So what?” Isak threw his hands up and walked to his room, his friends close behind. Someone grabbed him and spun him around, and before he knew it, he was met face to face with Jonas. Eva seemed to have caught on too, as she looked at him with sadness in her eyes while Jonas requested, “Isak? Can we talk for a moment? Just the three of us.”

Anxious, Isak swallowed but agreed, and Jonas told Mahdi and Magnus to wait for just a moment while all three of them went into Isak’s room. Eva closed the door behind them and Isak sat on the bed, throwing his bag on the floor and taking off his shoes.

“Come on, Isak. We all know you didn’t go to the arcade, and we all know that isn’t your sweater. Let me guess, you and Even did the dirty?” Eva pointed to his chest, and Isak groaned in defeat. How could he be as stupid as to forgetting to take the sweater off before he walked in? He was too caught up in the moment, he guessed.

“Why were you at his house, Isak? I thought you said you were failing one of your classes, so don’t you need to be in school more than we do?” Jonas furrowed his thick eyebrows, shaking his head. “What exactly happened between you guys after Eva’s party? What did he say to you?”

There was no point in keeping this a secret, Jonas was his best friend, and Eva deserved to know. They were the most supportive people he knew, so keeping things from them would only hurt him, not them.

He sighed as he mentally prepared himself to explain everything. “Even sent me a note wanting to meet me after school, and I went with him. He wanted to talk to me about something, so he suggested that we talk in his car. He started talking about how sorry he was again and kissed me, asking if I wanted to be his boyfriend again ditch with him the next day.” Isak sniffed, wiping at his nose. “Of course I was going to go with him, guys! I mean, there was a huge silence between us, and now he wants to come and spend a whole day with me! And I’m glad that I went, because we had a good time and we talked and slept and had a good smoke.”

“But don’t you think it’s weird? That suddenly after all this silence that he wants to talk to you again? That he wants you to come over to his house and smoke and talk and sleep?” Eva sat next to Isak on the bed, gently grabbing his face so that he was looking at her. “I mean, you can’t just sweep everything he did under the rug and say it’s okay. He messed you up badly, Isak.”

“He just missed me and hated what he did, and that makes sense,” Isak justified himself. “Everyone deserves a second chance. He’s changed, guys. He’s different. You can tell that he doesn’t want to hurt me. He’s even going to go and find get some help so his episodes aren’t so severe anymore.”

“We can’t be sure that an episode caused that, Isak. His last manic episode was nothing like that.”

Isak knew Jonas was referring to the last time Even had a manic episode, when Isak and Even were sharing a hotel room together. Even was restless that night, going around the room while Isak was trying to sleep. Finally, he declared that he was going to McDonalds, but had walked out of the hotel completely naked. It took a while for Isak to process what had happened, and when he went out to go look for him, he was nowhere in sight. Luckily, Sonja had informed him that the police had found him, but also let him know that Even’s feelings towards Isak were just a spur of the moment, fabricated because of his manic episode. She told him that once this episode was over, the feelings that he had for Isak were going to disappear. Thankfully, Even had explained to him just how wrong Sonja was, and professed his love to him.

“Not all manic episodes are the same, Jonas. If he says that it was because he was having a manic episode, then he has no reason to lie.”

Eva shook her head in frustration, and Isak backed up a few inches in case that she planned on hitting him. “Why are you so stubborn, Isak? Like honestly, we’re trying to warn you. Who knows when Even might have another episode? He won’t be able to help himself, and you’re going to be on the receiving end of it again!”

“You guys aren’t my fucking parents. You don’t get to tell me who I’m allowed to date and who I’m not allowed to date. If I say that Even’s changed, then believe me when I say it!”

Jonas was just standing in front of them, arms crossed and a disappointed look on his face. “Just don’t come running to us when he hurts you again, man.” Signaling the conversation over, he opened the door to be met with concerned looks from Mahdi and Magnus. 

“Is everything alright? We heard yelling,” Magnus said softly, looking from Jonas to Isak to Eva. Isak wanted to tell them that everything was not okay, that Jonas and Eva were scolding him like they were his parents, when they clearly weren’t. He clenched his fists, willing himself not to cry or to lash out on them.

“Everything’s fine,” Jonas said coldly, and motioned Eva to stand. “Isak won’t be hanging out with us today. He said he isn’t in the mood.” Jonas motioned them out of the room and waited until everyone was out, before slamming the bedroom door shut.

Isak couldn’t move. Frozen on the bed, he just stared at the door, a lump forming in his throat. He waited for them to come back inside, for Jonas to come in and say that he was joking or that he was sorry, to give him a hug and tell him that he was there for Isak no matter what his choice was.

But he sat there, and no one came in. He didn’t hear their voices anymore. Of course they left, Isak was a fool for thinking they would come back. He flopped on the bed, pulling a pillow close to himself. Why did they care so much if he was back with Even again? It was his choice, it was what he wanted, so why couldn’t they just be supportive? He understood that they didn’t want to see Isak get hurt again, but why wouldn’t they believe him when he said that Even had changed for the better? Taking a shaky breath, he knew what he had to do. He was just going to have to prove them wrong. There was a chance that Isak and Even could be happy. Isak would be there for Even when he had another one of his episodes, because that was what Even needed. Someone to confide in him when his mind got the best of him.

A hand twisted the knob, and someone walked in, closing the door behind them. Isak just really hoped that it was Jonas. Maybe he came running back to talk to Isak, to say the things that Isak wanted to hear.

“Hey, is everything alright, Isak?” No, it was Eskild, and another pair of feet told him that Linn was with him as well. Isak grabbed the cover and pulled them over his head, not wanting to talk to either of them. It would be hard to explain what happened anyway.

“Go away,” Isak tried to growl, but his voice came out shaky, feeble. He heard Eskild sigh and sit on the side of the bed Isak was facing away from, and pulled the covers back to expose Isak’s head. The blond pulled the covers back over, just wanting them to go away before they could see his tears spill. God, why was he such a baby? Why did he feel the need to cry about everything? Even would probably find him pathetic for crying about everything, someone who was too weak. He didn’t want to cry right now, but he needed to.

“Isak, talk to me. What happened in here?” There was a lot of yelling and next thing I knew, everyone walked out. Look, if there’s anything you need to talk about –”

“There nothing to talk about, Eskild!” Isak shouted, suddenly getting up so he could face the ginger. Isak knew his cheeks were turning red and his eyes were glossy but he didn’t care. “I’m fine, just leave me alone!” He bowed his head, not about to let Eskild see him crying, but it was hard when Eskild could easily see the tears falling from his face and onto the sheets.

The ginger’s hand was placed on his shoulder, and Isak tried to flinch away, but gave up when Eskild didn’t move. 

“Come here,” he murmured and brought Isak into a hug, allowing the younger to rest his head on his shoulder. He felt sick and couldn’t understand why; he was having such a great time about an hour ago.

“I don’t think Jonas and Eva want to be my friend anymore,” Isak mumbled softly into the comforting shoulder, not having the strength to cry anymore. “I don’t get it; why is it such a big deal if I start talking to Even again?”

Eskild stroked his tense back, hearing the pain in his voice. “Isak. It’s because last time you were with Even, he completely ruined you. You don’t think it’s a big deal, but how do you think everyone else felt when we saw you suffering? We were so worried that you became depressed and wouldn’t be able to bounce back like you did…no one wants to see you go through that again.”

“But Even didn’t mean to hurt me. He was just manic and he promised that he was going to take some medicine and talk to his doctors about it. Why won’t anyone believe me?”

He could hear the elder release his breath. “You were over at his house today?”

“Yea.”

“Well, if you’re going to date him again…just leave if things get bad, okay?” Eskild gently pried Isak off his shoulder so they were looking at each other face-to-face. “Even if your friends don’t want to be there for you, you’ll still have me and Linn. Right, Linn?”

Isak shifted his gaze to the girl staring down at him. “Yea, if you need me, let me know. Just don’t wake me if I’m sleeping.” A smile crept on her face, and Isak smiled back weakly.

“Okay…thanks you guys. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” He hugged Eskild and got up and gave Linn a hug, who surprisingly returned it. 

“Also,” he started when he finished his hug with Linn. “I can’t…pay the rent this month. My dad can’t send any money and I doubt my mom would either.”

“Well, have you texted her? Actually, when was the last time you talked to her, Isak?” Eskild gestured to Isak’s phone on the nightstand.

“Uh, a long time ago. I think before everything happened. She still sends me stuff, though, but she hasn’t sent me anything in a while.”

“You should talk to her. She’s still your mom, you know.” Eskild got up, beginning to head to the door. “If you do talk to her, tell me what she says. And regarding the rent…I’ll pay for it this time, but we’ll have to work something out.” Linn walked out of the door and Eskild followed close behind, closing the door behind him. 

Isak stared at the door and threw the blankets over himself, too tired to text his mom or do his homework. If he just got in a good nap, maybe he’ll realize that this was all a dream.

 

“Isak? Wake up, you’re going to be late. Don’t you set up an alarm or something?”

Naturally, Isak groaned and rubbed his eyes. Did he really sleep until this morning? That was a relief; but he couldn’t be happier. When his eyes focused, he saw Eskild smiling down on him. His head gestured in the direction of the bathroom and said, “You better get ready.”

He walked out of the room without another word and Isak stood, stretching. Today wasn’t going to be a good day, he could feel it in his bones. Maybe it was because of what happened yesterday – he wasn’t stupid enough to believe that it was just a dream, as much as he had hoped it would be.

It was the same routine, such as getting in the shower, putting his clothes on, longing to wear a snapback but worried about what others would say, and ignoring Eskild when he asks if Isak wants his healthy breakfast.

The walk to school wasn’t bad, although the cold was starting to get worse. Even’s sweater would’ve been perfect to wear in this weather, but he couldn’t wear that to school for obvious reasons. Well, it wasn’t like everyone knew that it was Even’s sweater, but he still didn’t want to take any risks. It was probably best if he had chosen to wear his beanie, though.

As soon as he stepped foot onto school property, he saw Even waiting for him. His arms were opened, inviting warmth to Isak in this cold. Isak knew he shouldn’t be ashamed or scared to let people know that he had forgiven Even, but at the same time, he wasn’t sure if he could handle the judgmental stares that he would receive from everyone.

 _Screw it_ , he thought as he started to run up to Even, remembering the things that Jonas and Eva had said to him last night. He was going to prove them wrong, that Even is harmless. The smile on Even’s face was genuine as Isak crashed into his chest, breathing in his scent. Even’s laughter sang a sweet melody in his ears, and he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, resting his mouth in Isak’s hair. Isak didn’t care about the looks they were getting; the most important thing was staying warm with Even.

Eventually, they hug had to come to an end like all things, and Isak pulled away, smiling up at Even. “Hi,” he said plainly, nothing else coming up to his mind.

“Hey,” Even said in between giggles, and dipped in for a kiss that Isak definitely wasn’t expecting. He kept his eyes open, recovering from the shock of it, but eventually closed his eyes as he told himself to relax. Even’s lips hadn’t changed a bit, as if they were waiting for Isak to come back so that he could kiss them again. They were still soft and gentle, loving and tender. Isak was ready to deepen the kiss by using his tongue, but they were interrupted by someone clearing their throat next to them. The two immediately separated, looking to see who it was who found it okay to disturb them.

It was Vilde and Sana. The blonde’s eyes lit up at the sight of the two while Sana had a deadpan look – almost as if she was glaring. Slightly unsettled, Isak wiped at his lips and asked, “What is it?”

Vilde was the first out of the two to speak. “You guys are together again? That’s fantastic! You guys were always so cute together, and I never thought Isak would go back to Even because of what he did but I guess Isak’s a very forgiving person, right?” She turned to Even, who had a smirk on his face.

“Yes, Isak forgave me. Isn’t he the sweetest?” Even pulled Isak to his side, rubbing his shoulder with his hand. “I didn’t think he was going to forgive me either, but he decided to give me a second chance, and I’m grateful for that.”

“That’s so cute!” Vilde all but shrieked again, giving them both hugs. Out of the corner of his eye, Isak could see others looking at them, some pulling their phones out and taking pictures. Oh God, did people get pictures of them while they were kissing? Not that it would be a bad thing –

Isak knew that he needed to stop worrying, because being with Even was a good thing. But seeing how Sana gave him a harsh glare was one of the reasons why he didn’t want everyone knowing about them just yet.

“I’m glad you think so, I think Isak’s pretty cute, too.” Isak blushed and tried hiding his face, but judging by how Vilde laughed she must’ve seen it. She waved and they walked away, talking amongst themselves and leaving Isak and Even alone once again.

When he was sure that they were alone, Even gently pulled Isak close and leaned into his ear. 

“We need to have a repeat of yesterday. I don’t think I’ve ever had sex as great as that before,” he growled, sending shivers down Isak’s spine. He had to agree with Even; it was the best sex he had in a while, or maybe it was because they hadn’t done it in such a long time. Isak felt his bones chill as he slowly backed away from Even and looked at him breathlessly, nodding as fast as he could. Even grinned and they resumed their kissing, tongues and all this time. Isak missed him so much, and he couldn’t afford to lose him again. This was what he needed; the love and affection that only Even could provide.

Isak was the first to pull away. “But it can’t be during class. I really need to bring up my grade and like you said, missing my classes is probably not a good idea.”

Even shook his head. “Of course not. I was talking about back at my house. If you want to come over again. Your choice.”

Pretending to think about it, Isak put a finger to his chin. “Hm. Sure, only if you help me with my homework afterward.” He pecked him on the lips again and looked around. “I need to go to class, so see you after school?”

Even nodded, but before Isak could walk off, he said, “Wait, I want to walk you to your class. What’s your first period again? Biology?”

“Oh, so you remembered?” Isak asked as they began to walk inside the building.

“How could I forget?” The other chuckled, and Isak joined in, but stopped as he saw Penetrator Chris staring at them. There wasn’t a smile on his face, and he looked almost as if he was studying the two, trying to understand something. Even followed Isak’s gaze and took notice of Chris, and immediately, his eyes lit up.

“Chris!” He called out and walked over to him, gesturing for Isak to come along. He was reminded of the awkward conversation he had with Chris in the bathroom.

_I saw you and Eva at the party last Friday. You guys are talking again?_

Chris grinned as they approached him, his arms outstretched and doing their bro hug. Isak stepped back, still weirded out by Chris. As him and Even were doing their little handshake, Chris’s eyes wandered to Isak, and that normal smirk was back on his face.

“I knew it! You guys _are_ talking again!” he exclaimed, licking his lips and looking from Even to Isak. “Your boyfriend didn’t want to tell me that you guys were dating.”

Isak froze as Even turned around, giving him an odd glance. “Really? Oh, well, I’m sure that he had a good reason. We only started this yesterday.”

“Oh! Then that’s probably why. I’m glad that everything worked out.” He smiled, and hit Isak on the back as he left. Even and Isak exchanged glances, and it was then that Even asked the dreaded question, “Why didn’t you want to tell him about us?”

Isak swallowed, not sure what to say. Even seemed a bit disappointed that Isak didn’t want everyone knowing about them. “I don’t know, Even. I’m scared to. Maybe I don’t want all the extra attention.”

“Don’t be scared, Isak,” Even said as the other opener his locker and pulled out his Biology notebook. “It doesn’t matter what people think about you. It only matters what you think of yourself.”

“You’re such a cliché,” Isak joked, but deep down he knew Even was right. He shouldn’t care about what people thought about him, he should just do what made him happy.

With this in mind, Isak realized that it was time for him to go and gave Even a quick kiss on the lips, smiling and waving as he rushed to Biology.

Thankfully, he made it just as the bell rang, and he fell into the seat, nearly out of breath. Sana watched him as he pulled out his notebook and looked at the board, seeing what their warmup was today. When he glanced to the side, he saw her staring and grinned. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Where were you yesterday? Do you even know how much you missed?”

Ignoring the first question, he wrote the warmup in his notebook. “Hopefully not that much. Can you show me the notes so I can copy?”

Saba was mildly impressed at his sudden take of responsibility. “Sure. I’m glad that you’re actually trying to catch up in this class despite missing it yesterday.”

Isak shrugged. “Don’t shoot me, I’m just trying to graduate.”

“Isakyaki, Sana! No talking in my class!” The teacher shouted at them, and Isak continued to work on the warmup.

 

Spanish certainly wasn’t going to be easier than Biology – at least he had Sana to help him in the former. Now, he was alone and left to fend on his own, although he could ask Eva and Noora for their help.

He sat in his normal seat in the back, pulling out his Spanish notebook and waiting for the teacher to walk in and conduct the lesson. More students walked in, with Chris being one of them. The Penetrator glanced at Isak and flashed a toothy grin as he started making his way over to one of the many empty seats around Isak. Of course, he had to sit in the seat right next to him.

“Hey,” Chris said, dropping his bag and turning his whole body to face Isak. “We didn’t get to finish our conversation from Monday, did we?”

“We did finish it.” Isak answered weakly, slightly uncomfortable at the fact that Chris, a Penetrator, was sitting right next to him. What would Chris’s friends say when they saw him? They would definitely get on Isak for that, give him dirty looks or snicker behind his back.

“No. I’m just a bit confused. Why are you and Even back at it again? I know, I know – you don’t want to talk about it or bring it up but… you’re not mad at him about everything? If it were me, I would be.”

“Well, it’s not you.” Isak snapped, but upon seeing Chris’s stunned look, he immediately lowered his voice. “I _was_ mad, but he promised that he wouldn’t pull anything like that again, so I have every right to believe him.”

“Even’s a chill guy, but just because he promises something doesn’t mean that he won’t have another episode.”

“Since when were you guys friends? Earlier in the year, you guys hardly talked.” The teacher walked into the room and closed the door, quickly taking attendance and giving Isak and Chris a minute more to talk.

“A lot of things happened while you were going through…whatever you were going through. You missed a lot of parties, a lot of conversations, and a lot of information. Even did have a depressive episode after everything that happened between you guys, and I guess that he didn’t have anyone to turn to besides me.”

Oh. Isak didn’t know that. It was only natural for Even to dip into depression after a manic episode, but he couldn’t know for sure. If Chris and Even really were friends, and if Chris kept talking to him like he was now, he could learn more about the things that happened to Even when Isak was missing in action, right?

“Did anything happen to Even? When we weren’t talking to each other?”

Chris chuckled, a low sound in Isak’s ears. “Of course. But if you want me to tell you, you have to come with me and help choose out something for Eva’s birthday. You said jewelry but I don’t know what kind of jewelry.”

Exasperated, Isak threw his hands up. “Fine, but you’ll have to tell me everything that happened while we’re at the jewelry store, got it?” The teacher glanced at Isak and Chris but didn’t take notice to the sudden change of seating. Looked like Chris was staying here the rest of the period after all.

Chris did his infamous smirk, shaking his head at how irritated Isak was. “Damn, chill. Why are you so mad about it? I just want to get her something. Don’t think of it as anything more.”

“She has a boyfriend, you have a girlfriend. It’s only going to go downhill for both of you if you keep it up.”

Scoffing, Chris grabbed his notebook and turned to a blank page just as the teacher finished attendance. She grinned as she greeted the class. “ _¡Buenos días, clase! Hoy, vamos a aprender sobre el tiempo presente._ ” She wrote the words _El Tiempo Presente_ on the board, underlining the words. “Can anyone tell me what means?”

Many raised their hands, and she called on one of them. Isak could already tell that today was going to be a rather dull class. Just the sound of the teacher’s voice was enough to give Isak the urge to fall asleep, but he knew he would have to stay awake to take the notes that she was going to give. Or maybe he could just ask Eva and Noora for help and ask to copy their notes.

No, he couldn’t. Participation was part of his grade as well, and if he wanted to raise his grade, he would have to answer questions just like everyone else. That was going to be difficult, considering how little he knew about Spanish. Maybe Chris could give him some tips since he was right here.

“Okay, and what does the present tense do in Norwegian?” She asked, writing more things on the board. Now _this_ was a question that Isak could answer. He raised his hand, and the teacher scanned the room, quickly taking notice of the pale hand in the back. “Oh! Isak? _¿Sabes la repuesta?_ ”

Isak nodded slowly as the whole class turned to him, waiting for the moment he messes up. “Uh, it shows that you’re currently performing an action.”

Pleased, the teacher nodded and wrote down something on her clipboard, presumably a note that Isak participated in class for the first time in months. As she nodded and continued with the lesson, Isak felt pleased that he was actually doing something in class other than sleeping, although he still felt tired.

The time passed in class slowly, but somehow, Isak made it. After one day of staying fully awake, he wasn’t sure how he was going to do it for the days to come. Sure, he was able to do it near the beginning of the year, but like Chris said, a lot of things happened.

As he packed his things up, he received a pat on his back, and he swiveled around to be met with Chris yet again. He wasn’t smirking or grinning oddly, but he did have a small smile on his face. “You finally decided to answer a question. See you on Saturday. I’ll pick you up to go shopping at 1.” Without giving Isak a chance to object, Chris walked out the classroom, leaving Isak alone in the class with the teacher.

He got his things together and was about to dip out, when the teacher said, “So I see that you haven’t fallen asleep in class today and you answered a question. _Bien trabajo_. If you need any help or extra credit opportunities, see me about it anytime.”

Isak was still for a moment, but then nodded slowly, glad that she was offering. “Thanks, I will.” He quickly left the class, not wanting to be late for Algebra.

 

Isak was dreading sixth hour, as he remembered that he was supposed to meet with Mrs. Adamsen to discuss his failing grades. For a reason that Isak couldn’t describe, he didn’t really like Mrs. Adamsen, although all the other students said that she was one of the sweetest teachers in their grade. There was no reason for him not to like her, except for the reason that she cared much more about his grade in her class than she should.

When he walked in, Mrs. Adamsen looked at him and smiled, but did not say anything else. Perhaps she forgot about the little talk they were supposed to have? Or maybe she didn’t care as much as Isak originally thought. She could’ve been giving up, although Isak didn’t find that highly plausible.

He took his normal seat in the back of the classroom, suddenly feeling tired once again as everyone flooded in silently. This had to be one of his quietest classes, due to the fact that there were no Penetrators in here, nor any other kids that could stir up trouble. He also didn’t have any friends in this class, so he didn’t really have anyone to talk to or pass notes to.

“Okay, everyone,” Mrs. Adamsen started out very sweetly. “Turn your books to page 263. We will be discussing the literary devices exemplified in these stories.”

Slowly, Isak took the book from under his desk and turned to the page. He guessed that it was going to be another one of those nonfiction stories that he dreaded reading, but instead, it was a work of fiction that was about the mythical Roman gods. If he had to admit it, he was rather interested in delving into this topic. No sleeping in this class today.

They read the story, writing down some notes into their notebooks and answering questions that came after the story. While he was writing down an answer, the last bell had rung and students had got up and made their way out of the classroom. He was stunned, having not realized that he was supposed to pack up five minutes ago. He stood and closed his notebook, stuffing it into his bag and putting the book back under the desk.

“I noticed that you were absent yesterday,” Mrs. Adamsen said slowly, watching as Isak packed his bags. “I was looking forward to our lunch discussion. Do you think we have some time to talk now?”

Isak looked at the clock and pulled out his phone, checking his notifications. Upon seeing that he hadn’t received any, he stuffed his phone back in his pocket and smiled. “Sure.”

As he walked up to her desk with his bag, Mrs. Adamsen sighed gratefully. “Regarding the little… _nap_ you took in class yesterday, I’m not upset about it, but I am still wondering if you are going to visit the guidance counselor this Friday. Ms. Olsen was overjoyed to have you last week.”

If Isak had to be completely honest, he had to say that he really didn’t want to go. Due to past experiences, going to see Ms. Olsen again wouldn’t really help him at all. If he wanted to stop going to her, he would have to explain to her why he didn’t need to go anymore.

“Mrs. Adamsen, I don’t really think that I should go. When…things happened to me, I was forced by my family and friends to see a professional therapist. It didn’t really do anything for me then and I don’t think it’ll do anything for me now. Besides, I feel fine now. Things are kind of starting to turn up for me, so maybe you could tell Ms. Olsen that I don’t need to talk to her anymore?”

The thing about being forced to see a therapist was true, although Isak didn’t really like to think about it. His dad had learned about Eskild finding him crushed and depressed, and told his mom about it. They had urged him to go and seek help, to see someone about his problems before things could get worse. He vented to Eskild shortly after, saying how crazy his parents were for thinking that he needed a therapist, but instead of taking his side, Eskild found it a great idea and only pushed it onto Isak further. Eventually, he had no choice but to set up an appointment with one of the local therapists, and he hated it as much as he expected to. He only stopped going a short while ago.

“Oh?” Mrs. Adamsen quirked an eyebrow, and Isak nodded, looking away. She was one of the first people he had told this to, but he trusted her not to abuse this information. “If that’s the case, then I completely understand. But…when you say that things happened to you, are you referring to the rumors stemming from one of your classmates?”

Isak’s eyes widened, taking a step back. “H-how do you know about that?” He asked, scared of her reply.

Her doe eyes crinkled as she smiled. “I had known about this since it happened, but I wasn’t too sure if that was the direct cause of the problem. My students talk in my other periods, and for weeks, you were the topic of conversation. I heard some rude and vulgar comments coming from some them, but it was difficult to tell if you knew about these rumors, until a while after. I asked once why they were saying these things about you, and they said that they heard it from your boyfriend, a kid named Even. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m sure that he’s in my fourth hour and he is one of the sweetest kids I have ever had. How could he ever say something so mean about you?”

Swallowing thickly, Isak braced himself to hear what twisted version she had heard. “What did he say about me?”

Mrs. Adamsen appeared extremely uncomfortable about saying it out loud, but who wouldn’t be? The reckless and carefree kids maybe, but anyone with integrity and sound mind would definitely have a hard time saying the rumors out loud.

“He said…something about you giving him a…STI? I don’t know if it was true, but I know that he was absent for a while after I heard about it. Other things were said but I rather not get into it.” Mrs. Adamsen looked away as her cheeks turned red, obviously flustered. She was pretty new and young, in her 20s, so it wasn’t surprising that she was embarrassed telling one of her students about an STI.

Isak had heard that rumor before, said by many different people with many different variants. The mean rumors like that one came after the rumors of pity. When Even realized that Isak wasn’t severely affected, he amped up the gossip and said things about AIDS and weird fetishes that Isak had never even heard of. Things spiraled of control and Isak couldn’t handle the teasing and mockery anymore. He never remembered feeling so sad before.

“Oh,” he said dejectedly, although he was expecting a rumor as bad as that. “Well, it’s not true and I don’t know why he disappeared.” He would have to ask Chris about that.

“I know that these rumors haven’t been diffused, but do you still talk to Even or did he at least apologize?”

Isak nodded. “Yea, he did. I forgave him and we’re dating again. And before you say anything about it not being a good idea because it can happen again, I think he deserves a second chance because he didn’t mean to spread any rumors about me.” The blonde wasn’t sure why he was opening up to Mrs. Adamsen, out of everyone he could’ve talked to about this, but he liked talking to her. For a reason unknown to him, he found it kind of easy to talk to her.

She tilted her head in confusion. “What do you mean by that?”

“Even has bipolar depression, so when he went and spread all those rumors about me, it was because he was manic.” Isak glanced at the time, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw the time; it was 15 minutes since school finished. His friends were probably looking for him all over the place, until he suddenly remembered that he kind of had a fight with his only friends.

“I have to go Mrs. Adamsen, but thanks for the talk. Just let me know about anything else I can do for extra credit.” 

Mrs. Adamsen waved with a smile on her face, and Isak dashed out of the classroom, checking his phone. His phone was full of texts from Even along with a few missed calls, asking where he was and why he wasn’t answering. Isak forgot that he had put his phone on silent during class, and immediately responded that he was on his way to the parking lot, hoping that he wasn’t too late.

In his mission to get to the parking lot, he was hardly aware of the people who were in front of him, and ran right into the last person he wanted to see right now. Him and Jonas both fell to the ground, and Isak groaned as he rubbed his head, eyes trained on Jonas and waiting for his reaction.

Jonas stood and dusted himself off, but then outstretched a hand to the blonde on the floor. Taken by surprise, it took a moment for Isak to process this, but he grabbed his hand and was heaved up.

“Thanks,” he murmured, looking away from Jonas as he dusted himself off. Jonas only stared at him, looking him up and down until his eyes were staring into Isak’s.

“Are you okay?” He asked, standing with his hands in his pockets. Isak nodded, still refusing to look at him. Wasn’t Jonas mad at him? Why was he helping him up?

As if reading his mind, Jonas sighed and said, “I’m sorry, man. For what I said yesterday. I was just upset that you weren’t listening to me, but I guessed that’s not an excuse.”

Isak stood still, words trapped in his throat. He wasn’t expecting this. He just thought that Jonas would walk away, leaving him alone like he did yesterday, but maybe he wasn’t giving Jonas enough credit.

Jonas smiled weakly. “How are you and Even?”

Nodding again, Isak returned the smile. “He’s good. We’re good. He walked with me to class this morning, and he talked to Chris.”

“That’s nice. Well, I think he’s waiting for you over there, so I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yea, okay.” Isak turned and saw Even almost immediately, on his phone and texting away. He should probably get going; Even look about ready to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave any thoughts and errors in the comments!


	8. Eva's Party: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris and Isak go shopping, and Isak has a little too much fun at Eva's birthday party.

Even saw him immediately and smiled, putting his phone away as Isak approached. He wasted no time in pulling Isak in for a kiss, which caught Isak by surprise, but he shrugged it off as he kissed back. When Even pulled away, he tilted his head. “Where were you? I was waiting for you for the longest.”

Chuckling, Isak shook his head. “It’s only been about 20 minutes. Besides, you don’t have to drive me. I can just walk home. It’s not that bad and I guess I could use the exercise.”

“Isak. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I had you walk home if I was capable of driving you?”

The playful smirk that Even had mastered so beautifully never failed to win Isak over, so Isak rolled his eyes and went to the passenger’s side of the car, waiting for Even to unlock the car so they could leave.

During the drive, Isak quickly noticed that Even wasn’t driving to his apartment. He turned to Even as he passed the street his apartment was on, but Even had no reaction. “Where are we going?” Isak asked, slightly panicking. He needed to do his homework and needed to sleep.

“We’re going to my place, of course. Don’t you want to spend the rest of the day with me?” They stopped at a light, and Even pouted his lips at Isak, rendering the other somewhat helpless.

“Y-yea, of course I do. It’s just that I have a lot of homework and Eskild probably needs help around the apartment and I’m tired and –”

“We can do homework together, Eskild has Linn, and you can sleep in my bed. Doesn’t that sound lovely to you?”

Thinking about it, it didn’t sound too bad. “Okay, that sounds good. Are you going to cook for me or are we going to get takeout?”

Even groaned loudly but Isak knew he was joking. “Fine, I’ll cook, but you’re going to set the table, got it?”

The drove the rest of the way down to Even’s place, jamming out to music and talking about the songs that they played. Isak liked some of the music that they played, although he was mostly into the rap songs that they occasionally played. Even didn’t like most of them, his rather classical taste in music not pleased by the songs that were popular now.

The arrived and Isak immediately got to the kitchen table, setting his things down and taking out his notebooks. He could feel Even’s eyes on him, curious as to why he was so interested in his work rather than spending time with him. He probably was thinking that Isak would drop everything just to talk or cuddle with him, and he probably would, but right now, graduating was his priority.

_It was him who got you into this mess in the first place._

Isak didn’t want to think about the things that Even did to him right now. It wasn’t like he was going to do it again. He decided to work on his math first, pulling out a calculator and pencil and opening his textbook to the required page.

“Look at you, working so hard.” Even mused, finally putting his own things down and walking towards the kitchen. “What do you want to eat? Anything in mind?”

The first problem on the page was simple – they always started out that way. He had to find the logarithm of one of the numbers, then add something to it. He had been paying attention in class today long enough to figure out what he needed to do.

“Isak…” Even drawled out, continuing to watch him. Isak wasn’t deliberately ignoring him, he just needed silence for one more second.

“Hold on,” Isak said softly, writing down his final answer. He assumed it was right and traced back his steps to verify. Looked about right. Looking up, he smiled. “What did you need?”

Even didn’t smile, nor did he frown, although his eyes conveyed the slightest bit of disappointment. He walked to the pantry and opened one of the doors, looking inside. “I asked what you wanted to eat.”

“Oh,” he replied, not actually believing that Even was going to cook for him. “Anything is fine, really. Thanks.” With that, he delved right back into his work. He could hear Even shuffling around, grabbing a pot and putting water into it.

“I’ll make instant macaroni. Is that okay?”

Isak was already on the second problem. It was going to take him all day at this rate, but if he got all the answers right, it would definitely boost his grade up. He had to be careful about this, to check every problem and make sure that he got them correct. His teacher was going to be so proud when she looked at all the right answers.

“Isak,” Even called again once the pot was on the stove. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

This caused Isak to look up, facing the looking of slight hurt of Even’s face. He instantly felt guilty for not answering and smiled apologetically. “Sorry. I just really have to get this done. It’s going to take me forever if I don’t start it now.”

“Then what’s the point of you coming over if you’re just going to be ignoring me the whole time?” Even pouted, closing the pantry door. The question caught Isak off-guard, causing him to put his pencil down.

“But you said that I could do my homework here.”

Sounding exasperated, Even sighed loudly. “Yes, but I said that we could do it together. We just got here and you’re already working on it without me.”

“We don’t even have the same math classes.”

“That’s not the point, Isak.” Even said and walked over to the table. He had Isak full attention now, although Isak was completely confused. “I wanted to spend time with you, not just have you ignore me. We still need to catch up and talk about what happened.”

Isak paused for a second, narrowing his eyes. “I didn’t come to talk about what happened. Yea, I did come to spend time with you and talk with you and hang out with you, but I didn’t come to discuss what happened.” He grabbed his pencil and went back to writing, ending the conversation.

Even, however, begged to differ. “Why not? We both need some closure and we can’t just _not_ talk about it.”

“You had a manic episode, went ahead and spread shit about me. What else is there to talk about?”

“It’s not as simple as that. It’s _never_ as simple as that.” He walked away upon hearing the water boiling, pouring some macaroni into the pot. “Whatever, it’s fine. Just keep working.”

Guilt continued to eat at Isak as he watched Even stir the macaroni in the pot, glowering. Isak tried to continue what he was doing, but his conscience won over and he stood, walking over to Even in the kitchen and giving him a hug from behind. He dug his head into the taller man’s back, catching him by surprise.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured into the soft cotton of Even’s shirt. He inhaled the smell and treasured it, not actually taking time to smell it since they got back, even if it had only been a few days. Isak knew why things were already tensed and why things were going so fast; they were just picking up from where they left off weeks ago, and Isak was just fine with that, although he couldn’t understand Even’s sudden desire to have such a deep conversation. He had shrugged him off about it only yesterday.

_Shh. Don’t get all worked up, Isak. I know I hurt you really badly…_

He was pouring his heart out to Even, only to be cut off. Why was it such a priority now?

“It’s fine,” Even muttered, but turned to face Isak completely, and gave him a hug. Isak smiled as Even faced his macaroni, his arm still draped around Isak’s shoulders. Isak had no choice but to lean in and watch as Even continued to stir the macaroni.

“But why do you want to talk about it? I mean, can’t we just have a little bit more time before we go back into that again? I like it when we don’t have to worry about the past things. We can just live in the moment, right?”

Even nodded, staring absentmindedly into the pot. Even clearly wasn’t living in the moment, but Isak didn’t have a problem with that. There was a whole other side to the rumors that he had yet to hear, but he wanted to hear Chris’s version first. He could tell Isak the things that Even wouldn’t be able to say himself, although he should probably tell Even that he was going to be hanging out with Chris.

“Hey, Chris and I are going shopping on Saturday to help him choose a gift for Eva’s birthday, so I don’t think we’ll be able to hang out.”

Finally, a smile stretched across Even’s features, and he looked at Isak, slowly taking his arm away and picking up the pot. “Really? So he really is interested in her, isn’t he?” He walked to the sink, pouring out the hot water.

Isak’s jaw dropped and he breathlessly laughed, his eyes wide. “You knew, too? I knew that it couldn’t have just been me.”

“It’s so obvious. He’s constantly talking about her when I’m trying to talk to him, and whenever she would walk into the room or something, he would look at her or keep sneaking glances at her. I wonder how your friend Jonas would feel about that. They’re still dating, right?”

Nodding, Isak began to set the table. “I feel like I should tell him about them. I saw her and Chris both at her party last week kissing on the stairs, and it’s been killing me. Jonas has the right to know. It’s not right and they both know that it’s not. I want to tell him, but I don’t want to be the reason why they break up.”

Even grabbed the milk from the fridge and poured it into the instant macaroni, then getting the powered cheese and putting it into the mix. “Give a tip. Not to Jonas, but to Chris’s girlfriend. She’ll find out about Chris and Eva, she’ll see Chris for the real fuckboy that he is, and then they’ll break up, leaving both Jonas and Eva alone.”

That could work. He could anonymously tip Iben about the kiss Eva and Chris shared without anyone ever knowing that it was him, and then she would find out and leave Chris, the whole process being effortless and painless. No one would have to know about the kiss beside the few of them, and Jonas’s relationship with Eva would be protected. It was a win-win. Almost.

“Ok, that could work. I’ll text her through Facebook later.” He placed the placemats down, and then went for the plates.

“Do it now. She could respond while we eat, then we could figure out what to do next. Turn on your phone. I’ll help you.”

Isak hesitated, but quickly recovered as he pulled out his phone. “We need to make an anonymous account first so she doesn’t know that it wasn’t us.” That shouldn’t take too long, and Isak sat down at the table, swiftly making the account. He came up with the fake name: Jacob Hansen. No additional personal information, because he didn’t need to waste time on the unimportant details. Although he did add a picture of a random guy that Isak believed that Iben would find attractive.

It didn’t take long to find Iben’s account, and he added her without trepidation. He sighed and put his phone down, looking to Even. “I did it,” he said and placed his hands on the table. “Let’s eat.”

They sat together, eating the macaroni and talking about their classes and such. Even asked if Isak has a plan to graduate, and Isak smiled, glad that the question was asked. He explained how he was just going to work harder and ask his teachers for extra credit, and hopefully, after everything is over and done, he had enough credits required to graduate. It had always been his dream to go to a college somewhere in the United States, to study abroad at Massa University.

“Wait, you’re going to leave Norway?” Even exclaimed, nearly spitting out his food. “You’re just going to leave everyone behind? Are you even going to take a gap year?”

Isak shook his head. “I want to waste as little time as possible to do what I want to do. I want to be a lawyer, and they have a good law program there. Wouldn’t that be cool? If I were a lawyer?”

“Yea, but you’re traveling thousands of miles away from all of us, away from me. Why can’t you just go to a college in Oslo?”

“Oslo doesn’t have good law schools.”

“But Isak, with the grades you have now, wouldn’t it be basically impossible to get into a law school like that? And how are you going to afford it?”

“I might have bad grades but it doesn’t mean I’m stupid, and I’ll take a loan and ask my parents for some money.”

“I wasn’t calling you stupid, I just think that law might be a little too advanced for you. It’s a difficult subject and it really requires you to be on top of things.”

“I can be on top of things!” Isak inadvertently raised his voice, but suddenly feeling childish, he cleared his throat and sat up straighter to match Even.

_Your grades were fine until he decided to ruin things for you._

Even smiled sympathetically. “Isak, love. I’m not calling you dumb or stupid or trying to belittle you. I’m just trying to look out for you. I’ve seen a lot of my friends and close ones chase after a job or dream they’ve had, and it never ended well for them. Now they’re stuck in debt and working these awful jobs. I really don’t want that to be you, Isak. I love you too much to see you suffer like that.”

Isak didn’t respond, playing with his partially eaten macaroni. He still had most of the plate left, but he had lost his appetite now. The fact that Even had used the word “love” as a name for him unnerved him – it wasn’t something he did unless he really wanted to persuade Isak.

“I’m not going to force you to take my advice. It’s what you want Isak. Just know that whatever you choose, I support you all the way.” He outstretched a hand across the table, waiting for Isak to hold onto it. Isak didn’t want to, but he knew that Even was right. He was being too ambitious. Besides, what was he going to do if things didn’t go according to plan? In life, things almost never went according to plan, he was smart enough to know that. He was going to get some curve balls, and there wasn’t anything he could do to avoid that.

“Thanks for looking out for me,” Isak started out, hating himself for sounding more ungrateful. Even had wisdom, something that Isak had yet to gain. Here Even was giving him advice, and Isak was setting himself up for failure by not listening. It was time that he listened when someone told him something.

“Anything for you.” Even got up and walked around, wrapping his arms around the seated boy and pecking him on the cheek. “You hardly ate your food.” He pointed out once he separated from the embrace.

“I’m not really hungry, but it was really good.” Isak smiled at the other, and his phone chimed. Pulling it out of his pocket, he saw that Iben had accepted his request. Even read the notification and whooped.

“See? Now we can write the message,” Even said proudly, picking up his own plate and finishing off the macaroni. “Do you have an idea of what you’re going to say?” He said with his mouth full.

Determined, Isak nodded. He went to Iben’s direct messaging page and started typing.

_There’s something that you need to know. Your boyfriend Christoffer was hooking up with Eva at the party, I saw it myself. You should do something about it before it gets out of hand._

He pressed send and closed his phone, finally at peace that he sent the message. It felt as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders, that he no longer had to harbor that secret anymore. Even could sense the relief and hugged Isak once again, burying his lips in Isak’s soft hair. “You did the right thing, Isak. I’m so proud of you.”

 

Chris wasn’t lying when he said that he was going to be at Isak’s place at one. He pulled his expensive car in front of Isak’s run-down apartment, sticking out of place like a sore thumb. He brought along his phone and wallet, getting into the passenger’s seat of the sports car.

They rode to the mall, rap music playing softly on the car radio. Isak enjoyed Chris’s tastes – he and Jonas were listening to these kinds of songs all the time. He knew the lyrics to almost every song that the radio station played next. Chris took notice to Isak mouthing the words and grinned, turning up the radio a little louder.

“Where were you yesterday? We had a party and some girl named Vilde was looking for you?”

Isak had completely forgotten about that, but Chris was right. Vilde had asked if he was going when they bumped into each other in the hallway. He completely forgot about it until now. “I was doing homework. I got assigned a lot of things, especially since finals are weeks away.”

Chris nodded, but didn’t take his eyes off the road. “That sucks. You should’ve came. It looks like you haven’t had any fun in a while.”

Arriving at the mall, they hopped out of the car and walked into the jewelry store. Chris instantly started looking around as Isak stood awkwardly to the side. He knew that he couldn’t afford any of the things that Chris was looking at. He was probably better off just getting Eva a comfortable varsity jacket.

Within seconds, Chris came back to him, holding three different necklaces in his hand. “Which one should I get her? I like this one.” He pointed to one with a heart-shaped key on it, the heart component of the key opening like a locket. Isak could feel his heart pace quicken.

“Uh, don’t you think that sends the wrong message? I mean if you guys are best friends, that could show that you want to be more than friends.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Best friends are allowed to give each other heart-shaped necklaces, Isak. Get over yourself.”

Glaring, Isak held it in his hand. It was cute, and something Eva definitely would love. He wanted her to get that necklace, but he didn’t want it to be Chris giving it to her. It needed to be Jonas, but it didn’t seem like Chris was about to put it back.

“Judging by how you’re looking at it, I guess that she would like this. I’m going to buy it.” He walked away, going to the register and pulling out his wallet.

Isak sighed. So much for trying to stop Chris from buying it. Hopefully, Jonas could find something to give her that was better than a heart-shaped key necklace.

When Chris came back with a bag in his hand, he had a huge grin on his face. Isak crossed his arms as they walked out of the store. “You still have to tell me about what happened to Even when I was missing out. Fill in the blanks.”

Chris nodded, but his short attention span caused his eyes to wander and land on a pretzel stand that was not too far away. His eyes lit up as he exclaimed like a child, “Pretzels! Can we get some first? I’m starving, aren’t you?” With a sly smirk on his face, he walked towards the stand, not waiting for an answer.

Exasperated, Isak groaned and followed, the smell of pretzels enough to make his stomach churn. The amount of grease that they put on their pretzels was disgusting – he didn’t know how Chris could eat that without getting incredibly sick.

They sat at a table that was near the stand and Isak watched as Chris ate and scrolled through his phone. Unable to wait any longer, Isak snatched the phone away from Chris and glared. “Look, we did what you wanted to do, now you need to talk to me. What happened to Even?”

Chris finished chewing what was in his mouth and exhaled, grabbing his phone back. “Okay…I told you already. He became depressed and couldn’t go to school. Sonja stayed with him through most of it, but he told me that he hated what he did to you, even if he was mad at you.” He tilted his head in questioning, going for another bite of his pretzel. “That reminds me, he did tell me that he was pissed at you, which was why he went and told everyone about your shit fetish. What exactly did you do to him?”

Isak looked away as his cheeks turned an ugly shade of red. “I don’t have a shit fetish,” he said softly, hating that Chris still believed that rumor. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, everyone basically believed anything Even said. He just had that effect on people.

“No! I didn’t think you had one, I know now that it’s not true, but I’m just saying. He seemed hurt by whatever you did though.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Come on. I’m telling you all these things, and you won’t tell me anything?”

“You told me that he was depressed already. I’m not telling you anything unless you actually tell me something I don’t know. Besides, what happened between me and Even is our business only.”

Shoving the rest of the pretzel into his mouth, Chris threw the rest of the bag away. “That sucks. I guess whatever happened between me and Even is a secret too, then…”

Isak bit his lip, really not wanting to tell anyone what he did to Even. He wasn’t proud of it, but at the same time, it wasn’t like he did anything majorly bad. He just said something he shouldn’t have, and judging from what happened, it had a lasting impact of Even. Neither of them liked to talk about it though, it was as if Even had forgiven him without actually saying the words, and for that, Isak was grateful.

“I…” Isak said slowly, not finding the strength to convince Chris to say anything. He wasn’t going to crack anyway. Maybe it was for the best that Isak didn’t know – both Even and Chris were probably as equally curious about what happened to Isak when he was off doing his own thing. When he was off having meltdowns left and right, the look of his classmates and friends when they saw him anywhere, how perturbed they were when they heard the words uttered from Even’s lying mouth. He tried not to let the negative thoughts into his mind, but sometimes, it felt impossible. They always found a way to sneak through the barrier that he had rebuilt, but one day, he knew the barrier was going to crumble into pieces, leaving him to have more meltdowns.

The look Even had given him after Isak had his outburst popped into his mind. When he left Even’s place, he was almost sure that Even was going to do something to himself that he was bound to regret. From the time they had dated, Even never really hinted towards suicide, but in his precarious mental state, wasn’t anything possible? How damn careless could he be? Isak knew exactly how to hit it where it hurt the most, but even still, he let his anger get the best of him, and it was something Isak wish he knew how to control. If he had pushed Even any further than he did that night, if Even was in a depressive episode and Isak didn’t know, he probably wouldn’t be here, and Isak didn’t know what he would do with himself if Even were to kill himself because of the stupid things Isak said –

“Whoa, Isak? Are you okay?” Chris was instantly at his side, but his voice was muffled in Isak’s ears. He needed to breathe, but the air wasn’t reaching his lungs. It hardly occurred to him that he was hunched over the table, gasping loudly while his head was swimming. Chris tried putting a hand on his back, but Isak flinched away, the touch burning instead of helping. If he didn’t leave, he was going to suffocate to death.

He quickly stood and shoved past Chris, fingers and arms tingling as he made his way to the door. It was straight ahead, but as he was getting closer, it felt as if the exit was stretching away from him. He started running and he soon caught up, flinging the door open and inhaling a large amount of air and putting his hands to his head, making sure he was getting as much air as he possibly could. When he felt his head clearing and sounds becoming richer, he lifted his head and acknowledged Chris’s presence beside him. The worry on his face was unmistakable, and Isak felt incredibly guilty for scaring him like that.

“What happened back there, Isak? You freaked out on me.” Chris was standing an appropriate distance from Isak, allowing him to take his time and sort out happened himself. That lightheaded feeling was all too familiar.

“I’m sorry,” Isak said, panting faintly as he pushed his hair back from his slightly sweaty face. “I’m sorry, that hasn’t happened in a while, it really hasn’t.”

“But what was it? And don’t tell me that it wasn’t anything because that clearly did not seem like nothing.”

“I think it was a panic attack, but I’m not sure. I hadn’t had one in such a long time.” And you were doing so well, too…

“Did you use to have them after you and Even broke up?”

Tentatively, Isak nodded. “I hate them. It didn’t have anything with what you said, I swear, but I don’t know why I had one now.”

Chris shrugged, and motioned for them to take a seat on the bench near the entrance. “Well, what were you thinking about? I was calling out to you but you weren’t answering. Next thing I know, you’re doubling over.”

Taking a shuddering breath, Isak decided to tell him. Chris looked trustworthy, despite trying to get with his best friend’s girl. “I was wondering when Even and I fought…I thought that if I kept yelling at him and saying all that shit to his face, if he would’ve…committed suicide because of it.” He looked down and twiddled with his fingers, refusing to look up or meet Chris’s wide eyes. “I know he was close once, but I don’t know, I could tell that he was really hurt by it. I’m not sure what happened after, though. Did he tell you?”

“No, um, I think he called Sonja at the time. I never really bothered to ask myself because it seemed a little personal. You would probably have to talk to him about it yourself to get the best answer.”

“Why would he call Sonja if he’s always disregarding the important things she tells him?”

Chris cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well Sonja told him that he shouldn’t be smoking weed because he can’t handle it, and when I used that against him one time, he said ‘fuck her’. I guess that kind of confuses me.”

“Hm.” Chris said. “Me too.”

They didn’t speak, enjoying the chilly air. They watched as cars passed by and people talked with bags full in their hands, talking and laughing. Isak wanted to talk and laugh with Chris, but the mood between them was too tense at the moment.

“Do you think Even still likes Sonja?” Isak blurted, unable to help himself. Although it seemed clear that Even didn’t like Sonja in the way that Isak liked him, he still got the sinking feeling. Maybe he didn’t know Chris that well when he called, but it still irked Isak – he never really liked Sonja for the time she said that Even didn’t really love him. She had apologized, but that didn’t mean that the thought still didn’t cross Isak’s mind.

Thankfully, Chris shook his head. “Sonja may still be Even’s best friend, but I don’t think he has any feelings for her like you would think.”

Isak nodded and looked off to the side, facing away from Chris, making sure that the other couldn’t see the smile on his face.

 

Isak was smart enough to know that school was a dangerous place. The past two weeks have been a testament to that with everything that happened, as things were slowly unraveling not for him, but for Eva. The tip that he and Even had sent to Iben got her angry, and instead of taking it out on Chris like she was supposed to, she went and punched Eva for it, initiating a fight in the middle of the schoolyard. They got pulled away from each other, but now rumors about Eva were being started about her and Chris. Isak could only imagine how Eva felt about the gossip.

Chris seemed to be handling it well, which was fine for someone as naturally conceited as he was. Sure, he wasn’t that bad once you got to know him, but Isak found it kind of dumb that Iben didn’t go and talk to Chris about it first and let him get off scotch free. He was still trying to talk to Eva though, being supportive as he could and telling her not to worry about Iben.

Of course, the rumors reached Jonas and when he learned the truth, they broke up. It wasn’t at all how Isak planned for it to go, but when Isak tried to coax information about the breakup from Jonas, he always changed the subject. Eventually, they let it go, and Isak was left with the guilt and anxiety eating at him with a renewed vigor. When he tried explaining how he felt about the situation with Even, he only tossed the issue aside like it didn’t matter.

_“You’re worrying about it too much. This was bound to happen, and there’s no one to blame but Chris and Eva. This never would’ve happened if they didn’t kiss, so there’s no reason for you to feel bad about it.” Even put the dishes into the dishwasher, continuing to wash them._

_“But if I didn’t see them and send the tip to Iben, this would’ve never happened. I wanted Chris to back off, not for Jonas and Eva to break up.”_

_Even only shrugged. “What were you expecting? It wasn’t going to end well for one of them, and it so happened that it was Eva. It’ll be fine, Isak. Just let Eva be with Chris. I’m sure Jonas will find someone else to love.” He put the rest of the dishes away and took off his gloves. “Let’s go watch some TV, my favorite show is on.”_

Jonas and Eva were still friends, though, to a point where it seemed a bit unsettling. When they were all hanging out together, Eva and Jonas would talk about the people they were seeing and the rather intimate text messages that they were receiving. As long as they were happy, Isak could care less what they were talking about.

On another note, Isak was finally getting his grades up again. After several class assignments, multiple tests, and thoughts about dropping out completely, Isak was beginning to see himself with some higher marks, now above the below average grades that he had earlier. His teachers were no stranger to his improvement – they would sneak smiles at him and give him pats on the back, telling him things like “good job” and “I really appreciate the effort”.

Even was proud of the improvement, but then again, who wouldn’t be? They would go to his house and celebrate with some drinks, forcing Isak to stay overnight, much to everyone’s worry. However, they were noticing that Even was back to his normal self, so maybe he had changed. He wasn’t going to hurt Isak again, and that was exactly what Isak wanted them to think.

Eskild sat down with him about rent, and Isak explained what happened with his dad. It looked like he wasn’t going to be borrowing money for a while, and Isak had no other means of getting money.

_Eskild had only smiled at him. “I have a friend who can set you up with a job as a waiter at that upscale restaurant a few blocks from here. Would you want to do that? It pays pretty well and if you’re nice, the tips can be huge.”_

_Enthusiastically, Isak nodded, and gave Eskild a big hug. “That’s perfect! When can I start?”_

_“Any time you’re ready. I’ll give them your number, just give them a call.”_

His interview was days away, and Isak could hardly contain his excitement. He was finally going to have the money to do his own things and pay the rent. Eskild and Linn wouldn’t think he was a freeloader, and he could feel accomplished in doing a job well done. He knew that it had only been a few weeks, but he was just so happy that things were finally turning up for him.

Eva’s birthday was today and with the little money he had left, Isak was true to himself and bought a varsity jacket just for her. It looked about her size, and her favorite colors were the main scheme of the clothing article. He put it in a nice bag and waited for Even to finish getting himself ready. He had been in the bathroom for about 30 minutes now, and if he didn’t get out soon, they were both going to be late. Losing his patience, Isak went to the bathroom door and banged on it. “Even! What’s taking so damn long?” Outside, the sun was setting and Isak already knew that Eva’s place was going to be filling up.

“Coming, coming,” Even replied wryly, and seconds later, he unlocked the door and turned off the lights, wearing a shirt with a jacket over it. “Are you ready?” He asked, his eyes wandering to the bag.

Isak nodded and he headed to the door, Even close behind. The taller man kept his eyes trained on the bag, and when they exited the door, he finally asked, “I almost forgot to ask, what did you even get Eva?”

Peeking into the bag, Isak smiled to himself, proud of his choice. “A varsity jacket. I thought she might like and stop wearing that same jacket she always wears to school.”

“Ha,” Even said and got into the car. “That’s funny. Do you think you could put my name on that gift, too? I didn’t have time to get her a gift. I’ve been so busy this week.”

Hesitating, Isak got into the other side. “Oh. I don’t know, I kind of spent a lot of my money on this.”

“I’m not saying that you didn’t buy it, I’m just asking if you could put my name on it. Please?” Even pouted and showed off his cutest puppy eyes, leaving Isak weak at the knees. Thank goodness he was sitting down.

“Fine, whatever.” He pulled a pen from the glove compartment and scribbled Even’s name on the tag along with his own. Even grinned and thanked him, pulling out of the driveway.

They arrived at Eva’s place in no time, but the party had started a while ago. They got out and knocked at the door, to which Vilde enthusiastically opened. “You came!” She shouted at both of them, leaning in to give them each a hug. “How are you guys?” She asked as she stepped aside, letting the two inside.

“We’re good, how are you?” Even asked, his voice cool and calm. Isak looked around for Eva and Jonas, wondering if Mahdi and Magnus were invited, too. Probably hanging out in the bathroom… _again._

“I’m good. Isak, I just had one question…” Vilde started and walked in front of the shorter boy, giving him a smile. Isak wasn’t really in the mood to talk to her, as he already had an idea what the conversation was going to be about.

“I was wondering if you started on your _russ_ bus already, because graduation is getting closer, and it seems like you don’t even have a sponsor or a bus yet. You know if you’re not on a bus or don’t have your bus ready in time, you can always join ours or Chris’s. He said that he would be cool if you were on the Penetrator bus. Eva’s trying to sleep her way to the bus by using Chris. I think it’s going to work.” She giggled, and Isak had to refrain from rolling his eyes.

“I’ll probably go on his bus. I think Jonas is going with them, too.” He pushed past the shorter blonde, not understand her obsession with _russ_. Sure, it was going to be fun, but it wasn’t the most important to Isak right now. The only things that really matter to him were his grades and Even.

Eva spotted him from the back, and immediately her eyes lit up. She stood from the seat she was sitting on and made her way to Isak, full of joy. “Isak!” She twisted Isak in her arms, her head buried in his chest. When she let go, her focus shifted to Even. “Hey!” She said and gave him a less enthusiastic hug.

“Happy birthday!” They both said, now ambushing her with a hug instead. She squealed and laughed, saying thank you over and over again.

“You can put that gift over there on that table. When you’re done, come to the living room. Everyone else is waiting for you.”

Isak did as told and was met with everyone he knew, seeing Jonas and locking eyes with him. They had become friends again, forgetting about the little fight they had at Isak’s apartment. The raven-haired boy smiled at him, walking over and doing their usual bro hug.

“What’s up, man?” He asked, smacking him on the back. Isak chuckled, his eyes shifting to Even for a second. He looked a bit uncomfortable, standing off to the side a bit, but he heard Chris go over to him and say hi, putting him at ease.

“Nothing really, just the usual.” He looked around the dark room, feeling the bass pump through his body. People he knew and didn’t know were dancing away and drinking, the norm for a party these days. Isak couldn’t wait to get his hands on a drink himself, but he knew he would have to wait a little.

As the conversation with Jonas died down some, Isak looked at Chris, who happened to be looking at him. He nodded to him in acknowledgement, and Isak smiled at this. Things between them were different, different from the time that they were in the bathroom together with Isak’s bloody nose. Chris was the only person who has seen him have a panic attack besides Eskild, so that could be a reason to explain the sudden change of attitude towards each other. Even still didn’t know about what happened, so it was normal for him to be curious to see Chris acting nicer to Isak.

“What are you guys waiting for? Go have some fun!” She smiled and gestured to the party unfolding before them. Isak smiled, ready to party and let loose for once. Last time he was at a party, he stressed over something that seems so little now, and ending up spending the rest of the party asleep in the guest room. It wasn’t going to be like that this time. He could actually have _fun_ tonight.

This realization hit him and he didn’t want to stand around any longer. He grabbed onto Even’s arm, tugging him in the direction of the drinks. “Come on, let’s get something to drink.” He told the taller man, who laughed at how excited Isak suddenly was.

“Hm. I wonder who’s going to drive you home then?”

“Ugh, I forgot,” Isak said as he dropped Even’s arm. “Well, I’m going to go drink anyway. I’ll be back.” Without waiting, he went to the kitchen where there was a cooler and a large keg inside the sink. Isak knew that the keg wasn’t going to be there for long – someone was going to have the great idea to try and chug as much as they could, and Isak knew that Eva was going to be joining. Hell, maybe he could join along with her.

He stuck his hand inside the cooler and took a bottle for himself. The coldness of the bottle shot a jolt of energy through him. He was going to drink for the first time in a long time, just let go of his responsibilities and get drunk. Isak couldn’t understand why he was so excited about doing something that was considered normal to all his friends, but the fact that he finally had the ability to forget and be free for a few hours sounded amazing.

Opening the bottle, he wasted no time taking a few swigs, but instantly removed the bottle from his lips as he felt a burning sensation in his throat. He forgot how much beer could burn some when you drink it, but that was a minor inconvenience to the bigger picture. He took a few more swigs and joined Even at the heart of the party.

His boyfriend was already having fun without him, dancing with some random girl at their school. No…Isak knew who that was. It was Emma, a smart and shy girl that Isak saw in one of his classes. With her pixie cut gracing her head and that genuine smile showing her pearly whites, she certainly was eye candy for some. She “dated” Isak before he realized his interest in Even, and dumped her shortly after that. She was naturally heartbroken and angry at that, but Isak didn’t really care then. Although she and Isak used to get very friendly with each other, after the rumors, she would avoid eye contact with Isak completely, just like many other people he was friends and acquaintances with. She was the one who helped verify them as a form of revenge, saying that the things Even said were very true and telling wild but false stories. Isak took another swig of his drink. He didn’t come here to reflect on that.

Even saw him out of the corner of his eye watching them, and a smile broke out across his face. Isak chuckled, shaking his head. Emma’s eyes followed Even’s and she looked at Isak, her smile faltering. Isak stared at her, not sure what to do, and in the moment of awkwardness, she gave him a sad smile back. Maybe Even was telling her the truth behind the lies he told.

Isak walked away from them, looking for Jonas. He needed to hang out with him again, just him and the guys. It had been a while since they did much together, and Isak was starting to feel left out of his friend group.

Jonas was with Eva, of course, talking to her and laughing at a photo that she was showing him on her phone. Chris said something and she passed the phone over, and he laughed at the picture as well. Jonas looked up and his eyes met Isak's, and he excused himself to walk over to him.

“Where’s Even?” He asked as Isak kept sipping at his drink. He had finished over half of it and was starting to feel the effects, the slight buzz and warmth he felt throughout his body.

“He’s dancing with that Emma girl. You know her, right?”

Jonas nodded, taking a sip of his own drink. “Of course I do. Are you still mad at her?”

Isak shrugged, finishing off his drink. “If I’m not mad at Even anymore, then I probably shouldn’t be mad at her anymore, right?” He looked at Chris and Eva, who were already kissing and groping at each other like their life depended on it. Slightly disgusted by the heavy usage of tongues being shown, Isak muttered, “I’m getting another drink.”

“I’ll come with you,” Jonas said, finishing his own drink.

“I’m surprised that Eva isn’t drunk yet. Normally at this time, she would be drunker than everyone else.”

Jonas laughed. “She said she wanted to be sober enough to open her presents and not ruin them. We’re going to sing happy birthday soon, though – I don’t think she can wait any longer.”

Isak grabbed another bottle and opened it, not responding to Jonas and chugging as much of the drink he possibly could. When he drew it from his lips, he could see the incredulous look on Jonas’s face. “What?” He asked as he drank some more.

Jonas didn’t respond for a second, dumbfounded. “Heh. No, I just didn’t think you could drink so fast.”

Isak laughed a little louder than he wanted to, but he finished the rest of his drink. “I didn’t know either. But last time I was at a party, it kind of was a weird night for me.”

The raven shrugged but nodded, and held out his bottle. “Then why don’t we toast to partying?”

Isak clinked his drink with his and grinned, downing the rest of his drink. This was going to be a fun night.

 

The party was progressing and Isak was way past drunk by the time they sang happy birthday and she opened her presents. He loved how her eyes just lit up at the jacket that he bought for her, but frowned when he remembered that Even forced him to slap his name on the present as well.

Not even a few minutes had passed since she opened her presents and blew out the candles that she had started drinking. She was going to catch up pretty soon with Isak, but right now, he didn’t think anyone could be as drunk as he was right now. His body was tingling pleasantly and he could feel how flushed his cheeks were, but he didn’t care. The feeling was great and he didn’t want it to end.

He was right about the keg not lasting, as it was now outside and they were going to start chugging. Eva was not too far behind, and Isak followed. He had never done this before, it was bound to be fun, right?

He was right about it being fun. Eva and Isak were laughing and hooting while they chugged as much beer as they possibly could. Isak had never felt this alive before – if Eva was doing this all the time, then it was no wonder that she was always so happy and carefree.

After the keg was empty and he and Eva were laughing loudly, on their way inside. Isak’s world was twisting and turning before him and he found it so cool. There was no way he wasn’t doing this again.

“Isak Isak Isak come here I have to tell you something,” Eva giggled as she pulled on Isak’s shirt, leaning in towards his ear. Her cheeks were just as flushed as he was, her eyes glossy and not focusing on his own eyes as she looked at him.

“What?” He asked, smiling as he went into the cooler to have another drink. The container was almost empty, but Eva said that there was always someone who went out to buy more if they were running out.

“You know when Iben punched me because I ‘stole her man’?” She asked, saying the girl’s name bitterly as she grabs a drink for herself. “Well, she punches like a girl. I haven’t seen anyone who punched so softly like that. She didn’t even leave a mark, but did you see what I did to her face? I messed her up!”

They both busted out laughing, holding onto each other for support so that they wouldn’t topple over. Eva was right; the bruises on Iben’s face were prominent against her face whereas Eva hardly had a scratch on her face.

“Awe, you’re so strong,” Isak said, and she bowed clumsily, laughing at the poor attempt. “You’re so much more fun when you’re drunk, Isak. You…This is why we’re best friends. Give me a kiss.” She slurred his name, leaning in to give him a kiss on his warm cheek. Her lips were soft against his skin, and Isak giggled at the feeling.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Even emerging from the living room and into the kitchen where they were, giving Eva a weird look until his eyes shifted up to Isak’s, his face not changing. Isak had hardly seen Even all night! He finally decided to finally come out of hiding and hang out with Isak and Eva.

“Even! Where have you been?” He asked, bringing Eva along with him as he went to stand in front of Even. The tall blonde tried forcing a smile but was unsuccessful. Concern shone through his eyes, but in his stupor, Isak could hardly tell. “Isak, how much have you had to drink?”

“At this point, I think he had more than me!” Eva squealed and they both broke out into fits of giggling. Even bit his lip, looking between them and trying to ask again. “Seriously, Isak. How much did you drink?”

Isak blew out a breath slowly, his hair affected by the sudden gust of air. This was going to be a challenge; he was never good at math and now as impaired as he was, he wasn’t going to be able to give an exact number. “Uh, let’s see. One…two…three…” he counted on his fingers as he thought back to the drinks he had earlier. One when he got to the party, another one when talking to Jonas, another one after that, another one before he started talking to Eva, another one after he had some cake, another one after he found Mahdi and Magnus…

He threw up his hands in resignation, snorting as he did so. “Who knows? I lost count!”

Isak loved the happy feeling that coursed through his veins, unable to stop laughing, like some kind of laughing gas was laced in the air. Eva was just as intoxicated as he was, although she was probably right when she said that he drank more than she did. Even’s eyes flashed with panic as he suddenly grabbed Isak’s arm.

“Can we talk?” He asked, his voice soft but firm. “Please?”

Isak nodded and looked at Eva, giving her a dramatic wave. “See ya soon!” He called out as Even dragged him to Eva’s room.

There were two people in there making out, and Even shooed them away quickly and effortlessly. He locked the door behind him and Isak smirked as the taller man cautiously kept his hand on the knob. “Even, I didn’t know that you were that kind of guy to have sex at a party.” He stifled a chuckle behind his hand as Even looked at him in confusion.

“What? No, Isak, we’re just talking, okay? You obviously drank too much, and I think we should go home now.”

Ignoring his words, Isak walked over to where Even was at the door and leaned against his body, his head looking up curiously and flirtatiously at the other. “But I don’t want to go home. I was having so much fun with Eva.” He leaned in closer and kissed Even gently but sloppily on the lips, smiling as he did so.

Even pulled away for a second, enjoying the kiss but at the same time uncomfortable and worried. “Isak, if you stay here any longer, you’re going to drink more and things are going to get really bad. I don’t want you to pass out here. I’ll take you to my place and you can sleep there. We just have to get out of here.”

"But if we leave, that means I can’t have fun anymore." Isak nearly tripped as he tried to steady himself. “Are you sure you don’t just want to stay here and have a little more fun? I can get you a drink?”

The offer was tempting, but Even knew that he had to be the mature one here. “No Isak, sorry. You really need to go home, and I don’t want things to get worse from here. You’ll thank me tomorrow.”

Isak pouted, hoping to change Even’s mind like the older could easily change his. But when Even shook his head with the slightest bit of hesitation, Isak sighed and slumped against him, suddenly tired and not caring anymore. “Fine, let’s go. But I…can you text Eskild for me and tell him that I’m staying with you?”

Eskild nodded, and helped Isak get into a straight standing position. “Come on, love. Let’s get some rest.”

 

Isak had been in the bathroom throwing up as Even shot a text to Eskild, letting him know Isak would be back home the next morning. Eskild answered without fail, giving the affirmative. While waiting for Isak to finish up (“I don’t need you to watch me puke. Go do something else,” Isak had told him, shooing him away before another round of vomiting occurred), he went and tidied the bed and got some warm and fresh clothes for Isak to put on after he helped him shower. Isak hadn’t slept over in a while, and Even was kind of excited about it, despite Isak being sick and drunk. If today wasn’t Saturday, he didn’t know what he was going to do with him.

The younger boy stepped out of the bathroom, wiping his mouth and sniffing. He took notice of the clothes on the bed and went to change into them, when Even stopped him.

“Here, drink some water first so your hangover won’t be as bad and we can go take a shower.” He handed Isak a water bottle and Isak took it, drinking a few sips and handing it back. He shook his head.

“I’m too tired to take a shower,” Isak muttered, rubbing his eyes.

“Come on, please? I promise you, you’ll feel great in the morning.”

Isak crossed his arms and sighed. “Fine.”

Even grinned. “I’ll help you. Start getting undressed and I’ll get the water ready.”

He walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower water as he heard Isak strip down, knocking into things here and there. The water was at a moderately comfortable setting when Isak walked in, wasting no time getting into the shower. Even took off his clothes as well, stepping in. Wow, he never got tired looking at that body.

As Even rubbed a loofah across Isak’s back, the younger blonde randomly said. “I don’t have any money.”

Tilting his head, Even stopped the motion for a second, but the resumed, moving to other parts of his body. “What do you mean?”

“My dad can’t pay rent for me anymore and I don’t have any other way to get money. But Eskild is getting me a job, and the interview is on Tuesday.”

Acknowledging it, Even nodded. That’s good. I’m glad that you won’t have to ask your dad for money anymore.”

Isak didn’t respond to that, but said, “I wonder how he or my mom would feel if they knew that I was getting shitfaced like this again. Especially mom. She hated it when I snuck out to parties or got drunk.”

Oh no. Even knew that when Isak talked about his parents, he was going to go into a bad mood fast. He opened his mouth to say something, but was instantly cut off by the words that Isak said next.

“I had a panic attack two weeks ago and they wanted me to tell them if I ever had another one of them, but I never did. They would send me back to the therapist. I hated her.”

“Isak, you’re rambling. Just try not to think about anything, okay? Try to relax.”

There was a pause, but Isak said, “Okay,” allowing Even to finish cleaning him in peace.

They got out of the shower and Even dried him off, and handed him the clothes that he had set out earlier. Isak threw them on and got into bed instantly, and falling asleep before Even could finish getting his own clothes on. He smiled at the sight, at how cute Isak was when he was sleeping. But the words from the shower were sinking in deeper into his brain. Isak had a panic attack two weeks ago and hadn’t said anything about it? How many more was he having and not telling Even? What else was he keeping from him?

Even threw the questions aside, not wanting to trouble his mind before he slept. He had to leave his problems for another day – right now, all that mattered was sleeping well enough so he wouldn’t be in an irritated mood in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment and let me know what you think c: thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read my lame fanfics.


	9. Guilty Pleasures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even is slowly starting to pull Isak away from his studies by doing something "more productive".

There was a lead brick inside Isak’s head, or at least, that was what it felt like. He was pinned to the bed, invisible restraints keeping him from leaving. His body was incredibly warm, almost feverish, and he was hit with the pressing knowledge that he really needed to pee.

He opened his eyes but was met by bright sunlight bursting through the window. What time was it? Isak leaned over and felt around for his phone on the nightstand, but when he couldn’t find it, he gave up and groaned, pulling the covers over his head and drifting back into a peaceful sleep.

His sleep was going along so well until Even walked in and noticed the minute shuffling in the bed and called out to him, his voice overly cheerful and bright. It was almost as if Even was trying to make Isak’s headache worse.

“Good morning!” He shouted, pulling the covers away from Isak, to which the other groaned weakly. Even laughed and grabbed Isak’s warm arm, trying to pull him out of bed. “Come on, it’s almost 5 o’clock in the afternoon. I don’t want you to stay in bed all day if you’re going to stay here.”

Reluctantly, Isak got up, rubbing his eyes and taking a moment to recover from his vertigo. “What’s wrong with you? What time did you wake up this morning?”

In a dramatic act of thinking, Even scratched his head and looked towards the clock. “I don’t know the exact time, but it was pretty early. I guess around 7 o’clock or something?”

Isak stood and began making his way to the bathroom. “Don’t you ever sleep? There’s no reason for you to be up at 7 after coming home from a party. You should be sleeping in with me.”

While Isak used the bathroom, Even stood outside the door. “You know if I could, I would sleep in with you. But I can’t, so there’s no reason for me to stay in bed.”

As Isak washed his hands, he avoided Even’s gaze. He completely forgot about Even’s inability to sleep when he was manic. Then he made the realization – if he wasn’t able to sleep again, did that mean he was becoming manic again? What if he did something that was completely out of Isak’s control? He could easily hurt Isak again verbally or maybe even physically this time. He might not have ever done it before, but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t.

“Are you alright?” Even asked, looking at Isak through squinted eyes. Isak didn’t notice that he was gripping the counter, his knuckles as white as the linoleum tiles he stood on. He let go of the counter and looked at Even through the mirror, who was still standing by the door. Even didn’t seem like the kind of person who would physically hurt someone, no matter how angry he was.

Isak swallowed and dried his hands, his headache increasing in its intensity. “I’m fine, can we just eat breakfast or something?” He was about to walk past his boyfriend when he was pulled aside rather abruptly. Isak’s heartbeat quickened as he shakily asked, “What?”

“Are you sure everything’s alright? Last night while we were in the shower, you told me that you had a panic attack. You said that ‘they’ wanted you to tell them when you had one, but who do you mean by ‘them’? Were you talking about your parents? And why did you have a panic attack? Where? What happened?”

Blinking, Isak felt his throat close. He didn’t remember telling Even any of that, but then again, he was drunk. Last night was a haze, but a sort of good feeling ran through him when a vague memory of him having fun came into his mind. But now wasn’t the time to remember how much fun he had – he needed to remember what exactly he told Even last night.

“I…I really said that?” He stuttered, unsure and worried about the other things he must’ve said last night.

“Yes, you did. Don’t tell me you made it up or anything. You know that we can talk about anything that’s bothering you, and if you’re having a panic attack, something clearly is wrong.”

Right now, Isak really didn’t want to talk about it. He just woke up and wanted to sleep. It was understandable for Even to be curious about the nonsense that came out of Isak’s mouth last night, but Isak wasn’t sure if he could deal with it right now. Maybe if he ate something first, it would clear the sudden onset of dizziness he felt.

“We can talk about it over breakfast, okay?” He said and pulled away from Even’s grip, walking to the direction of the kitchen. This morning, he would just have cereal; he wasn’t interested in having anything fancy, and he didn’t think he would be able to hold it down anyway.

“It’s basically dinnertime now, Isak.” Even corrected him as he followed into the kitchen, watching as Isak opened the fridge and pulled out the milk. Isak wasn’t sure why he had slept so long, but since he hardly slept himself when he was at his house, it made sense that his body wanted to catch up on all the hours that he had missed. The only thing was that he was now feeling more sluggish and lethargic than ever.

He poured the cornflakes into the bowl and took it to the table, not waiting for Even to sit down before he started eating. The taller boy hadn’t even gotten anything to eat, and he just stared as Isak slurped his milk and cereal in a sloppy fashion. He could see how exasperated Even was judging by how he sighed loudly when the cereal fell back from Isak’s spoon.

After what had to be an agonizing eternity for Even, Isak got up and washed his dishes in the sink, and was about to return to the bedroom when he saw the way Even was looking at him – pleading with a mix of concern. He clearly wasn’t about to get up from the table, so Isak had no choice but to trudge back to the table. There was no way that he was going to be able to detour from this conversation; they needed to have it at one point.

“Are _you_ going to answer my questions now, Isak?” Even asked while Isak rested his head on the table and sighed.

“Even, I’m really not in the mood to play 20 questions with you right now.”

“I know, but this is kind of important. If you’re having panic attacks, you should be seeing someone about it.”

“Are you seeing someone about your depression? Because I haven’t heard a word about it since I asked you to get some help.”

Even sighed loudly once again as Isak glared. “This isn’t about me right now. I’m truly worried about you. I don’t understand why you don’t want to talk to me about it. I thought we could talk about anything.”

“That was the case before you went and started false shit about me.” Isak felt like a little kid again under the mature gaze of Even, but he didn’t know what else to say or how else to feel. Things were escalating and Isak knew how bad it could get it if he continued his immature behavior, yet he didn’t want to stop.

“I already said sorry for that Isak, and I thought you forgave me for it.”

Isak waved it off before an unwanted thought came into his head. “Forget about it. I don’t want to see someone about it, and I don’t really think there’s anything wrong with that. I mean, I only had one.”

“Was someone there with you?”

_Yea, Chris was there,_ Isak thought as he stared intensely into Even’s eyes. Maybe he should just tell him about Chris witnessing it and freaking out, but there was something holding him back, something preventing him from telling Even. “No. It was just me.”

“Do you know why you had it? Was it because of me or something I did?”

_I was wondering what would happen if you killed yourself,_ Isak thought again, but this time it sent an icy trace down his spine and he shivered, breaking his eye contact with Even. He was not about to say that to Even’s face. What if it triggered him or something? It could very well do that, and Isak didn’t want to risk it. But still feeling a little petty for earlier, he felt that Even deserved to know that at least it was about him in a negative connotation.

“It was about you, but I don’t really want to talk about it.” He said in a rush, sneaking a quick glance at the other blonde. Even wasn’t looking at him either, and was instead looking at a fixed point on the ground as he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. The tension was growing and Isak suddenly felt the guilt hit him, but he still felt right in telling Even that much.

Even suddenly cleared his throat, causing Isak to direct his attention back to him. Even still wasn’t looking at him, rather staring at the window where cars sped below. “Look, I know things changed since the beginning of the year and that things won’t be the same since then, but honestly, I don’t know what else I need to do to make things right again. I get that you forgave me already but I can still tell that you’re mad at me, and I hate it when you’re mad. I mean, is there anything I can do to make you forgive me completely? I want to start over and just be happy like we were before. Before things got complicated.”

Isak shrugged, but he could feel some tears sneaking up. The truth was, he really wanted to forgive Even for everything, for throwing him under the bus and leaving him hopeless. But no matter how many times he forgave him or let him know that everything was okay, something at the very bottom of his heart kept him from completely letting go of the past things that occurred. It was a sinking, heavy feeling that was a reminder that Even was capable of pulling something like that again. It was that heavy feeling that kept Isak tethered to the ground, not allowing his trust to be abused once again.

But instead of saying all those things, instead of pouring his heart out like he used to, he smiled sadly and said, “I’ll let you know if there’s anything.” He got up and stretched, looking Even at the table. He looked like he was thinking deeply, and Isak kissed his cheek quickly to show that he wasn’t exactly mad at him at the moment. The childish feeling passed and he murmured, “I’m going to take a shower. Don’t think too hard.”

Walking away, Isak tried not to look back at Even but failed miserably as he glanced over his shoulder to see that he was still sitting at the table, looking down at the table and playing with his fingers. He was worried that Even was going to cry or something, but immediately thought better of it. Hopefully after he came out of the shower, the atmosphere would be lighter.

 

“You guys did _what_ at her party?” Vilde asked in astonishment, her eyes widening as Eva nodded, a smug smile on her face. Isak and Even just happened to be walking by as they were discussing this, as Vilde called them over. Isak groaned – any conversation with Vilde was bound to be a boring one. 

Even noticed this change in demeanor and chuckled. “Come on. Why don’t you like talking to Vilde? She’s so nice.”

“She talks about the most uninteresting things and… I don’t know. Her voice just annoys me.”

They walked over to her and Even waved, smiling. “What happened?”

“Eva and Chris did it for the first time at her party last Friday! It’s insane; her and Jonas were just together not too long ago.” She looked at Eva, who turned away from all of them, blushing.

"Okay, don’t go around and tell everyone," she said, swatting them away. Even shook his head and laughed at them for a reason that Isak wasn’t understanding. There was nothing funny about it – what about Jonas? Was she not the least bit sad about breaking up with him? He knew how upset Jonas was after they broke up, but Eva was acting like she didn’t care about him at all. What about Iben? How would she feel if she knew about this? Isak watched as they all talked, laughing and grinning with each other, shrugging it off as if it didn’t matter. He could be overthinking this, but it didn’t lessen the anger he felt towards Eva, and maybe Chris.

Eventually, the bell rang and Even tugged on Isak’s sleeve, pulling him out of thought. He realized that everyone else had left already and it was just the two of them standing in the hallway. Students were quickly making their way to their classes; with the amount of time they had been standing there, they probably had a few minutes left.

“What’s wrong? You don’t want to go to class? Oh!” Even gasped, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “You want to skip today, don’t you?”

Instinctively, Isak pulled away and shook his head. “No! Even, I have classes and if I don’t go –”

“You won’t graduate, I know, I know. But don’t you want to have some fun? I mean, you wanted to do it at the party but you were too drunk, and it’s a lot more exhilarating to do it in a school closet…”

“What? You want to have _sex_ in a _school closet?_ ” Someone who was walking by turned their head to Isak and gave him a weird look, to which he quickly apologized as his face turned red. He turned back to Even, his voice hushed this time. “I thought you said you weren’t that kind of guy to have sex at parties.”

“First, even though I would never say that, it’s probably true. And second, it’s the thrill of getting caught. Well, not necessarily getting caught, but you know, doing things you’re not supposed to be doing when the risk of getting caught is very eminent.” He grabbed Isak’s hands and held them in his, giving them a squeeze. “Come on, wouldn’t it be fun? Knowing you, you’ve probably never done it before and never experienced that kind of excitement.”

“What, and you have?” The bell rang and Isak was looking doubtfully into Even’s naughty eyes, not sure if he should hurry to get to class while he still could or just give into what Even wanted. It probably wasn’t the right thing, but if Even was right about one thing, it was that Isak had never felt that kind of feeling before. “What if we get in trouble? Won’t we get suspended or something?”

Even patted Isak’s head, much to the shorter boy’s annoyance. “But that’s the fun part – getting caught. Because even if we get into trouble, we both know that it’s worth it. You see…” He looked around, and without warning pulled Isak into the men’s bathroom, making sure that they didn’t get caught for skipping. “It’s almost like getting high, without actually getting high. When you get caught, it makes your heart beat out of your chest because you were trying so hard not to get caught, but boom!” He claps his hands, and Isak took a small step back. “Someone walks in on you and seeing the looks on their faces are priceless. I mean, they know that it’s wrong and that you shouldn’t be doing it, but everyone has to indulge in their guilty pleasure once in a while, right?”

Speechless, Isak opened his mouth but then closed it. Then, he smirked. “Are you manic again or something?” He meant it as a joke, but at the same time, he was truly wondering if he was having another episode again.

But Even scoffed. “Of course not. You’re making me take my meds, aren’t you? Come on, I know the perfect place for us to go.” He grabbed Isak’s arm once again and pulled him out of the bathroom, heading straight to a storage room. When Even opened the door and closed it behind them, Isak immediately knew that he had never been in this room before. There was a small window at the top that was long and rectangular, allowing light to shine in. Brown boxes were stacked everywhere in the room, leaving some space in the middle. It was difficult to tell whether the room had been used by other couples or not, but Isak could take a good guess that it had.

Isak was too busy looking around to take notice of the fact that Even had already taken his shirt off, eyeing Isak amorously. “We probably shouldn’t take too long to do this if you’re worried about getting caught.”

Not wanting to waste any more time, Isak took his shirt off, trying not to think of the possible consequences he was going to have to face later.

 

Panting rather loudly, Isak threw his shirt back on and pulled his pants up, sneaking glances at Even as he did the same. Even was right, doing things in secret like that was exhilarating. Isak could still feel himself trembling, sweat still dripping slightly from his forehead. If he ever needed mind-blowing sex, he could easily go to Even. Isak wasn’t sure it was that Even did to make him so weak like that, but maybe the mystery was best for him. Going back to class in this condition would be embarrassing, and for all he knew, someone could find out that he had been skipping and having sex instead of going to his classes. Of course, that would look awful for him, and maybe for Even, too.

As if reading his mind, Even made a disapproving noise. “You’re not thinking about going back to class like that, are you?”

Isak looked around, trying to avoid Even’s gaze while looking for other articles of clothing that he owned. “Well, yea. I still need to bring up my grades…shit. Where are my socks?”

“Isak,” Even cooed, grabbing Isak’s hands in both of his once again. “Look at yourself. You’re shaking. You’re obviously not going to be able to pay attention when your adrenaline is racing like that, can you? I know I can’t.” He placed a hand on top of Isak’s chest as the other looked away in resignation. They must’ve missed at least two class periods just fooling around and having fun. The bell ringing again confirmed his suspicions, and Even let go, heading towards the door. “Let’s go while everyone is transitioning. No one will know that we’re going back home if we leave now.”

“But Even –”

“God, Isak. Do you want to come with me or not?” Even asked, and Isak could hear just how exasperated he was. His hand was on the door now as Isak frantically searched for his socks.

“If you can help me find my socks, we can get out of here.”

Even walked around Isak and ducked behind a few boxes, moving them around and pulling a pair of white socks. “You can put your shoes on in the car. Let’s go now.”

They made their escape, and Isak they fled to Even’s car, Isak was constantly looking behind him, paranoid that someone had seen them leaving. But what did it matter? Kids always went into the closet to do some freaky stuff, why would it matter if he was one of them?

Even started the car up and they pulled out of the school before any teacher or student could stop them, and Isak leaned back into his chair, breathing a sigh of relief, then laughing. Laughing because of how absurd this was. He would never do this kind of thing before, no matter how desperate he was. Skipping school wasn’t something he usually did, and Isak kept thinking whether or not if this was a good thing or not. Well, he certainly was having more fun than he ever had before, and he can tell that he isn’t as stressed as he used to be. It was as if the tension has left his body, leaving him only calm and content.

“What are you thinking about?” Even asked, smirking at him.

But Isak only shrugged, a smile stretching across his face. “Nothing. I’m just glad that I have you back in my life again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess this chapter goes to show how things aren't really going so smoothly with Even and Isak, and that Isak still has some trouble trusting Even. sure, Isak might've forgiven him for what he did before, but that doesn't really change the fact that Even is bipolar.


	10. "Are you alright?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak gets into fights with the ones he loves and gets a text from someone he hasn't heard from in a long time.

Isak was starting to see changes in Even’s behavior, but it was subtle changes, or so he thought. Their exhilarating moment in the closet wasn’t a one-time thing. It was staring to become more and more common, where Even would try and get Isak to go to the closet with him. But it didn’t stop there. Even wanted to do more sexual things when they got back to his place. It wasn’t as if Isak could complain – he wasn’t getting much action before, but now it was basically every day where he was left trembling and lying on top of Even’s warm body. But it was becoming too repetitive and Isak remembered that he had tried to refuse Even more than once.

This didn’t stop Isak from worrying though. He knew from experience and research that Even could be on his way to another manic episode, if he wasn’t in one already. The way he kept pulling Isak away to have some fun, how he kept wanting to smoke weed with him, and the way he would just ramble and not make much sense of his words were obvious signs. But then again, Isak could just be paranoid. Even just had a weird personality and liked to ramble on a daily basis on things that Isak couldn’t understand, so this could just be normal of him.

One day Even texted him early in the morning, telling Isak that he wouldn’t be at school and was sorry that he couldn’t give him a ride. Isak didn’t really think much of this, but then again, that could mean a bad thing. He texted back asking what was wrong and went into the shower.

The walk to school was long and cold, but the whole while, he had Even keeping him company over the phone. He sounded different, distant in a way that was unfamiliar to Isak completely. As he heard him speak and sniff occasionally, he felt the strong urge to just skip school and walk over to his place. Maybe his company would help Even feel better.

 _No_. Even sniffed on the other side of the phone and shifted. _You really don’t have to come over. I kept you from going to your classes and I think you need to go back to you still want to raise your grades._  

“You’re more important than my grades and you know that,” Isak replied, shaking his head even though he knew that Even couldn’t see him. “I’m coming over right now whether you like it or not.”

_Okay…Thanks, Isak. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you._

“Of course,” Isak said, feeling warm inside now that Even had said that. But no matter what Even said, the theory that he was going manic still sat in the back of Isak’s mind.

There was no need to knock once he got there – Even had given him a key a few weeks back. When he walked inside, he was met with a dark living room and kitchen, with Even nowhere in sight.

“Even?” He called out to him, searching around the apartment. He went to the bedroom and knocked on the closed door, and without waiting for a response, he let himself in. Even was laying on his bed with the covers pulled all the way up his head, and Isak could feel a wave of déjà vu wash over him. It was almost like he was walking in on himself when he was depressed, but he instantly pushed that thought away along with the feelings that were associated with it. Even couldn’t be depressed either, could he?

There was shuffling on the bed before Isak heard a small, “hey” emerge from Even’s lips. Isak walked over and gently peeled back the covers, peering over to get a good look at Even’s face. There was nothing too peculiar about him – he just looked tired, with black bags under his eyes. Isak sat on the stop next to him, tilting his head. “Are you alright? Do you need me to make you anything?”

“I’m fine, I just didn’t feel well enough to go to school today.” Even pulled some of the covers from the other side, revealing an empty spot next to him. “Lay down with me?”

Isak didn’t hesitate to get up and get into the bed, facing Even as he faced Isak. They stared at each other, Even with a small smile on his face and Isak with nothing more but a concerned look. Was he sick or something? Why couldn’t he go to school? He looked fine, but then again, it was always hard to tell with Even.

“Are you sure you’re not sick or anything? I’m kind of freaking out over here.”

Even chuckled and brought his hand up to Isak’s face. “Yes, I’m fine. It’s nothing major to worry about. 

They sat silent, just staring at each other, until Isak realized that now was his time to ask about anything he had a question about. He could finally get the answers he needed, he _deserved_. And if Even didn’t want to answer, he could always just leave. Sure, it seemed a little selfish, but Isak knew that Even owed this to him.

Just as he was about to open his mouth, Even asked him, “Do you still trust me, Isak?” 

Caught off guard, Isak made a confused expression before responding. “Oh, yea. I do. Why?” 

Even turned away from him and lied on his back, staring at the ceiling. “I don’t feel like you do. It feels like you’re still holding things back from me, and I get why. It just kind of hurts that I’m telling you things and you’re still reluctant to tell me anything.”

Immediately, Isak retaliated. “What have you told me? You told me about absolutely nothing that really matters. Like, you never told me what happened the days you stopped coming to school or what was the original rumor you told anyone or why the hell you would decide to spread false rumors when we just had a small fight.”

“That wasn’t a small fight, Isak.” Even said grimly, sitting up and glowering down at him. “The shit you said to me was worse than what I said about you.”

Isak followed suit, sitting up as well. “You only think it was worse because it was true. The things you said about me weren’t true.”

“Are you kidding me, Isak? So you’re saying that it’s true that no one would want me because of my ‘psychotic tendencies’? That because I’m bipolar or whatever, it’ll be impossible for me to have a stable job or a stable life? That because I’m different, my parents didn’t want to stay with me and left me to live alone? Isak, you know what happened to me at my old school. No one wanted to talk to me because of stupid fuck-ups I did because I couldn’t help it. They said the same things to me that you told me that day, and I thought when I left that school and everyone else behind, I could start over and prove to everyone that I’m normal and won’t have any stupid mess-ups anymore. So how do you think I felt when the one person that I thought loved me back told me the same things that the kids at my old school told me?”

The emotion in Even’s eyes were unavoidable, and Isak kept his own eyes trained on Even’s pained ones. “You started it,” He said lamely, playing with his fingers. 

“How the fuck did I start it?” Even stood, raising his voice. “Tell me Isak, how the _hell_ could I be the one who started it? And even if I did start it, it doesn’t give you the damn right to go and say that kind of shit to me!”

“And like that warrants you to go around and tell everyone things about my personal fucked-up life and then tell everyone things that weren’t true?”

“I shouldn’t have done that and I apologized for that so many times Isak and I told you that I’ll do anything to make you forgive me, but you never apologized to me for what you said. You never said sorry to me. Maybe if you had apologized, we could’ve resolved things and I would’ve never said anything. It’s like I’m the only victim here –”

Isak stood up to match. “Don’t say you’re the only victim here because you’re not. What, just because you were hurt about something, you wanted to take it out on me by telling everyone I had an STI? What did you think that was going to solve?”

Even looked away, and Isak noticed that his hands were trembling as he placed one on his own head. “Get out,” he said, his voice a low growl that Isak couldn’t recognize. When Isak didn’t move, Even repeated himself, louder this time. “Get out Isak before I lose my shit.”

Debating whether to stay or not, the stubborn feeling came back and Isak shook his head, crossing his arms. “No. We’re not done talking.”

“I didn’t let you in for you to antagonize me.”

Sarcastically, Isak put a finger on his chin as if he was thinking. “Right, you probably only let me in for sex because apparently, that’s all you want these days.”

At that, Isak was sure that Even was going to explode, to probably yell or maybe even hit him, but Even only looked at him with a resigned expression on his face before taking his towel and some clothes, walking into the bathroom. Isak could hear the lock click as the shower turned on.

At this point, Isak knew that he had won the argument, but he still couldn’t explain the heavy feeling in his heart. The way Even had looked at him could be the reason why; his eyes told Isak what he couldn’t.

_It’s useless trying to explain anything to you, Isak. You never try to understand me or hear me out, so why should I bother trying to make my point?_

Isak wanted to cry at that, at how stupid he was for not bothering to listen and for getting Even so upset. But things were getting too tense for them – old grudges were rising back up and Isak knew that things were only going to get worse. The only way for things to simmer down was to break up, but Isak didn’t want to do that. He already lost Even once. He wasn’t about to again.

The best thing for him to do right now was to just wait for Even to come out of the shower, no matter how long he took. It wasn’t like he was going to go back to school anyway. He definitely needed to go tomorrow, though; the school year was almost over and he was far from a passing grade in three of his classes. Well, that’s what he thought. He still didn’t have the chance to check his grades yet. But since he didn’t have anything better to do, why not check them now?

He picked up his phone and unlocked it, not bothering to look at the notifications that he got. He logged into the school website and clicked on the grade section, waiting for the page to load.

The shower was still running and Isak couldn’t hear any noise from Even. No singing, humming, or crying, but it wasn’t like Isak was expecting Even to say anything. He knew that Even was waiting until he was sure that Isak was gone before coming out of the shower, but then again, maybe he wasn’t. Either way, Isak still needed to say sorry for blowing up at him.

Isak looked back down at his phone and his blood ran cold when he saw the markings on the screen. It was worse, _much worse_ than he originally thought. Since he had been missing a majority of the school days, his grades were way too low to be brought up again in two of his classes. Then there were the classes he started trying hard to do well in. He actually had passing grades in those classes for such a short time. Now they were just as low as the others.

Sighing, he logged out of the site. There was nothing for him to do about it now. Maybe his best bet was to take summer school, and then they would allow him to graduate and go to college. Hopefully they would.

But if he missed this many classes and was failing, wouldn’t they contact his parents or something like that? Isak knew that if a student was absent for a certain number of days, their parents would be contacted and they would all have to go for a conference. Isak hasn’t looked at any of the texts from his parents – other notifications were pushing those texts to the bottom.

He opened his text messages and looked for his dad’s name. He did have a text from him, not much to Isak’s surprise. He opened it and read the one text that was staring back up at him.

 _Why aren’t you going to school? Call me as soon as possible._  

Isak sniffed and went back to his texts to see if his mom had said anything. His heart nearly jumped out of his chest when he saw that he had gotten a text from her. He hadn’t heard from her in what felt like decades, but he kind of expected her to say something about him not going to school, since she got the calls as well. She was probably going to text him about not attending school, too.

_Blessed is the one who preserves under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12)_

Blinking, Isak looked the text over. She sent it after Isak’s dad had texted him. Isak wanted to know what she really thought about him not going to school and his failing grades, and the Bible verse wasn’t helping at all. He read it over again, trying to analyze it and see what she meant by it. His nose started to burn with the premonition of tears, and he sniffed again as he felt his eyes welling up. A hot tear rolled down one of his eyes when he realized that the water had stopped a while ago, and froze in his spot on the bed when he heard the door unlocking.

Even stepped out in his hoodie, his towel and old clothes in his hand. He stared down at Isak as the other tried wiping away his tears, not wanting Even to know he was crying. He knew how pathetic he looked on the bed, but he still continued to look away and sniff as Even continued to stare at him. “I’m sorry for saying all that shit about you. I didn’t know that other kids from your old school said the same thing about you, and I don’t want you to leave me.”

Putting his things down, Even made his way over and sat on the bed next to Isak, and looked down Isak’s screen, seeing the text from his mom. Even rubbed his hands together as he looked up at Isak, an apologetic look in his eyes as well. “I’m sorry for telling everyone about your mom and lying about you. I don’t want to leave you either.” And with that, even pulled Isak into a hug, allowing Isak to put his head on Even’s shoulder.

Isak knew that somehow, Even understood that Isak wasn’t only crying because of the fight they had earlier. Upon seeing the text, he understood that Isak hasn’t heard from his mom in a long time, and that just made something click inside of him. The text frustrated Isak, and he couldn’t understand why she kept sending scripture verses instead of normal texts, besides the one time he had told her that he had a boyfriend. Thinking back to it only made him cry harder.

_To Isak my son: From the second I saw you June 21, 1999 at 9:21 pm I have loved you and I will always love you for all eternity._

He wondered why he couldn’t receive more texts like that one when he needed them most, but he was always glad that he had that reminder that even when he felt alone, he still had his mom. It sounded stupid, sure, but no matter how stupid it sounded, it meant a lot to Isak. More than anyone could ever understand.

Even rubbed slow circles on Isak’s back as Isak cried silently. It was a close one today – if Isak hadn’t apologized or if things had gone out of hand, Even might’ve broken up with him once again. Although the moment they were having now was endearing, it was only a matter of time before things got unhealthier for the both of them.

 

 

 

Sitting with Ms. Olsen was already uncomfortable, but when Isak’s father was added to the picture, it was ten times worse. After spending the rest of the day with Even, taking it slow and cuddling, Isak was forced to call his father. His mom’s text never left his mind, and he kept trying to understand it in the few days leading to the meeting with Ms. Olsen. The closest he could come to was that if he prayed on his next test, the Lord would be there with him. Maybe he needed someone else’s thoughts about it, but he certainly couldn’t ask his dad.

The meeting was during school hours. Mrs. Olsen never appeared so intimidating before, and Isak shrank in his seat a little. His dad didn’t look disappointed, just tired and stressed. Isak didn’t know about the things he had been dealing with since he left him, his mom, and his sister alone, so he couldn’t say that he could relate.

The older man, with stress written all over his face, refused to look at him and uttered only a few words since he came and picked Isak up at his apartment. It was unsettling, but Isak was able to endure. Now in this confined space that Ms. Olsen called her office, Isak wasn’t sure if he could stand the silence any longer.

Finally, Ms. Olsen beamed at him. “Isak! Everyone has been wondering where you went! Why haven’t you been coming to school?”

Shrugging, Isak swallowed thickly. “I don’t know.”

“One of your teachers think that you’re slipping back into depression, but I’m not so sure. I mean, you were doing beautifully for such a short time and then all of a sudden, you stop coming to your classes. But I’m still kind of worried. Is everything alright?”

Isak kept his eyes trained on his pants. He could feel his dad and the guidance counselor’s expectant stares on him. “I don’t know. Coming to school is kind of hard.” 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know. People still say things about me when I come to school.” Ms. Olsen had to know about the rumors, so she had to know what he was referencing to. 

Fortunately, she did. “Really? Have you talked to anyone about that? Are you still seeing a therapist or anything?” 

“Wait.” Isak’s father’s gruff voice filled the air, and they both turned to look at him. “What do you mean people are still saying things about you? Are you talking about the thing Even started?” When Isak nodded, he narrowed his gaze. “Are you still talking to him or hanging out with him?”

Isak shook his head tenaciously, avoiding his dad’s gaze.

“Come to think of it, Even Næsheim has been absent just as much as you have, and on the same days, too.” Ms. Olsen leaned in closer over her desk, and Isak knew that he had been caught. “So what’s really going on? Are you still talking to Even?”

Isak let out a big sigh. “Yea.”

“Is he the reason why you haven’t been going to school?” 

“Yea.” 

“He’s not good for you Isak, and you know that. Why do you go back to him after the things he’s done to you? Are you asking to get hurt again?” Isak’s dad asked.

“No.”

“Isak, maybe you should come and live with me.” Isak’s dad shifted in his seat as Isak gave him a look of horror. “I don’t think living with Eskild or anything is really helping. If you stay with me, then there won’t be any problems because you’ll be more focused on your schoolwork.”

Isak jumped, turning red. “No! I don’t need to move back in with you!”

“Why not, Isak? So you can continue to see that kid and let him ruin your life? I’m not just going to stand to the side while you’re suffering.” Isak’s dad was no longer disappointed, and anger took over his features as he sat up straighter and turned toward his panicking son.

“Like you give a damn whether I’m suffering or not! You weren’t there for me before, and you’re not here for me now. Leaving people is what you do best because you’re a selfish prick. You left mom when she was suffering, so how can you expect to help me with anything?”

“Isakyaki, enough! Your mom doesn’t have anything to do with this conversation. I’m talking about you right now, and since I have the chance to help you, I’m going to take it. When this is over, we are going back to your apartment and packing up your things. I’ll let Eskild know about everything.”

“I’d kill myself before going back in with you.” Isak snarled, standing to leave. Ms. Olsen was helpless as she sat, staring at Isak and his dad in bewilderment. He almost felt bad for her, but then he thought that this is what she had to deal with almost on a daily basis, so she had to be used to this. “I don’t care what you say, I don’t care what you do, I’m not going back in with you. I’m going to stay with Eskild, and if you go to Eskild and tell him to kick me out, then I’m just going to move in with Even.”

“How can you expect to stay with Eskild if you can’t even pay for your own rent? I’m done loaning you money, so Eskild is going to have to kick you out anyway. Even is going to say the same thing, because if you can’t pay your fair share of the rent, then why should he let you stay with him? Soon, you’re going to learn that you can’t always freeload off of people like a bottom feeder.”

Around him, Isak could see everything in his sight turn red. There had been very few times where he was this infuriated, and this was certainly one of those times. He hated getting mad, it took so much energy from him, but sometimes he couldn’t stop the flow of words that came out of his mouth when someone pissed him off. But this had to be an exception – Isak had never been this angry at his dad before, only when he left his mom, but even after that, he was still on good terms with him.

“Why do you want me to stay with you if you say that you’re in debt? Didn’t you tell me that you couldn’t help me pay for rent because of your money issues? How can you pay for both me and you to live together? You can’t, because it’s only going to add more stress for you and for me. I’m not going to live with you and I don’t care what you say.”

His father stood abruptly, the chair harshly scratching the floor beneath them. His eyes were severe, but Isak narrowed his eyes to match. “At least I won’t have a leech sucking all the money out of me. Don’t come running to me when something goes wrong. You brought this upon yourself.”

“I don’t need you anyway.” Isak shoved past the taller man and made his way briskly out of the hallway of offices, keeping his head low and hands in his pockets. Damn it, why did his dad have to be such a dick? He doesn’t care for anyone but himself, but now all of a sudden, he wants to act like he’s the father of the year? Isak scoffed to himself as he wiped angrily at his eyes, and for the second time this week, salty drops of water fell from his eyes. He didn’t need to stay in school anyway – he was old enough to drop out now, right? If he dropped out, he wouldn’t have to worry about failing grades or nagging teachers calling his parents or Eskild.

As he tried getting out of the office, he bumped into someone rather harshly and they both stepped backward, stunned. Isak muttered an apology and tried walking past, when the person who was hit said his name softly. He sniffed and looked up, his eyes focusing on Mrs. Adamsen’s gentle ones that were now laced with concern. “Isak? What happened? Is everything alright?”

“Yes,” he said and tried getting past, but Mrs. Adamsen grabbed his arm and stopped him. “No, talk to me, honestly. Come outside.” She let go of his arm and waited to see if he would comply. At this point, Isak felt that it was probably best to vent out his feelings. He couldn’t explain it to Even – he knew too much about his dad and his understanding of the situation would make it even harder for Isak to talk about it to. Even would judge him for talking back to his dad, and maybe use the information against him, but Mrs. Adamsen wouldn’t. She didn’t judge Isak before, so she couldn’t do it now. Reluctantly, Isak nodded and followed her to the front of the school, standing in front of the doors.

Isak was glad for the fresh air; the inside of Ms. Olsen’s office was suffocating. Now feeling the cool breeze wash over him, he didn’t feel as tense as he did earlier. He took a deep breath and looked around.

“What happened? Did someone say something to you or something?”

Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea, telling Mrs. Adamsen about his problems. She would judge him for what he said and did. She was a teacher and an adult, and all adults thought you should show respect to your elders, no matter if they are right or wrong.  She was going to somehow think that Isak was in the wrong, and he would end up angrier than he was when he left the office. 

Instead of just leaving, he made her the subject of their conversation. “Did it ever seem like…have you ever tried reasoning with someone and instead of getting your point across, you lose them instead? I mean, I don’t know if I’m making much sense, but when you’re arguing with someone, did they ever just cut you off because you didn’t like their opinion?”

Mrs. Adamsen nodded, not hesitating for a second. “It’s part of life. Some people won’t agree with you, and to make it seem like they’ve won the argument, they’ll just tell you to stop talking to them. It hurts and it sucks a lot, but speaking from experience, things get better. They know that they can’t stay mad at you forever, and if they feel like it’s best to cut you off, then let it happen. Don’t stress too much over it, because there’s always other people who care about you.”

Thinking back to the text from his mom, Isak nearly broke down. Why couldn’t his dad care that much about him like his mom did? What did he ever do to him to lose him to a petty argument? Parents were supposed to stick with you through thick and thin, and here his dad was, leaving him.

_You don’t need him, anyway. Let him suffer in his debt alone and die broke._

Isak grabbed onto the wall as he started to feel dizzy. Mrs. Adamsen got closer and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. “Seriously, Isak. Whatever is happening, just go see some help for it. I know we can’t really talk about it because I’m not experienced at talking about personal problems or anything, but you’ll feel a lot better if you have someone solid to lean on.”

_How can you have someone solid to lean on when it feels like everyone is slipping away from you slowly and painfully?_

Nodding, Isak let go of the wall and stood up straight, continuing to wipe away the steady stream of tears. “I have to go.” He said, and sniffed. He wanted to leave before his dad could come out, before Isak could say something to him that he might regret. Mrs. Adamsen gave him a concerned look.

“Where do you plan on going?”

Isak shrugged, sticking his hands father into his pockets. “I don’t know. I think I’m just going to walk around. I just need to think.”

Grimly, Mrs. Adamsen nodded. “Be safe, okay? And if you feel like you don’t’ have anyone to talk to, you can always talk to me, okay? I want you to know that even though you feel alone, there’s always someone there for you.”

“Okay.” Isak started walking away, keeping his head bowed as he walked off the school campus. Deep down, Isak was glad that he had her to talk to. It seemed a little weird, but Isak saw her almost as a woman figure in his life now, someone that kind of replaced his mother, but not entirely. Maybe replaced wasn’t the right word; eclipsed would’ve been better. Isak couldn’t really talk to his mom about things that were bothering him. She would be cryptic with her answers, telling him about scripture verses and how praying could make his problems disappear. Mrs. Adamsen gave him advice that was easier to digest, and for that, Isak was thankful.

He thought about the people he knew that cared for him. He had his mom, Even, Eskild, Jonas, and Eva to name the solid ones. Hopefully he wouldn’t lose them like he lost his dad. He used to believe that even though his dad left his mom, he was still going to be there for Isak, but seeing that even solid things melted away at some point in his life, the same thing could happen to the others he trusted.

Maybe he could start somewhere new. Instead of dropping out, him and Even could move to somewhere far away from Norway, another country. Maybe they could move to where Even wanted to go to college, and Isak could attend the nearest high school there to catch up. Life would be easier, and he wouldn’t have to deal with the shit he got at his school. He could block and delete his dad’s number and forget about him completely and just live in peace, with Even there at his side. If he switched schools, he could do so much better in his classes. There would be no reason for him to not go to school, anyway. And then his dad wouldn’t have his address and wouldn’t have any way of visiting Isak or seeing him ever again – he didn’t _deserve_ to see Isak ever again, and he didn’t care if it was his father or not.

  

 

 

Isak wasn’t sure where he was going anymore. After walking aimlessly for hours, his head was finally clear and devoid of any thoughts that were plaguing him. His feet were on fire and the nice breeze from earlier was turning into a fierce wind. He wasn’t sure of the time. He put his phone on silent until it eventually died, leaving no way for anyone to contact him. Judging by how low the sun was in the sky, it was getting really late, and Isak still didn’t know where he was. It was probably for the best that he started going back to the apartment now so he could rest, but he needed to ask someone for directions. There was a café nearby, so he quickly ducked inside.

The interior was warm and inviting, and Isak looked around at the atmosphere. It looked cozy in here, so cozy that Isak could just fall asleep to the soft music playing in the background mixed in with the soft murmurs of the patrons. At the counter, someone called out, “Welcome!” in a cheerful manner.

Walking up to the counter, Isak looked at the friendly guy who called out to him, but judging by the way she took a small step back, Isak could guess that he looked rather homely at this point. It made sense, he _had_ been walking practically all day, his hair whipping in the wind and creating a mess out of it. Too much sleep in the past months drew ugly circles under his eyes, and his lips were dry from not having anything to drink. He just wanted to collapse, but before he could do so, he had to get home first, and maybe get something to eat before he went.

“Can I have a muffin and a small black coffee?” He said, putting the appropriate amount of kroner on the counter. The cashier rang up his order and got it ready quicker than he thought possible. When he got his things, he asked, “Uh, just curious. Where am I?”

“The east side of Oslo; Haugerud. Do you need directions?” 

The _east_ side of Oslo? He walked across the _whole_ capital during the day? There was no way he was going to get home anytime soon. If he wanted to back home, he needed to take a bus or something. Dazed, Isak thanked him quietly and walked out, walking to the nearest bus stop while taking a bite of his muffin.

 

 

 

Isak struggled not to fall asleep on the bus in fear that he might miss his stop. The ride was way too long; bad traffic and multiple stops for other passengers. The sun was long down by now, but Isak still didn’t know the time and couldn’t be bothered to ask someone. When he finally got to the stop near the apartment, he got off ponderously and thanked the driver. He had finished his muffin and threw out the coffee after a few sips – it was a mistake getting black. He was about to fall over when he made it to the apartment and unlocked his room door, stepping in and closing the door behind him.

When he turned around, he nearly jumped. Eskild, Even, Linn, and Jonas were congregated at the kitchen counter, and their eyes had whipped to Isak, wide and sharing the same expression – scared. Linn, however, looked more bemused than scared. 

“Isak? Where the fuck were you?” Eskild asked, walking over to the blonde and wrapping him in a tight hug. Isak nearly choked in the hug, but hugged back anyway. When Eskild let go, he inspected Isak up and down. “Do you know how worried we all were when you wouldn’t answer your phone? We all went looking for you and couldn’t find you, so where did you even go?”

Isak’s eyes darted from Eskild to Jonas to Even. He looked crushed, his face red as his eyes locked in with Isak’s. 

“I went for a walk,” Isak said lamely, breaking his eye contact with Even. “I wasn’t feeling well and I lost track of time and I tried getting back as soon as possible. My phone died so I didn’t even know that you called.” He looked at the clock: 10:03.

“Is everything okay?” Jonas asked, looking at Isak up and down. “Why would you walk for such a long time? I mean, it couldn’t have taken all day for you to come back home. Where did you go?”

“I don’t need this right now,” Isak said, gently brushing past Eskild and going past the rest to his room, closing the door behind him. Right now, he needed sleep, and he wasn’t sure how long he was going to be asleep for, but he could guarantee that it was going to be for a long time. 

Shortly after he changed, plugged his phone in, and got himself situated in his bed, there was a knock at the door. Isak groaned as Even and Jonas walked in. Even sat down on the bed and placed a hand on Isak’s own. “Isak. Something’s wrong. What happened? It’s not like you to just leave and not tell anyone.”

Isak shifted on the bed. “I had a fight with my dad.”

Jonas stood awkwardly to the side of the room, staring at both of them on the bed. “What was the fight about?”

“Stuff.”

“What stuff?” Even said, growing impatient.

“Stuff.” Isak huffed, exasperated, and turned to face away from Even and Jonas. He could hear Jonas step close and tell Even to “give it a rest”, and next thing he knew, a weight was lifted off the bed.

“We’ll talk tomorrow after school, okay Isak?” Jonas said, opening the door. “I hope you feel better.”

Isak didn’t respond and they closed the door, leaving him back in darkness and allowing sleep to close his heavy eyelids for him.

 

  

 

“Isak?” Someone called to him, shaking him lightly. “I don’t think it’s good for you to be sleeping for so long…”

Someone continued to shake him until Isak yawned groggily, turning over to see who was pestering him at this time. It was Jonas; how could he not recognize him by his deep and smooth voice? Isak hummed to himself, confused as he looked and saw Even standing by the door.

“What time is it?” He asked, looking around for his phone. He picked it up and looked at the time. It was three o’clock; Even and Jonas had gotten out of school just a short time ago. Isak really wanted to go back to sleep, but judging by the desperate looks Jonas and Even were giving him, he guessed that he probably shouldn’t sleep any longer.

Sitting up, he looked at the two boys in front of him and rubbed at his eyes. He wasn’t in the mood to talk or to do anything, and Isak wanted to blame it his dad, even though he didn’t want to care about the fight as much as he did. 

Even closed the door as Jonas leaned up against the headboard next to Isak, giving him a lazy smile. Even joined them but on the very front of the bed, sitting with his legs crossed. “So, what’s up, Isak?” Jonas asked nonchalantly, casually putting his hands behind his head. “I feel like it’s been forever since we last hung out or talked. Mahdi and Magnus were kind of starting to worry.”

“Yea. I’m sorry we haven’t been able to hang out as much anymore.”

Jonas shrugged it off as if it didn’t matter, but he could tell that Jonas was hurt that Isak was blowing him off to hang out with Even. He didn’t even bother to look at Even, who would probably have a guilty look on his face as well.

“But really,” Jonas started, and Isak knew that the real talk was coming. “What caused you to just go walk for an entire day? It must’ve been something bad; you’ve been sleeping all day and last night you seemed pretty mad.”

From the corner of his eyes, Isak could see Even waiting for his answer, to know if he was the reason why Isak walked out and hadn’t come back until later. Things were still kind of tense between them since their own little argument they had a few days back.

“Why do I always have to get into a fight with someone I care about?” Isak asked softly, more to himself than the other two guys accompanying him on the bed. Jonas looked a little confused, and narrowed his eyes at Even. Although him and Even were working together to get information out of Isak, it didn’t mean that Jonas completely forgave Even for what he did himself. “What fights are you talking about? You and Even fought yesterday?”

“No, it was a few days ago. I had a fight with someone else yesterday. It was nothing huge but…I feel like I was wrong for even speaking up in the first place.”

“Who did you fight with?” Even spoke up, softly. Isak looked at Even directly for the first time that morning. He almost looked as bad as Isak did, with his hair a mess and tired eyes that showed that he probably hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. Isak wondered if he had even gone to school this morning.

“My dad.” Isak sighed, mentally steeling himself to explain the whole thing to the both of them without breaking down. “Ms. Olsen called him and he wanted to set up and appointment as soon as possible, so he did. It was yesterday morning, and things really didn’t go that great.”

“What happened? What did he say to you?” Jonas fully turned himself to Isak, staring intensely into his eyes, but also showing some compassion.

Isak played with his hands while he explained every minute detail with them, occasionally pinching himself harshly to prevent himself from crying. He told them about his dad calling him a leech and telling him not to come to him if anything went wrong. He explained how afterward, he bumped into Ms. Adamsen and she told him that things were going to improve somehow. He tried recreating his walk experience and his thoughts, but kept that one text about his mom to himself for now. He decided that he would ask about it when things simmered down and he was ready.

“I don’t understand why he would say he wants me to live with him one moment, then call me a money-sucking leech and say that he is glad that I’m not moving in with him.” Isak sniffed, wiping away at his eyes and nose. At this point, Jonas had Isak leaving on his shoulder while rubbing his arm and Even got up to look for some tissues. “He thinks you’re going to hurt me again, Even, and that’s how the fight started. It was because he was so scared that I was going to end up in the same position I was in earlier this year, because of you. I guess he doesn’t care about that anymore, but that was the reason why he got so angry.”

Even handed him the tissues, to which Isak gratefully accepted and began to wipe at his eyes and nose. “Oh” was all Even could say as a reply. Jonas looked at Even, his thick eyebrows furrowing.

“What if I told you guys that I felt like I’m slipping back into it?” Isak murmured into the tissues in his hands. He got the response he respected – Jonas and Even both exclaimed aloud in surprise, beginning to talk over each other. Isak closed his eyes and waited for a concise question to come out of the mess of their words. 

“Please tell me you’re going to see a therapist about it again,” Jonas almost pleaded, and Isak shook his head furiously. 

“No way in hell am I going to see a therapist again,” Isak said stubbornly, pulling the tissue away. Jonas sighed and Even obviously looked confused. That was right – Even wasn’t there when Isak had to see a therapist. He was the reason why he had to one in the first place. 

“What’s so bad about seeing a therapist?” Even almost whispered, and both Isak and Jonas stared at his hesitant gaze.

“They don’t fucking help!” Isak shouted, moving away from Jonas’s shoulder. “All they do is sit there and judge me. They don’t care about my problems, they don’t care what the hell is happening to me, they only do it for the damn money. It’s time out of _my_ day and money out of _my_ pocket and I can’t afford for another person to just disregard how I feel.”

Isak didn’t want to say any of that, but it was the first thing that popped into his head and the flow of words wouldn’t stop. The bewildered look on Jonas’s face and the look of extreme guilt on Even’s was enough to tell him that he went too far. He didn’t want to say those things to hurt Even – it would only make things tenser between them – but that turned out to be what he really felt. He felt alone, and he wasn’t sure if there was anyone who he could talk to that wouldn’t betray his trust.

“Isak. No one is disregarding your feelings. We’re all here to help you with your problems and we’re all there for you to talk to, you just have to be willing to open up.” Jonas shifted on the bed and Isak leaned his head back on Jonas’s strong shoulder. “Honestly, you can talk to us about anything. We just ask you to see a therapist because you hardly want to talk with anyone else about the things that bother you.”

If they were going to be honest now, Isak might as well get everything out in the open, right? “You know why I hardly open up. I don’t trust anyone anymore because it feels like everything I say gets used against me, like Even fucking did in the beginning of the year. Then, you wanted to stop talking to me because I told you how I felt about Even and how I wanted to forgive him. You only stayed with me because you would’ve felt guilty if something were to happen to me after that.”

Jonas was about to interject but Isak shook his head, sitting up again and effectively cutting him off. “Don’t say it’s not true because honestly, if I wasn’t depressed or anything, you would’ve probably stayed pissed at me and moved on. Then there’s my dad who doesn’t want me talking to him at all because I told him how I felt about moving back in with him. Every time I try to tell someone how I feel, it ends up badly, so there’s no reason in trying to tell anyone anything.”

“I’ll be back,” Even muttered and got up suddenly, walking out of the bedroom and closing the door rather loudly behind him. Isak was glaring at Jonas, trying to be more angry than sad so he wouldn’t cry.

“Isak, the reason why it ends badly when you’re opening up to someone is because of the way you talk to people.” Jonas gestured back to the door. “I get it, what Even did before was awful, but when you told him about how you felt about that, how did you tell him? You yelled, and it started a fight. How did you tell me that you thought Even changed for the better? You yelled and cursed, so how did you expect me to react? And if you got into a fight with your dad, what do you think caused that? Your yelling. Isak, it’s not that we hate you or don’t want to hear your problems, you just get too defensive and shout instead of calmly telling us what’s on your mind.”

“That’s because my trust is gone, Jonas!” Isak all but shouted, his face turning red. “I can’t trust anyone without having it blow up in my face, and I’m not willing to let it happen again. I’m tired of having to deal with shit I said getting thrown back at me, because Even isn’t the first time and he won’t be the last. And I know you probably wouldn’t go and tell people deliberately, but what if someone’s listening to us or eavesdrops while we’re talking, because you never know who’s there watching you. Basically everyone at school thinks I’m a loser or someone who should be pitied or whatever, so if they hear something new about me, they’re bound to spread it around. I don’t want to deal with that again, Jonas.”

Isak was clutching the covers of his bed as he looked away from Jonas. The raven felt awful for his best friend. He wanted to be able to do something to make all his pain go away, but he couldn’t. Isak had some major trust issues, but he didn’t know what he could do to change that. He could easily blame Even for it (even if it was his fault that Isak couldn’t trust anyone), but putting the blame on someone wasn’t going to change anything. Jonas was no expert at this, and he sat helplessly as Isak sniffed and took in shaky breaths. Even had not come back yet, and about 10 minutes had passed since he left. Maybe Jonas should just go and get Eskild – he would probably know what to do in a situation like this, right?

“Isak, look at me,” Jonas whispered, waiting until Isak followed his orders. “I don’t want you to be sad again, because I know those weeks where you were depressed were the worst of your life. And if you feel yourself slipping back, you need to do something about it like see someone. Talk to someone calmly about how you feel and just try not to stress out too much.”

When Isak didn’t answer, Jonas was about to get up and get Eskild, when Isak finally answered, “I think I know what I’m going to do, but I don’t know yet. I think I’m going to talk to Even about it when he feels better.”

Understandingly, Jonas nodded and patted Isak on the shoulder. “Let’s go find him. He’s been gone for quite a while now.”

Isak nodded and arose from his bed along with Jonas, and they left the bedroom to go look for the other blonde. Neither of them had an idea where he could’ve been, so they went to Eskild for help. 

“When he left your room, I think he went to the bathroom near Linn’s room, but I don’t think he’s come out since.”

Jonas thanked him and they started to go in that direction, when Eskild gently grabbed Isak’s arm. Isak stopped and spun around to face the ginger, who had a sad smile on his face. “Are you alright?”

Isak nodded again but didn’t smile back. He wasn’t sure he was okay right now, but he had a small sliver of hope that if Even wanted to go along with his plan, everything would be alright.

They reached the bathroom door and Jonas knocked softly, leaning his ear against the door. “Even? Is everything okay? You’ve been in there for a while.”

There was silence before Even responded with a soft “yea”, but there was no more movement after that. 

“Come on, Even. Come out. Isak’s not mad at you and neither am I.” Eskild walked over, standing behind the both of them. Isak, in his nightwear, took a step back so that he was behind Eskild in case Even came out of the bathroom, but that didn’t seem highly likely right about now.

There was no answer this time, only a soft sniffing and shuffling on the other side. “I just need a moment by myself.”

Shrugging, Jonas pulled away from the door. “Okay. Well, whenever you’re ready.” He turned to Isak and Eskild. “I’m not going to leave until later tonight, so why don’t I help you get started on that load of homework.” He grinned, trying to get Isak to smile back, but his lips didn’t move. “You have your laptop, right?” Jonas asked as they started to walk into the bedroom.

Isak nodded, dreading the fact that he had so much homework to catch up on. Why should he even bother doing it if he planned on switching schools anyway? Good practice, maybe, but Isak felt like he didn’t need it. He sighed. School tomorrow was going to be a bumpy ride; he was almost completely sure that someone had heard his fight with his dad other than Ms. Olsen.

Little did Isak know, though, that in the bathroom, Even was on the floor curled up into a ball, struggling to breathe. He had cried too much, and now he was reduced to nothing but a shaking mess on the ground. If Isak really felt that way about him, then why did he keep trying so hard to continue to please him? It hurt more than Even could describe, more than it should. And it was scary because this was almost exactly how he was feeling before he went and spread the rumors about Isak. He knew that he wasn’t going to pull something like that again but…what if he still ended up hurting Isak?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii just a few things i wanted to talk about:
> 
> 1\. in this chapter you heard snippets of what happened in Isak and Even's fight before they broke up. they're both in the wrong for what they said and did in my opinion, and the way that they're dealing with it doesn't really seem healthy.
> 
> 2\. it's heavily implied that Even might be going into a manic episode/is in a manic episode, so you guys will have to wait and see what happens in the next few chapters c:
> 
> 3\. the scripture verse that was sent by Isak's mom was actually a scripture verse that my mom had sent to me. his mom kind of reminds me of mine because my mom would often send me scripture verses and let me know that she's praying for me, which is reassuring to know. now what matters is whether Isak can interpret the verse or not, and if he decides to respond or not say anything. oh, and the verse plays a big role later on in the story.
> 
> anyways, i just thought i had to share that with you guys, if you have any thoughts or want to respond to this or just want to talk, just leave a comment! thanks c:


	11. Goodbye, Sana.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak's partnership with Sana ends, and Eva convinces Isak to talk to Even again.

The unwanted thoughts had been plaguing Isak ever since the conversation he had with Jonas and Even. If anything, they had become more self-destructive if anything. They kept tearing Isak’s focus from the homework he was working on with Jonas, which wasn’t going too well because Isak could hardly understand what he was talking about and he didn’t really care to try and understand. Jonas seemed a bit frustrated at that, but he kept trying to help him anyway.

After about an hour “to himself”, Even emerged from the bathroom and told everyone that he had to go, and left with a quick goodbye. Jonas said that Isak should probably apologize for the things he said in front of Even, even if they weren’t meant to be rude or anything. Isak wouldn’t have thought about doing it if it weren’t for the way Even’s glossy eyes refused to look at him. If he wanted Even to move out of Norway with him, he would have to apologize and make things not tense anymore.

He texted him after he left but Even had never answered or read his messages. It was putting Isak on edge and he wondered if he should visit again, but seeing how badly that ended last time, he was scared to do it again. Maybe Even still needed time to himself. Time to think about what he needed to do about Isak. Should he break up with him or keep going with their relationship, even if it was going to terribly downhill?

He went to school and was kind of shocked to see that Even hadn’t come, and sighed. How much time did he need to himself? School was about to start in a few minutes, and Isak tried hurrying to his first class. He kept his head down and ducked into Biology, putting his things down and squinting at the board.

“I didn’t think you were coming back.”

Isak whipped around to face Sana, who had a smirk on her face. She tilted her head, pursing her lips that were covered in red lipstick. “Where _were_ you the past week? I mean I heard some possible stories but I wanted to get your side of the whole thing.”

His heart dropped as Sana’s smirk grew bigger. “Possible stories? From who? What did they say?”

Sana turned to face the front, opening her notebook and starting on the warmup. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just some old things resurfacing. But you can tell me what happened, right?” She winked maliciously.

Paralyzed in his seat, Isak didn’t know what to say or how to feel as an icy chill ran down his back. He stared at Sana with a wide-eyed expression, and she gave him a weird look. “What is it?”

No, Even couldn’t have done it again, could he? Sana said that old rumors had resurfaced, but then again, maybe Even could’ve started them up again and made them worse. _No_ , he reasoned with himself. _He isn’t even here. How could he restart a rumor? Maybe he sent a text or something? What the hell did he do?_

But Isak swallowed and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “What are you talking about?”

The bell rang and the smirk on Sana’s face was gone, although she was still giving him a weird look. “Are you alright? I was just kidding about hearing stories of your disappearing act, although people are talking about you.”

All the weight fell from Isak and he could finally breathe again. He exhaled a breath that he didn’t know that he had been holding. He put his elbows on the desk and buried his head in his clammy hands. He had expected the part about people talking about him, so why was his heart still beating out of his chest? Why did he feel like he was running out of air? Maybe Even did say something over the phone and got things started again, but Isak didn’t think he deserved that at all.

“Isak, seriously. I heard from someone that you and Even were having sex instead of coming to class. I didn’t know that you would freak out like that, I was just joking.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t fuck with me like that, Sana! What the _fuck_ is wrong with you? Why the hell would you think that I would find that funny?” Isak shouted, and realizing his actions, he lifted his head to see the majority of the class looking back at them, some with an amused look on their face, others disgusted, and the rest just looking pitiful. Isak just wanted to crawl into a deep and dark hole to hide away from all the eyes that were staring at him, but he couldn’t. His legs were stuck to the ground so leaving class to go home wasn’t an option. In his peripheral vision, he could see Sana, who was turning red with an angry look on her face.

“Okay, damn. You don’t have to be such a dick about it,” she muttered, quietly enough so that only Isak could hear. Kids were starting to turn back around and whisper among themselves, snickering and laughing, or at least, that’s what it sounded like to Isak’s ears. What had gone so wrong this week? What happened?

He wanted to ask if she was still going to help him pass Biology, but seeing how tense it was between them now, he didn’t utter a word. The teacher cleared her throat, clearing wanting to intervene. “Isakyaki, language, please. Okay, let’s get started, shall we?” There was more laughter and snickering as more kids turned back to them.

Isak definitely was slipping back to his depressive phase, he could feel it. But he didn’t want to give up just yet. There was still a way for him to be happy, and after school today, he was going to go to Even with that idea. And if Even didn’t want to agree, he was going to go along with it anyway.

But maybe before he took such drastic measures, he should wait and see if things improved first. They might not look like they were, but like Mrs. Adamsen said, things always had a way of improving, and if she said those things to be true…well, she had no reason to lie. He straightened himself in the seat and opened his notebook, sighing. Today was going to be a long day.

After Biology, Isak wanted to try to say sorry to Sana, but she got up from her seat the moment the bell rang and left without even batting an eye at Isak. So much for trying to apologize, but he had other things to worry about right now. He grabbed his things and walked out after her, but not following. Spanish was next, but on his way, Eva and Vilde found him and stood by him as he got his Spanish materials from his locker.

“So I heard that you had an outburst in Biology today,” Vilde started, her mouth opened like she was surprised. “You told Sana to fuck off?”

“That’s not even what happened,” Isak replied as he slammed his locker shut. Word sure did travel quickly, that was no surprise, but it was almost as if everyone was keeping tabs on him now. Why were they so invested into his personal life? Did it really matter what happened in Biology?

Eva tilted her head, taking a step closer. “Seriously, is everything alright? I know that I haven’t really gotten to talk much to you lately but you don’t look alright.”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that? Honestly, if something was wrong, I would’ve told you guys by now. It’s nothing to worry about, just some personal shit.”

“Is it about Even?” She lowered her voice, coming closer. “Isak, you know that you can talk to me about anything. If it’s about Even, it’s okay, I can help.”

Vilde’s interest piqued and she looked at him with wide eyes. “Is Even talking bad about you again?”

“I don’t know,” Isak answered truthfully, but he focused his look on Eva. “What could you do to help anyway? I mean he’s mad at me but I haven’t really talked to him since yesterday. I don’t think he wants to talk to me.”

Eva glanced at her phone. “I’ll tell you what: We can talk more about what to do during lunch because we really don’t have much time now. Meet me by the lunch tables outside, and then we can just sit and talk about it, okay?”

Isak nodded, but glared at Vilde. “Does she have to come, too?”

The blonde’s smile faltered, and she looked to Eva, waiting for her answer as well. Isak did the tiniest shake of his head.

“Vilde, you might have sit out on this one,” Eva said, giving the shorter girl an apologetic smile. “Tell Sana and Chris and Noora that I won’t be with you guys during lunch today.”

Vilde nodded slowly and walked away, leaving Isak and Eva alone in the hallway. She shrugged and they started walking in the direction of Spanish.

“Why did you yell at Sana though? Like what did she do?”

Biting his lip, Isak wanted to avoid the question, but he knew that he probably shouldn’t. “She said that Even was talking about me again and I kind of freaked. I didn’t mean to though.”

They walked in, the teacher greeting them with a nod of her head. “Yea, I guess that was kind of shitty of her to say that, but did you at least say sorry? Did she?”

“No,” Isak said as he took his seat. “I was going to say sorry but she walked out before I could say anything.”

Eva frowned and patted his back. “It’s okay. See you after class.” She walked to the front and joined Noora, while Isak sat in the back and put his bags down. He could see Noora turn and look at him, trying to be subtle but failing. Chris walked in and gave Eva a kiss, and Isak looked away from the public display of affection. It made him bitter, and he looked away as Chris made his way to the back and took the same seat next to Isak like he did last class. Isak wasn’t sure if he wanted Chris sitting with him or not, but then again, Chris was kind of special because he saw a part of Isak that only one other person knew about. Maybe if he could open up to Even about it, he would be aware of it, too. It didn’t seem like he was going to do it soon, though, judging by the way Even couldn’t look or talk to Isak.

Chris gave Isak a small smile and leaned in. “I hope everything between you and Even is okay, you were the only one motivating him to go to school in the first place.”

Isak stopped what he was doing as he looked at Chris, surprised. “Really?”

Leaning back in his seat, Chris nodded as he furrowed his eyebrows, as if entirely sure of what he was talking about. “Why else would he come to school? He doesn’t really care about his grades or anything, but it’s not like he’s struggling in any of his classes anyways. You know he’s pretty smart, right? The only reason he comes to school most of the time is you.”

_He’s lying to you. He probably heard about what happened earlier and is trying to make you feel better. It’s nice that he’s trying, though._

Putting on a pained smile, Isak took out his Spanish notebook. “Thanks for saying that, but we both know it’s not true. But…thanks for being nice.”

Chris looked completely stunned, and his gaze lingered on Isak for a few seconds before words finally came out of his mouth. “I wasn’t saying that to be nice, I’m being serious. I mean, he hasn’t said it directly, but I can tell.”

This time Isak ignored Chris, but that didn’t mean that the other was going to relent. “Come on, why don’t’ you believe me? Honestly, I would never lie to you on purpose. Besides, I heard something about you and your dad fi –”

“ _¡Buenas días, clase!_ ” The teacher shouted with such enthusiasm that Isak thought his ears were bleeding. Wait, what was Chris going to say about his dad? He looked back at Chris, but he already has his head down and was texting away something on his phone. Isak faced the teacher just as the girl sitting in front of him scrunched up her face at him. “I think it’s pretty shitty of you to go and take out your anger on Sana just because you have no one else to go to,” she whispered as the teacher continued to talk.

“It’s none of your fucking business,” Isak muttered, trying to pay attention to the teacher in the front. She wasn’t making much sense, but that was probably due to the fact that Isak didn’t speak Spanish and couldn’t understand a word she was saying.

But the girl in front of him wouldn’t relent. “You can’t be missing in action for several days in a row, then come to school and start yelling at one of my friends. You really have some nerve coming to school and bringing your bullshit out on everyone.”

_You don’t even know this girl. Why is she talking to you? What is she even talking about? Why can’t she just shut up? Why can’t she just mind her own business?_

“What, is your nose going to start bleeding again? Why does your face look like that? You better not get blood on my desk or else…”

_Don’t yell. Don’t yell. Don’t yell._

“Ingrid, if you don’t shut the fuck up, I swear, I will murder you.” Chris seethed from his seat, eyes glaring daggers at Ingrid. She scrunched her nose again but didn’t say another word as she turned to face the front. Isak looked at Chris dumbfounded, but gave him the smallest smile that he could. “Thanks.”

Chris didn’t say anything back but gave him a smile back, and they went back to their awkward silence, wanting to say something to each other, but unable to. Besides, Isak needed to pay attention if he wanted if grades to go back up, if it wasn’t too late already.

 

  
As Isak got up and said bye to Chris, he kept stealing glances at his offender, Ingrid. He knew he heard that name before – she and Eva were best friends? No, that couldn’t be right. They didn’t hang out anymore, and the more he thought about it, the more he remembered. They were best friends but after Jonas cheated on Ingrid with Eva, they hated each other. And then Jonas would go to her brother to get some weed. Too bad he wasn’t into that business anymore, Ingrid’s brother had some of the best stuff. He needed to smoke again sometime before he became too stressed out.

“Isak? Hello? Are we going or not?”

Isak looked to Eva, who was squinting at him, and then to Chris, who had the usual smirk on his face, probably because he was laughing at Isak. The blonde adjusted the bag on his back and nodded. They all walked out, and Isak secretly hoped to himself that Chris would leave so he could just be with Eva. Maybe, just maybe, she would understand Isak better than Jonas did.

Fortunately, Chris pecked Eva on the lips before walking away to be with his group of friends. He could see them all huddling around William’s car, talking and laughing. Naturally, Isak got the sinking feeling that it was about him, judging by the way William kept staring at him while he was talking. But that could’ve been due to the fact that Isak was staring unabashedly since he first saw him.

They sat at a secluded table, where plants were growing on the fence nearby. Eva sat down and Isak sat opposite of her, putting his things down and just sitting, waiting for Eva to get her lunch out of her bag. When Isak made no move to get food or anything, she tilted her head. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

“I’m not really hungry.” Isak replied, fidgeted nervously with the sleeve of his long-sleeved shirt. He didn’t know why he decided to wear this today. It wasn’t that cold out and the shirt was an unattractive shade of green.

“Did you eat breakfast? You can’t just go a whole day without eating, it’s not good for you.” Eva ripped half of her sandwich and handed it to Isak. “Here, you can have some.”

Isak shook his head, pushing it away. “I don’t want it, but thanks, really.” He looked off into the distance as Eva gave him a look of worry and pity, just the look he didn’t want to see on her face. He expected her to keep bothering him to eat, but she didn’t make another move. Eventually, after not saying anything for a few minutes, she cleared her throat and took a bite of one half of the sandwich.

“Do you do this a lot? Just not eat?” She said, her mouth full of bread and whatever else was in that sandwich.

Shrugging, Isak looked back at her, despite the way she was examining him. “I do eat,” he lied, licking his lips. In truth, the last thing that he remembered eating was the muffin from two days ago. “Just because I’m not eating now doesn’t mean that I don’t eat when I’m home or something like that.”

She forced the sandwich into Isak’s hands anyway, grinning in triumph when he reluctantly took it. “You did the same thing when you broke up with Even, I remember. You stopped eating and you hardly came out of your room unless Eskild dragged you out of it. Don’t tell me that you’re starting to do that again.” She waited for Isak to but the sandwich in his mouth as he eyed it uneasily. It was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. They didn’t taste bad, so he took a small bite.

“I don’t know.”

“Are you not eating again because of Even? You make it seem like things aren’t going great for you guys, but weren’t you both inseparable like, last week?”

Isak caught her up to speed, telling her about the fight all the way back with Even and then his dad fighting with him, and then his talk with Jonas and Even. He explained how he was sort of mad at Jonas for blaming all the shit that was happening to him on himself, but he didn’t want to lose Jonas. He probably could’ve sensed that Isak was annoyed with him from yesterday, and seeing how Jonas didn’t text him or say anything to him at school. The raven knew where to find him, and if he really cared, he would’ve come to Isak and talked to him and apologize. _If_ he really cared.

“Okay, so you want him to talk to you again. You should just pay him a visit, right? I mean, I don’t think he could go from manic to a shut-in in a matter of seconds. But just in case, you should go check on him, even if you think he’s mad at you. After school, you could go.”

At this point, the sandwich had started tasting like cotton in Isak’s mouth and he couldn’t push himself to finish it. “Do you think you could come with me? In case something happens or whatever?”

Eva grinned, finishing her half. “Sure. I’m always here if you need me, Isak, even if Sana or Jonas say something stupid. I still don’t get why she would joke about that, though. She told me that she didn’t believe in the rumors that he started. But then again, Sana kind of has a weird sense of humor.” Suddenly, she gasped. “We could go look for her now. You could go apologize and hopefully she’ll apologize back. She’s probably sitting with Noora and them.”

That didn’t sound too bad. Isak nodded and picked up his bag, throwing away the rest of the sandwich and following Eva to her table, which wasn’t too far from where they had been sitting. Sana was staring into space, deep in thought while her friends were laughing and looking at the Penetrators near the black sports car. When Eva and Isak approached them, their attention immediately went to them, and all laughing ceased. Sana glared at Isak, her stare making Isak squirm where he stood.

“I’m really sorry for earlier, Sana,” Isak started out slowly, playing with his sleeves. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, I just got really upset when you said people started talking about me because of…things that happened to me before. You get it, right?”

Sana tilted her head to the other side, narrowing her eyes. “I do get it Isak. But you should learn to be in better control of your emotions. If you keep having outbursts like that, people are going to think that you’re insane, not that people didn’t already think so.”

They all froze, the tension becoming more palpable each second. Isak could feel the air becoming thicker, and he nervously tugged on the collar of his shirt. “Yea, um…but you made a really bad joke. It was a bad morning, so it makes sense that I would yell at you for that, right?”

She stood, taking intimidating steps towards Isak. “’Sana, what the fuck is wrong with you?’” She mimics Isak in a condescending tone. “You shouted that to the whole class, outing me and making me look stupid and insane. Honestly, did you really think I was just going to let that slide?”

Isak tried taking a step back, but Sana took another step forward. “Isak, whatever the fuck is going on in your life, get it together. Because I don’t want to deal with your bullshit in Biology anymore, I don’t want to hear more about how you’re becoming depressed again, I don’t want to hear about what’s going on between you and Even and whoever else you fucked over, because it’s stupid. Grow up and learn to fix your mistakes and have better control over your emotions.” She picked up her bag and walked inside the building, leaving everyone to bore their beady eyes at Isak.

He swallowed the lump of anger that was rising in his throat and walked back inside behind Sana. He knew that he wasn’t going to follow her, wherever she was going. He could hear all of Eva’s friends calling after him, and Eva telling them to stay back. She ran after him, trying to stop him from whatever he was going to do. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do himself, but he knew that he needed to get away from everyone before he burst out yelling or crying. In times like these, he really wished that he had Even with him now, to just give him a hug and tell him that Sana was wrong and that she was stupid for saying things like that. But things weren’t that easy – they were never that easy for Isak, no matter what he wanted or what he was feeling. He was going to try to make it as easy as he could though.

Eva tried grabbing his shoulder, but Isak twisted out of her grasp. She called out to him, but he kept walking, straight to the boy’s bathroom and leaving Eva outside, unable to do anything. Thankfully, the bathroom was empty, and he went to occupy the biggest stall there was. He locked the door and just sat on the toilet, hugging his backpack and trying to calm down. Fuck Sana. She didn’t know anything. She couldn’t understand why that joke wasn’t funny to Isak, the panic that it caused him. How did she know about what him and Even did, anyway? Even said that he was sure that they hadn’t gotten caught, but what if he lied about that? He probably did, seeing that someone had seen them and told Sana about it. He wondered what else everyone else knew. But right now, he felt too tired to do anything. Sana had drained his energy and the excess sleep was catching up to him. He got himself into a comfortable position to fall asleep, putting his bag on his knees and bending over, using the bag as a pillow. A good nap would help him feel better and get rid of the sinking feeling in his heart. He could wake up when lunch was over, but right now, he had a chance to forget about everything that was bothering him, even if it was just for a moment.

 

  
“Isak, are you in there? Isak!”

The blonde was jolted awake by a thunderous knocking on the stall door. He lifted his head from the bag and saw a string of saliva connecting his lips to his bag. Embarrassed, he wiped it away as the thunderous knocking continued. “Don’t make me come in there, Isak! Are you there?”

“Yea, I’m here,” Isak croaked, rubbing his eyes and exhaling loudly. That nap probably wasn’t a good idea, he just felt more tired now than he did before. Was lunch over? What time was it?

“Dude, it’s 2:30. Open the door.”

Isak waited for the fog to clear in his head before making a move. He recognized the voice as Penetrator Chris’s and stood slowly to open the door. In front was a concerned looking Chris, who looked even more concerned as he got a good look of Isak in the dim bathroom lighting. “You look terrible. Did you fall asleep or something?”

Nodding, Isak made sure there wasn’t any more spit on his face. “Yea, but I planned on waking up when lunch was over.” That explained why Chris looked so worried, even if it was completely out of character for him. Isak had left during lunch and disappeared. Only Eva knew where he went, but she wasn’t allowed inside. She was probably the one who sent Chris in, not knowing the connection that Isak had with him.

They walked out of the bathroom together, and outside, Eva was waiting. When she saw him, she rushed to give him a hug. Isak returned the hug, trying not to look at Chris as he did so. Eva hummed in his arms.

“You’re warm. You fell asleep, didn’t you?” She pulled back, examining Isak with the same look as Chris. The way she nodded her head told Isak that she knew. “Are you still going to Even’s house?”

Isak had almost forgotten about that. With sleep still fresh in his mind, he nodded. “Yea, do you want to go now?” He said, his voice still thick with sleep.

She shrugged. “Your choice.”

“I can give you guys a ride. Come on.” He started walking to the parking lot where all the students were hanging out, and they made their way to a black sports car that was nearly identical to William’s. Eva got in the front seat along with Chris while Isak sat alone in the back, wondering if he still had time to squeeze in another nap again. It wouldn’t be possible; Even’s house was pretty close when you drove. Eva kept stealing glances at him in the rearview mirror, but looked away when Isak locked eyes with him. He sighed and tried to fix his hair the best as he could, using his phone as a mirror. It looked awful, and Isak didn’t think he could make it look any better without some gel.

Eventually, they arrived and Isak stepped out of the car, thanking Chris. “I’ll pick you guys up again, just text me when you’re ready.”

Eva kissed him quickly and nodded, getting out of the car herself. “Thanks, but it’ll probably be a while before we’re done.” She looked to Isak, who nodded. Hopefully Even wouldn’t kick them out the minute they walked in. Eva was supposed to be here to prevent that.

As Chris sped away, Eva walked next to Isak, looking at the door with what had to be anticipation. “Are you ready?”

Taking a deep breath, Isak pulled out the spare key. He put it in and turned it slowly, the click echoing between the two of them. Eva nodded and he opened the door, expecting to see emptiness and dim lighting like he did last time. Instead, when he opened the door, Even turned from where he stood in the living room and cracked a smile, dropping what looked like a paintbrush. When Isak looked harder, he saw a canvas with a painting of something Isak couldn’t quite put his finger to. Something…abstract?

“Hey,” he said softly, walking over to them. He looked at Eva before looking at Isak. “What do you guys need?”

Eva looked at Isak expectantly, and the blonde cleared his throat so that it didn’t sound scratchy anymore. “Can we talk, Even?”

The room went silent, but Even nodded. “Okay, but we should probably talk in my bedroom. The kitchen table is kind of messy.” He started walking to his room and Isak nervously followed behind. Eva grabbed his hand and squeezed it, and he turned around to face her. Judging by the sad smile on her face, she could see the anxiety in his eyes.

Even’s room was a mess, worse than last time Isak saw it. Clothes were strewn around the room and paint containers were all piled in one corner, next to some paintings that looked more or less like the one he was working on now. Even didn’t shut the door or ask Eva to leave, but that didn’t help change the fact that Isak was still nervous. “What is it, Isak?” Even asked, sounding more professional and not as if he and Isak had been dating on and off since the beginning of the year.

Isak swallowed, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m really, really sorry. What I said was stupid and I was angry and I couldn’t stop myself and I don’t know why but I didn’t mean for you to get hurt by it –”

“Whoa, slow down, Isak,” Even said, cutting Isak off effectively. “It’s fine honestly. You got into a bad fight with your dad, so I get that it would make you angry. I know I would be angry too if I got into a fight like that with my dad. I was just being selfish and I didn’t stop to think about how upset you were because of the argument with your dad. I guess I didn’t text you or say anything after that because I needed some space, and I’m sorry if it seemed that I was pissed. I just wanted to be alone.”

“I’m not just talking about yesterday,” Isak blurted, causing Even to tilt his head in confusion. “I’m talking about before that, when we had our argument about whether I trusted you or not, and before that when I said you weren’t good enough because you were bipolar. It was stupid for me to say that, and I have no excuse to explain why I did that, but I just want you to know that it’s not true. You’ll always be enough for me, and I don’t care if you’re bipolar or not. I like you the way you are, your personality and passion to do things. You don’t let your depression get in the way of living life the way you want to, and I really admire that about you. I love that about you, so much. You make me feel happy and safe, even when you’re not in your best shape. I love being there for you and I love it when you’re there for me. You’re too precious for me to lose, so honestly, I will do whatever it takes for you to forgive me for all the shit I’ve done, because you’re not the only one at fault here. I never said sorry to you, even when you said sorry to me countless of times. But now, I just wanted to say sorry to you, for being such a prick and not thinking before I speak.”

Isak thought he had said the wrong thing when Even gawked at him, speechless. Isak shifted his weight uncomfortably and looked away, asking himself how could he be so stupid. He was being too forward, and he had scared Even off for good. Maybe he should get out, leave while he still had some of his dignity, but just as he was about to tell Eva to text Chris, he was attacked by Even with a bear hug. Long arms wrapped around him as Even buried his head in the crane of Isak’s neck, nearly causing Isak to fall over. Naturally, Isak returned the hug, rocking them back and forth. He could feel Even trembling slightly in his hug, and he rubbed the taller boy’s back as he relished in the touch.

When they finally separated from the embrace, Isak noticed Even’s glossy eyes, and gave him a small smile. Even chuckled and looked away, shaking his head. “That had to be one of the sweetest things you’ve ever said to me,” Even said, laughing some more. Isak cracked a bigger smile at how Even was trying not to cry, glad that it wasn’t so tense anymore.

“Shut up,” Isak said, playfully elbowing him. “But I mean it, really. Things aren’t always going to be smooth with us, but even when things are shitty, it won’t change how I highly I think of you.”

As Even continued to laugh, Isak could see him starting to blush. “Same to you, Isak. I love you.” He said, and leaned in closer, kissing Isak with his soft lips. Isak didn’t hesitate or back away, and just as tongues were getting involved, Eva cleared her throat. Jumping, they pulled away from each other, a string of saliva connecting them. Isak thought back to his nap at school and how he drooled onto his backpack. He really needed to stop drooling so much. They both wiped it away and Eva laughed, walking over to them.

“I’m glad that you guys solved whatever problems that you had.” She said, giving them both hugs. “Chris hasn’t left since he dropped us off, Isak, and I told him that we’re ready to go, so are you going to stay, or are you going to come?”

Isak looked over to Even, who ruffled his hair. “He’s staying. But thanks for this Eva. I’m guessing that it was your idea?”

She nodded proudly, putting her hands on her hips. “If it weren’t for me, things still would’ve been a mess with you guys, so you both owe me a favor.”

They both laughed at that. “Sure, just name it and we’ll give it to you,” Isak said, giving Even a side hug. Eva grinned and told them bye before walking out of the apartment, leaving Even and Isak alone again. Even plopped on the bed while Isak followed suit. The taller blonde pulled him close until they were spooning, and Isak got himself comfortable in Even’s arms. “You’re not going to finish your painting?”

“That can wait,” Even said, pulling Isak even closer. “Why, you don’t want to be with me?”

“Of course I do,” Isak scoffed. “I just don’t want your paints to dry.”

Even shrugged. “I can always buy new ones. Besides, you look like you need sleep, so I’ll stay here with you until you do fall asleep, okay?”

Isak nodded, closing his eyes. “Thanks,” he murmured, suddenly feeling sleepy again. He could get used to this, but he needed to decide when to tell Even that he wanted to move away. Isak knew that it wasn’t going to be easy, but he needed to try anyway. If he slept on it, he would find the perfect words to persuade Even to go along with it. He only had one shot at this, and if he ruined it, he would be subjected to another miserable year at Nissen, and Isak wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> extra chapter this week because i'm just full of ideas. c:


	12. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak learns something personal about Mrs. Adamsen and makes a life-changing decision.

Someone gently shook his shoulder, and Isak groaned, pulling the covers closer to his face. He heard a chuckle, until the shaking became more frequent and firm. Isak opened his eyes and saw Even trying his hardest not to laugh. “God, how do you sleep for so long?”

Isak yawned as he sat up, his eyes meeting with Even. “Sorry. What time is it?”

Even kissed him on the forehead and stood. “It’s almost 9. You should go home before Eskild starts to worry. I’ll drop you off.”

Nine o’clock? In the night? What was Isak doing with his life? “Why can’t I just stay here with you?” Isak whined, pouting.

“Like I said, I don’t want Eskild to worry. Besides, if he knew you were staying here with me this late, he would have my head.” At this Isak laughed and agreed, finally standing and grabbing his backpack.

“You’re coming to school tomorrow, right?” He gave Even a hug again, not letting go until he got his answer.

The taller blonde nodded. “Of course.”

“And are you actually going to go to your classes or are you going to keep persuading me to skip?”

Isak expected Even to get angry at this, but instead he seemed to find it funny. “Ha. Only if you want me to.”

Nodding, Isak pulled away. “Okay, then let’s go.”

 

  
Isak opened the door to his own apartment, seeing Eskild in the kitchen, cooking another one of his healthy meals. When Eskild noticed that Isak was back home, he smiled and waved, putting his spatula down. “Hey, how was school today?”

Dumping his bag near the table, he joined Eskild in the kitchen. “I went to my first two classes but then fell asleep after lunch.” Isak might as well be truthful with Eskild. He could kick him out of the apartment, just like his father suggested.

Eskild looked a bit disappointed, and turned to face Isak. “You like sleeping, don’t you? And hey,” he said, lightly punching Isak on the shoulder. “You missed that job interview that I set up for you. What happened?”

Isak didn’t forget about the interview. He remembered it, and deliberately told the people that he wasn’t going to do it anymore. If he was going to go along with his plan to leave Norway, he couldn’t let a job get in the way. Eskild’s friend sounded upset, but Isak could care less. He could be a waiter in America, where he would get paid much more than what Eskild was probably making. For this, Isak had to lie. If he told Eskild about his plan, he would find some way to thwart it.

“Yea, I was just thinking that if I get a job now, I won’t be able to focus on my schoolwork and try to raise up my grades. So, I can take the job up during the summer rather than doing it now.”

“Why didn’t I think of that?” Eskild said, facepalming himself. “That’s good for you to be thinking about your grades, although sleeping while you’re supposed to be in class probably isn’t the best way to bring them up, huh?”

Isak shrugged, but he knew that Eskild was right. The ginger picked up his spatula again, rearranging the steamed vegetables on the pan. “You’ve been sleeping a lot lately, Isak,” Eskild started out softly, and Isak knew that this was going to come up sooner or later, although Eskild wasn’t wrong. “I know before that you had trouble sleeping, but now it’s like you need to take a nap at every opportunity.”

If he had to be honest with himself, he wasn’t sure why he was sleeping so much. Yes, he felt tired, but he didn’t know why. He wasn’t that stressed out, so why did he need to sleep. When he thought back to all the times people had pointed out that he was oversleeping. Even told him on more than one occasion, Jonas told him when he came to talk, Eva must’ve noticed this afternoon, and Eskild is telling him now. He was starting to feel like Linn.

“Do you need to see a therapist again?”

“No,” Isak answered a little too quickly. “No, I don’t know. I just need to do things that give me energy.”

Eskild nodded, and took the vegetables from the pan onto a plate. “Well, what do you plan on doing now?”

Sleep, Isak thought, but mentally shook his head. He wasn’t sure – there wasn’t anything interesting for him to do. He could go for a walk, just take in the scenery, but last time he did that, he walked across the capital. He definitely wasn’t in the mood to read a book, and he didn’t have any assignments that he knew of to complete, so that was out of the question. “I don’t know. I want to go to sleep, but I kind of slept all day today.”

“Where did you go after school?”

“I went to Even’s house to go talk to him about something, but in the end, I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until 8:45. That, plus the time I’ve slept after lunch…”

Eskild counted on his fingers. “That’s like, nine hours!” He exclaimed, then counting on his fingers again. “What time did you go to sleep last night?”

“As soon as Jonas left, so 9:30?”

“And if you woke up at 7 to get ready for school, then that’s another 10 hours. Isak, you slept almost 24 hours!”

Isak could feel his cheeks go red. It felt like so much happened today, so how could he have only been awake for 5 hours? He sat down at the table, wondering when he started sleeping so much. It wasn’t the first time this happened, so what was causing it this time?

Eskild walked over to the table with Isak, putting his plate of vegetables there. “What else have you noticed is changing about you?”

 _Easy_ , Isak thought, remembering how Eva forced him to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich during lunch. “Eva thinks I’m not eating enough, and I guess she’s right.”

Munching on the broccoli, Eskild shook his head. “I’m sorry Isak, but I think you’re going to have to see a therapist again. I don’t know what else there is for you to do.”

“But I don’t know what’s causing it!” Isak said, standing suddenly. Eskild looked taken aback, but Isak quickly regained his composure. “Honestly, nothing’s really wrong enough to explain why I’m…”

“Relapsing,” Eskild finished for him, putting his fork down. “Well, what happened to your dad may be one thing, that, and what happened with Even. And you seemed a little mad at Jonas yesterday, so that could be something else. Is anything happening at school? Is anyone bothering you?”

 _Fucking Sana and Ingrid_ , Isak wanted to say, but thought of a better way to phrase it. “This girl in my Biology class and then another one in my Spanish class. They’re just annoying.” He sat back down, running his fingers through his head. “They always have something shitty to say about me.”  
“Well, that’s probably adding on to it. Just try not to worry about it. If you don’t want to see a therapist, you should probably try and make some lifestyle changes or something. Think of me as your therapist whenever you want to talk.”

 _Better than getting an actual therapist_. “Okay…thanks for everything, Eskild.”

The ginger beamed at him. “Of course.”

 

  
Friday was almost Isak’s favorite day of the week. Almost. It was the last day of the school week and it was one day closer to the weekend, where he could just sleep or spend the whole day at Even’s house.

Isak wasn’t superstitious or anything, but he always felt that Friday was the luckiest day for him. He didn’t have much evidence to back that up, but people seemed to harass him less on Friday’s as opposed to the other days of the week. If he could just get through this day normally, he won’t have anything plaguing him during the weekend. He needed a clear mind to be able to talk about his plans with Even.

Speaking of Even, he did not disappoint. He was at Isak’s school by 7:30, honking in front of the apartment. Eskild waved Isak goodbye, handing him some kind of breakfast in a bag. Isak didn’t pay much attention to it, until he got into Even’s car and finally opened the brown paper bag.

He wrinkled his nose, immediately closing the bag back up. Even laughed and drove away from Isak’s apartment. “What was in there?” He asked.

“Some healthy breakfast from his diet cookbook. Whatever it is, it smells like shit.”

Even shrugged. “I’ll take it,” he said and grabbed the bag from Isak, holding it in his lap. Isak didn’t say anything about it, but didn’t understand how Even or Eskild could stand to even look at all that healthy stuff. Isak could hardly eat things that he normally liked, so the chances that he would eat something that he didn’t like weren’t very high.

The ride to school was quiet, and when they arrived at school, they made it just in time for the warning bell to ring. They walked in the building together, near the closet that they claimed to be theirs. Before Even kissed Isak goodbye, he pouted slightly.

“Last chance,” he said, his head gesturing towards the closet. Isak shook his head. As much as he wanted to do it, he had to attend his classes, now that he was under Eskild’s radar again. Even frowned, but kissed Isak on the lips, telling him that he would see him during lunch. After Even left, Isak felt a sudden wave of dread knock him back. He had to sit next to Sana in Biology again, and it was quite clear that things were going to be very tense, and the students in the classroom who liked to look in on Isak’s personal life weren’t going to help. As he started making his way over to the class, he could feel his hands trembling slightly, and he grabbed them in order to make them stop. _Come on, are you really scared of a girl and what she’ll say to you?_ Isak wanted to say no, but lying to himself wasn’t going to solve any problems.

He walked in and took his seat beside the ever-judging Sana, and took his notebook out. Sana was glaring at him the whole time, putting him on edge as he tried to focus on the warmup. She was going to say something to him, she had to say something to him. Why else would she be staring as if she had nothing better to do?

The bell rang and the teacher closed the door, smiling. “Good morning everyone!” Isak tuned her out, going back to his warmup. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that Sana had finally stopped looking at him, and was opening her own notebook now. She was probably trying to provoke a reaction from Isak, but whatever she was trying to do, it wasn’t going to work.

The teacher droned on, and thankfully, they didn’t have to do any partner work today. It was mostly busywork, since the teacher had to get her grades finished in time for report cards. It was almost the end of the school year, and Isak’s grades were still shit. He needed to talk to Even by the end of the day.

 

  
Biology was a drag, Spanish was a drag, and lunch was almost uncomfortable, as Isak watched Even eat something that he brought from his apartment. He should’ve brought lunch, but it wasn’t like he was going to eat it, too. At least he had the excuse that he forgot his lunch.

If Isak had to give a rundown of his day, he would say that it was probably one of the most uneventful, and that was probably a good thing. No one had come up to him to ask or tease him about his personal life, it didn’t feel like anyone was talking about him (besides Sana), and no one tripped him or shoved him today. He never wanted to have to get to the point where these uneventful days would be considered his “favorite days”.

Finally, the last hour of the day came, and Isak found himself fully awake for the first time in 24 hours. The bell was going to ring in about an hour and a half, giving him enough time to just contemplate what he was going to say to Even and how he was going to phrase it. He kind of hated how this topic had been the only thing buzzing around in his mind, but he was just so excited. For whatever reason, he had a good feeling that Even was going to go along with the plan. Maybe because if Isak was right in thinking that Even was going through a manic episode (he had to be, Isak had never seen him so passionate about painting), then Even was going to agree and they could start packing right away. Isak knew that he shouldn’t take advantage of the fact that Even might be going through an episode, but it was only going to happen once. He promised this to himself.

Mrs. Adamsen flashed a tightlipped smile at Isak, and he waved. He went and took his usual seat and took out his pen, reading the board to see what they were going to do today. No reading today, thank goodness. She was going to do some lecturing, explaining something that happened in the book. They had a worksheet where they had to look in the book for the answers, though.

As class started, she took attendance and started teaching almost immediately, almost as if she was in a rush. Her words were jumbled together, and she was stammering more than she usually was. Isak wasn’t the only one who was noticing – students in the class were murmuring and giving her weird looks from what he could see. Her face turned a deep shade of red when one of her students commented that she was talking too fast, and she apologized profusely. Okay, something was off. Sure, Mrs. Adamsen was young and somewhat clumsy, but she wasn’t this twitchy and nervous looking. He could ask what was going on, but that would probably be too intrusive on his part.

Eventually, she gave up and sat down, having someone pass out the worksheets for her as she typed something into her laptop. No one really paid anymore mind to her as they started huddling together into groups, deciding to tackle the worksheet together. Of course, this left Isak alone, and he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad thing. At least he didn’t have to deal with someone he didn’t like, which was basically everyone in the class.

He debated whether or not he should go up to Mrs. Adamsen’s desk and ask if she was alright, but he didn’t want to seem like a teacher’s pet or a kiss-up in front of anyone. Her problems weren’t any of his business, anyway.

But when he saw the way she tried rubbing her eyes discretely, Isak knew he had to intervene. She had done so much for him already, the least he could do was go and ask if she was alright. Besides, when did he ever start to care about what the other kids thought of him? His reputation couldn’t get any lower, so talking to her shouldn’t faze him a bit. And maybe, _just maybe_ , this could be the good thing that replaced taking advantage of Even (he didn’t like the way that sounded, even though it was technically what he was doing). He stood from his seat and made his way to the desk, leaning over slightly. Mrs. Adamsen looked up, her eyes having a glassy sheen to them. A red pen was in her hand, grading papers. He wondered if her current state was affecting her grading, too. Hopefully not.

“You seemed a bit off today,” Isak said, because there was nothing else he could think of. _Way to go. Criticize her in order to make her feel better._ Isak was never good at talking to people, even when people tried talking to him. He wished that he was gifted with the ability to comfort people, but the only thing he seemed to be good at was pushing them away. He mentally slapped himself. This was about Mrs. Adamsen, not about him.

She sniffed slightly and chuckled halfheartedly. “Yea. I kind of got my notes in a mess. I hope I wasn’t too hard to understand, though.”

 _This is it. You either make her feel better or ruin her day._ Isak swallowed and tried to look as comforting as possible. “You know what I mean. Is everything okay? Like seriously, I’m kind of worried.”

She gripped her red pen tighter. “Everything’s fine, Isak. Thanks for asking.” She smiled, but Isak knew it wasn’t genuine. He handed out too many fake smiles to be deceived by this one.

“It doesn’t seem like everything’s fine. You look so out of it, and we all know you’re not usually like this. You told me that it’s good to talk to someone about your problems, unless you’re already talking to someone, so I guess you really don’t have to talk to me. Well, you were never forced to talk to me in the first place. So you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t to.” _Isak, you’re rambling. Stop talking._

For a moment, Mrs. Adamsen looked as if she wasn’t sure what to say. She stared at Isak for an unsettling amount of time, and Isak was considering going back to his seat when she finally whispered, “It’s a divorce, it’s messy, and it’s a lot to deal with.”

Oh. Isak went way over his head on this one. He didn’t know the first thing about marriage or what to do when someone is going through a divorce. He only had himself to blame – he kind of walked in on this one. It was almost as if the tables had turned! At first, it was him being one the one who needed someone to talk to, but now, he was one the one providing the emotional comfort. He hoped the look on his face wasn’t giving away the surprise he really felt on the inside. If he really thought hard on this one, maybe he could say something that was helpful and relevant. _What was something one of mom’s friends told her after her and dad split?_

“Well, if you don’t mind me asking, what happened?”

She put her pen down and huffed, putting her hand flat on the desk. “We wanted different things, and he never wanted to listen to me when I talked. He was always…hiding something from me, he was always so secretive. In the back of my mind, I always thought of a divorce, but I never thought to act on it. We got into a fight and in the end, he put the blame on me and made it seem like I was the bad guy, saying that he wanted a divorce from me because he thought I was constantly hovering over him and stuff like that.” She sighed and pushed her hair back. “I’m sorry to be dumping this all on you.”

Isak shook his head. He didn’t know what to say at all. He needed to end this conversation soon. “Don’t let it bother you, honestly. If he was actually worth it, then you could be stressed about it. But if he’s being all secretive and doesn’t trust you with anything, then he’s obviously not the right guy for you. I mean, if you were trapped in an unhappy marriage like that, then just be glad that now you’re finally free. You can find someone who’s willing to be truthful to you and won’t keep any secrets, because I heard that when you’re married, your partner is like your best friend. You should be able to tell him anything without feeling embarrassed and the same for him. Trust is important in any relationship.” He shrugged. _You’re rambling again_ , he reminded himself, and scratched his head. “Just…don’t be angry about it. He’s an ass for thinking he’s slick enough to blame a failing marriage on you.”

Mrs. Adamsen blinked, her jaw agape. Isak’s lips twisted into a smile, confused as to why she looked so astonished, but also knowing exactly why. “What is it?”

She grinned – a real one, eyes crinkling and all – and sat up straighter. “Nothing. I just didn’t expect you to say something like that. That was…really profound of you, Isak. You’re very wise for your age. Thanks.”

Isak shrugged again, a blush rising to his cheeks. He hadn’t really received a compliment like that before, not even from someone like Eskild or Even. It made him feel more mature than he had ever felt. Whenever he was with anyone he loved, he always felt like a little kid, but now, he felt like an adult. Like one of them. It’s a shame that the feeling won’t last long.

He walked back to his seat, a good sensation reverberating through his body. He sure was going to miss Mrs. Adamsen when he left for America. Maybe he would see her there with her new boyfriend or husband, but those chances were almost nonexistent.

The rest of class was fine, and Isak actually managed to finish the worksheet before anyone else could. He turned it in just when the bell rang, and everyone else groaned when they were told that they had to finish it for homework. Isak was heading out of the door and grinned at Mrs. Adamsen. “Have a good weekend.”

She nodded cordially. “You too.”

Even was already at his car in the parking lot, leaning against the hood. Isak rushed over to him and gave him the biggest hug that he could. Even grunted at the sudden hug, but he hugged back with the same amount of love. After kissing Isak on the cheek, he laughed. “Ready for the weekend?” He unlocked the car door and hopped in.

Isak followed along. “Hell yea. It feels like it’s been forever.” He fastened his seatbelt. “What’s the plan? Did you have something in mind?”

Even shook his head as he started the car and pulled out. “No, not really, although I was thinking instead of just staying in the boring apartment, we go and just chill somewhere. Like, I have this spot in mind, but we don’t have to go there if you don’t want to.”

“Okay. Well, I wanted to talk to you about something that’s kind of important, but you can choose where we go.”

This spiked Even’s interest. “You wanted to talk to me about something? Did I do something wrong? I don’t remember what I did. Can you tell me what I did, if I even did something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t do anything. I just…I wanted to talk about something that’s kind of been on my mind lately, and ask your opinion about it. Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad.”

“Okay. Well, I wanted to go to the park with the hills and really nice view. I haven’t been there in a long time. If you want, we can go and get something to eat first?”

“I’m not really hungry.”

“Isak,” Even drawled. “You didn’t even eat lunch. You can’t tell me that you’re not hungry after all this time.”

Isak shrugged. “Sorry to disappoint.”

Even took them where he said he would – the park with the hills and the really nice view. Isak has never been there before, and if he has, he has no recollection of it. Grabbing his backpack and telling Isak to grab his, Even got out of the car and Isak followed, walking beside his boyfriend as they made their way to the hill. It wasn’t too steep, but it didn’t look like it was going to be an easy walk, either. Isak wasn’t in shape, so this was definitely going to be difficult.

“I love this place,” Even started, gesturing to the pathway and grass around him. “I haven’t been here in a while, and I know that you probably haven’t been here either, so I thought that it could be fun just to sit and cuddle on the mountain. I brought some joints for us to smoke, too. And then, we could watch the sun set and then go out to eat some ice cream and shit, like they do in the movies. You’ve seen those movies before, right Isak? Like those home family movies you watch near the holidays or whatever? I guess we’re not a family or anything, but I like those scenes, the ones where the families go out and do something fun. I always wanted to go and do something like that. I haven’t watched those movies in a long time, we should watch them someday. Oh, and I finished one of my paintings. The one you saw when you came over yesterday? I’m so proud of myself for finishing it. I didn’t think I would and now that it’s done, I really want to do another one. You would help me do one, right? I know you don’t really know how to paint and your drawing skills are awful, but I could teach you. Wouldn’t you like to learn?”

 _Even is rambling again_. _Is that a good sign or a bad sign?_ Isak suddenly felt guilty for trying to persuade Even about the plan while he was in the mental state, but a thought hit him. _Was Even taking any medication? If he was, he isn’t supposed to be having another manic episode so soon. He should be normal_ , _because he only had an episode a few months ago?_ Isak didn’t answer, and only stared at the ground, deep in thought. Maybe he should just straight out ask him. No, he probably should wait until after he explains his plan.

Even talked mostly to himself the rest of the way, and when they arrived, Isak nearly bumped into the taller blonde. He felt like the walk was quick, but was still glad that now they could just sit and enjoy the view. Even threw his bag down and sat on the grass, waiting for Isak to do the same. They were settled, and they sat in silence, just staring at the ground below the hills and the small people walking beneath them.

“So, what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?” Even asked, smiling curiously. A pang of dread hit him deep in his gut, and he smiled nervously to himself. This was the moment.

“Ok, well, what I was thinking was that we move to the US after this school year.” He could already see the denial in Even’s eyes. “After this school year when you graduate, we could move away from here. You could go to a college in the US somewhere and I could repeat my final year of school at a high school nearby your college. It would work perfectly and we don’t have to deal with the shit that goes on here in Norway.”

Even looked away, back down at the tiny people at the bottom of the hill. “Living in the states sounds like a lot of fun, but I like it here in Oslo. My parents live here, and I plan on going to college in Oslo,” he said softly. Isak bit his lip.

“Yea, but you can’t always stay around your parents forever. You have to be able to separate at one point. Don’t worry, we can always visit them on holidays or whatever. Or if you want, we can just move north.”

“Just because you don’t want to see your parents doesn’t mean I don’t want to see mine. Isak.” He took a deep breath. “And besides, where are we going to get the money to travel? And how am I going to pay for college tuition? I’m not rich, Isak, and neither are you, so how would it ever work in the first place?”

Ouch. It was going so much worse than Isak could have ever imagined. “We could pool our money together, ask our parents to pitch in, ask Eskild, Linn, and all our friends to just loan us money.”

“How are we going to pay them back? Isak, did you really think this through? There’s no way it would work out, and I know the moment we move, I’m going to start feeling homesick, and if I get depressed and no one I’m really close to is there for me, what’s going to happen? I mean, I know I have you, but it’s too risky.”

Isak was running out of options, and a cold sweat was starting to take effect on him. “Even, this was my last shred of hope. I really can’t stand to be here another year. Everything’s gone to shit and I don’t think I’ll be able to bear it if everyone realizes that I got retained. Then I have to go to school and deal with the same shit that I dealt with this year. I hate the whispers and the bullying and the looks people give me, and if I have to go through another year of being around those _fucks_...” He was breathing rapidly, running his fingers through his hair. There was no way that he was going to stay here another year, no, no, _no_.

Even immediately turned to face Isak, bringing him into a side hug. “Isakyaki, if you don’t want to stay around those kids anymore, why don’t you just transfer schools?”

“It’s not that simple!” Isak yelled, pushing Even away. “Kids from school are still going to see me when I’m on the streets and when I go shopping. They’re still going to whisper and talk about me when they think I’m not listening. Kids from Nissen could have cousins or brothers or sisters that got to the school that I transfer to, and the whole cycle would start all over again. I just… _can't_ , Even. It’s too much.” _It’s_ your _fault anyway. I wouldn’t have to deal with all this shit if it weren’t for_ you _, Even._

“But running away from your problems isn’t going to solve anything. They’re still going to catch up with you at one point, and you’re just going to have to deal with them. There’s nothing you can really do about it.”

“I’ve been dealing with it for half a year and I feel horrible. What if someone starts another rumor on their own? How am I going to survive through that?”

Even pulled him back to the side hug, rubbing his arm tenderly. “I’m not going to leave the capital. I’ll go to a local college and I’ll be there with you for everything you have to deal with. You won’t be alone on this one, Isak. I’ll be there for you like all the times you were there for me. You’ll be okay, I promise.” He kissed Isak’s forehead and held him close as they both looked down the hill.

 _It won’t work,_ Isak thought to himself as he slowly evened his breathing. _You won’t be there to hear the things they say about me. You won’t be there to see the pranks they play or the things they do to hurt me. You won’t be there for any of it. I’ll have to go through everything alone. I’m never going to leave Norway and I’m still going to have to see my tormentors and bullies on a daily basis._

His boyfriend suddenly let go and rifled through his backpack, pulling out two pre-rolled joints in a plastic bag. Isak gave a small smile – it had been a while since they smoked anything together. He needed the relief, especially since his last bit of hope had been crushed by Even’s “logic”. But he still wasn’t sure if Even should be smoking in the first place, but he didn’t want to stop him in fear that he would put the whole thing away.

He handed one to Isak and pulled out a lighter. This probably wasn’t a great idea, but it didn’t really matter. People did this kind of thing all the time, right? Smoke in public? He took a hit and lied back, watching as Even did the same. They laid in silence, smoked, and Isak could feel it becoming tense again.

“You’re taking meds for your bipolar disorder, right?” Isak asked when the question popped back up in his mind. Even turned his head to look at Isak, but turned back away. He didn’t answer and took another hit. Isak furrowed his eyebrows as he asked again. “Even, are you taking shit for it or not?”

He smiled, more to himself than to Isak it seemed. “I don’t really need to, Isak. I’m fine honestly. And even if I did take them, they’re not going to work – believe me, I’ve tried them before.”

"But you promised me that you would take them. You _told_ me that you were taking them, made me believe you. Why would you lie about something like that?"

Even shushed him, bringing a finger to his lips. “Just enjoy the moment now. We can talk about this later.”

Isak felt helpless once again, but Even pulled him close and started to stroke his hair. “You worry too much about me, Isak,” he whispered, putting the blunt behind his ear. “You’re constantly worrying about how I’m doing. Do you ever take the time to wonder how you’re doing? If you’re okay?”

“I’m not the one who’s bipolar,” Isak muttered, putting his own blunt out. He didn’t think there’s was anything drastically wrong with him, but yet Even’s words were starting to bother him. Of course he was okay, why wouldn’t he be? He wasn’t the one who could be manic one day and then depressed the next. He was normal, or so he liked to believe.

They stayed there until sunset, and Isak fell asleep in the peacefulness of it all. The weed was making him tired, and he was glad that he was able to drift off to sleep with Even keeping him warm. He had an excuse to sleep this time. He was high and the weed made him high, so it wasn’t a huge deal. It shouldn’t be, but he still couldn’t understand why he was so bothered by the fact that people thought he was sleeping too much, even if he believed it himself.

After what had to be hours, Even shook him and grabbed their bags. Isak blinked his eyes a few times and felt much better than he had before. “Let’s go. We can’t stay here forever. I’m going to drop you off at your apartment, yea?” He stood with their bags in his hands, waiting for Isak to get up as well. When they were both ready to go, they both walked to the car and shut themselves in, driving back to Isak’s apartment.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep. I know how you really wanted to spend time with me and I just wasted it.” Isak stretched in the car, stifling a yawn. He couldn’t wait to get back home and sleep some more, maybe watch some shows before he went to bed if he felt up to it. He probably would, though, he had so many shows that he needed to catch up on.

Even arrived at the apartment and kissed Isak goodbye, before driving back home. Upon walking in, he saw Eskild on the kitchen table, reading some kind of book. The ginger looked up at him but instantly looked back down, saying, “Welcome back. There’s pasta in the fridge that Linn made if you want some.”

Isak shook his head. “Thanks, though. I’ll have some tomorrow.” He stepped past him and went to his room, changing into his night clothes and plopping down on the bed, grabbing his laptop. Maybe he could watch a movie or something. There had always been one that he wanted to watch. He searched it up and clicked on it, laying back as the opening credits started to roll.

He had not expected the storyline to go as it did. It was good, he would give it that, and he loved the twist that it provided. There was something that he couldn’t understand, though. The movie was pretty funny and intriguing, so why was it that in the middle of it, Isak found himself tearing up and finally crying? He tried to stop, but he couldn’t. Although he asked himself why he was crying, he knew exactly why. His plan to move away failed, and he was stuck in this horrible fucking country for another year.

He tried reasoning with himself that things were going to get better, but he couldn’t see how they were going to. Everyone told him that things were going to improve the first time he became depressed, and they had, but they were starting to go downhill again, and he was going to end up right where he started – depressed and unable to get out of bed again.

If he were to ask Eskild, would he be on board with moving? Probably not, Eskild grew up here as well, and no one wants to leave where they grew up. Even was right, he didn’t like his parents and didn’t want to be around them anymore. His dad was an asshole and he still couldn’t understand what his mom sent him. He needed a fresh start, but he was scared to do it alone.

Who would be willing to go with him? A lot of his friends were going to the community college nearby, not to a college in the states. He couldn’t ask them to change colleges because of what he wanted, he would sound selfish.

_You don’t have to go with your friends. You can go alone._

He can’t go alone. It just wouldn’t work out. His friends and maybe family would try and stop him from leaving.

You can run away and tell them when it’s too late. _Go to the states, and if you can’t afford it, move north, away from everyone you already know. You can survive on your own, right?_

Isak froze, stray tears still making their way down his cheeks. If he ran away, he would be able to start over. He could make new friends and move in with them maybe. It wouldn’t be so bad to go alone, he just needed the cash. He had some saved up in his bank account for emergencies, and this certainly was one.

_You have to sacrifice the things you love to get the things you want, Isak._

He might be giving up on all his friends, but this is what he wanted. This is what he needed. Staying here for another year was going to drive him insane, and no one was going to be able to help him get better if he became depressed a second time.

He made up his mind. He was running away by the end of next week, going to the north part of Norway and going to school there. He could get a job and start a new life and just be happy. He decided that he was going to tell only one person about his great expedition – Eskild.

The best time to tell him would probably be the day that he left. He would leave right after school and just take a bus. And look for an apartment to stay at. He had enough money allocated anyway.

Maybe he wasn’t in the right mindset, but he didn’t care. Running away was better than dropping out – at least he would have a future. Fuck what Even said about him not able to become a lawyer. He could do whatever he wanted when he left. When he was successful and Even was still trying to get his life together, Isak could give him a bit, fat _I told you so._

Isak didn’t mean to be so spiteful towards Even, but because he didn’t want to move away with Isak only made him wonder if Even really cared. If he really wanted to be with Isak like he really said he did, because if he did, he would do anything to keep from losing him.

He took a shaky breath and wiped away the remaining tears. He didn’t understand why he was still crying, but maybe deep down he really didn’t want to go alone. Who knows what would happen to him when he’s alone? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> isak has so many negative thoughts :c
> 
> and on the subject of thoughts leave a comment so i know yours! c;


	13. Provoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas comes over and confronts Isak.

~~~~Isak wasn’t sure why he woke up feeling like the crust under Satan’s toenails, but maybe it was due to the fact that he had basically cried himself to sleep last night, even though he tried so hard not to. His nose was stuffy, he had a headache, his eyes burned and his face felt puffy. He definitely wasn’t going anywhere today.

He had to get up, though, ponderously making his way to the bathroom. He looked as bad as he felt – his face looked swollen and his hair disheveled. Well, his hair always looked like this when woke up, but today, it just looked especially awful. A shower was probably what he needed, although there was really no need to shower if he wasn’t planning on going anywhere today.

He walked back into his dark room and closed the door, checking his phone for ay notifications. Even had texted him, wondering if he was coming over today, and when he unlocked his phone to read all his messages, he saw that Jonas had texted him, too. He opened it and waited for his eyes to adjust to the bright screen.

_hey. i feel like you’re avoiding me after even freaked out on us. can we just hang out today, me and you?_

Isak bit his lip, not sure what to do. He had to admit to himself that he was avoiding Jonas, but he wasn’t in the mood to try and talk to him like what Jonas said hadn’t irked him in the slightest. He sent a text, telling him that he was busy helping Eskild clean around the apartment. That lie seemed convincing enough, so Isak sent it and got back on his bed, the mattress creaking beneath him.

That must’ve been Eskild’s cue to walk in, as he did exactly that the moment he heard the mattress utter a sound. “Wow, you’re awake today. Are you going out? It’s like 2 o’clock.”

Isak shook his head slowly to not aggravate his headache. “No. I kind of want to be alone today.”

Eskild furrowed his eyebrows as he sat on the bed next to Isak. Damn it, he wasn’t trying to start a conversation with him. He was trying to get Eskild to go _away_.

“Hm, I knew you were acting kind of weird last night. You don’t usually just dash off into your room and not come out. Did you and Even have a fight again? Isak, if he did, you know that I would fight him for you. It doesn’t matter if he’s my friend or not.”

At that, Isak smiled half-heartedly. “No. We’re just disagreeing on some things. It’s nothing really to be worried about.” He opened his phone again to look at Even’s message. He still hadn’t replied and left him on read. Hopefully Even didn’t notice that yet, Isak was still debating on what to say.

“But you guys are always disagreeing,” Eskild pushed, nudging Isak’s shoulder. “What was it about this time?”

“Nothing.” Isak said, annoyed that he was getting pestered with questions so early in the morning. “Honestly, it doesn’t matter. Go find something to do.” He started responding to Even’s text. _Busy helping Eskild, sorry._

He put his phone away and got himself comfortable in bed again. Eskild didn’t move, and Isak tried pulling the covers out from under him so that he could fully cover himself. Eskild scrunched up his nose, trying to talk to Isak one last time. “Are you just going to stay there all –”

“ _Yes_ , Eskild, I have a fucking _headache_.” Isak seethed, grimacing at how loud he was. Eskild didn’t do or say anything for a minute, but then reached a hand over to Isak’s head and felt it. His hand then traveled down his face and then onto his neck, making Isak remember a time where he had done the same thing to Even. He had gotten sick and Isak took care of him, but for some reason, Isak thought Even was faking it as an excuse to hang out with Isak.

 _Don’t think so highly of yourself._ Eskild’s hand pulled away from him, and Isak could already tell that he was warm. Finally, the ginger stood and cleared his throat. “Okay, well do you want or need anything?”

“No. Can you just turn off the air?”

Eskild nodded, but didn’t make a move for the door. “Isak, you can’t stay here all day. You need to go out. It’s unhealthy.”

So what if it was unhealthy? The sedentary lifestyle that he was becoming accustomed to was something that he was enjoying. What was Eskild expecting him to do, exercise? Eskild knew that he rarely exercised, who was why he expecting such a drastic change?

“And I don’t mean psychically,” Eskild replied, reading his thoughts. “Staying here is going to make you more tired than you already are, and then you’re going to feel worthless and depressed again and no one wants that for you.”

“I won’t be depressed, I promise. Honestly, some time alone is what I really need.” Isak threw the covers back over his head, signaling the end of the conversation. Eskild finally took the hint and walked out, turning off the air just as Isak had asked. His words still rang in Isak’s ears, though. If he had to be honest, he didn’t really like how everyone was starting to hover over him again, mostly Eskild. But soon, it was going to be Even, then Eva, then Jonas, then maybe even Linn. All the extra pair of eyes on him would only make it harder for him to get some much-needed breathing space, but once he was gone, he wouldn’t haven’t to worry about hovering friends anymore.

 

  
A door swung open and the handle banged on the wall as someone stormed inside, opening the closed blinds in Isak’s room. The blonde’s eyes shot open. Who was it? Why the hell was it barging into his room?

“Isak, wake the fuck up.” A baritone voice rang in Isak’s ears, before his covers were yanked off of him. He groaned in annoyance, trying to make a grab for them but his hands didn’t find them. Now he was really pissed. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up, glaring at his ever the intruder was.

“‘Helping Eskild’ my ass. He told me that you were here all morning doing nothing. Why the hell are you ignoring me?”

Isak narrowed his gaze, in part of the bright sunlight and the raven who was glaring right back at him. Why did Eskild let him in in the first place? _He told him that he wanted to be alone, what part of that couldn’t he understand?_

“I’m tired, Jonas. You’re not fucking entitled to watch over me like you’re my dad or something.”

“No, Isak. Ever since I tried talking to you and Even walked out, you’ve been steering clear of me and I don’t get why.” His finger pointed accusingly at him, holding what felt like hatred to Isak. But Isak didn’t shrink back despite the gesture, and a newfound rage started building up inside of him.

“I want to be left alone, is that too much to ask?” Isak yelled, startling Jonas with the amount of vigor behind his words. Isak was never one to get so angry, to be so emotionally invested into something, but the one time he wants to be left alone, everyone finds it to be the perfect time to pester him with questions and talks about things he didn’t care or wanted to talk about. He at least thought Eskild would understand that he just wanted the day off from talking and interacting with others, from being _himself_ , but naturally, things never worked the way he wanted.

“Don’t pull that excuse with me. Last time you wanted to be alone, you were depressed. Unless you’re depressed now, you can’t tell me that you want to be left alone.”

“What’s with everyone thinking I’m depressed?” Isak stood quickly, his pillow flinging to the floor and his voice raising. “Something bad happens to me once and everyone thinks I’m some piece of glass. It happened once, how could you ever think or guarantee that it would happen again? You would have to be fucking dense to think that I’m that soft.”

Although Jonas didn’t do anything physical to show that Isak’s words hit him, the way his eyes dimmed showed that Jonas was quickly losing his patience. He should’ve walked out at this point – that was the goal, to get him to leave as soon as possible. Isak didn’t care if he hurt Jonas, by the things he said. Jonas said enough shit to hurt him, why shouldn’t Isak be able to do the same?

“If it happened once, you’re vulnerable enough to become depressed again. Maybe you were right, maybe it was a one-time thing, but the fact that it happened once only lets us know that it can happen to you again. But since you’re too stubborn to let anyone try to help you or come near you except for Even, how do you expect anyone else to help you? Even isn’t always dependable. What he did before only proves that.”

“Even’s changed and you _know_ that!” Isak took a step closer, unsure of what he was going to do. Was he going to punch Jonas or give him a big hug? His emotions were so volatile right now, and he hated how he couldn’t just decide what he wanted. Fuck it, if Jonas said one more wrong thing, he was going to punch him square in the nose. “If I become depressed again, it’s because of _you_. You only want me back so I can get you drinks and weed when we hang out. I’m tired of being your errand boy, I’m tired of you pretending to care, and I’m tired of you _assuming_ that Even is the problem! You never liked him, you _always_ held something against him, and you never stopped to see the good side of him.”

“I was the first one you told that you liked him, Isak. I loved Even and I thought he was a cool dude, until he did that to hurt you. I told you, anyone who messed with you was on my bad side. Although you might’ve forgiven Even, I still haven’t. I want to understand why you’re so angry Isak, but you make it so damn difficult. Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to a little kid when I talk to you! If you learned to be more mature and not crawl back to people who hurt you then you probably would stop laying around in your room all day like some sad sack of shit!” Jonas tugged at his hair, something he sometimes did when he was frustrated.

Red was starting to cross Isak’s vision as Jonas continued on his tirade. He didn’t need Jonas if he was going to start badmouthing both him and Even. He didn’t have the right, just because everyone saw him as the “calmest person they had ever met”. It didn’t fucking matter. Just because he couldn’t be as calm and collected as he was didn’t mean that something was wrong with him. And if he thought that it was okay to walk into his room, jolt him awake, and call him a sad sack of shit, then he came to the wrong place. He had already offended Isak once, why should he do it again? Why did he find so much pleasure in torturing him? Isak never did anything wrong to him. He didn’t deserve it, and he didn’t care if he was overthinking it, but the emotions were coming in faster than he could filter them.

He had finally had enough when Jonas took a provocative step forward, and prompting Isak to throw a punch right where he promised himself that he would put it. His knuckles landed square in Jonas’s fat nose, and a small cracking noise could be heard. The raven stumbled backwards and bumped in harshly with Isak’s bookcase, sending several books toppling to the ground. Stunned, Isak retracted and held his punching hand in his other, staring as Jonas cursed and grabbed his nose. Blood started dribbling in quick succession from his hand, and dropping onto the ground. Isak was too mad and surprised to care. Sure, he said he would punch Jonas, but he didn’t think he would actually go through with it. He didn’t think he really had it in him to punch someone he had known for years.

Jonas looked like he wanted to explode. His face was contorted into an expression of pain and pure anger, hurling words of hate in Isak’s direction. Words like “I’m going to fuck you up” or “What the hell is _wrong_ with you?” The words only mixed together in Isak’s ears as he started blankly at the raging boy with the mop on his head. When he kept staring, Jonas must’ve finally gave into his itch to hit Isak back, because he stepped forward and shoved Isak, delivering a blow to his eye before aiming for his nose as well. The force and emotion behind Jonas’s hands were enough to shove Isak onto the bed. That was better than hitting a bookcase, right? Without time to recover, Jonas held him down as he punched him over and over in different places in his face. Amidst his pain, Isak could only visualize himself as a part of one of those kids in the movies who got beat up by older, stronger bullies. They guy who played the stereotypical bully would be grinning or laughing as he beat the soul out of his poor victim, making him regret his life choices. He could’ve said that Jonas was like that bully, but Jonas wasn’t laughing or smiling. His anger was barely contained as continued to hurt Isak until blood was gushing from his nose and all over both of their clothes. It didn’t seem to end; he was helpless as Jonas kept deforming his face.

When it was finally over, Isak laid limp on the bed. It was quiet, and he came to the revelation that he had been screaming during the whole ordeal, but his ears weren’t able to register them as his own. He didn’t remember screaming or saying anything at all. He groaned and got up to finish the fight he started with Jonas, but by the time he had recovered, Jonas had already stormed out, slamming the front door behind him. It was useless trying to chase after him, so he plopped back down on the bed, defeated. Pain was radiating from his face, and he grabbed a pillow, just to grab onto something for the moment being. He hadn’t realized that he was quivering until he saw his hands trying to keep their position on the pillow. He gripped it tighter, clutching it tightly to his chest as if it was keeping him tethered to the ground.

How was he going to go to school tomorrow? People were going to see his face and start talking, and then they were going to see Jonas’s face and put two and two together. He didn’t want to be associated with Jonas after this. He didn’t want to have anything to do with him from this point on. Their friendship had ended the moment Jonas said that it was his own fault that he was hated. That he repelled people because of the way he acted. Even if it was true, it wasn’t what he needed to hear. He couldn’t bear the truth even if he wanted to, and he thought Jonas knew that by now. He told him everything, and now that they weren’t friends, his secrets were going to go with Jonas, just like they did with Even.

 _No, not again_ , Isak’s thoughts intervened as his breathing quickened, squeezing the life out of the pillow. _Monday, Jonas is going to walk around like a badass because of the bruise on his nose. It would look like a good thing for him, a battle scar to showcase his victory in his fight. But when you walk to school, people are going to immediately know that you were on the receiving end of Jonas’s fistful punches. Jonas is going to manipulate the story into something that didn’t happen, because battle scars only look cool if you have an equally great story to go along with it. Too bad you’re going to have to go through these rumors all. Over. Again._

Taking a big gasp on air, Isak buried his nose and mouth into his pillow, the trembling going through his body getting worse. A weight crashed onto his chest as that thought sunk in. Jonas had his secrets and could easily go around and tell everyone more personal things, things that he hadn’t even bothered to tell Even. What was he going to do then when Jonas was talking about him behind his back? He had nothing dirty or interesting about Jonas to gossip about. Even if he did find something about Jonas to tell people about, no one would believe him. Jonas was popular among their grade, while Isak was just some boy who cried wolf. _Either way, you’re going to lose._

His desperate gasps for air and strangled sobs were what had Eskild running over to his room, calling out to him and walking to the wall where Isak was facing. It was a gruesome sight: blood and snot mixed and smeared together on the bottom half of his face, while also getting all over his pillow and clothes. The black and blue bruises on his face were only a testament to what went down only minutes ago. There was also Jonas’s blood on the floor, and Eskild stepped aside from that as he tried giving Isak a hug. The blonde flinched away, trying to form words but failing miserably. The last thing he needed was a hug. He needed air and Eskild was about to take that all away from him.

The ginger pulled the pillow away from him, instructing him to take deep breaths. He took Isak’s hand and placed it on his chest, breathing slowly enough for Isak to follow. The words being uttered from Eskild were muffled, as if he was underwater. His own breathing sounded weird in his ears, until the sounds became clearer and he had stopped hyperventilating. Sobs were reduced to sniffles, and the pain on his face settled in again. His left eye was swelling shut as were other parts of his faces. Isak was silent again, just staring at Jonas’s blood on the floor as Eskild rubbed his back. While he sat there, observing how the crimson liquid glistened in the afternoon sun, he couldn’t stop thinking about how much he _despised_ himself.

“I tried to stop Jonas but he was too angry to think straight, and he went back home.” No response from Isak. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Isak shook his head, which was beginning to pound furiously. Blood was accumulating in his mouth, and the urge to spit it out was coming to him. Eskild must’ve noticed that he uncomfortable sitting like this, because he stood and outstretched his hand. “Let’s go clean your face, okay?”

Wordlessly, Isak nodded and followed Eskild as they walked to the bathroom next door. He instructed Isak to sit on the toilet seat as he grabbed the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet. Eskild’s face was full of disappointment, probably from the fact that Isak gotten into a fight with one of his only friends. Only another reason to add to the list of why he hated himself, but he wasn’t about to say that out loud.

Eskild tended to Isak’s busted lip and black eye first, taking his time and carefully making sure that everything was alright with them before moving on to his bloodied nose. Blood was still dribbling at a slow rate, and Eskild instructed that Isak spit into the sink and lead his head back. As he followed the instructions and sat while Eskild cleaned his face, he couldn’t help but remember the other time he got a bloody nose, and went to the bathroom with Chris. It was weird how Isak used to find him to be one of the annoying kids he knew, but now, he liked Chris ten times more than he liked Jonas. After this, he didn’t think they would be able to fix their friendship. They had promised themselves many times that they would never get to the point where they would have to fight, but now that the promise was broken, they had no reason to be friends anymore.

Today, he was supposed to have the day to himself. Today, he was supposed to relax and enjoy himself in his bed, not worrying about what was going out outside of his bedroom door. But of course, trouble had to follow him to his room, the only place he felt truly safe. This just supported the fact that he wasn’t safe in this city anymore.

Maybe he should leave sooner than the end of the week. If he left on Wednesday, he wouldn’t have to wait an extra 2 days. He would just have to find a way to avoid school for those days leading up to his departure. The sooner he could leave, the earlier he could get to the north, and the earlier he could start his new life. The sooner he could leave all the people that hate him and hurt him. It didn’t matter if Even wanted to go with him or not anymore. They were going to have to break up before he left. If he wanted to start a new life, he was going to have to leave behind everything that reminded him of Oslo, including his boyfriend. It would be better for him that way, but the hardest thing was going to be finding a way to let down Even easily. He wasn’t sure how his departure was going to affect Even, but it certainly wasn’t going to be good. Hopefully Isak would be prepared for this. This journey was his last chance to be happy. It was the only piece of hope that he had left.

Eventually, Eskild had cleaned up Isak’s face as best as he could, and smiled halfheartedly. “Just go and rest. I won’t let anyone else in, and I won’t come in and bother you unless it’s important. I promise. And you can sleep in my bedroom, since... you know why.”

Isak got up and started walking down the hall, going into the common room where Linn was and heading to Eskild’s bedroom. She had taken a double glance when she saw his face, but thankfully she didn’t utter a word about it. Isak just collapsed on the bed when he arrived, going back to his sleep as if nothing had happened between him and Jonas. 


	14. Goodbye, Jonas.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things finally come to a head with Even, and Isak is still in denial about his own mental state.

“Isak? Sorry to wake you up,” Eskild said, the bed creaking as he sat down. Isak opened his eyes slowly, his headache still a dull pounding. He flipped himself over so that they were facing each other, and he saw that in Eskild’s hand, he held a pack of crackers.

“I just thought that you should eat something. You haven’t eaten anything today, have you?” When Isak shook his head, Eskild opened the small package. Isak wasn’t really hungry but he knew that if he wanted to be left alone again, he should just eat the damn thing.

He sat up and took the pack and put one in his mouth, chewing it slowly. He liked these crackers, he didn’t think Eskild still had them. It hurt all over his face, every time he loved his muscles. He had almost forgotten that his face shared a close resemblance to a blackberry. Maybe it wasn’t that comically distorted, but that’s what it felt like. The pain was making him lose his appetite; how was he supposed to eat when it hurt so much? He wasn’t going to start dwelling on why his face had been punched in, but he just knew that it sucked. It wasn’t something new, he had gotten beaten up before – _so many times_ – but this was different so many reasons. Besides, they usually never stung this much.

After only 3 crackers, Isak handed back the package back to Eskild. He squirmed uncomfortably at how Eskild looked at him directly, as if soaking up the bruises on his face. He could only imagine what was running through his mind. How would he feel if Eskild was the one with a messed-up face? Isak knee that he would want to go after whoever did that to him, but Eskild didn’t appear ready to fight. He almost looked ready to cry, and while Isak had lost the urge to cry anymore, an overwhelming feeling of guilt flooded him for making Eskild sad because of him. He didn’t care how childish he sounded, because he knew that he was a shitty person for disappointing him like that.

Eskild didn’t say anything else as he took the crackers back, and twisted them around in his hand. Isak was going to lay back down again when Eskild mumbled something, putting the crackers on the desk. Confused, Isak ignored him and turned to lay back down, but Eskild spoke louder. “Do you feel better now?”

To say yes would be a lie, but he didn’t want to disappoint Eskild anymore. He nodded again, pushing his hair matted hair back. Did he shower today? He didn’t think so, but he probably should before the day was over.

Linn walked up to the doorframe and leaned on it, arms crossed as she looked at Isak. Chuckling humorlessly, she said, “You look like a fucking mess.”

Eskild shot her a look, but she didn’t move her eyes from the blonde. “Are you okay?” Her voice sounded oddly sympathetic, as if she was truly curious about how he was feeling. She never really talked to Isak, since she was sleeping when Isak was awake, but he knew that she cared. She wasn’t someone he could really count on to talk to, but she still cared.

Isak continued his game of not speaking as he nodded, subconsciously wiping at his face, as if that was going to magically get away of the cuts and bruises on his face. He felt exposed, almost like he didn’t have his clothes on. Linn and Eskild were making it worse as they openly stared, and when he finally laid back down on the bed, Eskild cleared his throat and looked away.

“I checked your message for you, I hope you don’t mind,” he started, placing the crackers on the nightstand. “Even texted asking if he could come over and ‘help you help me clean up’. You told him that I was cleaning around and that you were helping me?”

Isak could only look away guiltily as Eskild confirmed his suspicions, scratching his chin thoughtfully. “Well, he wants to come over. He seems kind of persistent because he sent around 10 more texts after that. Should I let him come? Maybe his company would be good for you.”

Even couldn’t come over. He couldn’t see him like this, beaten up and bruised. Even had never seen him in such a state before, so how was he going to react when he saw Isak now? Isak wouldn’t be able to kiss him because of his busted lip, and he wouldn’t be able to even look at him because of how atrocious he looked. But why should he care about what Even thought? He was going to leave him anyway, so in the end, it wasn’t going to matter what he thought. Even would forget about it as soon as he left. He was going to forget about _him_ as soon as he left.

But Isak wasn’t sure what would happen when Even did come. What if they got into a fight as well? What if Even ended up adding to the splashes of dull colors on his face? All the possibilities were making his head hurt, and he really didn’t want to get into another fight. The last thing he needed was to look uglier and have another panic attack.

“No,” Isak finally said, pulling one of Eskild’s pillows and holding it close, hoping he didn’t get blood on it. “I know that he’s going to try and come anyway, but can you just please tell him not to come? Do anything to not let him in.” Isak never feared Even before in his life. Although he might’ve spread rumors and said horrible things about him, he wasn’t scared of him. Pissed, sure, but scared? There was no reason to be scared of him. Even could be one of the sweetest people out there, but there wasn’t much he could do that would deem him scary in any way. But today, Isak was scared of him, shaking at the prospect of what would happen if Even were to come. He had never seen Even throw a punch, and he would believe him if he said that he never punched someone before. But Even punching Isak would be worse than Jonas’s beating, because of course, it was his boyfriend, and no one could ever believe that Even was capable of landing a decent blow.

With that plea, Eskild got off the bed and headed out of the door, motioning for Linn to follow along. They turned off the light and closed the door behind themselves, leaving Isak alone in the vast darkness once again. He needed to start packing. He should start tomorrow if he actually wanted to go anywhere. He also needed to get the money from his bank account tomorrow. It was going to be eventful on Sunday, so if he didn’t get the rest he needed today, how was he supposed to find the energy to even _breathe_ tomorrow?

 

  
Sunday passed by the same as Saturday – with Isak lying motionlessly on Even’s bed. The ginger didn’t seem to mind, even with Isak’s room was clean of all the blood. He slept there during the night and came to his room only if he really needed something, which wasn’t very often.

Before he knew it, Monday was back with a full vengeance. Isak knew that he wasn’t about to go anywhere, but Eskild came back into his room, knocking softly and towering over him.

“You’re not going to school again, are you?” He asked in a matter-of-fact tone. Isak grunted, pulling the covers over his head. He could hear the sigh of disappointment coming from Eskild as he shifted his weight.

“You can’t stay here all day again. I know that you’re kind of worried about your face and Jonas and everything, but you have to go back You still want to graduate, right? When you do, you won’t have to see Jonas or any of those kids again. Just go back and finish these last weeks of school. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

“I don’t really care anymore,” Isak mumbled, his voice gruff from sleep. “I don’t need to finish school to get a job. I can just work at an office or something, or I’ll finish school somewhere else.”

“Didn’t you tell me that you wanted to be a lawyer?” Eskild asked, walking around to face Isak and gently pulling the covers off of his head. “You can’t be a lawyer without going to law school, and you can’t go to law school without going finishing high school.” Eskild scratched his head, thinking carefully of what to say next. “Listen, Isakyaki. You’re not going to feel this way forever, and these kids at your school aren’t going to act this way towards you forever. Ten years from not, it’ll hardly matter what they thought about you or how much they hated you. They’re going to be too busy with their own lives and you’ll be too busy with yours. You hardly started your life yet, so don’t let a bunch of bullies ruin it for you.”

“It’s not that easy. You’re not the one getting beat up or mocked at. You don’t have to deal with looks from people you know and don’t know. Teachers don’t give you bad grades in school and ask for you to see them after class, and you don’t have to deal with rumors.” He took a deep breath before he got too worked up. “Just let me stay home, please. I promise I won’t be in bed all day, I’ll do something and clean around or whatever.”

Eskild was definitely skeptical. “Isak, you need an education. Go to school and just ignore everyone if that’s what it takes for you to get through your day.”

“What do you think I’ve been trying to do? Nothing works, Eskild, just _please_ , let me stay home. Don’t make me beg, Eskild.”

“You’re overreacting, Isak,” Eskild started, putting his hands on his hips. “You’ll have Even by your side if you feel like people are bothering you. I know that he’s really protective over you and that he doesn’t like it when people pick on you, so you don’t have anything to worry about. Just explain to him and he’ll happily tell people to back off.”

“Eskild, _please_ ,” Isak continued, his voice becoming wet with tears. Eskild’s expression became more passionate when he saw the edges of Isak’s eyes moisten. Isak was crying way too much this week, and the last thing that he wanted was for Isak to cry again, but he needed to go to school. He couldn’t keep putting it off. There was no valid reason to keep him here again. Unless he could make a trade deal…

“If I let you stay here today, do you promise to let me take you to a psychologist later on?” He asked, watching as Isak’s eyes widened. “Because seriously, Isak, if you don’t want to go to school and you hardly get out of bed, you’re probably slipping back. You don’t want to do anything anymore, and it’s even worrying Linn. And how do you think Even’s coping with this? You don’t even want to see him.”

“There’s no way in hell that I’m going to see a psychologist again.” Isak spat, glaring. “And Even understands that I don’t want him around right now. It doesn’t mean that I still don’t love him anymore.”

“Think about it,” Eskild said, crossing his arms. “The anger you felt when Even initially spread the rumors may be coming back, unless it’s something else. Did you guys get into a fight or something? He’s your boyfriend, you should at least allow him to make you feel better, but instead you’re pushing him away. You were there for him when he wasn’t feeling well, why can’t he be here for you?”

“What’s he going to do to help? Give me a hug and tell me everything’s alright?” Isak completely ignored the fight question, just to keep Eskild from knowing about his plan. “I feel like he just wanted to get back together to make himself feel better, rather than just be there for me.”

“If that was the case, then why would he be asking to visit constantly? He texted me yesterday practically begging me to let him come over and just stay with you. Maybe you _need_ a hug from him or something. He can talk to you and make your day. I don’t know, I feel like he would be more successful at getting you out of bed, because obviously I’m not doing anything to help you go.”

“That’s because I’m not going. I told you, I can’t go back. If I go, I can guarantee you that I’m going to have an attack or breakdown or something, and you don’t want that, do you?”

“If you’re having panic attacks and breakdowns, you should go see a psychologist for that, no?” He lightly patted Isak on the shoulder, opening his blinds. “Come on, just go. If you have an attack or breakdown or anything just call me and I’ll come and pick you up. I’ll be really happy if you make it through the whole day, though. I’m sure Even’s going to be really sad if you don’t go today,” He pouted, waiting for Isak to get up.

Finally, the blonde swallowed thickly before getting up from his bed and standing, feeling disoriented from the suddenness of it all. His head was pounding and body ached all over. His stomach was doing flips and his eyes burned, reminding him just how much he slept during the weekend. There was no way he was going to be able to last the whole day, so Eskild was just going to have to be disappointed. “Okay. You better have your phone on you.”

Eskild nodded and Isak trudged to the bathroom, closing the door behind him and starting the water up. Maybe today wasn’t going to be a bad day. It wasn’t like he was going to see any of his tormentors after Wednesday again, so he couldn’t understand why his head was swimming or why his legs felt like jelly. He just needed to stop overthinking it, like Eskild said. He was overreacting.

He got into the shower, the feeling of dread only becoming more prevalent as he washed himself. What was Even going to say about him? It was going to be impossible for him to just act like nothing ever happened. What about Chris? The only thing he would be receiving were looks today, and maybe someone would decide to add to the cacophony that was on his face.

Or maybe everyone would just continue on their day. They would take a glance at his face and just assume that he was jumped by someone else for fun. They would never understand the story behind it, and that relieved Isak while also making him feel worse. He should at least have a chance to explain himself, why he got beaten up and how it wasn’t really his fault, although he tried his best to provoke Jonas.

Getting out of the shower, he dried himself and changed into just another hoodie and jeans back inside of his room. His snapbacks still laid untouched on a corner of his desk, begging for him to wear them once again. He walked past them, making a grab for his phone and scrolling through the messages that he had missed during the weekend. He hardly picked up his phone since Jonas came over.

He had received so many from Even from the days prior, responding to the lie about helping Eskild, and then asking if he was alright and wondering if it was okay for him to come over. The texts got more frantic as time progressed, ending in a cluster of missed calls. He hadn’t received any texts from Jonas, and he wasn’t sure why he was expecting anything. Finally, at the top of his notifications, was a single text from Even asking if he was coming to school today.

The good idea of surprising Even came to his mind as he ignored the texts and shoved his phone into his pocket, walking out of his room. Eskild was in the kitchen, sitting on the table on his phone. “Can you drop me off?” Isak asked, absentmindedly adjusting his hair like it was going to hide the marks Jonas left behind. Eskild nodded and got up, walking over to the door and going to the car.

They were both silent the whole ride there, and Isak enjoyed how quiet it was. Even was probably going to talk up a storm when he got back to school – Even was getting closer to having a manic episode, Isak could just feel it. But if it did come, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do about it. Hopefully he wouldn’t be there when he did have one, or when it reached a peak. He knew how selfish he sounded, but it would probably be best for himself if he wasn’t around when Even had another episode.

“Eskild?” He asked, keeping his eyes trained on the blurring streets and trees outside of the window. “I think Even’s manic again, but if something happens, what should I do?” It was always good for him to take some precautions just in case Even did something before he had the chance to leave.

The ginger kept his eyes ahead, his mind wrapped in deep contemplation of what he should say. “If he does have a manic episode, I don’t think it’ll be as bad as the ones he had before. Well, at least I hope it isn’t. It’ll probably be something small, because I don’t see anything to be drastically different with him. But if he is manic, just be there for him. He could really use your support during those times, especially if he becomes depressed or anything.”

 _That’s not going to work because you’ll be gone when he decides to act up._ Isak pushes the thoughts asides as he uneasily says, “Okay.” They pull up into the school, and he can already see Even’s car parked in its usual spot. So he was here today, which Isak guessed was a good thing. He didn’t really see him outside of the school, but he guessed that if he walked past the parking lot, he would see Even for sure, talking to Chris or William or something.

Isak didn’t make a move to get out of the car. He remembers being this way on his first day of middle school, when most of his friends from elementary went to a different school. He still had Eva and Jonas, though, but now he only had Eva. Eskild wasn’t rushing him, but he could see how much he wanted Isak to go and try to finish school. But as Isak sat and watched everyone outside talking, he couldn’t find the courage to go and talk to anyone. Fear tied him to his seat, an unseen rope that bounded him to the black leather of the car chair. School was going to start and Eskild had other things to do, so he should probably just get over it and step out the car, right? He moved his hand up to the knob, biting his lip.

 _What are you so afraid of?_ His own thoughts belittled the way he was feeling at the moment, but he couldn’t describe the intense feeling in his chest. He should’ve stayed home; his mind was going to blow everything out of proportion and he should’ve known that already. Eskild shouldn’t have forced him to leave the house, and now he was probably going to have a full-on meltdown in the car.

A warm hand was placed on his shoulder and he whipped around, his eyes meeting with Eskild’s. He hadn’t realized how intensely he was looking out of the window until Eskild’s hand started gently rubbing his back. “You know you can’t stay here forever, right. You have to go in sooner or later, and it’ll probably be better if you go now.”

Nodding, Isak waved timidly and opened the car down, his feet landing on the gravel below him. His legs immediately went to jelly again and he nearly fell over, but regained his balance as he held on tightly to the car. He took a few deep, reassuring breaths and repeated to himself _it’s going to be okay_ as he made his way to the crowded front of the school.

The first thing he noticed was Jonas talking to their friends, probably telling them what an asshole Isak was. If he wasn’t friends with Jonas, then there was no chance in hell that Isak was going to be there friends either. It wasn’t like they were going to like him anyway if Jonas didn’t. The practically believe everything he says, like he’s some kind of god, and if they kept treating him like that, then Jonas might develop a god complex.

He kept his head bowed, not wanting to meet their eyes when someone realized that it was him. He should probably pull his hoodie up to avoid drawing attention to himself, but doing that would probably just be counterproductive. Maybe he should hold his head up high and just own the fact that he got beat up, because even if someone studied him, they wouldn’t be able to tell if he won the fight or not. Telling a lie about winning a fight probably wouldn’t be the best thing to do though, since he wouldn’t be able to keep his story straight for long and he was too scared of whether or not anyone would believe that he was actually capable of _getting_ into a fight.

Upon getting deeper inside the school, he saw Even on the steps, doing something on his phone. A smile was stretched across his face, like he just received some really good news. He started to approach him but stopped abruptly in his tracks. Should he really do this? He didn’t want to get too close, what if Even got mad because he didn’t respond to his texts?

It was too late to back out when Even caught him staring, and his smile widened he stood and Isak relaxed, letting the tall blonde walk over and wrap him up in a hug. He returned it, not realizing how much he missed him since Friday.

“Hey,” he said, placing a kiss on his forehead. Isak rested his head in the space between his neck, just where they both liked it. Even stroked Isak’s freshly washed hair, both of them standing still and dissolving in the other’s touch. Isak didn’t want to pull away in fear that Even was going to deeply study his face and ask what happened, although he was pretty surprised that he hadn’t asked about it when he first laid his eyes on him this morning.

But their moment of reunion had to come to an end when Even gently pulled away, smiling sadly. “I missed over the weekend. I wanted to come over but Eskild told me that you weren’t really feeling well.” He brushed his thumb over a healing cut on Isak’s cheek, only letting the blonde know that Even wasn’t blatantly ignoring the mess that was his face. But he knew the dreaded question was coming.

“Who did this to you?” He asked, his voice low and almost a whisper as he continued to inspect his face. “Is this why you didn’t want me coming over?”

Isak shrugged, ignoring both questions. His eyes flickered to Jonas, wondering if he saw them talking and if he really cared. Probably not, but he was still curious. That split second where his eyes flickered to Jonas was enough time for Even to catch on, and his eyes followed the direction where Isak has looked moments ago. “Jonas?” He asked, holding his gaze on the black-haired boy.

Realizing the mistake he made, Isak shook his head nervously. “No, it wasn’t him, just don’t worry about it.” He tried getting Even to look at him by gently grabbing Even’s chin, but the taller boy only swatted it away.

“Why the hell is he punching you?” Even asked, his complete attention on Jonas now. “Aren’t you guys friends? What the hell kind of friend beats the other up?”

“We just got into a fight, Even. Leave it alone.” The way Even was so focused was an indicator to Isak that Even wasn’t going to give this up so easily, and Isak wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Secretly, he loved seeing this possessive, protective side of Even, but only to an extent.

“Isak, how the _fuck_ am I supposed to leave you alone?” He yelled, and several heads started turning in their direction. Isak desperately tried shushing him, but that proved to be ineffective. Even’s voice only got louder. “If he’s going to do that to you, then he deserves to get his fucking head punched in.” With that, Even pulled away from Isak, angrily making his way to Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi.

Isak’s heart froze as Even made his way closer, the way his body was tense only went to show how miffed he was, but Isak wholeheartedly feared what was to come next. He watched at as three of them turned their heads in Even’s direction, quizzical expressions written all over their faces. From where Isak was standing, he couldn’t exactly hear what was going on. All he could hear was yelling from Even’s side. Jonas’s mouth moved, still looking confused. It was at that moment where Even’s hand went flying and knocked Jonas square in the chin.

The familiar pressure constricted Isak’s chest again, rendering him unable to breathe properly. It was almost like a scene in a movie. Isak was unable to move as Jonas went down while Magnus and Mahdi screamed at Even, asking if he was insane. Everyone was watching at that point, panic descending upon the schoolyard. Jonas didn’t get back up, and the two that were with him previously were now on the ground, calling out to him. Even was only towering over the chaos he created as he continued to spit insults at him.

A few seconds later, he shook it off and attempted to stand once again, but Even pushed him back and joined him on the ground, red knuckles repeating the same motions – rearing his hand back and aiming it right for Jonas’s face and neck. Mahdi and Magnus tried pulling Even off, but he only twisted out of their grip, yelling at them to not touch him.

Finally, Isak was able to move and he started running to where the fight was happening as more and more students crowded around. He shoved his way past the bystanders and made it to the center where a bloodied Jonas was helpless against a suddenly powerful Even. He put his fear aside as he grabbed Even’s shoulder, yelling at him. “Even, leave him alone! You’re going to kill him!”

Jonas might as well be dead judging from the sounds of blood and spit gurgling in the back of his throat. Isak had to look away, the mere sight itself enough to give him nausea. Even opened his mouth to yell something, but Isak cut him off, his voice cracking as he continued his efforts to get Even to back up.

“Even, stand up and step away from him, _please_ ,” Isak begged, his hands trembling on Even’s shoulders. Even didn’t make a move, just staring into Isak’s eyes, until finally he stood. The teachers had just missed the best of the fight as they came dashing over to the huge crowd of students. The pair of eyes on them were almost enough to make Isak actually throw up, but he complied when the teachers asked him to come along with them. From behind, he could hear someone call an ambulance.

Even didn’t say anything as they were both escorted to an office, where Isak already knew that both of their parents were going to be called. Well, Even’s parents and Eskild were going to be called. School had hardly started and it was highly likely that Isak was already going to go home. This was exactly what he wanted, but not in this way. Even wasn’t supposed to get into a fight with Jonas and Jonas’s wasn’t supposed to be on the ground half-dead.

Isak knew that Even hadn’t killed Jonas, but the images of his ex-friend’s bloody face were implanted into his mind. The only thing that he knew was that Jonas was seriously hurt and definitely wasn’t coming back to school tomorrow.

They waited for a long time, waiting for Even’s mom and dad to come in and waiting for Eskild. In the door next door where they talked to the principal, Isak could hear yelling. It wasn’t from Eskild, he knew that, but rather it sounded to be a female voice. It had to be Even’s mom, the emotion in her voice unmistakable. Isak snuck glances at his eerily quiet boyfriend, and realizing that he didn’t look like he was in a fight, aside from his crimson knuckles and the small splatters of blood that littered the bottom of his shirt. He wanted to say something to Even but he couldn’t – the moment was too tense and his emotion’s too volatile. If he said the wrong thing, it could possibly be him on the ground next.

This was bound to happen sooner or later. Even was going to lose control while he was manic, but Isak never expected it to be in the form of a fight. The intense stare in Even’s eyes told Isak that his episode wasn’t over yet, thoughts racing through his head at a thousand miles per hour. He wondered what was going on in his mind. What could it be that was flooding his brain?

Isak knew that this was all because Even never took his pills. If he hadn’t lied to Isak about taking them, this could’ve been prevented. Why did he find it so difficult to go and pop a small capsule into his mouth? There were people who were desperate to take pills just to feel better, so why was he taking this opportunity for granted? Isak would gladly take pills if it meant that he could feel better again.

After what felt like a century and a year later, Eskild walked in, with Even’s parents behind him. Isak only remembers meeting Even’s boyfriend once, and they seemed like nice people. They accepted him and loved him as if he was their own son, but sometimes he was envious of Even for having such loving parents. Isak reminded himself that he still had his mom, his mind floating back to her texts for a split second.

This time, they didn’t look happy, but they didn’t look angry either. Instead they looked… guilty? Isak couldn’t put his finger on their expression, but it didn’t look like they were disappointed in Even. It was almost as if they felt that it was their fault that he had lashed out and beat the life out of a kid. Even’s mom’s eyes were red and face moist with freshly wiped tears, and Isak had to look away. He couldn’t imagine how Even felt, how he knew that he couldn’t control himself when he went after Jonas. He must’ve felt stupid for not taking his medicine like he was supposed to, for ignoring it and making up a lie to cover for it. In all honestly, Isak really wanted Even to get better, but it wasn’t Isak’s fault that Even had decided to ignore their promise. If he could just get it off his chest, he would easily say that _Even did this to himself._

After this, they were all escorted to the guidance counselor’s office, where Isak and Even would have to explain what happened and then talk about what they were going to do about it. Isak wasn’t exactly sure why he was called in along with Even, but his guess was that since everyone knew about their involvement with each other, including the teachers, he had to come.

Once everyone was settled, Ms. Olsen took a big breath. “I understand that you all were called here because of an altercation that broke out about an hour ago between your two boys and another student. The cause as to why there was a fight is unbeknownst to us, so we were hoping that Isak and Even would explain to us what happened.” She addressed the adults with such a professionalism that Isak never thought she had. He looked to Even, who was daydreaming, his gaze staring past his hands that were folding in a polite way on his lap. Isak knew that he would have to speak up and explain what happened.

“Uh,” he started, feeling the intensity of all the adult’s eyes on him. “Just, before I start I just want to tell you guys that I wasn’t really a part of this fight and that Even didn’t really mean to lose control like that.” He knew that they knew about Even’s rather precarious mental state, but wanted to say it out loud just to make sure. They all nodded and waited for him to continue.

He started to explain nearly every detail of what happened, from when Isak arrived at school to when Even knocked him to the ground. He left out the part as to why Jonas barged into his room and those personal details, because he didn’t really think it was necessary to include that. He was still uncomfortable thinking about it, so talking about it probably wouldn’t be the best thing for him right now.

When all the adults gaze him quizzical looks after his explanation, he further explained how he could feel that Even was on his way to having a manic episode, but he didn’t know it was going to happen so soon. Secretly, he wondered what would’ve happened if he hadn’t come today. This whole thing probably would’ve been prevented, but of course, Isak’s presence just had to make things worse.

When he came to the end of his long tale, all the adults stared hard at him, soaking it all in. Ms. Olsen was the first one to finish understanding and smiled sweetly.

“At least we have some closure over what happened. Even, is there anything you would like to add?”

Isak could practically see the words ready to roll off Even’s lips. He had so much to say about it, to justify his actions and to just explain his side of the story. He wanted to continue to throw insults at Jonas even though he wasn’t around to hear them. He wanted to say that Jonas was in the wrong for even touching Isak in the first place, and that he made a big mistake when he thought it was okay to mess up Isak’s face.

But with an immense amount of willpower and a quick glance at Isak, he shook his head, looking away from everyone again. With that, Ms. Olsen nodded and continued to talk to the parents.

“Do you plan on having Even see a therapist of some sort, or take some medication? The last thing we want is another fight such as this one. Jonas was seriously injured because of this, although I can assure you that he will be alright. If you’d like, I can recommend you some therapists that I know to work well with students who deal with similar problems.”

“Yes, we would love that,” Even’s mom replied, sniffing and wiping at her nose with a tissue. With that, Ms. Olsen turned her attention to Eskild. “As for Isak, I can recommend some therapists for him as well. I know that he had previous problems in the past and the fact that new problems are beginning to rise up involving him only furthers my point that he needs to see someone.”

Eskild smiled. “I have a therapist in mind, but thanks. I’ll talk to him about everything.”

Ms. Olsen gestured to the door. “You both are free to leave. Mr. Tryggvason, I suggest that you let Isak take a day off. You can sign him out at the front desk.”

Isak didn’t wave to Even as he got up. He didn’t try to sneak a glance at anyone else in the room. He was scared of what their eyes would tell him, and he was sure that they would all pin the blame on him. If it wasn’t for him, this wouldn’t have happened. He could’ve prevented this by making sure that Even was actually taking his medicine. Isak was the one who was closest to Even after all, so he truly was the only one to blame.

After taking some time to check out, Eskild and Isak eventually left and got into the car. Eskild didn’t start up the engine, and it was this morning all over again, with both of them just silent, waiting for the other to say something. This time, it was Isak who broke the silence, saying the only thing that was plaguing his mind.

“It’s all my fault,” Isak said simply, pulling his backpack to his chest. “I shouldn’t have said anything about Jonas or I should’ve made sure that he was taking his medicine or I should’ve just been there for him.”

Eskild sighed, placing a caring hand on Isak’s shoulder. “It’s not anyone’s fault, Isak, not even your fault or Even’s. This was bound to happen sooner or later, and it’s better that it was sooner. These pills have side effects remember? It’s not as simple as just taking them and being done with them.” He gently pulled on Isak’s shoulder, forcing the blonde to look him straight in the eyes. “The side effects could make it very hard for him to just get through the day. He probably was taking them at first, but the minute he felt that he was getting better, he stopped. He thought that since he was better now, he didn’t need to take them anymore because he would just be dealing with the side effects for nothing. Now, he’ll be forced to get back on them, but it’s for the best. I’m glad that you encouraged him to take his medication, though. You’re really good for him, and without you, he probably wouldn’t be doing as great as he’s doing now.”

Isak scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. “Beating Jonas up is considered as doing great? If he was doing great, he wouldn’t have gotten into a fight in the first place.”

“Honestly, Isak? It could’ve been worse, much worse. And now I know that some bad times might be coming soon because of what happened, but you’re always going to be there for him right?”

He needed to tell Eskild. He couldn’t keep it to himself anymore, because if he did, the tears might just burst out of him. He wasn’t always going to be there for Even because he was leaving on Wednesday. Even would have to fight for his sanity on his own, and everyone knew that it would be catastrophic for him to be alone like this. But Isak couldn’t change his plans. It was too late. Even decided that he didn’t want to go. He just really hoped that there would be someone to take over his spot once he was gone.

It was obvious that his plan on running away might be the most disastrous thing he could ever do. It wasn’t something he wanted to do, though – he needed to do it. He wasn’t sure how many times he was going to explain it to himself, but if he kept staying at this school, more and more things like today were going to happen, and the last thing Isak needed was the extra stress of it all.

"I don’t think I’m always going to be there for him, Eskild,” Isak drew out slowly, nervously rubbing his neck. “We might have to break up or something…”

This immediately drew Eskild’s attention. Isak didn’t have to look to see that Eskild was looking at him in surprise, astonished that he would say something like that. “Why would you break up with him? Did he do something to you? Isak, why didn’t you tell me the minute something went wrong? Was it because of the fight?”

Isak cringed at all the questions he was receiving. He didn’t know that them breaking up would cause such a surprise. “No, I mean, that fight was going to happen one way or another. Jonas and Even never really liked each other ever since the rumors started, but I… I just need some space, some time alone. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe Eskild. I have to get out of here.” He didn’t mean to say the last part out loud, it kind of just slipped out. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t mean it, though.

“What do you mean by that?” Eskild almost whispered. Isak didn’t respond, not wanting to say anything that may lead him into deeper waters than he was already in. The ginger sat there, waiting for the answer that was never going to come and leaving Isak sweating in the intensity of the conversation. Confined to the small space of the car, Isak was getting that tight feeling in his chest once again, and he took a deep breath to stop himself from hyperventilating.

Noticing the shift, Eskild started the car and pulled out of the school, driving down the street. “We’ll talk later,” he said simply, focusing his eyes on the street as he made a turn. Isak didn’t make a move to show that he heard Eskild, and sat still as he continued to stare out the window. It took all his strength for him to not explode.

They arrived home and got out of the car, Eskild walking in front of Isak as they entered their apartment. Linn was at the kitchen counter scrolling through her phone when they both walked in. She squinted as she looked at both of them. Her eyes flickered to the clock on the stove and that’s when she asked, “Doesn’t school finish at 2:30?”

Isak shifted uncomfortably ask Eskild explained. “Something happened with him, Even, and Jonas. The guidance counselor suggested that Isak take the day off, so I guess I couldn’t say no. Can you give me the number of your therapist, please?” He patted her head and she scowled, pulling up the contacts on her phone.

“I don’t need a therapist,” Isak protested weakly, his voice as feeble as his mental state. It wouldn’t be a good idea, considering that Isak was leaving soon. If he got a therapist, he probably wouldn’t even be attending his first session depending on when Eskild scheduled it. He only had two days until he could leave, _two days_. Why did this have to happen so closely to the day of his independence?

Well, technically he wouldn’t be independent. He was turning 18 in June, so his parents and Eskild still had control over him. He knew that the moment he turned 18, there would be no way for them to force him to come back. He just had to stay hidden for a little longer, and once he did, he was free. He would be truly free.

“…you’re going through. Isak? Were you even listening to me?” Eskild waved his hands in front of Isak, and Isak blinked, bringing himself back down to reality. Concerned, Eskild stared at him for a second longer before going to the fruit bowl and grabbing an apple. He handed it to Isak and instructed him to sit down and eat. Just the mere sight of the apple made Isak’s stomach churn, and he shook his head, sitting down. He saw him and Linn exchange glances, before Eskild sat down across from him on their kitchen table. Linn joined them, making Isak shrink further in his seat. This isn’t what he wanted, to be interrogated then told that everything was going to be alright. That was what a therapist was for, and even then, he still didn’t want to see one.

“Seriously, Isak. It doesn’t matter what you want anymore, because all you want is hurt.” The bluntness of Eskild’s voice made Isak bite his lip, looking away. “I will never be able to understand why you refuse to accept help, but what I do know is that I’m not going to let you suffer anymore. You can’t keep acting like you don’t need to see someone or that you’re fine. Your boyfriend spread rumors about you, your dad was an asshole, and your best friend thought it was okay to beat the shit out of you. It’s not okay, and I don’t want things to get worse while you continue to stow away your feelings. You said that sometimes you feel like you can’t breathe, so that only shows that you’re getting worse.”

He was talking as if Isak was some kind of patient that was progressively becoming gravely ill. But Eskild was right, he was getting worse. He never used to sleep so much before, and his appetite had never been so poor. He still wasn’t sure if he was going to see a therapist or not, but the efforts would still be useless at this point. Today, he needed to finish packing up, and then tomorrow, he would need to withdraw money from his savings, just so that he would have some cash with him on the road.

It would be so easy to just tell them both everything. He felt as if he was in trouble for just thinking about abandoning everyone that he used to hold so dear to his heart. He was grateful for all their efforts to support him and try to make him happy, but somewhere along the road, things still went wrong, and there wasn’t anything Isak could do to change that except to leave. It was his only option, and it didn’t matter if no one liked it or not.

“I know that my life’s been shit,” Isak started, thinking about what he was going to say so that he wouldn’t have any more slip-ups. “I get that bad things happened to me, but Eskild, I can deal with the stress of it. Some people are better or dealing with stress and grief or that kind of thing, and I’m one of those people. I can deal with these situations and still make it out alive. I don’t need a therapist to make me feel better. They only ask me questions and talk about things I don’t want to talk about. Besides, if anything was bothering me, I would come to you first. There’s nothing to really discuss with a therapist. You don’t need to pay all that extra money.”

“You say that, but the way you’re handling your stress is unhealthy. You’re oversleeping and undereating. You say that there’s nothing to talk about, when obviously there is so much you want to say. You’re distancing yourself from everyone Isak, like you’re scared for anyone to get too close to you. You didn’t even want your boyfriend to stay and comfort you during the weekend. You can’t be doing this alone, Isak. And if you don’t want to see a therapist, let’s at least take one trip to the psychologist. I want to see if it’s just something minor or if… you’re actually depressed. And if you’re so sure that you aren’t depressed, then you wouldn’t bother trying to stop me from making an appointment.”

There was no use in fighting it. Eskild will realize what a waste it was when he finds out that Isak didn’t come back home. Reluctantly, he nodded, standing up. “I’ll be in my room if you need me.” Without letting either of them answer, he walked briskly in the direction of his quarters. He could hear the murmuring of both of them as he closed and locked the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the (sorta?) late upload, this weekend has been so eventful! i just wanted to say thanks to those who have stuck with me this far and thanks to new readers as well!


	15. Even's House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak goes to Even's house and sees him one last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyone is having a great memorial day weekend!

Isak had spent the rest of the day stuffing things into a large backpack that he found in the corner of his closet. It wasn’t too hard to put all the things he wanted into the bag – he didn’t have an emotional attachment to most of his clothes, so it wasn’t too hard. It was enough to keep him clothed until he could get an actual job so he could start buying some new clothes. It was about time he changed his style.

In the back of all the clothes, Isak put in his laptop and charger with the knowledge that he charged it last night. Hopefully, it wouldn’t die by the time he actually needed it. He also grabbed his spare toothbrush and toothpaste, along with other necessities that he was sure to use.

While he was packing, there was a soft knock at his door. Isak groaned internally as he knew that it couldn’t be anyone but Eskild. If debated keeping the door locked, but he knew that it would be better if he just opened it. Reluctantly, he walked over to the door and unlocked it, faking a smile and stepping aside. At this, Eskild returned the smile and walked in, standing still for a bit before plopping down on the bed.

The way he looked at Isak let him know that Eskild still didn’t want to drop their conversation from earlier. If he took that long to come back, he must’ve meditated deeply about this. He took a deep breath and clasped his hands together. “Listen, Isak. Why are you so against getting help? I mean, it’s nothing to be ashamed of – believe me. Honestly, I just… I just want you to talk to me.”

That’s what everyone was telling Isak these days. It wasn’t that he didn’t have anything to tell them, rather, he still wasn’t sure if he could trust anyone with his secrets anymore. And if he said that out loud, everyone would just believe that he hadn’t gotten over what Even did, even if it was true. Isak wanted to hit himself on the head – he wasn’t making much sense right now, and he probably wasn’t going to be making any sense to Even.

“What can I say to get you to leave me alone?” Isak asked, his voice coming out sharper than he intended. He winced at how Eskild’s face scrunched up, thinking of how to respond while keeping his hands off of Isak.

“Well, talk to me whenever you’re ready. I just wanted to let you know that I scheduled an appointment with a psychologist for tomorrow afternoon. It’s going to be at three, so as soon as school is finished, I’ll be there to pick you up. I promise you, it’s nothing to worry about. They’re just going to ask you a few questions and then you’re done.”

“If only it were that easy,” Isak said, grabbing his phone and sitting on the bed next to Eskild. He propped himself against the headboard of the bed and scrolled through his phone. “It’s a pass or fail kind of thing. The only difference between this test and any other that I take at school is that the results of this test can change my life forever.” He shifted his gaze to Eskild, staring expectantly into his eyes. “Am I not right?”

“No, no. You are,” Eskild cleared his throat and leaned against the headboard as well. “Isak, the only reason why I’m doing all of this for you is because I care. We all care about you, especially Even. His mom called me shortly before I came over here. She said that he isn’t doing any better, and that he’s lost his temper again. She thinks that he would be more responsive to you, seeing that you guys are really close.” He played with his fingers. “You should go over. I know both of you are going through some things right now, but you guys have to be there for each other. You need each other to get better, and if things don’t go so well tomorrow, then you’re going to need him to lean on, just like he need you right now.”

Defensively, Isak glared. “Who said I wasn’t there for him? I try my hardest to be there for him, to make sure that he’s happy and doesn’t do anything that he would regret. Today was way out of my control.”

“I didn’t say that you weren’t there for him, you told me yourself earlier. You said that you wanted to break up with him because you needed some space, that you couldn’t breathe or whatever, and I still don’t understand what you mean by that. You told me that you didn’t think that you would always be there for him. How could you say something like that? And I’m not trying to accuse you of anything, but why would you say that?”

Isak threw his arms up, nearly dropping his phone in the process. “I don’t know, Eskild! I just want to be alone! Right now, dealing with my problems and handling Even is too much for me, and it’s stressing me out. The last thing I needed was for Even to have another episode.” He knew how selfish he sounded, but it was true. He hadn’t thought about it that much until now. It was a good idea that Even wasn’t coming along with him up north. Who knew how many more episodes he would have like the one today? Who knew what was going to happen when it was just the two of them? Even would probably keep lying about his medication, leading to more and more episodes until things finally blew out of proportion. Right now, the only people who were good for Even were his parents. They knew him best, better than Isak could.

“Do you think he wanted to get into a fight with Jonas? It wasn’t his fault, Isak.”

“But it was his fault! He didn’t want to talk his medicine and lied to me about it! Maybe if he told the truth and took his pills, none of us would have to deal with this in the first place!”

“Isak, there’s no need to yell,” Eskild said, which only made Isak want to yell even more. “It’s hard for some people to take their pills, especially with all the side effects. It can get tough sometimes, so it makes sense that he wouldn’t want to take them. Just put yourself in his shoes for a moment before you go and accuse him, okay? I still think that you should go over there and check on him or something. I’ll come with you and just talk to his parents. We won’t stay long, I promise.”

There was no way that this was going to end well, Isak could just feel it. He wasn’t sure if his episode was over yet or not, most likely not. If Even lost his temper again, what if he aimed for Isak this time? His face was still in the process of healing, and the last thing he wanted was for it to get punched in again. But a new idea popped into his head, although this probably wasn’t the best time for him to do this.

Even was most likely suspended, so there was no chance that he was going back to school this week. That meant that there would be no way for Isak to break up with Even unless he went over to his house after school on Tuesday, which he wouldn’t have time to do. If he did it today, then he wouldn’t have to worry about breaking up with him in an inconvenient way. This was the best time to do this. He had to make sure that he didn’t screw it up.

“Okay,” he said, mocking reluctance. He got up and sneakily kicked his bag under the bed. He walked over to his closet and grabbed a hoodie, throwing it on and stuffing his phone into his pocket. “Well, let’s go now. I’m tired.”

With that, Eskild stood they both walked out of the apartment door, heading down to the car and driving off.

 

  
“Good evening,” Even’s mom greeted, stepping aside so they could step in. “Thank you both so much for coming over.” Her gaze shifted over Isak, and she smiled, her eyes tired. “Even’s in his room, sweetheart. Just a warning, he was very upset when we came back earlier. I’m not sure if he cooled off by now, he hasn’t come out since then.”

With that, Isak nodded and ran upstairs, stopping right in front of the closed bedroom door. Music was playing, a song with a fast beat. So he wasn’t sleeping, and probably not doing something like reading a book. He knocked, softly enough so that it didn’t cause alarm but loud enough that Even could hear it. The music stopped and there were no sounds for a moment, and Isak knocked again just for good measure. Footsteps got louder until eventually, the door swung open and Isak was meet with wide eyes. A smile formed across Even’s face and he leaped forward, giving Isak a big hug.

“Isak,” he murmured into Isak’s shoulder, rocking back and forth. Isak jumped but quickly returned the hug, smiling a little. “You’re here.” He pulled away, looking Isak up and down. “I had to deal with my mom and dad all day and I didn’t think I could stand it. My mom kept bothering me about how I should stop fighting, but you know I don’t get into fights much. It’s stupid – I don’t get why I would have to get suspended, and then the principal thinks that I should get expelled because of it but that doesn’t make sense either –”

“Wait,” Isak said, narrowing his eyes. “You’re going to get expelled?”

“I said that the principal is thinking about it, but I doubt that it’s going to happen. God, they made it such a big deal, but I do kind of feel bad, but I heard that he might be in the hospital for a while. I wasn’t trying to land him in the hospital, I was just trying to get him to understand the pain that he caused you. But maybe he did deserve it for beating you up like that, I mean, what kind of asshole do you have to be in order to do that to your friend? He’s seriously messed up for doing that to you and he deserved it. He had it coming to him and –”

“Even, stop,” Isak said, stepping in and closing the door behind himself. The desk was cluttered with painting and coloring supplies, along with some pictures done off to the side. His laptop was open, and Isak could only guess that this was where the music was coming from. His room was a mess, and it was obvious that Even didn’t make it a priority to clean it up. Even gave him a weird look but Isak but a finger to his lips, effectively shushing him.

“Stop talking and let me talk for once,” Isak said and pointed to the bed. He didn’t mean to be so assertive, but the only way Even was going to listen was if he if showed that he was the one in control. Even sat on the bed and stared up at Isak, waiting for him to talk as he so desired.

“Look, I really wish you didn’t get into that fight today,” Isak said, running his fingers through his hair. “I know that Jonas and I aren’t on speaking terms anymore, but the fact that you beat him up like that only told me that now, we can never fix our relationship. I kind of hoped that there was going to be a chance that maybe we could go and say sorry to each other, but now that’s not going to work because he going to think that I sent you to beat him up for me. And now, he’s in the hospital and neither of us know what’s happening to him yet, and everything’s a mess. I know you couldn’t really help but get into a fight, but damn it Even, why did you have to lie about your pills if you knew that you were going to have an episode?”

“It wasn’t supposed to get that bad, Isak!” He shouted, using his hands to gesture to himself. “I was getting better Isak, I swear. Things were fine, I don’t know what happened. I was feeling okay, but then at school when I saw your face and I realized that it was Jonas who did this to you, I just got so angry at him…” All of Even’s words were mixing together, and Isak could hardly understand a word he was saying. He stared hard at Even as he continued to rant, his hands gesturing wildly as he spoke.

“Where are your meds now? There’s no way that your parents didn’t force you to take it.”

“They did, but I’m not going to take them, Isak. I’m not dealing with those fucking migraines again and shit like that. You don’t get it, Isak, you’d never understand it.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Isak said, crossing his arms. He hoped Even couldn’t see the way he was shaking; how nervous he was. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Even was going to react to the way he let him down. It was certainly not going to end well for them, and the dread continued to mount up in his chest. “What would you rather, migraines or more manic episodes that would get you into trouble?”

Even shrugged, but he didn’t agree to Isak’s methods. They stayed still, staring at each other and waiting for one to say something. Even must’ve known that Isak wanted to say something, as he tilted his head, waiting for Isak to go on. The blonde swallowed and looked out the window, thinking of a way to say this.

“Even,” he started, his heart racing and his legs turning to jelly once again. He walked over to the cluttered desk and sat down, running his fingers through his hair once again. “Uh, things aren’t really easy for me right now, and I think I need some space.” He didn’t dare meet Even’s eyes, afraid of what he might see. “It’s not you, I promise, it’s me. Maybe when things cool down, then we can just work things out, but for now I just really need to be alone.”

There was silence, and Isak couldn’t tell what Even was thinking. Judging by his silence, Even must not have been too happy. Finally, Isak just tore his eyes from the window and looked at Even, who was staring down at the ground, or rather past it.

“So, you’re breaking up with me,” Even said, more of a statement than a question. His voice did nothing to betray how he felt – hurt and rejected. But wasn’t it Even who broke things off in the first place? Isak wasn’t the bad guy here if Even was perceiving him to be, he was just telling the truth.

“Yea. I’m sorry again, Even. If I just take some time for myself, then maybe things would be better between us, because I know they kind of suck right now. When you start taking your meds and when I get my shit together, then I guess we can continue things where we left off.” He shrugged as if trying to say that’s the way it has to be. But Even didn’t agree. Isak could see that he didn’t agree, that he didn’t want this to be their future.

“What do you need space from, me? Isak, it was one fight. Are you seriously going to let that separate us? I thought you loved me. Whatever’s been bothering you, we can go through it together. I want to be there for you, Isak. Why won’t you let me?” His voice cracked on the last words, and Isak could see that he was about to cry. And it wasn’t going to be the quiet, calm crying. It was going to be the loud, angry, hurling objects kind of crying. Isak knew that he had to get out of there before it could get out of hand.

Isak stood, making his way to the door. “Because it’s more than you can understand. I don’t think you’ll be seeing me as much as you do now after this, but I really hope that this could help us fix both of our problems.” He stuck his hand in his pocket and the other on the knob, walking out and closing the door behind him. He stood there for a moment, seeing if he could hear any movement from the other side of the door. There was nothing, and after what had to be about two minutes, Isak walked downstairs.

Eskild and Even’s parents were both talking in low whispers, much like how Linn and Eskild were talking about Isak earlier after he went to his room. They all turned to him, their expressions sober. “Is he alright?” His mom asked, taking a few cautious steps toward him. Isak could only shrug again, to show that he didn’t know what else to say. Thankfully, she got the hint as she nodded and slumped against the counter. Isak shot a glance toward Eskild and cleared his throat, gesturing his head toward the door.

“Thank you so much for letting us come over today,” Eskild said, making his way toward the door. “I hope Even feels better.”

Even’s father walked over to the door and opened it, a warm smile stretched across his face. “We are so grateful that you both came over. He will be getting better, we are trying our best to get him back on his medication. Thank you Isak for talking to Even, you’ll be seeing him soon.” Eskild and Isak walked out, getting into their car and putting their seatbelts on in silence. Isak bit his lips, thinking back to how quiet Even was when he left the room. What if he had only made things worse? What was going to happen now that he wasn’t going to see him again? Did he forget how damn vulnerable Even was, even when he was manic? But this was probably for the best, right? His parents are putting him back on his meds, so he’ll be fine…right?

“Isak? What is it?” Eskild asked, his eyes wide and hands on the steering wheel. Isak sucked in a breath, relaxing his body from the tense position he was in. He shook his head, pushing hair away from his face as he looked up at Eskild. He could already tell that his eyes were glassy, and that his voice was going to sound wet as he spoke.

“I think I fucked up, Eskild,” he said, gasping and trying to take a deep breath. He knew he needed to calm down, but he didn’t know what to do when he was stuck in a small car with the windows rolled up. Eskild placed a hand on his hunched back, rubbing reassuring ovals. Isak willed himself to at least not cry if he was going to hyperventilate, and he closed his eyes as he swallowed thickly. Eskild’s hand never moved from his back.

“You broke up with him, didn’t you?” Eskild asked in a soft voice. The fact that Eskild already knew that was what he was going to say made Isak force out a dry laugh. “Isak, it’s not too late for you to go and make things up with him. We’re still here, you could go back in and talk to him. I’ll be here, take as long as you need.”

“But I needed to do this, Eskild. I have to put myself before anyone else.”

“I’m glad that you know that, but are you sure it’s the right thing to do? It’s during times like these that Even needs you. You can’t just run away because you ‘need some space’. A relationship is a commitment, Isak. When you both decided to date, you made the decision and promise to stick with each other no matter what happens.”

Isak shook his head, resting his head on the dashboard as his breathing finally evened out. “I don’t think it was a good relationship to begin with. We both have our own problems and we can’t help each other if we’re both suffering. We both have to get better if we want good things to happen between us, and with everything else that’s happening with me I just don’t want any more problems.”

I thought you loved me. Even’s words rang in Isak’s head loud and resounding. Wasn’t he doing this because he loved Even? He really cared about his mental health and wellbeing, and Isak wasn’t helping him get better, so this was best for both of them. He had to keep reminding himself that he was making the right choice, even if it was hurting one of the only people left in the world that cared about him.

“Isak, I understand that things are hard for you right now but –”

“Do you really know, Eskild?” Isak snapped, bringing his head up so that he was looking directing at the ginger. He flinched away from his touch, and Eskild withdrew his hand. “Do you really understand all the shit I had to deal with this school year? This was one of the worst years of my life, and you think you understand that things are hard for me. Not everything’s fucking black and white, Eskild. There isn’t just an answer to every problem because it’s never that damn easy.” He wasn’t sure where the energy had come from to snap at Eskild like that, but now, he had to get all these things off his chest. “I lost my dad, my best friend, and my boyfriend this year. I lost the respect of so many people at my school, and all my friends that used to like me are now spreading these false rumors about me. I’m not going to graduate this year because of my grades and my teachers keep pushing summer school onto me, but I can’t stand stepping foot into that school again. My mom is fucking crazy and sends me shit that I can’t understand, and I can’t even pay for my own damn rent. So you understand that things are just ‘hard’ for me?” His hands were tremoring at this point, and he had to hold them together in order to tame them. There was so much pain and hurt behind his words, something that made his heart hurt just from telling Eskild how he really felt. He finally released a sigh and shook his head, looking out the window. “Just take me home, please. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

Eskild stared at Isak for a good hard minute before putting his hands back on the steering wheel, driving back. Isak rested his cheek on the cool glass and just let the sensation seep into his skin and distract him from feeling so hopeless, even if it was just for a moment. There was just so many things that he wanted to say, but he couldn’t say it. But at the rate he was spilling everything to Eskild, he was going to be an open book before he knew it.

They arrived back at the apartment and Isak hopped out of the car before Eskild could turn off the engine. He rushed into his room and locked the door, throwing his clothes off and onto the ground and getting into his sleeping clothes. His whole body was tremoring now, and he collapsed onto his bed, turning off the light and covering himself as fully as possible. Tomorrow was his appointment with the psychologist, but there was no way that he was going to go. If he went, he was just going to be a sobbing mess and it was going to delay his departure, he was sure of it. There was no shame in not going, although it would probably piss Eskild off. Should he go or should he not go? That was the question that Isak still couldn’t answer, but it was starting to seem like he was going. The last thing he wanted was to disappoint someone else that he loved, so he was going to go. And maybe in a way, this would be a way of making it up to Even. He didn’t know how to explain it, but he could feel it. He flipped over and pulled a pillow over his head. Tomorrow was going to be a life-changing day that he wasn’t ready for.


	16. One More Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak visits the psychologist after a stressful day at school.

Isak was curious as to what was going to happen at school again today, but things were sure to be a little more difficult without Even or Jonas to back him up, not like he needed them anyway. He woke up that morning half an hour later than he usually did (after begging Eskild) so he could make it to school right when it started.

His plan worked as he got to school just as the warning bell went off. He made his way to Biology and sat next to Sana, who was still surprisingly still his partner. When he sat down, she smirked and shook her head, which soon turned out to full out laughter. He gave her an odd look, and when she didn’t stop, he put his notebook down. “What Sana?”

“Nothing,” she said, starting on the warmup and continue to chuckle.

“Damn it, Sana, what is it?”

“Okay, okay,” she caved in, turning and trying her best not to burst out in laughter. Isak was taken by surprised at how she was talking to him again, as if they were friends. Didn’t she hate him? That’s what it seemed like last time he checked. Maybe she finally forgave him? His lips twitched into a smile as he thought about it. If Sana was really his friend again, then at least he wouldn’t continue believing that he was losing everyone.

But it wasn’t what he expected at all. “You have to tell me if this is true or not, okay Isak?” He nodded, not knowing what else to do or to say.

“So, about that fight yesterday,” she started leaning in closer. “Was it true that Even and Jonas were fighting over you because you fucked Jonas? And that you both were doing some BDSM or whatever and then Even found out and came to beat the shit out of him?”

Isak didn’t move, processing what she had said and trying to understand it for himself. What the hell? “W-Where did you hear that from?”

“I heard it from a friend, but I’m taking it that it’s true.” With that, she turned and looked back and continued working on her warmup, acting as if she hadn’t been talking to Isak.

That wasn’t even remotely true. How the hell could anyone think of a story like that and how the hell could anyone believe it? How long had people been talking about this? The fight had only been yesterday, and there was already a story out. Isak picked up his pencil and tried to work on the warmup, but his it slipped and clattered to the floor. Sana snickered again and Isak felt a lump in his throat that started to complicate his breathing. There was no reason for him not to get up and walk out of the class, skip for the day and start his trip up north today, but he knew that he had to be slow about this.

He picked up his pencil, and as he looked up to see the question, he realized how many people were looking at him, whispering and laughing. It was all too familiar, the sounds surrounding him and constricting his breathing. The urge to leave the classroom was getting stronger, but he wasn’t about to cave into the pressure like he used to.

It was a repeat of the drama with Even all over again. Did it ever stop? He shifted himself on the chair and sniffed as the bell rang and the teacher walked to the front of the classroom and began her lesson. Isak tried pushing it to the side as she taught the lesson, but occasionally people would turn and check on him, just to see if he was crying.

Second period went the same way, with looks and questions asking if what they heard was true. Isak tried to diffuse as much as he could, but no one seemed to listen, and even twisted his words into something they weren’t. Even popped into his mind, wishing he was here to help and tell them the truth. But he wasn’t here, and it wasn’t like he would help Isak anyway after what happened yesterday. Now at lunch, he checked his phone. Even hadn’t texted him once since yesterday, and that kind of set Isak off. No, he wasn’t expecting him to send him a thousand texts a minute, begging for them to get back together, but he was expecting at least one text from him just asking to talk or asking why. Feeling bitter, Isak pressed the block button, just in the case that Even did text him asking to talk. He needed to cut him off completely now in order not to miss him while he was gone. He was also going to have to block everyone else he knew when he left, too.

To escape the questions and other situations that may arise during lunch, he took his backpack to the bathroom again and sat on the toilet like he did before. He went into the biggest stall and locked the door, leaning against the back of the toilet and sighing. Why hadn’t he seen this coming? He should’ve known – people started rumors of him before, so why wouldn’t they do it now when the opportunity presented himself. He should’ve never come to school yesterday, and he should’ve left on Sunday, before any of this could happen.

Just then, the door opened and loud shouts were heard from outside the stall door. Isak stiffened, bringing his feet up so that no one could see him. Damn it, why didn’t he just leave the school instead of coming here?

“Fuck,” someone breathed, slamming their fist to the wall. It seemed like someone else was with him as Isak heard another voice consoling his friend. The guy obviously wasn’t having it. “Why the hell did he have to get into a fight? And what, over Isak?” The guy yelled, and Isak recognized him as Chris. It was understandable that he was angry since him and Even were pretty close, but Isak has to admit that it kind of hurt hearing the way. But the question was why did he have such a sudden change in opinion of Isak? What did he do to Chris?

“Chris, calm down. Look, why does it matter to you so much? Are you seriously still pretending to be his friend? You’ve seen how out of control he is, so why do you continue to act like you care? Did you really think that he wouldn’t lose his shit over something like that?”

“Fuck off, William!” Chris shouted, and Isak could imagine Chris getting in William’s face to intimidate him. “Of course I’m his friend! I know he’s fucked up and I know that he can’t control himself, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be his friend. Once you actually get to know him, you’d see how cool he actually is. I just still don’t fucking understand the story about him getting mad at Jonas because of Isak. It’s obvious that Jonas is straight.”

"And how the hell would you know that?" William asked sarcastically. “Honestly, you don’t know what goes on between those three, so don’t go around acting like you’re entitled to give a damn. There’s probably been shitloads of things that Even hasn’t told you, so why don’t you just leave them alone? Just forget about them and move on. Even can take care of himself. He doesn’t need a babysitter anymore and he doesn’t need you to be his friend. And same thing with Isak and Jonas. That fool’s already mad at you for taking his girlfriend, and Isak’s a fucking mess. I don’t want you talking to them anymore, okay? Let them take care of themselves.”

After a long silence and a few deep breaths, Chris spoke again, this time sounding resigned. “Whatever. Let’s just get back to lunch.” A door opened and footsteps faded out, but Isak could hear breathing from William, indicating that he was still in here. Isak could feel his backpack slipping off his lap, after he had been doing such a good job a sitting still. Although he managed to catch it before it could fall to the floor and shuffle things around in his bag, the action caused a lot of noise, and Isak froze when William hummed to himself. Isak stopped breathing, scared of what was to happen next, until William started barking.

“Who the hell is there?” Isak jumped, his heart racing but still refusing to move. There was nothing he could do – he had been caught and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to leave this bathroom without revealing himself. So with a reluctant sigh, Isak unlocked the stall door and presented himself to the “most popular guy at Nissen”, according to Vilde. William’s eyes were narrowed to slits as he glared at Isak, seemingly studying him. Isak shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, but eventually, William just sighed.

“So you heard everything,” he leaned against the wall, crossing his arms. “Look, whatever happened between you, Jonas, and Even is none of my business, but really. Learn how to keep your boyfriend under control.”

“But that’s not even what happened!” Isak shouted in disbelief. At this point, he would’ve believed that William was above all this rumor shit, but that turned out to be wrong. William only raised his eyebrows, his face bored as always and lacking any signs of emotion. “Whatever bullshit you heard isn’t true. Besides, Jonas is straight and Even and I broke up. Are you really stupid enough to believe everything people tell you?”

“You and Even broke up?” William asked, amusement taking over his features. Damn, another mistake. Isak mentally chastised himself for the verbal slip-up, but he didn’t have the energy to diffuse what he said. Besides, William wasn’t going to believe him anyway. “Why did you guys break it off? Was it because of the fight? You guys were a match made in heaven. He was insane, you’re freaky, so it should’ve worked out.” The amusement on his face dissipated as he leaned in, suddenly becoming menacing in every way. Isak backed away, swallowing and hoping that he didn’t look too frightened as opposed to William.

“You and Even better stay away from Chris. He doesn’t need to be with little shits like you two.” He pulled away and made his way to the door.

Isak was fed up with the insults and was already having a bad day. Without thinking first, he shouted, “Chris doesn’t need to hang out with selfish fucks like you! Even actually deserves to be friends with Chris, all you do is drag him into fights with the Yakuza or some shit and use him as your shield whenever you don’t want to take the punches. I could care less about Chris hanging out with me, but Even needs him so much more than you do. So just leave them alone and don’t bother them!”

In an instant, William was back in Isak’s face, his glare colder than ever. Isak knew he was about to get punched in again, but he didn’t care. He needed to defend Even if it was the last thing he did, because after everything that happened between them in this past month, it was the last that he could do for him. “What if I do bother him? What are you going to do about it?” William seethed, his breath hot against Isak’s nose. “Are you going to call your fucking boyfriend to beat me up, too?”

It probably wasn’t in Isak’s best interest to get into a fight after everything that happened, but the urge to just punch in William’s protruding nose was getting stronger the longer they stared at each other. Just when Isak was about to rear his fist, the door swung open and Chris came back, calling out William’s name but trailing off when he saw how close the two were standing to each other. William stepped back and Isak turned to get a good look at Chris, who was giving him a strange expression.

“What are you guys doing?” He asked, his voice wavering dangerously. Isak adjusted his bag and shook his head, stepping around Chris and walking out. He didn’t have time to talk to either of them, and he knew that if he did, it wasn’t going to end well for either of them. He didn’t hear anyone call out after him, and he didn’t have anywhere to go for lunch, so he ended up walking aimlessly for the rest of the period.

The rest of the day felt muddled together, with him sitting and listening to people whisper and jeer at him. After his encounter with William, he made sure to steer clear of him or any of his Penetrator friends, not wanting to draw any more attention to himself by getting into another fight. He kept wondering everyone was going to say to Jonas and Even when they came back, but he could guess that they weren’t going to be any better than what Isak was hearing.

Finally, dismissal came around and Isak was forced to wait in the car line, where Eskild said that he was going to pick him up. His anxiety kept rising as time passed, a chilling feeling running down his spine and giving him shivers. As Eskild’s car pulled in closer, Isak went up to push his hair back, and jumped slightly when his hand came back wet. Why was it so hot? Why was he feeling so weird and clammy? Why the hell was this bothering him so much?

He got into the car and closed the door behind him, too nervous to even say hi to Eskild. They drove off and Isak rested his head against the window, trying to calm down. He felt nauseous, like he might just lose whatever was left in his stomach. He kept forgetting to eat, so there wasn’t much to throw up anyway.

Isak squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing thickly and trying not to focus too hard on anything in particular. He hated he felt this way about a simple meeting, how he was sick of just talking to someone about his problems. He knew why it made him so sick, but that didn’t make him feel any better.

They came to a stop and Eskild gingerly placed a hand on Isak’s tense body. “Isak,” he started, using his soft, comforting voice once again. “I know you’re nervous, but really, nothing bad is going to happen. There’s nothing to be scared about, and there’s nothing to fear. You’re going to be fine, I can promise you that.”

“No,” Isak said, shaking his head and wiping more sweat off of his forehead. “You don’t get it, you don’t…Eskild, I don’t want to know if I’m sick or not, because once they come to a conclusion, people are going know I’m crazy for sure, and its’s going to follow me everywhere I go. On every hospital record or forms I have to sign, people are going to know. And once it gets out, no one's going to leave me alone. It’s going to follow me everywhere I go, and it’s going to prevent me from doing a lot of the things that a normal person could do.”

Eskild paused, and Isak could practically hear the gears turning in his head. “Don’t let it define you, Isak. You can get better, and you know it. This is the first step in getting better, but if you want to get better, you have to go and see the professionals first.”

  
He still felt uneasy, but he knew that he couldn’t avoid this forever. He got out of the car and nearly fell over, and leaned against the shiny exterior to regain his balance. Eskild gave him a worried look, but they started making their way over to the office. Cold air hit Isak the minute he stepped inside, and he wrapped his arms around himself. Hopefully this would help get him to stop sweating.

Eskild signed in for him and they sat quietly, waiting for his name to be called. The nausea didn’t subside, and got stronger as nothing happened. Eventually, after about 10 minutes, Isak abruptly stood and made his way to the bathroom, ignoring the looks he got from other patients.

He slammed the stall door behind him and gasped, falling over on the toilet and retching. Eskild burst through the door and called out to Isak, but following the sounds, he could pinpoint where he was. Eskild pushed open the door to the biggest stall and dropped beside Isak, rubbing his back and softly calling out his name. Isak’s harsh retching’s didn’t subside, even when nothing came up, and he could feel tears involuntarily prick the corner of his eyes.

Painful minutes passed, and finally, Isak’s body has calmed down and he slumped against the wall of the stall, taking deep breaths and hiding his face behind his hands. Why did this have to happen? His body was overreacting, and it was no doubt that Eskild was going to report this to the doctor. He’s never been so scared before, and whenever he was that scared, he always had a good reason.

“You alright?” Eskild asked when Isak pulled his hands away from his face. The blonde nodded and stood, swaying slightly, but walking out. Trying to vomit has sucked all the energy out of him, and now all he wanted was to go back to sleep. After this, Eskild had better let him rest when they got back home.

They sat for a few more minutes before Isak’s name was called, and his heart started acting up all over again. He sucked a breath and stood, attempting to return a smile to the lady that let them in.

After Eskild has whispered something to the nurse, they were lead into a room where they were forced to wait again. Isak looked around, seeing how similar it all looked to a regular doctor’s office. The staleness of the room made everything more unsettling, and Eskild wasn’t helping by watching Isak like a hawk. Sure, it was understandable that none of them guessed that he was going to start retching, but the extra attention made him feel more like a child than he already was.

The minutes ticked by slowly, until eventually, a brown-haired lady wearing glasses walked in and smiled at both of them. Isak turned his head as Eskild stood up to greet the lady, who he heard was Dr. Reynoso. He tried making himself seem smaller by hunching over, but it didn’t make a difference. Dr. Reynoso was already making her way over to him.

“How are you?” She asked, patting Isak gently on the shoulder. Isak shrugged away from her. How did it look like he was doing? Was he giving off the impression that he _wanted_ to be here? He had things he needed to do, so he continued to make himself look unpresentable.

“Can we just get this over with?” He mumbled, looking at the time at his phone. It was a little after 3, and if things didn’t progress faster, he wasn’t going to have time to go withdraw some cash from the ATM. And how was he going to get that done with Eskild _still_ breathing down his neck?

“Okay, Isakyaki. I’m going to ask you some questions, that’s all. It really won’t be time-consuming as long as you’re honest with me.” She straightened the thick framed glasses on her face and smiled. “How was school today?”

Isak thought back to the events that he had to bear today, from Sana laughing at him from the way William sneered at him. Then he looked at Eskild, who was also waiting for his answer. Damn, did he _really_ have to be here? This whole process would be a lot easier if Eskild were to just leave.

Still wanting to be done as soon as possible, he told the truth. “It sucked. There’s a rumor about me and some kid came up to me and tried starting a fight in the bathroom.”

Dr. Reynoso nodded her head, then looked at her chart, writing something down. “Is this considered a normal day at your school?” Isak nodded. He was getting tired of this already.

She continued to probe into his school and personal life, asking about sleep habits and eating habits, as well as how he was feeling and what he thought about his future. As he talked and continued to tell the truth to Dr. Reynoso, he realized just how awful he was living. Eskild or Eva or Linn or Jonas probably didn’t have it as bad at him. He knew that it was worse for Even, but he hated all the answers that he gave in response.

When she mentioned suicide, Isak shook his head fervently. It hadn’t gotten to the point when he thought about that. He was sure he still had a chance to get out of his shitty life, he just had to fix up a few things, and that was going to start when he moved to Northern Norway. He still wished that he could move to the states, though.

Things wrapped up faster than he thought they would, and before he knew it, they were leaving the sickening place. If he had to be honest, Isak didn’t think it was ever going to end. The fact that it was over filled him with a strange sense of optimism, if that was the right word to describe the feeling. He didn’t have to come back, so he wouldn’t even be around to hear the diagnosis, hopefully.

Eskild could sense the improvement of mood in Isak, judging by how he bounded to the car and hopped inside. Before Eskild was even inside, Isak already had his seatbelt on, staring out the window and the smallest of smiles playing on his lips. Naturally. Eskild believed that Isak was just glad that it was over, which was true, but not the whole reason.

“I told you that it wasn’t going to be that bad,” Eskild said as he pulled out of the parking spot. Isak had to agree that he was right, and shook his head as he laughed lightly. he could finally loosen up, but maybe he should wait before he relaxed completely. He still didn’t get the money from the ATM and he didn’t know how to get it without arousing suspicion from Eskild or anyone else. Like, what if someone he knew saw him while he tried to withdraw a maximum amount? The rumors would certainly continue to spread even when he did leave. He wondered how long it would take for anyone to notice that he was gone in the first place. They probably wouldn’t notice anything. They’d just believed that he dropped out.

“I guess you’re right, it wasn’t that bad. Some of the questions had me questioning my own lifestyle, you know?” He was already on a roll when he started telling the truth to Dr. Reynoso, so why shouldn’t he continue to open up? He wasn’t going to be able to get this off his chest any other time. He had to say everything _now_. “Like, when people ask if you’re eating normally and everyday, you can easily say yes. But when it comes to me, I would be lying if I gave the same answer. I know something’s different with me, and I know that it was good for me to go and get evaluated, but it just really showed me how much I changed over the course of this school year. Like, I wasn’t like this in September, right?”

They arrived at the stoplight and Isak could see that Eskild was deep in thought. Finally, he said, “No, you weren’t. I remember how excited you were to go to school, even though you tried your best not to show it. Your room was kind of empty and you didn’t have too many clothes, so you went out before school started to buy some clothes. I remember when you came home and told me about this guy you were seeing, Even. You talked about him like he was some kind of idol, like he was someone who you’d die for.” The light turned green, and Eskild made a left turn. “I never heard you talk about someone like that, not even Jonas. I would do anything to go back to those days when you were that happy.”

In the midst of Eskild’s reminiscing, Isak thought back to when he was that happy. Things were great, and he remembered thinking that things could never go downhill. He thought too soon, because look where he ended afterwards. He wanted to tell Eskild that he enjoyed those times, but the only thing that came out of his mouth was a lame, “You sound like a dad.”

“Sometimes I feel like you’re my child. And no, not in that weird way, I know we’re just roommates and stuff and that we aren’t related in anyway, but sometimes, it just seems that way. You came to me with your problems and we had those long talks. Like when you were wondering about your sexuality, I helped you through that. When you were at the bar drunk out of your mind and not wanting to leave, I saved you. I don’t know what could’ve happened to you if I didn’t do anything, but I know it wasn’t going to be anything good. I like helping you, and I like having those long talk with you. And I know I’m not a replacement for your dad or anything like that, but I enjoy being that male role model in your life, if that’s the appropriate term to use.”

A warmth spread in Isak’s heart as he heard the words come out of Eskild’s mouth. “You were always so much better than my dad was. You aren’t a coward like he is, and you actually give me good advice other than something like ‘don’t marry someone like your mother’. Honestly, you are the closest thing I have to a father right now. Like, shit. You’ve done so much for me.”

Eskild sniffed, but he kept his eyes focused on the road ahead. “That’s so nice of you to say,” he said, then made a show of wiping a tear from his face. Isak chuckled, but listened as Eskild spoke up again. “But don’t forget. Your dad is still your dad, no matter what he said or did to you. I mean, he helped get you into the world, the least you can do it acknowledge him for the things he’s done for you. He gave you a childhood and all these things that I couldn’t give you, so I mean, you should treasure him. Really. He’s still a part of your life.”

“Ever since he left mom, he left our family. Then he goes ahead and picks a fight with me in school. I know that he gave me all of these things, but he still disowned me and my mom and my sister. None of us deserved that.” And Isak knew that he was at fault as well in this. He left his mom to live with Eskild, and kept ignoring all her texts and attempts to make conversation. He remembered saying that he didn’t need mentally ill people in his life, and Even had only punctuated that point, but his mom didn’t do anything wrong. She never deserved to be left without her husband and son.

“I know, but he’s still a Valtersen and he still is your dad. Don’t exclude him from your life just because he excluded you.” And with these words of wisdom, Eskild had stopped the car and hopped out, leaving Isak to ponder on his words. They had arrived back at the apartment and Eskild turned off the car, getting out and opening the front door. Isak followed until they were in their common area, and he stood awkwardly at the counter, quickly thinking of what he could say to get Eskild to let him leave again. He didn’t have Jonas to use as an excuse anymore, and he couldn’t think of anyone else to say. Unless…

“Look, Eskild. I promised Mahdi that I’d talk to him about what happened with Jonas, because he wants to try and fix things between us. I’ll be back before it gets dark. I don’t need a ride, I know you have other things to do, so I’ll just walk.”

Thankfully, Eskild didn’t think too much of it and nodded, and Isak bolted out the door again. He had everything he needed to withdraw money. The most that he could withdraw right now was 10,000 kroner, he knew that much. That should be able to keep him fed and clothed and comfortable for a while. There was going to be a slight change of plans – he was going to stay at a cheap hotel to get things started. Getting an apartment was going to take time, but staying in a hotel was going to be expensive. He would have to work quick and hard to get the money to rent an apartment. He only had one more day, so he had to be ready.

 


	17. On the Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Isak’s last day at school, but before he leaves, he loses one person who might’ve been able to change his mind.

There was a bank right around the corner. He picked up his pace and ran over to the machine that was covered by the white awning. He looked around suspiciously, then stuck in his debit card and put in his pin. 0101 – it was too easy to guess, but he didn’t know what other number combination he could use. Sure, he could use his birth year, but somehow, he felt that it would be easier for a hacker to guess than 0101.

He withdrew 10 000 kroner and rolled them up into a nice ball, sticking the bills into his pocket. Then, before anyone could see that he was here, Isak briskly walked away and headed to the crosswalk, sighing in relief while he waited for the crossing lights. Now that he was able to get the money, there was nothing much to worry about. All that was left was leaving. Was he going to walk up north, or was he going to take a bus? Which one was quicker, and which one was less uncomfortable for him?

As he started to cross the street, he thought about walking instead of taking the bus. Sure, it would take longer and once he got up north, it would probably be freezing, but it was better than being on a bus full of sweaty old people giving him strange looks. Or maybe taking the bus was better. At least no one would be able to spot him on the streets, and sitting was always better than walking. He could even look up some places to stay while he waited.

Isak stopped in his track as he reached the other side. He couldn’t go to the apartment now, Eskild was going to think he was lying. He debated whether or not he should actually go to Mahdi’s house, or just walk around again. He didn’t think that Mahdi really wanted to see him after everything that went down with Jonas, and neither would Magnus. Isak could just go back to the apartment and come up with another lie to cover up his tracks. He really needed to make sure that he had everything prepared for tomorrow.

He got back and slowly opened the door, the hinges creaking as he did so. Immediately, Eskild’s head twisted around to meet his eyes, detouring his attention away from the raw broccoli he was frying. “Isak? I thought you were going to Mahdi’s house?”

Isak shook his head, his heart beating in quick succession as he tried to think of an elaborate lie. “I was walking over and he told me that he had a family emergency and that he couldn’t meet today. I came back here because I didn’t want to go anywhere else.”

He fidgeted anxiously as Eskild stared at him for a few seconds, as if trying to find any faults in the tale he told. But Eskild smiled and nodded, looking back to the single broccoli on the frying pan. “That sucks, but there’s always a next time. I hope everything is alright, though. Do you want some broccoli? I can get you a plate if you want.”

The blonde wanted to laugh at the sheer absurdity that was Eskild’s diet. He was already as skinny as a stick, so there was no reason for him to go on a diet in the first place. But if that’s what he wanted to eat, Isak wasn’t going to judge him. Broccoli didn’t taste too bad, and this was most likely going to be their last meal together, so Isak nodded while Eskild beamed, grabbing the raw broccoli from the freezer.

“Did you know that broccoli is actually a part of the cabbage family? Its name comes from the Italian word… I’m not sure how to say it. _Broccolo?_ ” He said the word in a fake Italian accent that made Isak chuckle. Eskild was great at impressions, but oddly enough, his accents could use a little work. 

“But anyway, that word means the flowering top of a cabbage, so I guess it makes sense that it’s a part of the cabbage family. I thought that was pretty cool when I first heard about that. You learn something new every day, is that not true?”

 _You’re right, you do learn something new every day. I can already guess what you’re going to learn tomorrow._ Isak laughed, shivering at the thought. “I didn’t know that, it is pretty cool. But I think you should take a break from eating all those healthy things. Like it’s okay to have some cake every once in a while.”

Eskild shook his head furiously, transferring the broccoli from the pan to the plates. “You see Isak, it’s that kind of mentality that keeps people from losing weight. ‘Oh, it’s okay to take a break from dieting once in a while, it won’t do anything to you.’ If I have a piece of cake, I’m going to want another, then another, then another, until finally I forget about my diet all together. Is that really what I want to happen? No, of course not!”

Isak murmured his thanks as he picked up the flavorless broccoli and stuffed it into his mouth. He hadn’t had something so healthy in such a while. Maybe he should just do like Eskild and start eating healthy, but that would be for another time. When he got his life in order, then he could start working on his eating habits. Excitement filled him again as he thought of the infinite scenarios that could happen once he moved. He would get a stable job, see a therapist because they didn’t seem that bad, maybe even go to the gym every night and call it a day. He could make some friends at his job, people who wouldn’t spread rumors just because of something petty that happened between them. That’s the kind of life he wanted to live, not this life he was living now.

“I’m going to miss you, Eskild,” he whispered, the words slipping out without his permission. His heart continued to race as Eskild turned and gave him a questioning look. “Huh?” He said, furrowing his eyebrows. Thankfully he didn’t hear him and Isak shook his head, putting another broccoli into his mouth. “I was just talking to myself.”

The ginger continued to ramble on about what was so cool about broccoli and how much he adored it. He was determined to go completely vegan by the end of the month, devoting his life to vegetables and such only. Isak would’ve thought that he was joking if it wasn’t for the look of complete and utter zeal on his face. As he laughed while listening to Eskild’s insane ideas, his eyes started to well up. Once he left, he wasn’t going to hear the stupid things Eskild had to say anymore, and they wouldn’t be able to joke like they used to anymore. It would be as if Eskild was completely removed from his life.

Isak cleared his throat and abruptly stood, shielding his face away from Eskild. “I just remembered that I have something to turn in before 9 tonight. Thanks for the food, though.” He started making his way to his bedroom, closing the door behind him and praying that Eskild didn’t follow. _Get a grip,_ he thought as he willed himself to stop crying. _If you really cared about Eskild, you wouldn’t have been thinking of leaving him in the first place._

Isak checked his bag again and put the money into the wallet that was secured in a hidden component. No, there was no way that he was going to change his mind about leaving. He felt shitty about leaving Eskild to make himself happy, but everyone was telling him that he mattered more than anyone else. _Always put yourself first._ That’s what everyone said, so if anyone wanted to get mad at him, he could use that against them. Using their own words against them. It was going to work and he knew it. No one was going to stop him from leaving, not even his own thoughts.

As he checked his phone, he wondered if Even had texted him and if he was panicking because it hadn’t gone through. That didn’t mean that Isak was going to unblock him, though. If he hadn’t texted, then Isak was going to be left feeling like a fool. Why did he care anyway? Even was in the past now, and he had to admit that it sucked that they ended things after resolving the whole rumor issue, but as of yesterday, he was irrelevant. No questions asked.

He changed into his night clothes and plopped onto his bed, pulling the covers over himself and putting his phone to charge. School tomorrow was probably going to be just as bad as today was. Maybe he should just leave in the morning – instead of heading to school, he could head to the bus station and head for the north. The only thing was that he wanted to see Eva one last time before he went. He was sure that she was one of the last people on Earth that didn’t despise him, besides Eskild and maybe Linn.

If things went awry before the end of the school day, then he would leave early. The school didn’t have strict security anyway, so it wouldn’t be too difficult to hop the fence and be on his merry way. The only thing that would stand out about him would be if he were to carry two bags; his school bag and his packing bag. He was only going to bring his packing bag and hold a notebook in his hand, just in case people found it suspicious that he was carrying a backpack but no school supplies. He set an alarm for tomorrow morning and turned off the light, shoving the bag under the bed and closing his eyes. Tonight, Isak was sure that he was going to sleep right because he was certain of his future. No more oversleeping and struggling to get out of bed, no more days of feeling tired and drowsy, no more bedridden days. Starting tomorrow, Isak Valtersen was going to be free.

 

Isak’s eyes popped wide open when his alarm went off at precisely 6:30. He jumped into the shower and brushed his teeth in record time and was already downstairs with his things. Eskild was scared of the sudden punctuality, but truth was, Isak had never been so excited before. His adrenaline was pumping through his veins – it felt as if he had chugged a whole cup of coffee. Was he going manic? What if it was him with the bipolar disorder instead of Even? Never mind that, he was glad that he was finally going to be able to move. He grabbed everything he needed and made sure that there wasn’t anything that was going to be left behind.

“Did something happen? Do you have a fever? Maybe I should keep you home…” Eskild was no doubt thrown off, but who wouldn’t be surprised at Isak’s sudden upbeat attitude? His leg bounced up and down as he talked to Eskild.

“No! I don’t want to stay home,” Isak said, maybe a little too quickly. “I just have a feeling that today’s actually going to be a good day. I don’t know, maybe I’m insane for thinking that, but I can’t help but feel excited.”

Eskild grinned and Isak made his way to the door. “I guess Even and Jonas were the problem then. I’m glad that you’re excited to go to school again. Have a good day!”

Isak was about to turn the knob when he stopped and turned to Eskild, a small smile forming on his lips. He walked over and wrapped his arms around the tall man, hugging him as if he might slip away if he loosened his grip. Eskild jumped at the gesture. It wasn’t something that Isak did every day, and he wasn’t sure if he should be worried or glad. But Eskild didn’t think too much of it and only smiled, hugging Isak back.

“I love you, Eskild,” Isak said, and not in the way that he would say it to someone he had a crush on. He said it in the way that a son would say it to a father, as if they did this every single morning. He said it because there was a truth behind his words. He really did love Eskild as a dad, and now that he was moving, he was going to lose that father figure in his life. The least that he could do was show his admiration for him.

“I love you, too. Now go to school and go kick some ass.” Isak let go and Eskild pushed him towards the door, a fondness gracing his features. Isak nodded and walked out the door, looking back at Eskild before shutting the door for the last time.

Being this excited scared him, but he knew that it wasn’t going to last. It could’ve been anxiety, but he felt more excited than ever. Any optimism that he had was always crushed by what someone said or did to him. He only needed to survive school for only one more day, and that would be it. He wouldn’t have to deal with the negatives ever again.

He walked to school with a small smile on his face, looking around to see if he could find Eva just to talk to her one last time. She was in her usual spot with her other friends, talking. Isak could sense the serious undertones in their voices, and Eva was the first one to turn around when he walked over.

“Hey, Eva,” he said, stopping and looking between all the girls. They didn’t smile or say anything, which was fine with Isak, but when he looked at Eva, he saw that she had the same unamused expression. Isak tilted his head in confusion.

“We need to talk,” she said, pulling him away from the rest of the group. Isak’s forehead started to sweat, scared. What did he do wrong? Was it because of the fight between him and Jonas? Did someone tell her something else that wasn’t true? He wasn’t sure what it was, and he was scared to find out.

She pointed a finger accusingly at his chest. “I know you were the one who sent the tip to Iben,” she said, her eyes narrowed to slits. “You fucking _ruined_ everything between me and Jonas? Why the hell would you even think about doing that? Like, what did I ever do to deserve that? And you of all people?”

Isak wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He didn’t really expect for Eva to ever find out that it was him, she wasn’t supposed to. He knew he fucked up ever since he added Iben on Facebook. “I…I didn’t mean for things to go that way. Who… who told you that?”

“That’s not important, Isak! What matters is that you fucking went behind my back and ruined my relationship with Jonas. What, were you _jealous_ or something?”

“It wasn’t like you actually loved him or anything!” Isak said in an attempt to defend himself. “If you actually cared, you wouldn’t have kissed Chris in the first place. I just thought it would be right if I –”

“You’re a fucking asshole. Don’t even think of talking or calling me, you jealous peace of shit.” She spun around and walked away, not leaving room for Isak to explain himself. _What does it matter anyway? She had it coming._

The bell rang and he walked past Eva and her group of friends, each of them giving him dirty looks. Isak tried his best to ignore them, but he felt his heart drop slightly as he walked inside.

He walked to his desk in Biology, with Sana arriving at the same time as Isak. He sat down and pulled out his notebook, turning to an empty page and trying to focus himself with the warmup. Although Isak was obviously deep in his work, Sana wasn’t about to drop the situation just yet.

“Why would you do that to Eva, Isak?” She asked, her voice not dripping in sarcasm as it usually did. She sounded serious, as if she was the one who got snitched on. “I know what she did was kind of shitty, but you guys were friends.”

Isak clenched his hand around his pencil. “It was Even’s idea. He thought that it would’ve been the right thing to do.” If Even was going to snitch on him, then why couldn’t Isak do it back? He knew how petty it sounded, but he really hated how they all believed that it was his fault.

“That doesn’t mean anything. You still went ahead and told on her. You didn’t have to listen to Even. But I guess that’s why Eva never really liked Even.” She went back to her work, writing down the warm up on the page.

The bell rang and the teacher walked in, and Isak could feel unease settle over him. Was this how his last day was going to go? It wasn’t like it was different any other day, but somewhere in his heart, he wished that today would’ve been at least a little different.

 

Isak’s day blew by with people looking at him oddly, still whispering about God knows what. The story about the fight and Eva’s confrontation had probably become so distorted by this point, and just thinking about people were saying about him twisted his insides. He was bumped in the hall, had books smacked out of his hand, and shoved into a locker. By the time he reached last period Norwegian, he was so physically drained that he nearly tripped over his own two feet. He no doubt received some snickers from people who saw, but he didn’t care. This was his last period of the day, then he could leave. He just really hoped nothing happened in the last hour.  
Mrs. Adamsen closed the door behind her and sighed. “Alright everyone! Let me just start by saying that finals weeks is coming up sooner than you think.” She tapped on the board where she had the date written, and the class groaned collectively. Isak barely had a reaction, although he was probably going to have to take the final in the end if he wanted to pass high school. He just wasn’t about to do it at Nissen. 

“So what we’re going to do today is review the books we’ve read over the past year and talk about them in-depth. Near the end of class, I will be calling everyone to see if you are exempting or not, and we will discuss your grade and your options. Now let me take attendance quickly and we’ll get stated.” She walked to her desk and started to call roll while the class murmured among themselves. Isak took out his phone and checked the time. He still had a long way to go.

Mrs. Adamsen droned on about the books that they read during the school year, none of which Isak had been paying much attention to or even read. Most of his time in this class was spent sleeping or on his phone, but sometimes Mrs. Adamsen would call him out on it. He remembered when she asked to talk because he was failing. It seemed like such a long time ago, but he was still failing her class.

Eventually, she stopped talking and handed out some work, going to her desk and beginning to call out names. It was going to be a while before Isak heard his name, but he might as well take some time to look at the packet. There had to be at least 10 pages in here, if not more. It was open book, but he didn’t know where to look. What chapters did he go to? Where could he find the answers? Surely, he could ask someone for the answers, but the chances of someone actually showing him their paper was slim to none. He might as well just wait out the rest of the class, then.

Mrs. Adamsen called out his name, a smile plastered on her face. Isak still felt that he could trust her, they had talked many times before. Hopefully this time wouldn’t be any different. Maybe he could tell her about his plan to run away. What if she agreed with him?

He stood in front of her desk, a small smile on her face. She smiled back, a good sign. “Isak! I see that you’re not working on my packet?”

“I don’t understand any of it. I don’t think I was paying much attention when we were reading the books.” He chuckled to himself. It was kind of funny when he thought about it.

“Alright. Well, you still have a failing grade in my class, so I don’t think you’ll be able to graduate unless you retake this course. I’m sorry, Isak. I don’t think the final can help you in any way.”

Isak shrugged it off. “Can I tell you something, Mrs. Adamsen?” He asked, dropping his voice to a whisper. She quirked an eyebrow and nodded, leaning in closer. Isak’s heartbeat sped up, anticipating her reaction.

“After school today,” he drew out slowly, as if he was testing his words. “I’m going to northern Norway. I have all my things packed in a bag and I just figured that I’ll finish high school there. I think it’s going to work out.”

Mrs. Adamsen’s eyes widened, and she dropped her pen. “Do your parents know about this? I mean, does anyone else?”

Isak shook his head, giving her a weird look. “No… I’m just going to go by myself. I plan on getting a job and finishing high school. Then I’ll go to a community college or something and continue from there.”

Mrs. Adamsen looked shocked, her mouth slightly agape as she stared at Isak. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? Running away isn’t always the answer to your problems. I mean, what are you going to do when things go wrong up there? You’re going to worry your parents and everyone who cares about you.”

“There’s hardly anyone left here that cares about me,” he said, trying to control his voice so that he didn’t yell. “Everyone here hates me except for you. I lost all my friends, my dad thinks I’m a piece of shit, and my mom’s insane. So what makes you think that it’s better for me to stay here instead?”

“Running away is only going to make you feel worse,” Mrs. Adamsen said, and Isak could tell that she didn’t know what to say. “Isak, why don’t you talk to someone when things are bothering you? You kept things pent up for so long that you feel that running away is the only answer. What happened to Even?”

“We broke up. There’s just too much going on right now and he was just making things worse. I don’t want to deal with him right now.”

“Isak, please don’t do this,” she begged, her eyes worried. “You’re going to end up regretting it, and I mean it. Just think it through. There’s always another way.”

Isak was starting to get frustrated, and he started to clench the sides of the desk. “No. I tried finding other ways and nothing worked. If I stay here, shit is only going to get worse. Going to this school was probably the worst thing that ever happened to me. No, Even was, because if it weren’t for him, maybe I would’ve been happy here. But now I can’t, so I’m leaving.”

“You feel this way because you don’t have anyone to talk to. Anything else would be better than running –”

“No!” Isak said, barely bei,ng able to contain himself any longer. The classroom went silent as he went on justifying his decision. “I’m done dealing with the shit that I get at this school. I’m done having to deal with people like William and Even and Eva and my dad. Talking to someone doesn’t do anything because they can’t force people to stop talking about me. Talking to someone doesn’t change the fact that I’m failing and that literally everyone I know is a sack of shit. This is the only way out for me, so I’m going to do it.” He stormed away from Mrs. Adamsen and walked to his desk, shoving his only notebook into his bag and picking it up. He didn’t turn around and say anything else to anyone as he walked out, his body shaking uncontrollably with barely contained rage. He didn’t need her. He didn’t need any of them. Whatever else happens in this school was no longer his problem.

He opened the fence and started making his way to the bus station. There wasn’t one too far from here, he just hoped that it would be able to get him to his destination without wasting too much money. The next bus was in a few minutes – they came every hour, so if he quickened his pace, he would be able to make it by then. It was almost 2; a few more minutes until his departure.

As he started running to the bus stop, he started to wonder why Mrs. Adamsen hadn’t come after him. If she really cared about him leaving, wouldn’t she at least call out to him and ask him to wait, just to talk? It wasn’t like Isak would talk to her anyway after what happened, but he wished that she had cared enough to try and get him to think this through.

He made it to the bus stop in record time, and sat on the bench as he waited. What he was doing was impulsive, he knew that much. But he was so hellbent on doing this that he didn’t care if it was a good idea or not. What was the worst thing that could happen? He didn’t get a job? He could always apply for another one – everyone was hiring these days. The positives of his decision outweighed the negatives, even if it meant leaving Eskild.

The bus arrived and he wasted no time hopping on, giving the driver the cash necessary and telling him where he wanted to go. The driver nodded and Isak went and took a seat at the very end. This was going to be a long and bumpy ride, but he could occupy himself by blocking the people that were surely going to call him.

Isak was not the only person on the bus. There were others, people around his age and slightly younger. He made sure to sit far away from them, pulling his hood over his head in case anyone who was skipping recognized him. He did not need to explain his actions to anyone.

When the bus started to move, Isak sighed and turned on his phone, opening his contacts and scrolling through them. The first person that came to his mind was Even. Even would probably be one of the first to call, after Eskild told him that Isak hadn’t come back home. Isak didn’t hesitate in pressing the block button, before moving on to Eskild. If Isak didn’t block him, he would be getting nonstop calls and texts. That was the last thing Isak needed right about now. 

He also needed to make his hotel reservation and hope that there was an open room. Doing quick research, he found a hotel that had some good rates. He used his debit card one more time to pay for it before going back to blocking all his friends, family, and anyone he held dear.

The process continued like that until Isak fell asleep. At this point, he had blocked essentially everyone that might even consider contacting him. There was no way they were going to be able to reach him – when he got to Northern Norway, maybe he could get a new phone number, too. That would be the best way to make sure that no one from Oslo ever contacted him again.

 

Eskild sat on the kitchen table, tapping his foot nervously as he stared at his phone in front of him. It was nearly midnight and Eskild hadn’t heard a word from Isak. What could’ve happened to him? Did he get lost or kidnapped or something of that sort? Did he get into a white van with the hopes that there was candy inside? Eskild knew how foolish he sounded, but anything was possible. He just couldn’t understand why Isak hadn’t come back. He didn’t even leave a text.

He first realized something was wrong when Isak didn’t come back within an hour of school ending. When he was going somewhere, Isak always sent Eskild a text. He tried calling but his phone went straight to voicemail, and Eskild immediately tried again. When he realized that Isak wasn’t going to pick up, that was when he started sending voicemails. It didn’t stop until Eskild got tired of yelling into his phone, waiting for an answer that he was never going to receive.

It occurred to him that his phone might’ve died and he was staying at Even’s so he called, hoping that it went through. It did, but the conversation was brief. When Eskild asked if Isak was there, Even had only replied bluntly, asking, ”Why would he ever come back here?”

Eskild was confused at first, but didn’t say anything afterwards. He guessed that they had a fight or something, so he hung up and just sat it out, waiting for Isak to come back.

Now he sat in the kitchen, staring anxiously at a phone that wasn’t going to ring. Linn walked by, looking at him then looking at the door as she made her way to the kitchen.

“He still hasn’t come back yet?” She asked, pulling out the cereal box. Eskild hung his head low, replying with a defeated “no”. Linn made her bowl of cereal and joined Eskild at the table.

“He’ll probably come back soon. He’s a teenager, remember? He’s probably doing something that he shouldn’t be doing.”

“If that was the case, then why hadn’t he at least left a text or something? It’s weird for him to just not respond to a text or call. He might be troubled, but Isak’s not a bad kid.”

“His phone probably died.”

“He could’ve used a friend’s.”

“You know Isak doesn’t have many friends.”

“I guess I do now,” Eskild said, checking his phone again, just in case he missed something. If Isak didn’t call back by the time he woke up the next morning, he was going to start calling around and try to file a missing person’s report as soon as he could.

“I’m going to bed,” he said, standing up and walking to his room. Linn waved after him, and he closed the door behind himself. What the hell happened to him? If he didn’t think he was going to be able to sleep tonight, but if he was, he hoped that his dreams could at least give him a hint as to where Isak could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the irregular updates! i know summer just started, but honestly it has become busier than my regular school year! i will try to get my updates in on time, but they might not be as consistent as they used to be
> 
> also sorry for all the errors throughout the fic! i made the mistake of NOT getting a beta reader because this was my first time posting a story on an actual website and i didn’t know what a beta was at the time. next time, i will make sure to get one and i hope my writing will improve as well!
> 
> thanks again to everyone who has stuck with me this far!


	18. Terje Valtersen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eskild begins his search for Isak. Meanwhile, Isak is having a hard night.

Isak had finally arrived. It was almost a day-long bus ride, he had to pass through Sweden to get there, and it was very early in the morning, but he had finally made it. As he silently thanked the bus driver, he got off and looked around. Oslo was certainly nicer than up here, but he couldn’t say the same for the people who lived in Oslo. He took a deep breath and got a lungful of smoke from the smoker who came off the bus with him. This _had_ to be the smell of freedom.

The hotel was only a block from the stop, so he started to walk down the street. He took a look around at his surroundings for future reference and noticed that there was a corner store and a gas station, along with several restaurants that littered the dimly lit street. He saw many people that he didn’t recognize, which was refreshing in a sense. There were so many places that he could apply for a job and so many people he could meet…the possibilities were basically _endless._

Now that he was actually here in the town Alta, he felt the insane urge to celebrate. He made it this far, so the only right way to do this was to celebrate. Down the street, Isak could see a well-known grocery store where he could buy some beer. He brought his fake ID along, so hopefully the vendor was as gullible as the one in Oslo. Picking up the pace, he began to jog until he reached the place, getting his ID ready.

Much to Isak’s luck, the vendor gave him beer with no hassle, and he held the box in the bag as he continued his trek to the hotel. Before he knew it, he was there and he checked in, making it to his room. The hotel was surprisingly nice and wasn’t as bad as he had expected it to be. The walls weren’t peeling and there was actually a nice scent in the air. The bed was made and there were toiletries lined up in the bathroom. He dropped his things onto the floor and sighed, looking at the television that was facing the bed. There wasn’t going to be time to watch TV while he was here, so he disregarded it as he opened the first beer can. It might’ve been too early to be drinking, but common sense be damned. He had done what he didn’t think was possible.

Meanwhile, Eskild was in panic mode. It started out with him calling and leaving voicemails in Isak’s mailbox, until he realized that Isak wasn’t going to pick up. Linn finally realized that there was something wrong when Isak still didn’t turn up the next morning and offered to help call and ask around. Eskild was more than grateful, and seeing that Isak hadn’t turned up Friday morning, he thought it would be a good idea to call his friends and family.

“Maybe he’s with his dad,” Linn stated, pulling up her contacts. “Something probably happened, and his dad asked him to come over. His phone must’ve died and he didn’t have time to charge it.”

Eskild dismissed her theory with a shake of his head. “Isak and his dad never had the best relationship. To say that he was over there now wouldn’t make sense. He could be at his mom’s but why would he be there? Why didn’t he stop at the apartment first to tell us or have his mom call and say that he was there? It honestly doesn’t add up at all.”

Linn shrugged. “The only way to find out is to try, is it not?” She pressed the call button under Isak’s mother’s name and handed it to Eskild. “We’ll try his mom first, then his dad. Don’t worry, he’s fine, Eskild. You worry about him too much.”

There was no answer from his mother, and Eskild shook his head as he handed Linn back her phone. He dialed his father’s number, although Eskild was sure that he wasn’t going to answer either.

But much to Eskild’s surprised, Isak’s old man picked up. “Eskild?” He asked, his voice lacking the gruffness that Eskild usually heard when talking to him on the phone. The ginger looked at Linn with wide eyes, as if to silently say “he picked up”.

“Terje, hey,” Eskild started, clearing his throat anxiously. “Is Isak with you? He didn’t come home after school yesterday and isn’t here today. I called Marianne but she didn’t answer, so I’m guessing that he’s not with her.”

The man didn’t answer for a moment, and there was an awkward silence as Terje thought of a reply. Eskild automatically came to the conclusion that Isak wasn’t there with him, but at the same time, it sounded like Terje had something important to say.

“No,” he finally said. “This is probably the last place he would be. But you said that he hasn’t come home?”

Eskild shook his head, but remembering that Terje couldn’t hear him, he spoke instead. “He went to school yesterday morning, but then didn’t come back. I tried calling him several times, but he hasn’t answered. I don’t know what could’ve happened. I don’t think he got kidnapped or anything, Isak knows how to fend for himself.”

“Well…” Terje started, and Eskild could hear shifting on the other side of the line. “I got a voicemail from one of his teachers telling me that he lashed out in class two days ago and walked out. She said that he said some things that had her worried, along with the other students. He mentioned running away, and he sounded serious about it.”

Now it was Eskild’s turn to pause. Why would Isak want to run away? There was no reason for him to want to do such a thing – all he ever told Eskild was that he was okay. “That doesn’t sound right,” he drew out slowly, thinking back to the past few weeks. “He seemed fine lately. He seemed particularly happy this morning.”

“He could’ve been happy that he was running away,” Terje said, and Eskild sighed. How could he have missed this? He should’ve kept asking if Isak was okay. But it still didn’t make sense – _why_ was Isak running away?

“Look, I don’t blame you. Isak’s always been good at hiding things. But if we want to find out more about what happened to him, we should probably ask his teacher, don’t you think?”

_We_. Whether it was a slip of the tongue or Terje said it deliberately, he wanted Isak to be found, and he wanted to help. Eskild smiled a little to himself as he said, “There’s school today, right? Should we go before classes start so we can talk with the teacher who called? Do you remember who it was?”

“Someone’s who name started with an A. School starts at around 7:30, so we can go at 7. We’ll meet at the front office. Does that sound good?”

“Sounds fine.”

Eskild hung up, and Linn looked at him questionably. “Terje and I are going to meet at the school in a few hours. Apparently, he lashed out during class and walked out, and didn’t come back. He might’ve run away at that point.”

Linn was obviously confused but didn’t prod on any further. Instead, she stood up and stretched. “Well, I’m going to go back to sleep. If you find him or get more information, tell me all about it when I wake up.” She walked away and closed the door behind her, leaving Eskild alone at the kitchen table. Scratching his head, he stood and walked back to his bedroom, deciding to get some sleep before the day actually started.

 

  
It didn’t take long for the two men to get together at Nissen and find the teacher that gave Terje the call. She was his last period teacher, a young lady who looked like she was new to this. She was sitting at her desk doing paperwork when they walked in. Confused, she put down her red marking pen and looked up, a small smile stretching across her face. “Hi, uh, I don’t think I had any conferences scheduled for this morning...”

“We came because of Isak,” Eskild started, sitting on one of the desks in the front row. “Terje told me that you called him saying that Isak talked about running away, and we want to know everything there is to know about what he told you. He didn’t come home after school Wednesday, and all calls are going straight to voicemail. It’s Friday now and no one has heard anything from him.”

At this, Mrs. Adamsen sat up and took her reading glasses off. “Oh yes, Isak. Well, he came into my class normally, and it didn’t seem like anything was wrong. I handed out a packet so the kids could review the material that was going to be on the final. Isak hardly touched the packet and sat at his desk just wasting time. I was calling out names for those who were going to exempt my exam, and I called out his name. He still seemed fine when he walked up, and actually laughed when I asked why he wasn’t doing the packet.” She shook her head, trying to recall the rest of the events. “Out of nowhere, he told me that he planned on running away. He said he wanted to go up north but never specified what city or town. But he said something that’s been bugging me ever since he said it. When I said that running away was going to worry his family and friends, he said that it didn’t matter anyway because no one cared about him. He didn’t have any friends and he broke up with his boyfriend. And…he said that you hated him.” She looked at Terje, a small frown on her face. “I didn’t know if what he said was true or not, so I tried to help by saying that if he talked to someone about his problems, he wouldn’t feel like running away. Then he started yelling and walked out of the classroom. All my students were really starting to get worried, and it disrupted the rest of my class.”

Eskild felt a pain in his chest as he crossed his arms. “Why would he say that? I care for him, why didn’t he think of me? I know that he went through a lot of things, but I never thought that he was going to run away because of it.”

Mrs. Adamsen was about to say something when Terje took a menacing step in her direction. “Why didn’t you do anything to stop him? Why didn’t you run out the halls or call another teacher or call security or _something_? Why did you just let him walk out like that? Did it ever occur to you that he was serious? Why would he joke about running away?” Terje’s face was turning red as he demanded an answer. All Mrs. Adamsen could do was stutter as she tried to reply but was only cut off once again.

“Terje, calm down,” Eskild said, the pain in his chest intensifying. He turned to Mrs. Adamsen. “Did he tell anyone else that he was running away? Or were you the only one?”

“I think I was the only one. He made it seem that way.”

“Why does he trust you so much? Why does he trust you more than he trusts us?”

“I think he sees me as one of the only teachers who care about his performance in school not only because it affects my paycheck, but because I actually wanted him to do well. I asked him to see a guidance counselor and whenever things went awry with him, I told him that he could talk to me, and he did. I have no idea why he didn’t tell you both, I think it was because –”

“’I think, I think, I think’. Your _thinking_ isn’t going to help any of us!” Terje yelled, and Eskild could see flecks of spit fly out of his mouth. “When Isak walked out, were you just _thinking_ of what to do instead of actually _doing_ something about it?” The rage in the man’s voice was unmistakable, and Mrs. Adamsen shrank back in fear. Eskild quickly stood to intervene before things got out of hand.

“Terje!” He shouted, stepping in between the two. “Don’t act like this isn’t partly your fault. You yelled at him and practically called him a shit son, according to what he told me and what I know. He ran away because of you, so stop putting the blame on his teacher.”

Terje narrowed his eyes, getting dangerously close to Eskild. “If anyone here is to blame, it’s definitely you. He’s been living with you for the longest and talks to you about everything. How could you not know that something was wrong when he was suffering right under your nose? Could you not tell, or did you not care?”

“I knew something was wrong and I took him to a psychologist the day before everything happened. Do you seriously think that I don’t care about him?”

“You didn’t even know that he was planning on running away. He had no one else to go to besides his _teacher_. Don’t tell me that that doesn’t say something about your relationship with him. And I know that my relationship with him isn’t any better, but I don’t see him every day like you do. I don’t know what happens to him at school and I don’t know the things he goes through on a daily basis. You’re supposed to know those things because you seem him almost _every waking hour_. So _you_ deserve the most blame because _you_ let him do this. _You_ lost him.” The warning bell rang and the Terje stepped back from Eskild, a bit calmer but no doubt still angry. “You better find my son, or so help me God, I’ll kill you.” He threw the classroom door opened and stormed off, leaving a stunned Eskild and a frazzled Mrs. Adamsen.

After a few minutes of silence, Mrs. Adamsen cleared her throat. “I’m sorry that I let him go. I was too shocked to do anything, and while I know that’s not an excuse, I can’t help but feel awful about it.”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Eskild said, his voice tight. “There’s a lot of things we could’ve done to prevent this but talking about the what-if’s and what could’ve been isn’t going to help find him.” He made his way to the door, opening it slowly. “You’ll see Isak soon again. Thanks for everything that you’ve done for him.”

As Eskild trudged down the hall full of students, he couldn’t help but feel crushed at Terje’s words. It hurt so much because he was right – Eskild knew that Isak was hurting, he knew better than anyone, yet he didn’t even know that Isak was packing up to leave them all. Because of him, Isak was lost somewhere in the country and blocked all of their calls. What if something happened to him? What if Eskild never found Isak?

“Eskild!” Someone shouted, and the ginger looked up to see who it could’ve been. His eyes widened as he saw Eva, Sana, and Jonas walk up to him. “Eskild! Is everything okay? Where’s Isak?” Eva was the one asking all the questions, and as they got closer, Eskild could feel his heart continue to sink as he was about to deliver the news that he knew they didn’t want to hear.

“Isak isn’t here…” he started out slowly, scratching his neck nervously. He didn’t know how to continue or how to say that he had lost Isak. He didn’t want to tell them. Did he even need to tell them? Couldn’t they just wait until Eskild found him?

“It can’t be true…” Sana said and threw a hand over her mouth as she let it sink in. Jonas didn’t make eye contact with Eskild, but he could tell that his eyes were beginning to water as well. Eva looked at Eskild in disbelief as the ginger watched the three in confusion.

“W-what?” Eskild asked breathlessly. News sure did travel fast, but it was always that way in high school, wasn’t it?

“There’s this rumor going around,” Eva started, wiping at her eyes. “That Isak walked out of his last hour, and that he was _pissed_. He was talking to his teacher said that he was done dealing with people’s shit, done with this school, done with _everything_. Then…he said that ‘this is the only way out for me’ like he was going to kill himself when he got home. But now that he’s not here…he went through with it, did he?” Tears spilled from Eva’s eyes as she awaited Eskild’s answer, but Eskild’s eyes only widened more. First Isak planned on running away, and now he was suicidal? It didn’t sound right, but anything was possible at this point.

“I don’t think he’s suicidal,” Eskild started, his voice wavering ever so slightly. “But he ran away from home. After he walked out of class, he didn’t come back and I can’t find him. When he said this is the only way out for me, he might’ve been talking about his plans of running away.”

Eva nodded in understanding, but he could tell that she didn’t believe him entirely. “Can we help you look for him? I might know some spots where he could be –”

“This isn’t a fucking movie, Eva,” Jonas snapped, directing his attention to her. “It’s not like we can go to his favorite tree or some shit and expect to find him there.”

“Why don’t we just go with Eskild and tell him what we know, and then he can tell us what he knows. We can all work together to find him.” Sana brushed away a few stray tears. “If he didn’t kill himself and he’s still out there, we can send out a search party or something to help find him. We’ll call around and see if he used his credit or debit card anywhere. Eskild, if you let us help you, we might be able to find him faster before it’s too late.”

“I don’t mind missing class,” Eva joked, looking hopefully at Eskild. “We should go now before the teachers see us.”

Eskild smiled a little, before nodding his head in affirmation. They all started to walk as Eskild talked to them. “Okay. We’ll decide on what to do when we get back to the apartment, but you guys can try to call him. He blocked my calls, but there’s a strong possibility that he didn’t block yours. I can ask his dad for his credit card info because I know that he has it, although I’m not sure he’s not going to want to talk to me after what just happened.”

“I saw him walk out a few minutes ago and he looked pretty fucking pissed,” Eva said, crossing her arms. “Did you guys get into a fight?”

“We were trying to talk to Isak’s teacher and get more information about what happened, but in the end he put the blame on both of us. I’ll tell you the rest later, but…I don’t know. I guess he’s right. It kind of is my fault that Isak walked away.”

They were all quiet as reached the parking lot, all of them going to their separate cars. Eskild wished that they would say something just to comfort him and say that it wasn’t Eskild’s fault at all, but because of their silence, Eskild felt a heavy weight on his shoulders. It just went to show that no one needed to say anything to know that it was his fault – the blame was already written all over his face.

 

  
“We’re never going to find him at this rate,” Eva said, throwing his phone on the table. “He’s blocked everyone, and all we know is that he’s somewhere up north. We don’t know what side and we don’t know what town. For all we know, he could be in the boondocks of Oslo or even out of the country.”

Eskild put down the pen in his hand, studying the page where he wrote the possible places that Isak could be. “At this point, we should probably call the police or file a missing person’s report. It’s pretty obvious that we can’t do this by ourselves.”

Sana and Eva nodded, and Eskild looked over at Jonas, who was staring down at the table, deep in thought. He didn’t seem to notice that they were all staring at him, wondering if he was okay. Eva and Sana exchanged a look as if to ask “should we say something” while Eskild leaned forward, putting his elbows on the kitchen table.

“Jonas? Are you alright? You’ve kind of been zoning out this whole time.” Eskild managed to get the attention of the raven, who jumped slightly and looked at Eskild. His eyes told Eskild that something was on his mind, and even though they all were troubled by Isak’s disappearance, this seemed to hit harder for Jonas more than any of them.

“Yea I’m fine, I just…” he sighed, ruffling his hair in frustration. “Don’t you feel guilty about this? As if you gave him a reason to run away?”

Eskild breathed out a laugh. “Of course. We all do. That’s why we’re trying so hard to find him. But we know that we didn’t do it on purpose, so there’s no reason to feel overly guilty about it. We’re going to find him, Jonas.”

“Yea, but it was mostly me. Honestly, if I hadn’t come over and called him so many shit names, he wouldn’t have thought about running away. If I hadn’t punched him, the fight at school wouldn’t have happened, there wouldn’t be so many rumors about him, and there would be no need for him to run away.” He slumped against his chair, fiddling with the bandage on his nose. “I was his best friend and I let him down. I knew something was wrong – then again, we all did – but I told him that no matter what, I would be there for him, and I wasn’t.”

“I said the same thing,” Eva said, turning to face Jonas. “But the day he ran away, I blamed him for causing us to break up. Whether it was his fault or not, I said some really hurtful things to him that he didn’t need to hear.”

“Every time he walked into Biology I would either ignore him or make fun of him, and I could tell that it hurt him a lot.” Sana shrugged, looking down at her lap. “I don’t know why I did it, but I didn’t think that he would run away in response to it.”

“Even There’s a lot of things that we didn’t know, but we need to use what we know to find him. If he doesn’t come home by tonight, we can call the police to help find him. They’re experts at this, and when we do find him, we can try and make things right again. There’s no point dwelling in the past if doing so doesn’t to fix anything. We just have to know what we plan on doing in the future to prevent this from happening again.”

“But what if something’s already happened to him?” Jonas asked, his voice rising. “What if he hurt himself or he got kidnapped or worse? How can we do anything about him in the future if his future is gone?”

“Don’t say that,” Eskild said, shifting in his seat. “He’s okay, I know he is. Isak can fend for himself, and I don’t think he would do anything to hurt himself. It’s not too late for him. Look at me.”

Jonas pressed the heels on his palms to his eyes, exhaling loudly. When he was finished, he looked up at Eskild with red eyes.

“I know for a fact Isak isn’t suicidal, and I know for a fact that if he’s still in Norway, there’s a huge chance we can find him. We haven’t explored all of our options yet, so don’t think the worst just yet, okay?”

Jonas nodded, sniffing. Eva and Sana refused to look at either of them, but they were both thinking deeply. All of them were silent for a moment, thinking of their options and where Isak could be.

“Apparently, Isak broke up with Even. Did any of you guys know that?” Eskild asked out of the blue. All three of them shook their heads, looking outright confused. Eskild scratched his head as he tried his best to explain. “His teacher told me that he broke up with him, but she didn’t know why. I guess it was because of his manic episode or something having to do with him running away, but it’s still unexpected. They loved each other like crazy.”

“Maybe this was all Even’s fault,” Eva said, looking up at Eskild. “If it wasn’t for him spreading all those rumors about Isak, then Isak wouldn’t have to worry about what people thought about him, and he wouldn’t be so depressed. He wouldn’t have been bullied and he wouldn’t have to deal with all the shit that came _because_ of the rumors. Isak probably broke up with him because Even was toxic and he finally realized that.”

Eskild let it sink in. Although she made a point, Eskild couldn’t help but feel like she was wrong. But Eskild could remember numerous times when Isak would either be angry or sad because of Even or something he said. He knew about the fight they got into that split up their relationship in the first place and the subsequent weeks that left Isak unable to get out of bed. Getting back with Even was probably the worst thing that Isak could’ve done to himself, but Eskild knew that he wasn’t entitled to separate “true love”. Now, Eskild wished that he had done something to stop them from getting back together.

“He should be helping us,” Eva continued. “He’s suspended and he’s not doing anything at his mom and dad’s house, so why isn’t he helping solve the problem that _he_ started?”

“He’s still recovering from his manic or depressive episode, whatever it is,” Sana said, waving her hand to dismiss the question. We could try to visit him, but I doubt that’ll help him get better.”

“Isak is more important than Even’s fucking episodes,” Jonas said, crossing his arms. “If we talk to him, we might know more about what happened and why he broke up with Even.”

“We can just ask Isak himself when we find him,” Eskild said with a hint of optimism in his voice. “When Even gets better, then we can get his side of the story.”

As Jonas was about to say something, Linn walked in with her hands in her pockets. She could feel the tension and unease in the room, and in an attempt to diffuse it, she smiled weakly.

“Give it a break you guys. You’ve been at it all day, and still came up short. Eskild, call the police and let them know that Isak has gone missing. You’re wasting your time just sitting here and trying to act like detectives. The longer you wait, the more likely something could happen to him. Eva, Sana, and Jonas should go home and rest because finals week is coming up and they need to study.” She opened the pantry and pulled out the cereal, pouring some into a bowl. Jonas stood and collected his belongings, smiling weakly at Eskild. The two girls did the same.

“Text us if anything happens,” Eva said as they all walked out, saying their goodbyes and shutting the door. Eskild didn’t move from the table, looking down at his notepad. He didn’t make much progress although there were numerous scribbles across the pages. Linn looked over at him from the kitchen and walked over, sitting in Sana’s seat.

“Call the police, Eskild,” Linn said, trying to catch Eskild’s gaze but failing.

“I’ll call tomorrow. It’s getting late.”

“No. Call _now_. By the time the next morning arrives, something could happen to him. Don’t waste your time, Eskild.”

Reluctantly, Eskild picked up his phone and dialed. He knew Linn was right, but he couldn’t help but feel a little foolish calling the authorities in the evening. Nevertheless, he called, hoping that this worked better than he thought it would. Linn gave a small smile of encouragement as she got up and finished making her cereal while Eskild talked to his local policeman.

 

  
The box was empty and Isak was lying on the bed, his senses warped and head floating above the clouds. He didn’t remember drinking through the whole thing in one sitting; time seemed to fly when he was having fun.

But that was one thing Isak wasn’t sure about as he lied on the bed, his eyes wide open and hand clutching his cell phone. He wasn’t sure if he was having fun. He expected to enjoy himself after drinking all the beer and just _be happy_ , but now all he felt was a pressure around his chest and a lump in his throat. When he got drunk at Eva’s party, he was able to let go and be himself, to laugh and feel good without having to think back to all the bad things that happened to him while he was at school. He was able to rest easy that night, to giggle himself to sleep and smile while he was dreaming. He was so carefree that one time, and here Isak was trying to recreate that feeling. So naturally, he was surprised when instead of feeling good, he felt hopeless.

Hopeless because he wasn’t sure if this whole thing was a good idea. He missed Eva and Linn and Jonas and Eskild and Even and all his friends. He wanted Even to hug him and tell him that he was going to make it through high school, even though Isak was over it. He wanted to hear Eskild obsessing about his diet and all the new things he learned. He wanted to hear Magnus gushing over Vilde and tell him about all the cute things that she said to him. He just wanted all of that back.

Instead of laughing over all the good times he used to have with his friends, he felt the familiar burning sensation in his nose before hot tears escape from his eyes. Was it really worth it to be over here? What was a life if he had no one to enjoy it with? He was basically forcing himself to start over, and Isak knew that things never went according to plan. What if he ended up like one of those homeless kids on the street?

That was enough to send Isak over the edge, and next thing he knew, he was sobbing loudly into his pillow. Usually, when he was crying, there was always someone to comfort him and say that everything was going to be alright. But he didn’t have that anymore. He knew he sounded like a kid for wanting that comfort, he couldn’t help it. He yearned so badly to be happy, but now he was in a hotel with hardly any money and an empty box of store-bought beer in front of him. He couldn’t do this anymore – he didn’t want to be alone. What caused him to fuck up so badly? How did he let his life get like this?

_It’s not too late_ , a small voice in his head told him. He looked at his phone clutched in his hands, silent. Maybe he could call someone, just so he wouldn’t feel so alone. Just to talk to them and let himself know that there are some people at there who at least know of his existence. Once he felt better, he could go to sleep and figure things out the next morning. He sniffed as he unlocked his phone scrolling through the list and clicking on the first name that came to his mind.

It took him several failed call attempts to realized that he had blocked everyone’s number and had to unblock them before he could call. He pressed the button under Eva’s name and called her, hoping that she picked up. Getting up, he stood by the window and listened as the other line rang.

“Isak?” Eva’s voice rang through his phone. Isak sniffed at the mention of his name as he thought of what to say.

“I miss you guys,” he slurred, his voice thick with tears. He could hear shuffling on the other side but didn’t pay much mind to it. “I feel so alone right now and I don’t know what to do…”

“Isak, where are you?” If Eva was alert before, she was certainly alert now. He could hear the urgency in her voice but right now, Isak wasn’t sure where he was either. He hardly remembered the name of the city. Almada? Atlanta?

“Somewhere in North Norway,” he said, looking out the window. It was dark outside, but the city wasn’t asleep. Out there somewhere, all of his friends (or ex-friends) were out there, either glad that he was gone or missing him. He wished that they cared about him as much as he did to them, but thinking back to everything that happened at school, he realized that he didn’t matter to them as much as he wanted. Eva only wanted to find him because she felt guilty for yelling at him the day he left. And while she was part of the reason why Isak ran away, he wanted to actually _matter_ to her.

“Do you know what city? Isak, you need to come back, everyone’s worried about you. Are you drunk? You sound like it…”

“I didn’t call to hear you say how I need to come home,” Isak countered, ignoring the last question as he narrowed his eyes. Finally, he sighed, nearly forgetting the whole point of calling. “I don’t want to go back to Oslo, but I’m all alone. I just want to talk. I wish we could’ve…still been friends or something. I missed all the fun times we had together.”

“No one ever said we weren’t friends anymore,” Eva said, her voice careful. “I know I got mad at you but I didn’t think you would run away because of it. And I know it’s not an excuse, but I would never want you to run away, even if I was mad at you.”

Isak paused, taking a moment to let the words sink in. “You’re not the only one. There’s Jonas, Even, my dad, and everyone else still over there that’s mad at me for something I did or didn’t do. Then there’s the people at school who think I’m some stupid loser who won’t even pass his last year. That and the other rumors.” He waved his hand around dramatically as he sniffed.

“I know that there’s people at school who gossip about you, but you shouldn’t let that bother you. Everyone at school talks about everyone, it’s just a part of the school experience. I know that you can finish school if you really tried but running away is only going to make things so much harder.”

“How?” He spat into the phone. “You don’t get it. You don’t know how it felt like to walk down a hall where you knew that everyone was talking about you. You don’t know how it felt to get cornered in a bathroom and listen to someone talk shit about you to your face. Have you ever had someone come to your house just to beat you up? Or have your dad come to school and disown you in front of the counselor? What about having your mom send you scripture verses because your existence goes against everything she believes?” Isak was back to crying, resting his elbow against the window sill and running his fingers through his hair. Everything sounded so much worse than it actually was when he said it out loud, and it sucked that all the bad memories were now hitting him like a tidal wave.

“Listen to me Isak. Take some deep breaths. I know that you went through a lot, but what is running away going to solve? You’re only going to feel more miserable and you’re only going to have more moments like this. Do you really want to get drunk and remember all the bad things that happened to you in the past? Or do you want to come home and try to make things better? Even if you feel like you have no one on your side when you come back, you’ll have Eskild and me. Isak, Eskild never stopped loving you like you thought he did. He still cares about you and it hurts him so much that you’ve gone missing.”

“But Eskild can’t make school any more bearable for me. He doesn’t go to Nissen.”

“You could’ve switched schools. There was no need for you to run away.”

“That’s not going to do anything because someone’s cousin is going to know about me when I get to the new school and the rumors will just continue from there. I need to start over.”

“No you don’t. You can improve the life you have now. Isak, I promise you if you come back, we’ll all do everything we can to make your life great again. You can trust me, seriously.”

There was a noise and Isak realized that his phone was running out of battery. He had no desire to charge it – once it died, he decided that he was going to go to sleep. “Everyone said that they were going to be there for me, but they weren’t. The last thing I want is to be let down again.”

Eva sighed and Isak closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “No one’s going to let you down. We’re going to make sure that you get all the help you need and anyone who messes with you will have to get past me first. You can still pass high school – you don’t need to wait until next school year to catch up. Just let me help you, Isak. Tell me where you are so I can help.”

Isak shook his head, sitting on the bed. His phone chimed again, letting him know that it was going to die at any second. “I don’t remember,” he admitted. “I just want to give this whole thing a try. Maybe it could work out for me. It’s about time that I meet new people anyway.”

“But Isak, you didn’t think this through. If you tell me where you are, I can drive up to you and help you. I can get you a job in Oslo and help you realize that you actually have a chance to be happy he –”

The line cut off before Eva could fully finish her sentence, and Isak threw his phone on the nightstand as it died. He was torn between the two options, but he hardly gave this a chance. Maybe it could work out for him, maybe it wouldn’t, but the least he could do was try. He made it this far in his plan – to give up now would only take away all the hope that he had tried so hard to get back.

He turned off the light and fell asleep within seconds, not caring that he fell asleep with his day clothes on. Tomorrow was a new day, and even though he was sure to wake up with a bad hangover, it didn’t mean that tomorrow couldn’t be a good day.

Oh, and the name of the city was _Alta_. He humorlessly laughed at himself for just remembering the name now rather than earlier. If he had remembered it while he was talking to Eva, the name might’ve slipped out. But maybe Isak should’ve told her – she was probably willing to join him in a new life.

 

  
Isak woke up hours later to the sounds of people arguing in the room next door. He stretched but immediately regretting it as a headache began to squeeze his skull and brain. He groaned and opened his eyes to see bright rays of light peeking out from the brown curtains. It definitely wasn’t morning time anymore – if he had to guess, he would’ve said that it was early in the afternoon. He turned and checked the clock that rested on the nightstand. 3:41. He picked up his phone to see his notifications, but seeing that it was dead, he plugged it in to charge.

He nearly slipped on his way to the toilet, collapsing in front of the toilet and allowing his body to get rid of last night’s contents. It did nothing to help his migraine, and when he was finished, he rested his head on the toilet seat. There was so much he needed to do today, like apply for a job and find a school for the fall. Then he could just sit and wait until things worked out for themselves.

When he found the strength to get up and flush the toilet, he went back to the room and checked his phone. It charged a little bit since he plugged it in earlier. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed that he had several texts and calls from only one person in particular – Eva.

He forgot to block her again last night, and as he scrolled through the texts, he slowly started to recall why he was receiving so many calls from her. He almost told her where she was, if only he remembered the name of the city he was in. His thumb hovered over one of her many missed calls, and he wondered if anyone else had tried calling him after that. Everyone else was still blocked, so that explained why Eva’s name was the only one that popped up.

His thumb twitched in its hovered position and he accidentally clicked on Eva’s name, his phone beginning to call her. Isak started to panic as the other line started to ring but made no move to hang up. His body went rigid as she picked up, calling out for him. In the background, he could hear someone else speaking and he dropped his phone on the floor.

“Isak? Are you there? Hello?” Eva continued to call out to him, but Isak was frozen, not sure if he should answer or hang up and leave it alone.

_The longer you stand there like an idiot, the faster they can track you down_. Isak fumbled as he picked it up, but stopped when he heard Jonas speak.

“Isak, listen to me. You need to come back. Everyone at school thinks that you left school early on Friday to go and kill yourself. I don’t know if it’s true and I really hope that it’s not, but I don’t want you to do anything to hurt yourself. Do you know how much it would hurt us if you were to kill yourself and we couldn’t do anything about it? There are so many ways you could’ve solved your problems, and even if you don’t plan on coming back, can you at least tell me _why_ you decided to run?”

Biting his lip, Isak finally picked up his phone and looked at it, dumbfounded. Without thinking, he softly said, “Because things will be better for me here.”

“What do you mean by that?” Jonas said, his voice quiet and compassionate. Isak sat on the bed, holding the phone as if his life depended on it. He didn’t mean to answer, but it was too late to just hang up, right? Besides, it was nice to hear Jonas’s voice again, even though they ended on a bad note. He found it weird that things changed between them so quickly.

“Everything bad that has happened to me took place in Oslo. If I want to be happy, I need to start over.”

“Why aren’t you happy?” Isak wasn’t even sure if Eva was listening or not. It was silent on both of their ends, and Isak didn’t know if it was a tense silence or a comfortable one. He wasn’t sure how to answer the question – there were so many things that made him unhappy that he didn’t even know where to start.

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” he said. He didn’t want to start crying like he did last night and bringing up those memories again was only going to send him in a downward spiral. “But I think you already know why. Everything was becoming too much, and I just had to get away from it.”

“Eskild has a solution for you so you won’t have to deal with the people at school again. I think it’s going to help you a lot and you’re going to be able to pass your classes and your finals. We just want you back, Isak. Think; is it really best for you to run away from your family and friends and the people you’re close to? You could hardly pay for your rent. What makes you think that you’re going to have a stable financial life up there? Mrs. Berg’s home economics class isn’t the same as financial, Isak.”

At that, Isak chuckled lightly. Home economics was a fun class last year, even if he did bad at all the assignments and goofed off with Jonas. He smiled to himself, thinking back to the cooking segment of it and how he nearly poisoned everyone who dared to try his cookies.

“I know, but I think my plan is going to work. I planned it out for the longest and I thought about it carefully. Believe me, Jonas. I think that I’ll be so much happier here.”

There was a short pause on the other side, but Jonas finally said, “Okay, if you say so. I hope to see you soon, though. Eva and Eskild say hi.”

“Oh. Okay.” After those two words, Jonas hung up and Isak was speechless. Jonas didn’t seem too concerned about the fact that Isak left. He hardly seemed fazed that Isak didn’t plan on coming back, and the next time that they would probably see each other was going to be several years from now. Was it that Jonas trusted Isak’s judgement, or was he just glad that Isak was finally gone? Isak was sure that it was the latter, but then again, he could never tell what Jonas was thinking. And how come neither Eva or Jonas mentioned Even? Did they even talk to him since Isak left? He knew that Even and Jonas weren’t on good terms, but tough times bring people together, right?

He itched to call Even and just hear from him and see how he was doing. Even had to be angry at him or at least a little upset. If no one had really heard from him, shouldn’t _he_ be the one that they were worried about? _Even_ was the one who was manic and could try to kill himself, not Isak.

Isak shook his head, putting his phone back down and letting it charge. He needed to stop thinking about Even before the longing in his heart became too strong. Yes, he missed the warmth that Even provided when things were becoming too much, but there were always more fish in the sea.

Taking off his shirt and pants, he got the shower started and threw his clothes on the bed. The first thing that he should probably do today was take a walk around and get a better look of the city. He could see what places were around him and check for “help wanted” signs. After that, he could check out the schools and ask about them. The only problem was whether or not they were going to accept him because he was living alone. Whatever. He could worry about that later. Right now, all he had to worry about if there was hot water or not.

 

  
“How much longer until we get there?” Eva whined, although there was a hint of urgency in her voice. Jonas groaned in his sleep as Sana checked her phone. She was sitting in the passenger seat next to Eskild of his car, while Eva and Jonas sat in the back. They hardly talked to each other during the whole trip as Jonas was still in a mood, but Eva knew that once they found Isak, Jonas was bound to feel better.

“We should be there in another hour. I’m still surprised that Isak basically went across the country just to get away from his problems.”

Eskild hummed in agreement, keeping his eyes on the road. “I didn’t think that he would be so far. I would’ve guessed that he was in the next town over or something. But Alta? How did he even get there? Did he fly or something? How was he able to afford it? I have so many questions.”

“He’s probably going to wonder how we found him,” Eva replied, leaning back into her seat. Her eyes shifted to Jonas, who was looking out at the night sky with a frown on his face. Eva must’ve woken him up with her question, and judging by how upset he looked, he was probably worried about what was going to happen when they got Isak.

“Do you think Isak will forgive us? For what we did to him?” She asked softly, turning her whole body towards him. Jonas shrugged but moved away from the window.

“I don’t think so, but I’ll do anything for him to forgive me. He probably hates me the most.”

Eva shook her head. “He doesn’t hate you, I know that much. He probably thinks we hate him though, which is why we need to go get him and set things right. I just hope that nothing happened to him or that we went to the wrong place.”

“No, he has to be here,” Sana said. “The officer said the call came from Alta, and we saw it on the papers. I’m just glad that we’re getting him back. We’ll have a chance to apologize for all the things that we did to him.”

“That’s if he _gives_ us the chance to apologize. Which I don’t think he will.” Jonas bitterly crossed his arms, looking down at his feet.

“If he’ll forgive me then he’ll forgive you.” Eva was optimistic about the whole situation, although she was worried about Jonas. He and Isak were friends for the longest, and now they weren’t because of some argument they had. She didn’t believe that should be enough to end such a long friendship, but then again, she hardly knew the details and she wasn’t about to ask.

“He won’t and that’s fine. I don’t deserve his forgiveness anyway.”

“Jonas…”

“Why don’t we just worry about finding him first?” Eskild said, turning around as he reached a rest stop. “Let’s go get something to eat and when we find Isak, then we can talk to him and tell him all the things we didn’t get to say to him before.” He opened the car door and the rest of them did the same, going into the rest stop. One more hour until they found Isak. Just thinking about how close he was made Eva shiver. But the one thing that bothered her the most was what was going to happen when he came home? Things obviously weren’t going to be the same, but what are they going to do to prevent Isak from running away again? She knew that Eskild wasn’t going to put him on house arrest or anything that drastic, but there was still a chance that he would try to run away again, and this time go even further than just Alta. And what about school? Isak made it clear that he never wanted to go back to Nissen, but he also made it clear that he didn’t want to go to another school in Oslo either. Eskild said he had a solution for that but didn’t tell any of them what the solution was.

All the unanswered questions were making Eva’s head spin. Maybe she should listen to Eskild and worry about finding him first. He would know what to do anyway, so she should just leave all of her questions to him. Eskild would be the most affected by his return and since they lived together, they would practically have all the time in the world to talk about his disappearing act.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back! i didn't give up in this story, it's just that this summer has been hectic and there's hardly time for writing. i do plan on finishing this story but sorry for disappearing like that!


	19. Big News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak receives some big news that could be life-changing.

Surely enough, they made it to a hotel around an hour later. Eva’s heart was beating loudly in her ears as she got out of the car, slamming the door shut. Jonas and Sana followed as Eskild motioned for them to follow him.

At the hotel lobby, there was a lady who was on her phone, texting away. When she saw the four of them stand in front of the desk, she immediately jumped and grinned. “Are all four of you booking a room tonight?”

“Actually, we’re looking for someone,” Eskild said, his voice pressing and urgent. “Did anyone named Isak Valtersen ask for a room here?”

Checking on the computer, the hostess slowly nodded her head. “Yep, there was someone under that name who checked in here.”

“Do you think you could give us his room number please?”

The hostess looked skeptical at first, but finally gave in as she wrote a number on a sticky note, handing it to Eskild.

The ginger thanked her before turning to Sana, asking, “Do you want to wait in the driver’s seat? Isak isn’t going to want to get in the car so when we get him in, you can take us to the rest stop.”

Sana nodded and took the keys from his, making her way back to the car. Eskild looked at the number one more time before making his way down the hallway, breaking into a jog. Eva and Jonas followed closely behind, wanting to get there just as badly as Eskild did.

It was only a matter of time before they all arrive to the room they were given. Eva looked between Jonas and Eskild, seeing the silent prayers written across their face, hoping that Isak was in here and that he didn’t overdose on some kind of drug. Not wasting anymore time, Eskild knocked on the door softly, trying not to raise alarm. There was shuffling on the other side of the room as someone made their way over, unlocking the door. Eva was beginning to feel dizzy from the buildup of adrenaline in her system.

Isak opened the door, not looking much different from when he left. Glancing at Jonas, Eva could see how both happy and sad Jonas was to see Isak again, but unfortunately, Isak didn’t seem very happy to see them.

Immediately, Isak tried to slam the door shut but Eskild stuck his foot in between, pushing his body against the door to open it. Eva joined in and they eventually overpowered Isak, sending him back into the bed helplessly as they all walked in. It was becoming evident that he was panicking, his breathing becoming uneven and his eyes widening.

“How did you guys even _find_ me?” He yelled, his face already filling up with emotion. There was only one way this could end – with Isak going back with them – but the blonde wasn’t going to go down without a fight.

Jonas closed the door as Eskild said, “We tracked your call and it took us here. Isak, you have to come back, please. We know you’ve gone through a lot lately and haven’t been very supportive when you needed us, but we want that to change. We _need_ you, Isak. Everyone’s worried about you.”

“I’m not going back,” Isak spat, crossing his arms. “I don’t want to deal with the people in Oslo anymore. All they’re good for is starting rumors and making my life difficult. If you really want me to be happy, then you would let me stay here.”

“If school is the problem, then we can have you homeschooled! You can take all your classes online and you won’t have to deal with any rumors or anything like that ever again. You don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to talk to, and they won’t talk to you. Your parents are worried about you, especially your dad. You and Jonas talked about this over the phone, just please, _please_ , come back.”

Isak went silent as Eva began to go to the bathroom, packing up Isak’s things and placing them carefully into the bag that he packed. The blonde watched her movements carefully but didn’t object. Instead, he hung his head low, somewhat resigned. “This was my last shred of hope. I don’t want to go back there.”

“You’re going to regret being here. You’re alone and you’re not thinking straight. I want to be able to help you – _we_ want to be able to help you. You think you have it all planned out but in reality, you’re only setting yourself up for something you’re not ready for.”

“I’d rather fail here than go back there.”

“You say that now, but will you still be saying that when you don’t have any money? When things go wrong for you and you don’t know who else to turn to? Isak, you don’t want to go down that path.”

“I’m not going to be some kind of junkie if that’s what you’re implying.”

“Yea, but you might be an alcoholic at this rate.” He gestured to the beer cans stacked in the trash can before turning to catch a glimpse of Isak’s expression. He was at a loss for words, staring blankly at the trash can. “That was a one-time thing,” he muttered.

“You’ll be saying that the next time, then the next, then the next –”

It was becoming painfully clear that Eskild’s attempts at trying to get Isak to come back weren’t working. Jonas had been standing to the side with his arms crossed, a hurt expression on his face. He hadn’t said anything this whole time, but when he noticed that nothing was happening, he took a step forward, uncrossing his arms so he didn’t look as intimidating.

“You spent your whole life in Oslo,” he stated softly. “Your parents are there and so are all the people who care about you. What if something happens to you? Do you know how many people you would affect if something were to happen to you all the way up here, miles away? How do you think I would feel? If you were to get hit by a car or have some kind of health problem or try and kill yourself, how do you think I would feel, knowing that there was something that I could’ve done to stop you from doing that? It would take me _hours_ just to reach you, just to be there for you. I don’t want some dumb school or boyfriend drama to keep us apart.”

“Why do you suddenly care about me? Not too long ago you were telling me how it was my own fault that all these bad things were happening to me, how I was keeping people away, and that was right before you started to beat the shit out of me.”

Jonas winced at the memory. “It was a stupid thing to do. I did a lot of stupid things that kept us apart, even though I told you that I was going to be by your side no matter what happened. I don’t deserve to be forgiven, I know that much. You don’t have to forgive me or talk to me or look at my face ever again, but just please come back because there are other people out there who deserve to be forgiven, like Eskild and Sana and Eva and Even, too. Running away from your problems isn’t going to solve them.”

Judging from the long pause, Jonas knew that Isak was seriously considering his words. Eva was still going around the small room, putting things into his bag while Eskild stood guiltily to the side, playing with a loose thread on his shirt.

“But starting over can be even better for me,” Isak argued halfheartedly. “There’s new people here, people who haven’t already heard rumors about me from Even or other people. I can go to school without having to worry about what someone’s going to say about me or whether or not someone’s going to throw a punch at me.”

“You don’t have to move away just to achieve that. You have so many people who care about you, like me Eskild, Eva, and Sana just to name a few. Your family is in Oslo, everyone you grew up with. Then you can take classes online where people can’t bother you, and if there are people who do bother you, I’ll deal with them. And school isn’t the only place where you can meet new people. You can go to a park or some kind of church or something. I don’t know, not everyone in Oslo goes to your school or knows you already. Please, Isak. Come back. If things don’t go well for you in Oslo, then you can come back here and live in Alta. I’ll even help you find a place better than this.”

The silence was deafening and that was when Jonas realized that Eva had finished packing up his things, leaving the room devoid of anything that he possessed. Isak stared at his bag for a long, painful minute before murmuring an “okay”, making his way to his bag on the floor and picking it up. Jonas and Eskild exchanged a surprised look before Eskild went to open the door for all of them.

They wordlessly walked out of the room and went to the car. Eskild went to go pay for the room as Isak climbed into the car, along with everyone. All the while, Jonas couldn’t stop thinking _Why was this so easy?_ But at the same time, he was grateful that he and Eskild didn’t have to drag Isak into the car.

Within a few minutes, Eskild was back and told Sana that he would drive, and they were off, heading back home to Oslo. Isak and Jonas sat on opposite sides or the car, with Eva sitting in the middle, keeping them apart. She glanced at Isak and saw that he wasn’t asleep, and he would periodically wipe at his eyes in frustration, sniffing quietly. Eva felt a pang of sympathy for him, but she didn’t want to say anything that might make things even worse. She just prayed that Isak never felt so inclined to run away like that again.

 

  
Countless hours later, Isak was in his room again, laying under the covers and staring blankly at the wall. It was well past morning time and Isak didn’t plan on leaving this spot. They got home pretty early in the evening last night, so he wasn’t staying because he was tired. He just couldn’t find it in himself to get up. He didn’t even _know_ what he was going to do once he did get up, anyway.

No one had come to bother him this morning, and he was somewhat grateful for that. He didn’t have to give them fake answers and tell them what they wanted to hear. But if anything, he was drained. The ride back down was painfully quiet, and he knew for a fact that things weren’t going to be the same after this. Once he had gotten back, he went straight to his room and closed the door, not caring that he didn’t grab his bag or say thanks to any of them. Hopefully Jonas, Eva, and Sana went home, he wasn’t in the mood to see or hear them talk to him again about how trying to run away was a stupid idea. He was going to have to talk to Eskild, though – that was inevitable.

Right on time, there was a knock on the door, and in walked Eskild, a small smile on his face. There was something in his hands but Isak didn’t even bother to look and see what it was. The bed creaked under Eskild as he sat down in front of him, his eyes boring into Isak’s soul. But Isak didn’t really care ¬– maybe if he stayed still for long enough, Eskild would give up and leave him alone.

But Eskild wasn’t one known to give up that easily, especially when it came to Isak. He took a deep breath before slowly saying, “Your dad wants to stop over and say hi. He said that he was coming soon, so maybe you should go and get ready.”

No. There was no way that Isak was going to leave this bed and look nice for someone who called him a money-sucking leech. There was nothing wrong with what he was wearing now, although he’s been wearing it since he was at the hotel. Instead, he pulled the covers up until they reached his chin, ignoring the ginger.

“Isak, I’m serious,” he said, staring down at him. “I know you’re probably tired or upset, but your dad’s been worried about you. He wants to make amends with you and talk about things that you guys haven’t gotten to talk about.”

Isak still didn’t care. Eskild and his dad could say anything they wanted, but Isak still wasn’t going to listen. They were all full of shit, anyway. It was then that Isak’s eyes landed on the thing in Eskild’s hand and noticed that it was a stack of money. And upon closer inspection, he noticed that it was _his_ money. The money that he got right before he ran away. He knew that he left it in his bag, but why was Eskild carrying it in his hands?

Eskild followed Isak’s eyes and flipped the money over in his hands. “You saved up a lot of money. How long were you planning on running away? Or did you just happen to have all that money saved up?”

Running away was an impulsive decision. He thought that would’ve been obvious to Eskild by now, but it made sense as to why it was confusing. Isak claimed that he couldn’t pay his rent, asking his dad to send him money every chance he got, but it turned out he had money saved up in a bank account.

Isak felt obligated to answer him, so lamely, he answered, “I was saving it up for college.” It wasn’t a lie, but he still felt guilty for saying that.

Eskild nodded in understanding, looking down at the bank notes in his hands. “Your parents can’t pay for it?”

What kind of question was that? Why else would he be saving it up? He shook his head and closed his eyes, trying to go back to sleep, not caring if he made Eskild feel bad.

There was a loud knock at the front door, and Eskild gave Isak a hard stare, silently commanding him to get up. Isak didn’t do as he was told, only retreating further into his comfortable bed. Eskild finally sighed and walked out of the room, opening the door. Isak could hear his dad all the way from his room, asking where Isak was and if he could see him. Eskild warned him that Isak wasn’t really in the mood to talk, and he wasn’t wrong about that.

This time, it was just Isak’s dad who walked in and sat where Eskild was previously. Isak didn’t look at him, but instead stared at the same spot in the wall. He already knew that his dad was going to say: _How could you be so selfish and run away? Why would you ever think that was a good idea? Did you see it on a television show or something? Or did Even put that idea into your mind?_

But his dad took him by surprise when he apologized instead. “I’m sorry,” he said, keeping his eyes trained on Isak. “I know that I was part of the reason that you ran away. You’re my son and I should’ve been there for you.”

Isak wished that he would just stop talking. He didn’t want to hear a fake apology, one that only made himself feel better rather than Isak. The blonde turned over and sighed, burying his face into the pillow and hoping that would send his dad away. The damage was already done, there was no way that they could ever make amends.

“Isak, listen to me,” he pleaded, placing a hand on his shoulder. Isak flinched away from his touch, shifting as far away from his dad as he possibly could. He didn’t want to listen, he didn’t want to hear him, he just wanted his dad to _leave_.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately, Isak. About going back and living with your mom and helping both of you out.”

At this, Isak’s heart quickened its pace, but he still refused to face his dad. His dad? Getting back with his mom? Technically, they were still married, but he never thought that he would go back to live with her. Not after everything that happened.

Even in the silence, his dad continued to speak. “I don’t know how she’s doing and I’m really worried. It’s been on my conscious for a while and I feel very guilty for it. I also think that it might be the reason why you’re depressed.”

Isak was still sick and tired of people saying that he was depressed but judging from the fact that he felt so tired and done dealing with everyone made him start to believe it. Softly, he spoke, “You’re staying with her?”

“I’m staying with both of you, that is if you’re willing to come back. I know I’ve said some things before that were hurtful, but I want you to know that I would never mean that. We can be one big family again, but only if you want to come join us. I’m going back to your mom whether you decide to stay here or come back.”

This was becoming a lot to process in the time being, so all Isak could say was, “I’ll think about it.” He wasn’t sure how to feel about this. Of course, it was a good thing that he was going back to his mom, but what if he planned on leaving her again? What if she didn’t take them back in again? What if she was already seeing someone or planning a divorce? There were so many what-ifs floating around in his mind that it was making his head spin, he wasn’t sure what to do or how to feel about this. Would things really be better for him if he went back with his family?

His dad patted his shoulder twice before walking out of the room, leaving Isak on his bed again. He could hear him and Eskild whispering in the hallway once again, sounding almost as if they were arguing. Isak considered getting up just to hear it all go down, but dismissed the idea when his dad walked out, closing the door. Shortly after, Eskild came back to his room.

“Isak, you should probably get up and take a shower. When you’re done, you can get something to eat and we can look online for schools.”

Isak was ready to protest but Eskild walked away before he could speak his mind. It wasn’t like it was going to do much for him, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back on schedule! c:


	20. A Talk with Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak goes to Even's house in an attempt to reconcile with him.

Isak was seated at the kitchen table with Eskild next to him, laptop open to the school’s website. He had reluctantly showered to get Eskild off his case, but when offered breakfast, he quickly declined. He wasn’t going to give Eskild everything that he wanted all in the same morning.

“Your dad said that online school was fine as long as you got your work done when you’re supposed to.” He shifted closer, pointing to the classes that Isak had on his schedule. “What did you think when your dad said that he wanted to move back in?”

“Can we focus on one thing at a time?”

Isak had finished picking out his classes and now they were supposed to wait for his guidance counselor to approve them. Eskild had emailed her prior to setting up the classes online – there was some paperwork to be filled out, but with that aside, Isak no longer had to attend Nissen.

Eskild had taken his phone away so Isak didn’t know what was going on outside the apartment. He could always hop on Facebook and check, but since he was already on thin ice with Eskild, he rather not take any chances. Whenever Isak asked for it, the ginger would only explain that he might see some things that he shouldn’t see. Isak could only assume that rumors were still being spread about him, and he couldn’t help but wonder what horrible things people were saying about him.

Since Isak didn’t have his phone and there wasn’t much to do on the computer, he ended up going back to his room to lie down when he finished choosing his courses. There was school today so that would explain why Eva and the rest hadn’t come, but he did expect them to be coming over after school.

And what about Even? Where was Even in all this? Did he know about what happened? Did he know about the other rumors or that Isak was going to take online classes now? He doubted that his friends were going to tell him anything just yet – they were probably still mad at him for not helping the “search party” and he doubted they were going to bother texting him after what he did to Jonas.

A part of Isak wanted to know how he was doing. A part of him wanted to go and make amends, but another part told him that it was too soon to go back. In truth, he just wanted someone to talk to. If he had to admit it to himself, he still loved him and that same part that loved him was willing to do whatever he had to do just to get him back.

It was shitty of him for him to break up with Even because he was mentally ill. He did the same with his mother and look where it got him. He needed Even like he needed air, and even though Even said hurtful things about him, he knew that he was willing to change. It showed – he just needed a push in the right direction.

He should see him. If not to talk to him, then he just to check on him. Say that he was willing to do whatever it takes just to help him get better. They didn’t need to be dating to do that, but Isak did need to keep him close.

“Eskild!” Isak called out from his bed, flipping over so that he was facing the door. He could hear Eskild sigh loudly but realized that he was only joking when he came into the room, smiling. Asking “what’s up”, he joined Isak on the bed.

“I think I should go visit Even today,” he said, tired eyes staring back at him. “He’s not going to be at school for a while and he probably doesn’t have anyone to talk to. If we want him to get better, then he should have someone he can talk to.”

Eskild raised an eyebrow. “What gave you the change of heart? I thought you were done with him, for now at least.”

Isak shrugged. “I need someone,” he admitted, playing with his sheets. “I feel lonely, too. And I don’t think I was in the right for doing that to him. We were supposed to stick together and I kind of just gave up on him after one episode.” He paused, sitting up in the bed. “I left my mom for the same reason and it was the last thing she needed after what dad did to her.”

Nodding, Eskild looked at his phone for the time. “What time do you plan on going? I think you should probably go before your friends come to visit.”

Isak groaned internally, dreading when they did come. More long talks and more pitiful stares. He was still pretty pissed that they forced him back here, but there was still the promise of going back if things didn’t work out.

“Let’s go now,” Isak motioned, rising from his bed and throwing on a jacket. “I’m not doing anything now, anyway.” He was antsy, now. His head was filling up with the different possibilities of what could happen when he got to see Even again. Would he be receptive or open to talk to him? Would he be willing to listen to what Isak has to say or would he just kick him out? Isak wouldn’t be surprised if the latter were to happen to him.

They drove to Even’s parent’s house, and as they reached a stop light, Isak began to have second thoughts. This was so soon after he ran away, so what if Even thought he was an attention seeker? He felt a chill run down his spine as he became nervous, regretting his decision of going back so soon.

Eskild seemed to notice his trepidation, glancing towards him and flashing a smile. “You’re going to be fine. We can leave whenever you want, remember?”

“I know,” Isak mumbled, shifting in his seat.

They arrived and Isak slowly got out of the car, waiting for Eskild to get in front of him. He didn’t want his face to be the first thing that the Næsheim’s see, especially with how he left their house the last time. He wouldn’t be surprised if Even told them everything that he said to him, and he wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t let him in.

Eskild quirked an eyebrow when Isak stepped behind him. “You want _me_ to do all the talking?” Isak nodded slowly, and Eskild quietly obliged. He knocked on the door, smiling when Even’s mother appeared in front of them.

“Eskild!” She looked behind him to see Isak’s peeking head. “Isak! How are you both? Have you come to see Even? He’s in his room.”

_So he didn’t tell her_ , Isak thought to himself as he nodded and was let inside. Eskild patted him gently on the shoulder as Even’s mom let Isak go to Even’s room. He slowly went up the stairs, seeing that his room door was cracked open in the slightest. With growing trepidation, he opened the door to see Even sitting on his bed, fiddling with a pencil. There was a sketchbook on his desk, presumably with comics inside, with a pill bottle sitting beside it.

Even didn’t seem surprised to see Isak standing there, trying to think of something to say – he probably heard his mom announce his name from the front door. Sticking his hands in his pockets, Isak flashed a quick smile before opening his mouth.

“I heard what happened,” Even cut Isak off before he got the chance to speak. “About you running away.” His expression was grim, and he kept his eyes trained on the pencil in his hand. A cold sweat rushed over Isak. This was going worse than he thought it would go, and he braced himself for Even to kick him out.

Even continued. “When you first mentioned it to me at the park, I didn’t think you were serious about it. People say crazy things all the time, I know I do it. But when I heard that you left, I wondered if I said something wrong that day.” He was quiet again, swinging his legs back and forth. He was reflecting deeply about what happened, and Isak’s heart was only speeding up at what he was saying. “I felt horrible, but then I _really_ thought about it. You had been planning this for a long time, a while before you asked me. The only reason why you came to me is because you didn’t want to be alone and you wanted to wake up with someone you love – or loved, I guess – by your side. When I said no, you were already so hellbent on the idea of it that you decided that you weren’t going to let my choice stop you from making yours. You needed to call off the relationship so it didn’t seem weird to me when you disappeared, and the fight was the perfect excuse for you.

“I know that your friends blame me for you leaving like that, and they’re right to. If it weren’t for the shit I said way back when, then you would basically have a normal life. I don’t ever understand how you just agreed so easily to get back with me after what I did to you, and the fact that I even asked you to get back with me in the first place was probably a mistake. I knew that I had my issues and I wasn’t willing to get better. But…now that I think about it, about what you said regarding me working on myself before we can get back together…I feel that if I am willing to get better and I make an effort to take my meds, then we can make this work. Fights and everything aside, we can make what we have work so everything can be like it was before I spread rumors about you. And I’m guessing that you think the same way, seeing that you’re here with me the day you came back from your adventure.” He smiled, making eye contact with Isak for the first time since the blonde arrived. “Unless you came for another reason…”

Isak was frozen in his spot, tears welling up in his eyes. He still didn’t understand. He didn’t understand why he was so forgiving to Even after what he did to him. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t listen to Even when he said that he could work things out if he just stayed. And he couldn’t figure out how Even knew about all of this. All of Isak’s motives and thoughts had been said out loud for the world to hear, and Isak couldn’t begin to grasp how Even knew.

“How did you know?” He asked breathlessly, swallowing compulsively as he tried to maintain his composure. Not only was he asking how Even knew about him running away, but how he knew what Isak was thinking? How could he see through him so easily? Was Isak that linear of a person?

But Even’s smile just grew, and he stood, sticking his hands in his pockets. “When you really care about someone, you learn a lot about them and you’re willing to overanalyze everything until it all makes sense. You always had your own opinion about stuff. You don’t let what people say to you sway your decision, which can be both good and bad. But what I also learned is that you’re not very independent. You do a lot better when you’re around other people. That’s one of the reasons why you came back. Being alone just _isn’t_ your strong suit, and that’s perfectly fine. I’m the same way.”

Chuckling softly, Isak tried to cover up the fact that he was ready to cry with a sly reply. “Oh really? So me coming back to you was a part of your ‘master plan’?”

Even shrugged lazily, catching on. “No, but sometimes, improvising is better.” He opened his arms, inviting Isak into his embrace. “Do you want to start over?”

Not answering right away, Isak returned the hug, closing his eyes and breathing Even in. “We’re starting over _again_?” Isak whined, his wet voice chuckling. He could feel Even nod, and Isak knew that there was nothing else to be said.

He wondered if the past week had been real or not. So many things had happened and so many thoughts had gone through his mind in that short timeframe that he wondered if those intrusive thoughts were even his. His desire to run away had been crushed by Even’s hug, replaced with a longing to get better. He should’ve just listened to everyone when they said they had his back. Isak wondered if he had been more receptive to his friends and family, could all this have been avoided?

They had been standing in that hug for quite a few minutes, and eventually, Isak let go to tell Even, “My dad wants to get back with my mom and wants me to join them. He came and told me about it this morning. He’s willing to get better.”

Even raised an eyebrow. “What are you going to do about it? Are you just going to let a good opportunity pass you by?”

Isak shrugged, indecisiveness kicking in. “No, I don’t think so. I feel like he’s only doing it to keep a close eye on me so I don’t run away again.”

“And what’s the harm in that? If something happens to you, he’s going to be right there for you. If you need someone to talk to, he’s going to be ready to listen. Didn’t you like it when you were living with them before everything started to go south? You told me that all you of used to do so many things just for fun, like go on vacations and just hang out as a family. Wouldn’t you like to do all of those things again?”

“Yea but…I don’t know if I’m ready for that. It’s obviously not going to be the same as it used to be.”

Even sighed, sticking his hands in his pockets as if he was trying to think of what to say next. “Think about it this way. A lot of kids your age don’t even have both of their parents, whether they be separated or one of them isn’t alive anymore. We were both lucky to have both of our parents, and even though yours are separated at the moment, you’re getting the chance to have both of them back, happy and in the same home. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but that’s a pretty fucking amazing opportunity.”

Isak was running out of arguments. “Well, I’ll be leaving for college soon anyway so what’s the point?”

Even groaned, rolling his eyes and collapsing on his bed. “Isak! Don’t tell me that it wouldn’t be great to have both of your parents and your sister behind your back if things get rough? I mean, you have me, but we don’t live under the same roof. Just say yes, Isak! Don’t continue to torture yourself!”

Isak grinned, joining Even on the bed. “Yea, whatever. But you’re right. I’ll definitely think about it.”

They laid there for a while, talking about everything and nothing, passing the time without even realizing it. Eskild walked into the room after a while, looking at the both of them on the bed, talking and smiling. “Isak? Are you staying or what? You haven’t come down since we got here.”

The two blondes exchanged glances, before bursting out in laughter. Eskild gave them a weird look, but Isak responded, “It’s fine, you can go. I’ll stay here and come over later.”

Glad to see that everything was alright, Eskild smiled. “Alright. Just be sure to come back within the next few hours – your friends are going to come visit and we got to finish working on those online classes.” He stepped out, and Even looked over to Isak, somewhat sad.

“You’re not going to Nissen anymore?” Even asked, pouting a little. Isak nodded, sitting up.

“Yea. Eskild and everyone else thought it would be a good idea. That doesn’t mean you won’t get to see me anymore., just not as often.” He adjusted his shirt as he gave Even a sorry look. “Maybe I’ll go back to school next year but who knows? Right now I can’t stand the thought of stepping foot in that school, especially after what just happened.”

Even nodded in understanding. “If that’s what you feel is best. But don’t you worry that you’re going to miss out on the high school experience? Making friends and working on your social skills? Going to parties and just enjoying the time you have here?”

“I don’t know if I want that kind of life anymore,” Isak admitted. “It’s a lot of fun and everything but I’m not sure if it’s right for me now. I need time for myself and I don’t think partying is going to solve any of my problems. I just don’t want to make the same mistakes that I made last time, you know?”

Even scoffed playfully. “Geez, I wish I could be as wise as you are. I didn’t think I would ever be able to give up my partying days, but I think you just inspired me to do so.”

Even didn’t party as hard as some of his friends did, but at the same time, Even wasn’t a stranger to having some fun at them. “You don’t have to stop going just because I’m not.”

“Yea, but parties aren’t fun without you. I mean, what else am I supposed to do? I can’t hang out with your friends, I’m pretty sure that they hate me, and they have a reason to.” He stopped Isak before he could come up with an excuse. “You don’t have to try and sugarcoat it. I nearly killed Jonas, and with him being so close to you I’m surprised that you forgave me for it. _Bros before hoes, right?_ Or is that only an American thing?”

Isak doubled over in laughter, his face turning red at Even’s English. He loved it whenever he said small English or Danish phrases, as his accents were spot-on and were just _cute_. As funny as he thought it was, he knew that Even was trying to prepare himself for what Isak had to say about everyone’s opinion about him.

When he recovered, Isak replied, “Yea, I guess. But you’re also special to me and I realized that I don’t want to lose you. Jonas and the rest don’t really like you right now, you’re right about that, but I want you guys to make things right with each other. I don’t want to be dating someone that my friends don’t like. They think that you’re the reason that I ran away, and they’re upset with the fact that you didn’t come to help find me. I think they’re aware of the fact that they were wrong in some places to, but that doesn’t stop them from wanting to place the heft of the blame on you. We need to go set the story straight and let them know that I _want_ you with me, just like I want them. I want to start over and forget about everything bad that happened with us and try to focus on getting better. I know that if we talk about it, then we can make it work.” He paused, somewhat surprised with himself. He didn’t think he could say something so profound, and the look on Even’s face suggested the same thing.

But as he smiled and gave Isak a warm, loving hug, Isak felt a little better about everything, about the fact that this reunion hadn’t gone to hell and that he was able to get back almost everything that he had lost. Isak was aware that there were still many problems concerning the fact that people were still spreading rumors about him and the fact that he might not graduate, but he wasn’t going to stress about it now and send himself back to square one.

He knew that he had hardly been gone for that long, but Isak couldn’t help but wonder that if he hadn’t run away, would his dad still want to get back with his mom? Would he still be able to reconcile with Even as he was doing now? And most importantly, would he ever be able to be as happy as he was today? Because today, besides the day that he decided to run away, he felt hopeful again that things could change if he wanted it badly enough and worked for it.

He was close to the finish line. All he needed to do was run a little faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really want to finish this story, i really do, and then i REALLY want to go back and edit all the errors so it's not as painful to read! im serious, how can you guys stand all these errors? i shake my head every time i see a typo lmao
> 
> but seriously, i didn't know when i was going to come back to finish this but i guess i would've never gotten around to it if it weren't for your comments :) shoutout to Kickiargren and alolime for your words of inspiration :))))
> 
> im so tired of beating up isak even and jonas like this they all deserve better :(
> 
> thank you guys for reading! comments are much appreciated! love you guys and stay safe!


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